Mentions of abuse.
Pandora was in the middle of making a piece of jewellery in the Ravenclaw common room. A necklace to be exact, when she heard the whispers of her housemates once again.
She scowled. No one in Hogwarts could mind their own business. They just had to stick their noses in everything, and spread rumours, and gossip, not even caring about the people being affected by it. All they cared about was catching up on this week's drama, and gossiping with friends.
"Pandora?" A voice asked, and she looked up from her necklace to see a third year Ravenclaw in front of her.
"Yes?"
"You're friends with the older Goldsparks boy, right?"
Pandora put down her half made necklace. "I am, why?" Although she had a feeling of what the third year was going to ask.
"Is it true his mum left?"
Pandora rolled her eyes. "Why do you think it's your business to know what's going on in his family?" The third year shifted from foot to foot. "I'm not telling you a thing, and trust me, he won't either."
"Well, it isn't like I could ask him, he hasn't been around." The third year said. "Wherever he went, I'm glad, it's been more peaceful."
Before Pandora could respond to that, the third year walked away. Pandora sighed. What the third year had said was true. Christopher had not been in Ravenclaw house for a few weeks. Ever since the whole debacle at the library, some of the other Ravenclaws had been pestering him about it, or being plain out rude. Due to this Christopher had not been seen in Ravenclaw Tower, and whenever Pandora tried to catch him around the castle (mostly around Dumbledore's office) he had rushed off.
She knew where he was, okay she had a pretty good feeling of where Christopher was, but she had decided to give him space. This year had been quite a different year for them both with the change in behaviour Christopher had displayed having his little brother around the castle, and now with everything about their family bouncing around Hogwarts (whether it be true or not true) had gotten to him. So, Pandora had decided to give him some space, but today that was going to change.
She got up from the chair she had been sitting on, and walked downstairs to the dorms. She travelled down the small corridor until she reached the very end of it, and that is when she turned into a small alcove. To anyone, it would be an odd little corner, but it was actually something much more impressive.
She took out her wand, and did a little pattern, tapping the stone bricks, and the wall opened, and she quickly walked in, the walls closing behind her.
She stayed by the little corner of the room, for a beat, and then raised her hand to knock on the stone. "Chrissy-rissy, you here?"
There was a groan from the room. "Go away."
Pandora sighed. "You've barely talked to me, I want to make sure you're okay."
"I'm fine."
"A first year could tell you're lying."
"Good for them."
Pandora sighed. "Can I at least come in?"
Christopher mumbled something.
"I'm going to take that as a yes." Pandora said, and she walked into the room to see Christopher lying face down on the couch. Pandora grimaced. She noticed balls of crumpled up paper all over the floor, and she cautiously approached him.
"Trying to write a letter?" She asked.
"Mm."
Pandora sat on the floor against the couch. "I know the rumours have been...really horrible, but you can't just hole up in here, it's not good for you. The only time I have seen you is around Dumbledore's office, and now I don't see you at all. Do you even eat?" Mumble. "Do you talk to your brother?"
"I'm giving him space." Christopher murmured. A pause. "Shocker, I know..."
Pandora chewed on her lower lip. "Yeah, it is a shocker, but that's good. He needs his space, but before you disappeared on us, you, and your brother's relationship seemed better. I have also seen you hanging out with someone you had a personal vendetta against, so something must have changed."
"Odair isn't bad, I just have freaking issues with...everything." Christopher said, peeking up. "I know I shouldn't have been the way I was with him or my brother or you...or anyone, and now I feel like I am just getting it all back. People hating me, being mean about...my parents, it's–"
"Just because you were mean, doesn't give them an excuse to say what they are saying about your family." Pandora said.
"Why? They are horrible people."
"Yes, but I know it still hurts."
Christopher half sat up. "What I'm mad about the most is how...how I blew up at my brother about mum, and then...then it gave Jackson an excuse to spread everything else...about my dad, and it's not really...fair. Now everyone thinks I'm just like my dad, they don't even know him. They just know what Jackson has spread...and yeah, he is right, but..." Christopher sighed. "He's also attacking my brother, and spreading things about him. Bastard."
Pandora pursed her lips. "I'll hex him."
"You would?"
"Of course I would."
"Thanks."
Pandora was quiet for a long moment before asking, "Why didn't you tell me?"
"Hm?"
"About...your father?"
Christopher's face went blank for a beat, before he said, "Why would I want anyone to know about that? That I have a father like that? I don't think anyone who was in my situation would want anyone to know."
