WARS LEFT SCARS, this was a fact that was hard to swallow but it was true all the same. Wars were not kind to people, no matter who they were. No matter if you thought you were doing the right thing, war was a bloody and gritty thing stirring up grief and leaving devastation in its wake
Whoever's side ended up winning, both sides were left with a loss no matter how much time had passed. It was never enough. The Doctor wasn't the only one to bore scars from the Time War but he was perhaps the one that bore scars more deeply than most because he was the last of his kind and that was a sort of weight that even he couldn't outrun, no matter how hard he tried
The Doctor who was constantly running away, running towards danger, saving lives and putting them (mostly unintentionally) in danger, was a product of war. Maybe that was perhaps why Estrella's heart sunk into their stomach when The Doctor mentioned they were going to help Churchill with his war efforts -- Estrella didn't think that was such a good idea, but their gentle redirection that Estrella tried without telling him how much she knew about him
But The Doctor was not one to be redirected
Which was frustrating but Estrella decided to just let it go and let The Doctor do his own thing because if there was one thing Estrella knew from all the stories about The Doctor it was that you could not get him to do something he didn't want to do and nothing could hold him back from an adventure
Estrella just knew they would have to keep an eye on him and comfort him when he needed it. It was like a sixth sense, they didn't know when they would need to comfort him, just that they would and with that, they said little more
So while The Doctor was sorting things out for them to travel to their next adventure. Estrella James and Amy Pond were left to explore, after they changed clothes Estrella let her excitement get the better of them. The starry-eyed and wanderlust child inside of them was squealing with joy. Everything about the TARDIS was exciting to them as they looked in every room possible (although it was nearly impossible as the TARDIS was that big) the whole TARDIS was like a maze and could be an adventure within itself that they almost lost track of the fact that it wasn't and they were going on another adventure
"Hang on you two, we're setting off to England 1940's" The Doctor called to them and with a giggle Estrella raced back to the centre with the console with a huge grin on their face
"Having fun?" The Doctor asked them, mirroring Estrella's grin as he flipped a switch and the TARDIS was off again, flying through the stars and whizzing through time.
"Yes," Estrella nodded "Do you know you have this huge library?"
"I haven't been in there for a long time though"
"That's a shame, I'll have to take you there one time"
"Well...We'll have to wait because we're here and Churchill doesn't like to wait"
Estrella nodded again and they started to follow after The Doctor, only to be stopped by Amy who grasped their wrist, anchoring Estrella to the spot and causing them to look up and over at Amy
"Hang on Estrella" Amy pulled them away from the doors of the TARDIS and into one of the corners "I'm going to ask you once and I'm going to expect you to answer honestly: do you like The Doctor"
"Of course, I like The Doctor, you like him too," Estrella said, the smile never leaving their face as their words also come out in a rush
"No that's not what I meant and you know it: Do you have a crush on The Doctor?"
"Why would you say that?"
"Because of all the looks and the handholding and the fact he cleared out an entire room and calmed you down when you didn't like the noise all without being asked or knowing what was going on and he managed to get you to calm down and with the star whale -- you were the one that managed to get through to him"
"No, if anything that was you." Estrella tried to argue "I got angry at him and then cried in the corner"
"Ugh you're so oblivious -- The Doctor likes you he's always holding you're hand and looking at you when he thinks nobody's looking and you seem to know all this information about him." Amy looked at them curiously with that I-know-something-you-don't-look that Estrella knew all too well "Which by the way, how did you do that?"
