A few weeks had gone by since that first morning I woke up with Tae in my bed, but it quickly became a habit. I eventually told him he didn't have to wait for me to be sleeping to sneak into my bed, that if he wanted comfort he could just come to bed with me. He blushed after being called out but thanked me and immediately we fell into another routine together at night time, we each showered and did our routines and met in my bed with the dogs scattered around us and fell asleep holding each other.
It was nice.
It was safe.
It began to feel like home.
I woke up one morning later than usual since I didn't have to run to the office, I took my time getting ready and realized that Tae had left his lunch on the counter, I grabbed it and got into my car but called Joon on the way
"Yes boss?"
"Hey Joon, I'll be a bit late"
"Everything okay?"
"Tae left his lunch, I'm gonna go drop it off"
"He can't eat in the cafeteria with the rest of the teachers?"
"I- well- he could" I nodded "but, he made it and he's probably looking forward to it" I pouted
"Mhmm.. okay"
"What's that tone for?"
"Mmm, no, nothing. Have fun"
"Wha-" he hung up on me and I sighed before I pulled into the parking lot of the school Tae worked at. I thought about it but I didn't see a problem with me bringing him his lunch? It really wasn't a big deal. I was just worried about him not eating..or not being happy with what he'd have to eat.
I walked into the main office and by my surprise came face to face with Jimin
"Oh, hi" he smiled wide "Tae didn't say you were coming?"
"Uh, he forgot his lunch" I held up the lunchbox in my hand
"Oh" he chuckled and turned to the secretary "this is Mister Min's husband, Yoongi. I'll take him to his room"
'Mister Min' I forgot Tae changed his name after we got married, and for some reason it made my chest feel warm hearing it outloud. He wasn't Mister Kim anymore.. he was Mister Min. My husband. I decided not to dwell on the way that made me feel.
I followed Jimin through the building and down the halls until we reached a door decorated in colors and drawings and I smiled knowing immediately it was his without being told. I could've easily found it myself. Jimin knocked on the door before he opened it and room full of young kids cheered for him, making him laugh before he led me inside
"Mister Min, you have a visitor!" He announced
One little girl looked up and smiled wide with no front teeth that made me coo outloud "ith that your huthband!"
Tae turned around with pink cheeks and a smile "uh- yeah- yes this is my husband, Yoongi"
"I'll go now" Jimin smiled as he walked past me and out of the room, I shuffled in further and shut the door
"Hello" I smiled and waved to all of the kids, they all started throwing questions at me that made me laugh before I could even make it to where Tae was standing, I tried my best to answer them all but it was a bit overwhelming having eighteen kids shouting the most random questions at me
"Alright kiddos!! Time to color in your portraits while I talk to my husband okay! Quiet time please" he smiled as the kids went about their business "sorry about that" he chuckled softly as he stood beside me
"That's okay" I smiled wide "they're all adorable"
"Mmm" he nodded as he watched them fondly
"Do you want kids?"
"What brings you here?"
We asked at the same time. I felt like a dumbass.
"Sorry- I"
"Oh- I- yeah-"
"You left your lunch" I held it up for him and he blushed even redder as he took it from my hand
"Thank you"
"Of course" I smiled shyly
"I um, I do want kids" he nodded and cleared his throat "and um, thank you for bringing this here. You really didn't have to. But I appreciate it so much"
"Welcome" I smiled and waved it off, why was it such a big deal to everyone? "I'll get going then, I'll be home early today"
"Okay, want me to cook?"
"Actually I was thinking of going out"
"Oh? Well have fun then" he smiled wide "you need to get out m-"
"I meant us" I chuckled "I know you like that Italian place we went to, and when I woke up this morning I really wanted their breadsticks so I thought we could both go? Unless you have plans"
"No plans" he smiled wider "I'll go"
"Awesome, see you later" I turned to leave but the little girl looked dejected
"Kith him! He'th your huthband! You have to kith!"
"Yeah! Kiss him! Mister Min kiss!"