Pandora sighed, she knew he was right there, but there was something she didn't quite understand. "I met your dad before, he seemed...nice, I don't understand – was it all an act? Well, of course, it was, but...why? Why would someone go as far as to make themselves look good for others they don't even know that well, but be so horrible to their own sons?"
"Some people are just like that." Christopher said, quietly. "But it's fine, I won't have to deal with him anymore. I talked to Dumbledore about it. He said that my brother, and I will be going to a children's home."
Pandora asked, "Why did you just tell? Why didn't you tell Dumbledore years ago?"
"I'm not very thrilled about this – what's happening." Christopher said. "The only reason I finally told is because...because if we went home this summer, my brother would have been in trouble. A lot of kids in our situation would rather stay in it because they are together or they are scared. With me, it was the mix of the two, and the other reason I told was because I knew with only the two of us, we would be able to stay together. Even though I am not looking forward to going to a home, my brother will be safer there, and we will be together."
Pandora gave a small nod, and looked at all the crumbled papers scattered across the room. "What were you doing? Writing a letter?"
Christopher sighed, and rolled over onto his back so he was now looking up at the ceiling. "You know, with how my dad likes to pertain his image to the public eye, I thought that he would...I don't know, at least try to fight for custody of us. He would lose, but...I don't know. It's stupid."
"It's not stupid."
"It feels like it is." Christopher told her. "Dumbledore told me that he went to talk to my dad, and he just...said to do whatever you like with them. He doesn't care. I don't know what I was expecting. Dumbledore told me, and...and I asked if I could call him. Just to talk to him one last time, and Dumbledore brought me down to Hogsmeade where they have that one muggle phone booth, and I called him, and he didn't even pick up."
"Maybe...maybe he didn't know it was you?" Pandora asked, trying to stay positive.
"Nah, he sent me a letter soon after I called. He knew."
"Well, that's bitchy of him."
Christopher actually laughed. "Yeah."
"What did he say? If you don't mind sharing."
Christopher was picking at a hangnail, and trying to sound nonchalant he replied, "Oh, well, he just said that...he doesn't really care what happens to us. That he was happy that he didn't have to deal with us, that he had better things to do, and that he was happy to be rid of screwups, and–" He stopped, mid-sentence, and just said, "Whatever, doesn't matter. I should've been expecting it." He shook his head, and laughed. "Dumbledore told me so I don't know why I was expecting anything different. I just kind of wish he...called me, not...wrote me. I've been trying to write him back – I don't know what I even want to say, but I've been trying to, maybe to say that he should be ashamed of himself, but I don't think even cares, and I can't even fucking focus long enough to write anything, so..."
He went quiet. He couldn't talk anymore. His throat ached, from trying not to cry. It was like he was choking on something he should have expected. He was used to being unwanted. It had started with their mum leaving one day, and never coming back. He felt so incredibly stupid that he wanted to cry over a man that never wanted them, and treated his children like they were nothing for years.
All he wanted was to be wanted. Even if he knew they were better off somewhere else, Christopher just wanted to be wanted. By his mother, his father, someone.
Christopher wiped his eyes before tears were about to fall. "This is stupid."
Pandora slowly stood up from where she was sitting on the floor, and sat on the couch next to him as Christopher had sat up, leaving space on the couch. His eyes were watery, and he was letting out quiet breaths like he was trying to control his tears.
He felt a hand go over his, and he heard Pandora whisper, "It's okay to cry."
That's when he broke. It's okay to cry. Such simple words, but his whole childhood if you cried it just got you in trouble. If he cried he was told how weak he was, how he was always crying over something stupid, how boys shouldn't cry, and the words, I'll give you something to cry about echoed in his mind.
But the person who had said those words to him wasn't here. Christopher would never see him again.
Pandora saw how tears had begun to fall, and she tentatively brought her arms around him, and instead of pulling away like he usually would have, he accepted it – melted into it.
"All I want to be is wanted." He cried.
"You are." Pandora whispered, soothingly. "I promise you are."
"Have you asked Moody?"
"I - I tried." Jasper said.
Harry looked over from one of the many books he had laid out on the table. Exams were in two weeks, and he was doing as much studying as he could fit in between classes. "You tried?"
Jasper sat down beside him. "Well...he was busy dealing with the Gryffindors."
"What happened with the Gryffindors?" Harry asked, confused.
"I - I am not sure." Jasper said as he had caught up with Moody, but then Jasper realised he was going up with the whole of the first year up to Dumbledore's office. "But the whole first year looked like they were in trouble."