"You know how I came up with all those stories when I was a kid and you would write all those comics and stories about the mad doctor in the box? Well, most of the stories came from the stories that you wrote had a base to them see the stars used to tell me about this man, the last of his kind. As a child, I believed them religiously, as a teen I used to ignore the stars whenever they tried to talk to me"
"But that's impossible how can the stars--"
"We are literally standing in a time machine and you want to talk about what's impossible?" Estrella deadpanned, their lips fighting a smile as they pointed to the TARDIS in which they stood
"I guess but you like The Doctor -- admit it" Amy prodded and Estrella stayed quiet mainly because they didn't know exactly what their feeling towards The Doctor was. Scratch that they knew when they looked at The Doctor a lot of things made sense, they could see the endless stretch of stars and planets reflected in The Doctor's eyes
But wasn't that because The Doctor and all he embodied was something that Estrella James had wanted ever since they were a child. Adventure and mystery were sewn into every fibre of Estrella James being and it was all they have ever wanted since they knew what the word meant. They physically were in Leadsworth all their life but their heart was always a million miles away
And The Doctor had shown them everything that they had dreamt about
It didn't mean they liked The Doctor romantically
"What about Rory and your wedding?" Estrella shot back, trying to change the subject. That seemed to sober Amy up as she became awkward and shifted opening her mouth to speak but Estrella continued "I may have been stuck in my own world for the last year and then swept up by the adventure with The Doctor but do you really think I forgot my best mate's wedding? I am the maid of honour after all, aren't I? Oh please tell me I still am"
"Of course you are," Amy smiled reassuringly and then hastily added "That's if the wedding is still happening"
"Time machine" Estrella piped up again, thinking once again Amy had forgotten that not only could the TARDIS move through time and space itself and so getting back for a wedding wouldn't be an issue
"No, I mean not that -- well yes that but I don't know how I'm supposed to marry Rory" Amy admitted, suddenly looking so much like a child. Estrella didn't know what to say for a moment or two what to say, they guess they had been too wrapped up in their own past and licking their own wounds to realise that their friend was also hurting
"Okay, what's going on?"
"I don't know if I want to marry Rory"
"Woah okay, where's this coming from?"
"The Doctor" Amy blurted out and a horrible feeling snaked in Estrella's gut and suddenly they weren't feeling very well at all but still they at least schooled their features into a mask of nonplussness "I don't mean it in that way so don't worry but The Doctor came into our lives and showed us these incredible things and doesn't that make everything else less important? Less significant?"
Estrella understood what Amy was saying. The Doctor opened their eyes to worlds that until now had been stuck behind the limits of their imagination. Worlds forever changing and expanding and yet not able to come to fruition until The Doctor dropped in their lives, with starlight in his eyes and promises of fun and adventure and feeling like a child again.
It was easy to get swept up in The Doctor's mad and crazy world, flying from one adventure to the next and leaving everyone you know behind to pick up the pieces but the thing was Estrella had nobody waiting for her, nobody to tether them to Leadworth so they were free, free to run off with The Doctor at any given time without having to worry about anything
But Amy had left people behind
For Amy had people to go back to
Estrella gripped Amy by the shoulders, keeping her still and making her look Estrella in the eyes "I get what's going through your head because the same thoughts are going through. It's exciting going with The Doctor, having the freedom to do anything and go anywhere but you have people to get back to. I mean you love Rory don't you?"
"Yes" Amy nodded without hesitation
"And you want to spend the rest of your living with him?"
"Yes, but I want to know who I am first, explore different planets first? Cause how many people our age can say we've done that?"
"Okay we can have a few more adventures but then you got to tell The Doctor about the wedding and then I'll speak to The Doctor about where we stand, okay?"
"So you like The Doctor then?" Amy asked with raised eyebrows
"I don't know...it's complicated"
"Okay," Amy smiled, pulling Estrella into a hug and squeezing them. When they pulled back Amy had a piece of Estrella's hair wrapped around her finger "You're hair's getting longer. I don't think I've ever seen it that long"
"I know. I need to cut it but it got away from me"
Amy smiled sadly and whatever she was going to say was cut off by The Doctor's voice which jumped Estrella back to reality and grounded them to where they were...In the 1940s about to meet Churchill
"Amy? Sun Drop?" The Doctor called, once again popping his head through the door Estrells grinned at him and exchanged a glance with Amy and then went out the TARDIS, only to be met with guns in their faces. Still, Estrella wasn't scared because 1) they knew The Doctor would protect them and 2) they were just really excited to be in the vicinity of Winston Churchill because what history could actually tell you what they were really like? Still, The Doctor introduced them to the wartime prime Minister "Winston Churchill".
"Doctor." Churchill squints taking the long pipe out of his mouth and inspecting The Doctor for a minute "Is it you?"