"Kiss kiss kiss!!"
I looked at Tae and chuckled while he covered his mouth to suppress his laugh, I tilted my head at him and shrugged, he did the same so I stepped into his space and gave him a dramatic kiss on the cheek with a loud 'muah' sound and a pop of my lips that made him and all of the kids laugh their asses off
"On the lips! Silly!"
He lowered his hand and smiled at me, I felt myself relax a bit before we both leaned in and pecked each other's lips. We'd only ever kissed on the day.. I was supposed to marry Wonho.
We separated and the kids cheered, they finally let me leave and I laughed about it the whole ride into the office.
Taehyung: you spoiled them..thank you
"So.. how's the husband?"
I looked up from my computer and shrugged "he's fine. His kids were friggin adorable Joon" I chuckled "they're so cute"
"And..how did he react to you bringing his lunch?"
"He was grateful?" I shrugged and went back to my computer
"Uh huh.. so.. question. It's been months now..the two of you sleep in the same bed every night. Eat dinner together every night, go out together at least once a week, you've left work just to see him, he's surprised you in your office with lunch or coffee.."
"Where's the question?" I raised a brow at him as he came closer to my desk
"I'm just wondering if you're feeling something for your husband. That's all" He shrugged "it's okay if you are. He's a beautiful man, you're married to him, and he's a sweetheart. I'd fall for him if we lived the way you two were"
"No" I shook my head "that would be fucking weird, he was literally my fiancè's lover. I don't see anything in him besides friendship" I shrugged "and even that's a stretch because I'm not so sure we'd be friends after our divorce honestly. I think it's just us making the best of a shit situation that we're in together"
"Uh huh.. okay"
"Plus, I was with Wonho for years, I've only known Tae for months. There's no.. love there. It'd be too soon anyway"
"So it's a time thing? Because you and wonho were together half your life and you never thought he'd leave you, let alone cheat on you. And I've known you for the last six years, and I never thought you'd marry a stranger. So yeah, you've only known him for months, but maybe he's your forever?"
"Forever? Yeah. Okay" I rolled my eyes as he shrugged and walked out of my office.
But damn if his words didn't fuck with my head the rest of the day.
I couldn't focus on my work after that.
I thought about it. A lot.
How I'd feel once he was gone..no morning music and breakfast, no Saturday movie nights, no tannie in my bed, no..Tae in my bed.. no dinners, no laughing our asses off, no random conversations, no letting him dress me up in his latest clothing idea.
I felt a bit hollow.
And I wasn't ready to see it happen.
But what did that mean?
That we're just good friends and I'd miss the friendship? Or was there something more that I wasn't seeing?
I brought my finger to my lips and thought about how it felt to kiss him, I hadn't put much stock into it because it wasn't romantic but really, how did I feel? It was nice. His lips were soft, they fit against mine pretty well. Even if his pouty bottom lip swallowed my thin ones.
I thought about his face in the morning, how calm he looks and his eyes all puffy from sleep. His lips slightly parted and his little nose twitches.
The way he plays with the dogs, or how excited he gets over even the tiniest of things.
The drawings on our fridge taped there like a proud parent and the way he gushes over each kid as if they're his own and what an incredible father he'd be if he had the chance to have his own.
And then I thought about him with someone else.
Someone else seeing him in those moments..someone else holding a baby in their family portrait..and my heart sunk down to my ass.
Fuck.
I think I might actually love my husband.
Dinner that night was hard. I kept watching him talk, kept memorizing his face and going over all of the small details. He was beautiful, objectively I knew that when we'd met but I never gave myself the opportunity to actually notice just how gorgeous he is. I paid attention to his body language and his laugh, I couldn't think straight.
And sharing a bed that night, instead of feeling like home felt like torture because my mind and my heart were picking themselves apart. He held me so close and so tight. He held onto me like I was his life line but all I could think about was the way my heart raced for him and my brain pulled me closer towards him.
And how in five months this would all be over.
Could I let him go?