"How does a whole year get in trouble?"
Jasper shrugged. "No idea." He didn't know what he was going to do. Time was ticking, he was going home in a little under a month! Yes, he did know a shield charm, and basic spells from what was taught in first year but he really wished he knew more, something more powerful...
He needed to go to the library.
He got up, and told Harry he was going to the library to get some books on Defence Against The Dark Arts, and left the common room.
Harry waved, and continued to look over all the notes he had made since the beginning of the year. He was really nervous about the exams. He really wanted to do well, and he hoped all the studying, and notetaking would pay off. Above all, he could not fail.
He was reading a section in the Charms textbook when Quinn sat down beside him. "Hello Quinn, how are you?"
"I'm good." Quinn replied. "I'm just waiting for Gifford, me and him are going to go over Potions today."
Harry nodded. That made sense. "Are you nervous about exams?"
Quinn nodded. "Yeah, I am not used to doing so many big tests at the end of the year, and plus it's magical ones too. I have been studying so much, and I'm afraid I'm going to forget everything when it's exam day."
"Well, I am sure you'll do well." Harry said, and he put down his quill. "You're really smart."
"So are you, and look how nervous you are." Quinn commented, looking at all the books, and notes surrounding Harry. "Gifford mentioned you have been like this for months."
Harry smiled, sheepishly. "Yeah...I just really want to get good marks."
Quinn said, "I think exams will be easier for first years. Right?"
Harry shrugged. "I don't know, but I guess we will find out soon." He liked that joke, although he really didn't know where it stemmed from. "And on the bright side at least we don't have O.W.L.S., those are killers."
All of a sudden, an orange tabby cat hopped onto the piece of parchment Harry was looking at. "No Boots!" Quinn exclaimed, and they picked the orange cat up, and put him back on the floor. "He was working on that."
Harry stared at the cat. "So, this is your cat?"
Quinn nodded. "Isn't he cute?"
"Sure." Quinn gave him a look, and Harry put his hands up. "I'm not a big fan of cats."
Quinn stared at him. "How disgraceful." They said, while they crossed their arms. "Cats are the best."
Harry said, "And they will eat Lou, so no."
Quinn shook their head. "It's in their nature."
"Well, tell Boots to stay away from Lou."
"Boots has not even seen Lou." Quinn told him. "They could get along."
Harry looked at Boots, who licked his lips. "I don't think so..."
Gifford ran into the common room, and approached Harry, and Quinn as soon as he saw them. "Guys, guess what?!"
"What?" The two of them asked in unison.
"The first year Gryiffindors faced off with You Know Who!" Gifford exclaimed.
"Really?!" Quinn asked, disbelieving.
Gifford nodded.
"Well, that was stupid of them." Quinn said. "They could have been killed! Isn't he that really scary wizard Moody told us about?" Gifford nodded. "That's scary..."
"Gifford, I don't think they actually faced You Know Who." Harry said, trying to be logical. "It makes no sense. You Know Who can't come onto the grounds of Hogwarts."
Gifford shrugged. "I think they snuck into the Forbidden Forest."
"That's dangerous, and stupid!" Quinn exclaimed. "Why would they do that? Was Voldemort in the forest? Is he always there? Just waiting?" Quinn suddenly felt quite spooked.
"I've heard they called him, but I don't know how." Gifford said.
"I highly doubt this happened." Harry said. Why would the first year Gryffindors purposely call the darkest wizard of their time? It wasn't like five eleven-year-olds could do anything about it. That was up to the Ministry, and Harry hoped they were getting a move on with this Voldemort business. He knew a lot about Hogwarts rumours, and gossip. They always made so many stupid things up, an example was what his family was up to. Harry got very annoyed about any lie that anyone cooked up about him or his family, but he had learned to ignore them. Still, he had never heard Hogwarts making up a rumour like this.
Gifford shrugged. "I've just heard around. Most of Hogwarts is talking about it. I heard from my cousin, who heard from her best friend, who heard from the Gryffindor prefect who heard from–"
"Okay, okay, we get it." Quinn said, stopping Gifford. "But really, I'm just glad they're all okay if they really did go into the forest."
"Yeah, it was pretty mental to go into the Forbidden Forest." Gifford said, shuddering. He spotted Boots sitting beside Quinn. "Hello, Boots!" He picked the tabby cat up, and petted him in his arms. Boots purred, content.
Quinn looked over to Harry. "See, he has no problem with Boots."