"Oh, Winston, my old friend." The Doctor grinned, putting his hand out for a handshake but Churchill holds out his hand and beckoned, Estrella tried to pull on the stories that they had heard about The Doctor and Churchill but they couldn't quite work out what it was
"Ah, every time." The Doctor took it in his stride good naturedly
Amy seemed to be in the same thought process as Estrella but when she spoke, her words were riddled with nerves (probably because of all the guns pointed at her) but still, she couldn't help but ask "What's he after?"
"Tardis key, of course."
"Think of what I could achieve with your remarkable machine, Doctor. The lives that could be saved." Churchill tried to persuade The Doctor with a line that he must have tried a thousand times but doesn't he know The Doctor has his favourite toy and that was The TARDIS was his favourite toy and he wouldn't give it up for anyone or anything?
The Doctor chuckled, taking a step back from where he was and closing the door of the TARDIS and locking it. Estrella thinks they can sense just a little bit of worry but The Doctor seemed to play it off
"Ah, doesn't work like that."
"Must I take it by force?"
"I'd like to see you try." The Doctor stated it wasn't cocky or overconfident. It was a simple fact, The Doctor didn't use any extravagant weapons or guns to solve his problems or save the world. He just needed his wits, and sometimes when the nights got too long and cold and The Doctor can't stand to look at himself, he'll go looking for people. Minds like Estrella who spend more time dreaming of worlds than actually living in the real world, ordinary people who were moulded into extraordinary beings thanks to their time with the man
Churchill narrowed his eyes for a moment before he ordered: "At ease."
"You rang?" The Doctor grinned victoriously and he looked rather childlike as the guns were put down.
From there they were led through to a bigger corridor, surrounded by soldiers and the former Prime Minster, Estrella tried their best to stick as close to The Doctor as they could. Their hand once again finds The Doctor.
"So you've changed your face again," Churchill commented, putting his pipe between his lips again
"Yeah, well, had a bit of work done" The Doctor awkwardly explained
"You're still pretty don't worry" Estrellla's mouth ran away from them again. When the words registered in their brain, they flushed and tried to step away from The Doctor but they weren't getting anywhere as The Doctor pulled them to him again
"I think you're quite pretty too" He whispered in Estrella's ear
Estrella had a shiver run down the entire length of their spine. A warmth spreads throughout their body, starting at their heart and why do they have to feel this way?
Amy raised an eyebrow at them but thankfully for Estrella's sanity remains quiet and instead turns to The Doctor, excitement running through her voice as she exclaimed "Got it, got it, got it. Cabinet War Rooms, right?"
"Yep. Top secret heart of the War Office, right under London." The Doctor explained just as excited as Amy and Estrella would snort at them and call them dorks if they could find the strength to look at The Doctor and calm their racing heart
"You're late, by the way." Churchill took out his pipe as he spoke, seemingly disinterested in the conversation around him, handing The Doctor a cane which The Doctor dutifully took
Someone stepped up to Churchill, handing him a clipboard "Requisitions, sir."
"Excellent," Churchill said as he scribbled words on the piece of paper
"Late?" The Doctor asked, boarding on being offended about Churchill's earlier comment and Estrella squeezed his hand, hoping to subtly convey that right now probably wasn't the best time to start an argument with
"I rang you a month ago".
"Really?" The Doctor asked again, this time his voice doing a better job at masking his confusion the second time around but he wasn't the only one that was confused as to Estrella it had only been a few minutes since they left Starship UK. Man time travel was weird. As the Doctor scrambled for an answer "Sorry, sorry. It's a Type 40 Tardis, I'm just running her in."
Churchill once again seemed disinterested in The Doctor once again and instead narrowed his eyes on the woman that handed him forms "Something the matter, Breen? You look a little down in the dumps."
"No, sir. Fine, sir."
"Action this day, Breen. Action this day." Churchill stated, wagging the pen around
"Yes, sir." The woman nodded, taking the pen off Churchill
Another man walked up to the prime minister, barely sparing Estrella and their friends a glance as they did "Excuse me, sir. Got another formation coming in, Prime Minister. Stukas, by the look of them.
"We shall go up top then, Group Captain. We'll give them what for" Churchill was unflinching as he demanded before he turned towards Estrella and The Doctor "—coming, Doctor?"
"Why?"
