My whole life, I always felt like I wasn't where I was supposed to be. It's like the universe or whatever god you believe in, dropped me somewhere random and thought « oh shit well that wasn't the plan but I guess it'll be fine! ». I wish I could tell you if it really is fine or not, but I'm not sure I know that answer myself. I feel that if I were to give you an answer, it would be something that's already written in a coming out of age book and honestly, copying an other book would not be a good way to start my own.
I live in a small town somewhere lost, and I won't even bother to write down my town's name because you wouldn't know it anyway. And besides, the story is way more romantic if it's a bit mysterious isn't it? So, as I was saying, I live in a small town I shall not name, and I do not fit in at all. I'm the litteral definition of a fish out of water, or a martian here. And I am forever greatful for not fitting in with the kind of people that live here but at the same time, sometimes, I secretly wish that I did. Because quite honestly, even though I like being alone, I hate being lonely. And I think that is what I have been for a while now. You see, there is a really big, like jupiter size big, difference between being alone and being lonely. The thing is you can choose to be alone or not, but loneliness isn't a choice. If it was nobody would choose it, wouldn't it ironic if loneliness became lonely because nobody would choose to feel that emotion? I think it would. I won't try to explain loneliness to any of you because I'm pretty sure everyone has experienced it, wether we liked it or not. And if you haven't experienced loneliness, you're probably a psychopath.
Anyway... So i'm a lonely girl in a small village and as far as I remember, I've always wanted to write or do something that really meant something. I wanted to have an impact, leave my mark somewhere. But then I would start to write and think « wow this is actual shit. » I mean how could I ever write something as good as The perks of being a wallflower? How could I compare with John Green or Madeline Miller? And then I would loose my motivation, delete what I wrote, and get back to whatever tv show I was binge-watching or whatever book I was reading that day. And I still feel that way. All I want to do right now is erase everything I just wrote and get back to doing absolutely nothing, daydreaming about having an impact on the world. Something with such a greatness that it would set souls on fire just like my soul burns when I read certain books or watch certain movies. But I never really had something to write about. Until now.