"Yeah, because he doesn't have a sweet, innocent, little rat named Lou."
"Boots wouldn't eat your rat."
"How do you know?"
"Because he has a fine diet." Quinn said. "I give him wet food, and occasionally sneak him some of the meat from the Great Hall. He would never eat something like a rat."
"What happened to it's in their nature?" Harry asked.
Quinn hit Harry in the shoulder, and took Boots from Gifford's arms, and placed Boots onto Harry's lap despite his protest. "There." Quinn said. "You, and Boots can bond while me, and Gifford work on Potions."
"Hey, that's not fair!" Harry exclaimed as Quinn got up following Gifford to the boys' dorms. Harry looked back at Boots who licked his lips again.
Harry made a face. "Hi."
Boots gave a low, unhappy meow, and Harry immediately didn't like Quinn's idea of the two of them bonding.
Jasper spent hours in the library. He scoured through several different books on Defence. He looked at the instructions for the shield charm, and other defensive spells. The thing was, all of these were higher level, and in order to be able to do them, he would need to practise them practically, not just read up on them. It was the only way to ensure they worked, and with Moody busy with the first year Gryffindors (with whatever they did), he was stuck.
The only thing he could do was practice on his own.
He got up, frustrated. He left the library, and started to wander through the halls. That was the only thing he could do, but he felt like that would not be enough. He felt defenceless. He knew the basics, but he didn't know anything above that level besides a shield charm that he was still worried about. Why was there only one shield charm? This was magic! Could he learn these more complex spells on his own? And even if he did, what if he froze up facing his dad like Christopher had said? What if he was unable to cast a spell in his parents' presence? He was stuck, he was in trouble, and more importantly, his brothers were.
He had failed them.
The only reason he was going to Hogwarts in the first place was for the chance of protecting his little brothers, and after a year, he still felt like he couldn't.
If he had asked Moody earlier, maybe he could have, but he was too afraid of him, and if he was too afraid of a teacher, then how was he supposed to face his dad? He had faced his father countless times before, and it had never ended well. He would end up beaten on the floor, bruised sometimes with a broken bone, or a scar that would never go away.
He just wanted to help his brothers, but he had left them alone.
He was selfish, and he could not just come home with nothing, and even though he had learned new things that would definitely help at home, he still felt he could have done more.
He needed help.
Because he was only a kid.
A kid trying his best.
He was a twelve-year-old kid in a situation he should have never been in in the first place. Because parents were supposed to love their kids, not hurt them, not terrify them to the point where a kid was worrying about going home without proper defences. They shouldn't have to wonder when they got home if they would be beaten that day for being in the way or just because someone needed a punching bag. A kid shouldn't have to worry about that. A kid should not have to worry about whether or not his brothers are being hurt at home or feeling scared because their father came home drunk, and angry that night. A kid should not have to worry about that. He shouldn't have to worry that he'll be locked in his room, belted, punched, yelled at, swore at, choked, or anything like that by someone that was supposed to love them. A kid shouldn't have to worry about that. He shouldn't have to be worried if his parents hate him because of his magic, or that his brothers are jealous because of his magic, and secretly hate him. He shouldn't need to worry about that. He shouldn't need to think that Hogwarts was a safe place when his home should have been the safest place to be. Why couldn't he have good parents? Why couldn't he confess to someone about his situation? Why did everything have to seem so impossible, and hopeless? He shouldn't need to be scared of the outcome, but he was because he knew there wouldn't be a good one.
He was a kid, and he had too many things that a kid should never, ever in their life have to worry about. It wasn't fair, his life wasn't fair, it had never been fair. Even at Hogwarts, he was seen as scum of the Earth because of his blood status. A kid should not have to worry about being cornered in the halls, or they should not be called slurs, or be bullied, or be hexed, or be stared at. Kids like him should not have to worry about that. No kid should have to worry about that. He just wanted a normal life. One where he was not scared to face his parents, one where his brothers were safe. Was that too much to ask? To have a normal life, to have the power, and the ability to protect his brothers, or enough power to get out of that situation? He had always tried to be brave, he had; facing his dad every single day, taking the blame for everything so he could protect his siblings, trying his best to mask his fear when around his parents or any of the Slytherins. He always tried to show that he wasn't scared, he didn't want to be perceived as weak...
So, when he entered an abandoned classroom, and saw his dad right there, drunk. He did the first thing any kid would do. He screamed.
Because at the end of the day, he was still just a scared little kid.