"I have something to show you," Churchill told him, snatching his cane back from The Doctor who had taken the cane and placed it under his arm
From there they were all led to a lift, which looked both unsafe and unstable, barely big enough for the group to be in but still Churchill led the way barely sparing a glance at Estrella and their apprehension as they all try to cram and squeeze their way into the lift and Estrella could only hope that it didn't give out
That would be a terrible way to die
While in the lift, Churchill lit his cigar and after a puff, released the smoke. It billowed in the direction of Estrella and The Doctor, who instantly wafted the smoke away from them both a bored expression on his face but Churchill continued as if nothing had happed "We stand at a crossroads, Doctor, quite alone, with our backs to the wall. Invasion is expected daily. So I will grasp with both hands anything that will give us an advantage over the Nazi menace.
"Such as?" The Doctor pressed for more information
They soon come to a stop and Churchill pushed open the grate of the lift and then turned back towards them and nods slightly towards the opening of the roof "Follow me."
Smoke made its way onto the roof as Estrella takes a step. It was thick and sticky like molasses and Estrella almost coughed but they couldn't help with the excitement, they could not believe they were here.
They could even see Big Ben from here
As they looked down at the war-torn London, they felt their excitement dim a little. These poor people who had to struggle to survive each day because in a war there were no real winners no matter who ended up winning in the end and well while The Doctor, Estrella and Amy can leave when this adventure was over but people down there -- and people that didn't know how the war ended had to go on with their ordinary lives
Sandbags and sentries line the walls, and a white-coated scientist was searching the skies with binoculars that were almost as big as his face
"Wow." Amy gasped, looking around just like Estrella did
"Doctor, this is Professor Edwin Bracewell. Head of our Ironsides Project." Churchill introduced as they walked further onto the roof, seeing more of the dismal skyline and on the way, The Doctor gave the man some sort of salute but Estrella didn't know what it was or what it meant, they weren't big into history like Amy
"How do you do?" The scientist greeted with a cheery wave
A bomb lands nearby and rattled the entire building Estrella jumped backwards only to be quickly encased in The Doctor's arms as they all gaze at all the barrage balloons mooring over the city.
"Oh, Doctor. Doctor, it's..." Amy trailed off, struggling to find the words
"History."
"It's both beautiful and tragic"
Estrella knew that when this was over, they would get back in the blue box and hopefully zip off to their next adventure. The people down there didn't realise the place in history they would hold one day
"Isn't that all of history though?" The Doctor wondered out loud, his arms still wrapped around Estrella almost like he wasn't aware that he was doing it -- as if it was the most natural thing in the world and that bloody terrified Estrella "The human race being both beautiful and tragic. That's the beauty of it though I think the fact that the human race can create something so horrific one day and then something so great the next day. It's the best and worst thing about humanity, and gives the human race enough reason to grow"
"Uh...Doctor...Hands" Estrella awkwardly told him
"Huh?" The Doctor had a moment of confusion before he realised that his hands were still wrapped around Estrella's waist and he quickly removed his hands and patted their head twice quickly "Errr...Sorry, Reila"
"Ready, Bracewell?" Churchill called over to the scientist
"Aye aye, sir." The scientist shouted back "On my order, fire!"
Energy bolts zoom out from a sandbagged emplacement towards the approaching planes. Everyone a dead hit.
"What was that?" Amy asked, both in confusion
"That wasn't human. That was never human technology. That sounded like..." The Doctor's voice trailed off as his genius mind worked something out and then slowly and then all at once his movements and voice became frantic and he rushed up the stairs, turning to Bracewell and "Show me. Show me. Show me what that was!
"Advance." The scientist said, in lew of answering
Churchill's voice was something prideful "Our new secret weapon. Ha!"
A Dalek rolls out from behind the sandbags and Estrella's eyes widened. They knew what it was, having heard stories of them, their whole childhood. The Daleks were not a race to be messed with and Estrella couldn't imagine what The Doctor was feeling, given the fact that goosebumps rise on their skin and a hollow pit grows in their stomach with every minute that passed
"What do you think? Quite something, eh?" Churchill crones, quite proud of himself
"What are you doing here?
