Sorry folks! This was supposed to be yesterday's chapter... but somehow at 11:30 when I finished it, I forgot to hit "Publish". *facepalm*
---
"Hi baby!" Penny said with a laugh. I cheered and clapped my hands when I saw her. I was always happier when she came to visit. It was starting to become a routine now; I thought that she must always come on the same day of the week, but more and more of my thoughts were getting lost with all the fog in my head, and I usually didn't even know what day it was. I didn't need to know; I could be delighted when Mummy was here to look after me, and I still enjoyed the days I could go to school, although there weren't so many of those days now. It was something that happened occasionally; Mummy said it was a treat when I was being a good girl, but in my smarter moments I suspected that it was really so that I would still have friends while my little vacation back to infancy had to end.
I was at home today. I'd been playing on the floor with a toy workbench, trying to put red circular blocks into a blue square hole. I knew that it wasn't going to work, but somehow it was still fun to keep on trying them. I'd given up worrying about if anything was right or not; there were bigger people to do all the hard stuff for me, and make sure that everything was okay. And then Penny came in, and I was so happy to see my friend again. It always felt like a rare treat, no matter how many times she had come. And I was glad that she still wanted to see me; most of my friends had decided they didn't want to come around anymore after they knew what was happening to me; although some were still interested in chatting when I was big enough to go to school. But Penny was the friend who loved coming to play, or to babysit. And she was the one who the grown-ups trusted to come and play with Lyra as well, so that she could have a supportive friend when she came to grow up again.
Penny came and sat down beside me. She didn't mind sitting on the floor while we played, but she wouldn't sprawl out like I did. She always tried to stay just a little bit grown-up, like she was a babysitter even when Mummy was around.
"How are you today?" she asked.
"I'm good," I said. And then I thought that she might have brought some schoolwork for me. I didn't want to get too far behind, so I'd still do work when I could. But if I could even think about why she was here, it meant I was thinking more clearly than I often did. I was big enough to answer her, anyway: "I think I'm thinking today. Not like I'm all baby, but I can still play."
"So you don't get all confused if your brain switches off?" she guessed.
"Something like that. Sometimes it's fun to just... not have to think about the hard stuff. Kind of like a break."
"Sounds like you're making the best of it," she said. "I'd be so scared if something like that happened. Like, you don't know how long it'll take to wear off, or even if it will. What if you're stuck like this forever? Or so long that you can't do your school work? Like you'd be old enough to go to college, and still trying to catch up with middle school again."
"I trust Mummy," I said. "She said it'll only be a year or two."
"You seem happier, anyway. Want to see if I can help with your homework, if you're doing good? We can watch cartoons after, and your Mummy says I can make dinner for you while she goes to work. Or maybe we'll get Sarah to do it." She giggled there, and I found myself laughing along pretty quickly. Sarah complained sometimes about having to do more of the chores, so Mum tried not to put too much work on her. But she could do everything well enough, and I was sure that having some responsibility helped her.
"Oh!" I said. "We got dinosaur fish now! Like crunchy dinosaur shapes, but made out of fish instead of turkey. Mummy says they're brain food, but they're really nice too."
"Maybe they'll help you grow up a bit," Penny said, and I laughed because I knew that wasn't likely. "But you seem really excited about them. It's like you're really turning back into a kid, not just turning stupid. Sorry, I didn't mean–"
"It's okay. And it's kind of funny. Like, I got less thoughts in my head, less noise. So I can enjoy every little thing. And playing along, being a baby, I really like that. Even when I feel a bit smarter again. Like crawling. When my coordination goes, I don't have the option. But sometimes I do it anyway, it's just easier."
"Sometimes, I think you like the attention. This is a good excuse to do stuff you want to do anyway, right?"
"Yeah," I nodded. It wasn't like I was sharing the big secret, and I liked telling the truth with my friends. "I like it. I still help with chores when I can, but it's good when I can't."
A little later, I pushed the toys over to one side and we moved to the table. Penny held onto my arm like she was helping me to walk, and then helped me up into the seat. Just being treated like that made me feel so small, even when I could have done it by myself. And then she opened her bag, and took out copies of some of the schoolwork I had missed. She showed me what we should have learned, and I did my best to understand. I knew that I would have raced through some of this stuff a couple of months ago, but even when I was thinking clearly, I didn't seem to be as smart as I used to be. I figured that even when I stopped using the Babij stuff, it would probably take a month or two for the effects to go away completely.
Penny made it easier by talking down to me like I was a toddler. One of the things we were studying was poetry; and there was an exercise counting the syllables and stresses; and Penny helped me to count on my fingers as we went through the exercise. If someone had asked me before how I felt about that, I would have expected it to be embarrassing. But somehow it felt genuine. It was great to think that somebody cared about me that much. Of course, she couldn't always do that. Sometimes there were words that no toddler would understand, and she could only use the childish language if there actually was a suitable word. But imagining that I was still a little kid made an hour fly past.
It wasn't long before I wet my diaper again. I didn't know I needed to go; it just happened while I was talking. I might have blushed a little, but then I carried on talking without even waiting for the flow to finish. It was just another reminder that I was a good little baby; I hadn't used the potty today, and I wasn't even sure if I'd managed it in the last week now. I always tried when I went to school, but it was getting harder to remember; and when I was at home I knew that it didn't really matter. I still hadn't wet myself on purpose, but now it seemed that whether I had any big-girl thoughts at all was just decided by which diapers Mummy chose for me.
"Such a good girl," Penny said, and I laughed. I felt like I'd really achieved something; even if it was something that I should have learned at a glance. It was nice not thinking so much. "So, how about those cartoons?"
She checked my diaper before turning the TV on, but I thought I didn't need a change just yet. We could wait until Mummy came home to help with that. Penny didn't say anything when she found out that I was wet. I think she knew that I didn't have control even when I had my thoughts; but was she starting to work out that I'd stopped even trying to hold it? She didn't say anything, anyway, and kept on pointing at the screen, making sure that I could understand the simple cartoons. Talking to me like I was a toddler, and I couldn't recognise the characters.
It was quite late by the time Mummy came back again, and I was so happy to see her. And it looked like she was pleased to see me smile too. She hugged me close, and I felt like the luckiest little girl in the world.
"Thank you so much," she told Penny. "I hope she wasn't too much work today."
"No, I think she's been able to think most of the day. But we had a lot of fun, and she did some of the school work. She can still keep up with it on a good day."
"I'm glad she's got such a good friend," Mummy said, and I nodded my agreement. "I know it must be hard for you."
"She always looked after me when I had trouble," Penny answered with a shrug. "And I love playing with little kids. I never had a little sister, but... Well, looking after Alice or Lyra, it's like I can play around with kids toys again without anybody laughing at me. You can just have fun, you know? I think I might be a little bit jealous, really. But being the babysitter is as close as I can get to being the baby. I don't mind a little responsibility, if it means more time with my best friend."
"That's so sweet of you," Mummy said. "Now, Sarah said you already had dinner, right? But I've brought a dessert back if you want a little treat to say thankyou for today. And if you'd like to be a little baby like Alice, I wouldn't mind treating you like a little one while you're here. Is that something that appeals to you?"
"Oh, yes!" Penny laughed, and her enthusiasm was contagious. This was a development I'd never expected, but the thought of spending more time with my friend, and getting babied together, sounded like a wonderful thing to try.