My hand clutched my stomach as I took out a dress for the evening. This pain, this unbearable pain in the pit of my stomach was killing me.
My body lapsed to the floor, my stomach was in a knot, pain shooting up until my skull. I couldn't even move an inch.
~
Words void of voice came out of my mouth, as I tried screaming out to Leo, in vain.
My head banged against the wall, and pain throbbed in my skull and I almost felt like I was breaking under the pressure of nothingness and physical pain.
My eyelids had a feeling of a million rocks accumulating over them and so did my bloodstreams. Oblivion ate me and yet again, I was left in crepuscule.
LEO
I smiled at myself in the mirror, that sort of I-am-exceedingly-proud-of-my-smile-my-tux-and-my-sexy-hair smile. I corrected my bow and waited for Sam to come.
It was almost half an hour and she still hadn't come out. A girl dresses up for half and hour? Daeff?
I waited. Patiently. 45 minutes, okay now this is way too much time.
~
"Sam?"
"Samantha??"
Seriously, couldn't she even acknowledge, "Coming?"
Girls and their sudden attitudes.
"SAMANTHA!!"
No. Freaking. Answer.
~
I barged in and she was nowhere to be seen. I checked the bathroom, no.
Did she run away or something?
The cupboard behind was open, a hanger hanging halfway down.
Oh my friggin lord.
Samantha, she she was slumped near the cupboard, her head slightly bleeding, and blood.
Lots.
A beautiful sea green velvet gown was thrown on the floor, perhaps from that hanger.
~
My hand cupped her cheek, "Samantha?!! Wake up!"
Not even a twitch.
I sprinkled some water on her, her consciousness slowly regaining, as her eyes opened gradually, heavy and her lips trembled for words.
"Shh it's.."
She slapped her forehead and crumbled down in my arms, after seeing the horror.
"Sam, you are slightly bleeding. Are you okay?"
She nodded.
"I..,,cannot come"
"I know! It's okay! I'd stay here with you okay?"
"No, you have,.. to go please.." she breathed.
"Argh okay." Not much of a choice really.
SAMANTHA
He'd put me to bed, and given me a dicyclomine which made me feel better. Call it wrong, but my heart misses him a little, my mind reinforces it and makes it bigger.
I miss his company.
If he'd been here, he would've talked to me, or would've done nothing, but give me that easement and protection.
I miss his smile, that genuine smile he can give.And I miss how dashing he would've looked tonight, dazzling under the lights.
I might not even cross his mind, for all I know. But I can't stop this feeling.
Am I falling for him?
No no no! That isn't happening. I just miss him.
Normal.
~
Leo, he's an alarming mix, I should say. Highly invested in morbid ideals and paradoxical comments.
Opposite of a morale person, highest order of disrespectful and unruly.
But also, highest order of badass.
He was like this.
But now, he isn't. He is a paragon of virtue!
Not entirely, but better than what he was.
Did I cause that? Or am I just making everything around, about me?
I think it's the latter.
LEO
This shitass party was filled with glitz peeps that gave me a bad headache. I felt so low, so lonely without a hippie date like Sam by my side.
And I had no choice.
~
"Another shot, please!"
Feeding on tequila.
"Can I buy that for you?" said a crisp,similar voice behind me.
I turned around, to see a vividly similar, green velvet, "Samantha?"
Instinctively, a smile drew upon my face and I lightened up.
SAMANTHA
A spontaneous movement, I hope, his hand pulled me by my hip, and said, "I can't believe you are here! Are you okay?" and just stared at me.
I looked at him and then down and he let go of me, and scratched his neck, "I'm sorry, I just,.."
"Chuck it, Lee"
Lee, again. Argh!
"How come you are okay?"
"I,." I can't tell him I missed him, that will worsen shit.
"Boredom got the best of me, I guess"
LEO
Boredom?
Pfft of course!
And I am sitting here thinking she would've missed me like I did, but why would she?
Why would she miss me, like how I miss her eyes, and her smile and the way she talks oh shut up already.
"Oh. Okay. Care to join me?" I flashed my best smile.
"Naah, I think I'm fine."
There was awkward silence in the air, and the DJ screamed "Come on y'all party rockers!!"
I ask her, "Want to dance?"
She shook her head.
"Oh come on, it's just EDM! You can't sit still!"
After almost minutes of persuasion, she finally accepted.
~
Watching girls dance, generally is sexy.
They make you drool. (yeah yeah that too.)
But watching Samantha makes you smile. It's cute, quirky and a lot of things that a guy likes.
The way how she loses herself to the music but doesn't give a single shit about who watches her.
That. Is what men love.
Hell yeah, I loved it.
SAMANTHA
If you are ever in pain, or mental stress, don't wiki what to do, just put on your jam or some EDM on full blast and dance like a madman.
Period.
Dancing there literally made me alive. Rejuvenation.
And I'm bringing my gridlocked party animal out after a few days.
~
"You look exhausted. Let's get home?"
"Yeah okay!!" I agreed.
Some gin.
~
"Sam, Samantha, we're home. Wake up.." I felt someone brushing my cheek.
I startled awake to see Leo and moved away.
"I'm sorry if..," he started and I was already out of the car.
What am I doing?!
He followed me behind, and was on with his relentless excuses.
"I'm just going to bed. Really tired. I'll see you in the morning." and shut the door to his face.
Why did I do that?
Am I afraid of his touch?
Yes.
Am I afraid to fall for him?
Very much.
Explains.