"I am your soldier." The Dalak replied in a monotonous robotic voice in a way that made fear creep up Estrella's spine and spill into the hollow hole in their stomach that was still growing with the amount of fear The Doctor had
The Doctor was confused now and panicking "What?"
"I am your soldier." The Dalek replied in the same monotone voice
"Stop this. Stop now." The Doctor demanded, Estrella could feel his fear and pain so much that it was almost tangible and Estrella was paralysed with fear, they knew they should just grab Amy and run back to the TARDIS and go but they couldn't and wouldn't leave The Doctor behind "No, you know who I am. You always know."
"Your identity is unknown" The Dalek replied
Bracewell decided now was the moment to interject but it didn't seem to help Estrella's distress, they really needed to do something. Anything. Drag the Doctor away by his ears, if that was what it took but still, their body refused to move "Perhaps I can clarify things here. This is one of my Ironsides."
The Doctor rounded on Bracewell "You're what?
Bracewell turned to the Daleks without the fear that he should have had when being near these alien machines "You will help the Allied cause in any way that you can."
" Yes."
"Until the Germans have been utterly smashed."
"Yes."
" And what is your ultimate aim?"
"To win the war.
And somehow that sentence hurt more than anything else
Estrella could feel how hurt and frustrated The Doctor was as he climbed down the stairs again and made his way across the roof, over to Churchill by the looks of it but before he could make it to his destination. Estrella got in the way (finally able to move and grabbed a hold of his wrist gently causing The Doctor to look at them in surprise "I'm giving you a chance to let out your frustrations"
"This isn't something you can fix Sun Drop"
"I can damn well try" Estrella's confidence cut through The Doctor's soft affirmation "I know what you're going through -- okay well no I don't and I'm not going to pretend I do but I do know what those things are so let me help please"
"Just...Just stay with me please"
* * * * *
Things went from bad to worse
With the Prime Minister refusing to listen to logic -- or any kind of reason and Amy not remembering who the Daleks were, The Doctor was becoming more and more agitated to prove that the Daleks were up to something, despite Estrella's gentle prodding that maybe now was the time to slow down and talk to them about whatever he was feeling. The Doctor was on the warpath
"All right, Prof. Now, the PM's been filling me in. Amazing things, these Ironsides of yours. Amazing. You must be very proud of them."
The scientist barely glances up from his work "Just doing my bit.
"Not bad for a Paisley boy." Amy grinned,
" Yes, I thought I detected a familiar cadence, my dear." Bracewell smiled at Amy butt Estrella's gaze was focused on The Doctor. He was on edge and something about that was putting Estrella on edge as well as they watched him thumb through files while in a chair
"How did you do it? Come up with the idea?
"How does the muse of invention come to anyone?"
"But you get a lot of these clever notions, do you?"
"Well, ideas just seem to teem from my head. Wonderful things...Like." Bracewell talked with his hands, never one to sit still as he moves about " Let me show you. Some musings on the potential of hypersonic flight. Gravity bubbles can sustain life outside of the terrestrial atmosphere. Came to me in the bath."
Estrella, Amy and The Doctor were shown blueprints and plans. Amy picked up something but Estrella was too focused on The Doctor to see what she had picked up
The Doctor snatched a notebook from Bracewell "And are these your ideas or theirs?
"Oh no, no, no" The scientist reassured. "These robots are entirely under my control, Doctor. They are."
Estrella wasn't sure
"Thank you. The perfect servant, and the perfect warrior."
The Doctor peers over the top of Bracewell, "I don't know what you're up to, Professor, but whatever they've promised, you cannot trust them. Call them what you like, the Daleks are death.
Churchill walked into the room, his voice booming and unwavering"Yes, Doctor. Death to our enemies. Death to the forces of darkness, and death to the Third Reich.
"Yes, Winston, and death to everyone else too. Tell them Reila"
"I don't think one of the most recognisable figures in history will believe a twenty-five-year-old adult who has done nothing special or worthwhile in their life if he doesn't believe you"
"Would you care for some tea?"
The Doctor knocks the tray from the Dalek's sucker and Estrella flinches from the clatter it makes, the sound of metal scraping against tar making them feel uneasy and queasy it takes The Doctor a minute or two to realise the effect his outburst had on Estrella and he looked guilty but he wasn't about to let the Dalek's away with anything
"Stop this! What are you doing here? What do you want?
"We seek only to help you."
"To do what?"
"To win the war."
"Really? Which war?"
"I do not understand."
The Doctor was getting more and more angry and all Estrella wanted to do was hug The Doctor but they knew it probably wasn't the time to do so "This war, against the Nazis, or your war? The war against the rest of the Universe? The war against all life forms that are not Dalek?
"I do not understand. I am your soldier."
" Oh, yeah?" The Doctor pointed at the Dalek and the hollow hole in Estrella's stomach grew even more. The Doctor's anger was something Estrella understood because The Dalek was "Okay. Okay, soldier, defend yourself."
The Doctor picks up a huge spanner and started hitting the Dalek with it. Estrella flinched, once again the sound of metal on tar and concrete lingering in the back of their mind and they just wanted to shut everything out
"Doctor, what the devil?"
" You do not require tea?" The Dalek said in that robotic voice that still sent shivers down Estrella's spine
"Stop him! Prime Minister, please." Bracewell looked as wrecked as Estrella felt
" Doctor, what the devil? Please, these machines are precious." Churchill tried to plead with the Time Lord who seemed hellbent on getting his frustrations out on the creatures that took everything away from him
It was all too much too soon after that and unlike on the roof, Estrella's legs took them out of there before their brain could process the fact that they were no longer in the room. Nor did they register the fact that voices were calling after them
They were too angry.
Angry at themselves, angry at the fact they came here when something told them it was not a good idea and angry at The Doctor for once again allowing his anger and frustration to get the best of him and most of all they were angry at the feeling that they were being dragged under water and the more they open their mouths to speak, more water pours in their mouth and the only time this feeling doesn't seem to haunt them is when they're around The Doctor
But for now, The Doctor was too consumed by his own hurt to realise that Estrella and the people around him were hurting too. Not only did The Doctor get everything ripped away from him but so did they and it was so incredibly lonely somedays
They stumbled down the hall, their breathing quicker than usual as they sat on the floor finding an alcove at the other end of the hallway. The more they sat there, the more Estrella's anger faded and they began to feel better as the hole stitched up in their stomach
Soon enough The Doctor ran past them, not even realising that Estrella was there but Estrella could see the pain written all over his face and sighed. The Doctor was nothing more than a broken fragment trying to piece himself back together but not quite understanding how to just like they all were
But perhaps with time and patience, The Doctor and Estrella could piece each other back together
* * * * *
"Hey, my Space Man, there you are" Estrella called softly as they approached The Doctor on the roof which he had relocated to since running off. They had felt the pain on The Doctor's face as he ran off and they knew they had to comfort him because hardly anyone else knew what he was going through but Estrella did and they wanted to help him out a little
"Estrella...I mean Reila what are you doing here?" The Doctor spoke, a little startled by Estrella's voice as he looked over at them. Estrella could tell that while he was physically on Earth, mentally he was a few lightyears away and if Estrella had to guess, his mind was on Gallifrey
And so they continued, their voice as soft as they could make it as they made their way over to where The Doctor was standing in the middle of the roof overlooking the scene with a troubled look in his eye "I came here for you...To check on you. I can go if you want me to but I thought you might have wanted the company"
"That's very sweet of you" The Doctor's smile was tender before it hardened again "But I don't want to burden you"
When was this man going to learn how to accept help and the fact that just because he saved everyone, doesn't mean he needs saving every once in a while? That he had scars and raw wounds just like everybody else and because he was so much a mystery to everyone no one knew how to help him and yet Estrella had been blessed to know him so intimately, in a way that nobody else did
That thought sobered Estrella instantly, making them feel like they had been dowsed in a bucket of cold water. They barely knew each other as people and yet Estrella knew all these details about him, things that you don't tell people you have just met
Estrella finally managed to break themselves out of their thoughts and shook their head "Nonsense. How are you being a burden to me when I'm the one that chose to come out here and talk to you"
"I don't know"
Estrella gave The Doctor a pointed look, they weren't believing him in the slightest as they touched The Doctor's arm and pulled him down to sit on the edge of the room "Exactly. Now sit and take a break and then talk to me, you know I'm only here to help you"
"Why did you come after me?" The Doctor asked, swiftly changing the subject and Estrella let him. Knowing that them pushing him for answers probably wasn't going to help him and could push him further away
"'Cause I was worried about you and I was thinking we were on the path to being friends" Estrella replied. They made it seem like it was the simplest thing in the world and for them, it was as if they didn't have to think twice before coming to look for The Doctor
He was hurt and he needed someone. It was that simple.
"Oh we're friends now are we?"
"Shut up" "Estrella laughed, throwing their head back as they did. It was the first time since the death of their parents they remember laughing so hard. Estrella wasn't sure what it was about The Doctor but when he was around them, they felt better. Nothing could bring their parents back of course and nothing could fill the void in their chest but being by The Doctor made them feel a little less alone "God, you're such a dork"
"Oh, how am I a dork?" The Doctor pouted
Estrella patted him on the arm, a teasing edge making their voice a little higher "If you have to ask that question then you are definitely a dork"
The Doctor bopped Estrella's nose, teasing them back in his own way "I don't believe you sun drop."
Estrella grinned, happy to keep up with the light teasing as it was clear The Doctor needed to talk about something else than whatever was whirling through his head "Okay you want examples: one you're a dork because of your bow ties—"
"How dare you? Bow ties are cool" The Doctor exclaimed, looking offended and you'd think Estrella had kicked his puppy
"In what universe?" Estrella asked him through a laugh. They hadn't thought about the last time they had laughed this much— it had been a long time
The Doctor smiled softly, they kept looking at Estrella in a way that had their heart leaping out of their chest and into their throat "Ours"
Obviously, he wasn't thinking about what he was saying because if he was why would The Doctor say that? What did he mean by that? There were a thousand things he could have said and yet he chose one word that shattered Estrella's world
"If it worries you I do like it but it doesn't make you any less of a dork"
"Why thank you," The Doctor said, pulling at his bow tie.
"Two: your speech, you babble on about things and don't even realise when people either aren't listening to you because a) they end up getting bored or b) they have no idea what you are saying because you have such an impossible brain that you forget nobody understands you"
"You do though" The Doctor pointed out in a way that had Estrella knowing they were going into dangerous territory
"Well that's because I know you"
There was something about the way that was said. After the realisation that they had earlier, that made everything seem so much more real
Something that both weren't ready for and so The Doctor cleared his throat and said "Anyway what is your third reason that I'm a dork?"
"Oh that's easy, it's your face"
Once again Estrella was rewarded with The Doctor's face morphing into one of horror as Estrella laughed again. Their laughter getting caught in the wind and clashing with where they were and why they were here
This was war, but somehow when it was just the two of them, they could pretend it wasn't
"You take that back!"
"Make me!"
Suddenly it got really still and quiet with both of them too scared to move or even make a sound. Time seemed to stretch into an eternity that didn't seem possible but Estrella had begun to revisit their definition of impossible in recent years
For the longest time they seemed to just stare at each other and exist in a world that was only known to them and then—
"Where did you come from?" The Doctor asked, looking at them like Estrella was crafted out of marble by the hand of the gods that were spun in old stories
"A small town called Leadsworth, you might know it seen as you crash landed in the town"
"No, I know that and yet it's like you're a meteor shower that came into my life one day and struck me down when I wasn't even looking" The Doctor was looking at them in that way again. It made goosebumps rise on their skin as he studied them "And your eyes, they are so familiar almost like I've seen them before but I can't place them well and oh everything about you is a mystery, Estrella James"
It would be so easy then to let everything that they were feeling at that moment spill out of their mouths and let The Doctor know what they were feeling. How he made them feel and let the worlds and stars and planets fade to nothing because in their universe they were the only two beings to exist
A universe where wearing a bow tie didn't make you a dork and Estrella's head could wander in the stars for as long as they wished
But now was not the time and here was not the place, not while The Doctor was clearly working through the pain and trauma of his past — the best thing they could do was be there for him
So instead they continued with the teasing and light attitude with a laugh "Well it's a good thing you like mysteries"
"Sun drop, you are impossible," The Doctor told them with a smile and a shake of his head. He reached out to grab their hand and pull them back up to their feet
"And where would you be without the impossible in your life Doctor?"