While I had felt better at first the closer we got to the cabin that more intense the flashbacks got. I could feel Wheaton's hand on my leg. I could taste his tongue in my mouth. I could smell the scent of our body fluids. I could hear his taunting voice. Then I would see those horrible images; of Mary's young, terrified face and Hannah's mutilated body. I sat in the back of the SUV and my stomach churned. By the time we entered the woods I was in a state of panic. My breathing was quick and my heart pounded in my ribcage.
"Are you alright?" Agent Parker asked from what seemed like miles away. I shook my head violently, clamping my mouth shut to fight back the nausea. "Hey, Giles pull over for a second." The car slowed and I leapt from the vehicle and threw up violently on the side of the road. It had started snowing lightly and my puke marred the fine white layer that had settled on top of the leaves. I knelt there panting and quivering.
"Reyna..." I heard Wheaton's voice taunt. I started to dry heave even harder while I listened to the agents exit the car.
"Reyna, Reyna are you alright?" Agent Parker asked, concerned. She leaned down next to me, looking unsure of what to do.
"I-I'll be fine," I gasped while I squeezed my eyes shut. "It's just a... panic attack... I'll be fine," I said to assure myself more than them. I tried listening to the sounds of the birds, feeling the chill of the snow, smelling the scent of sap and pine. Eventually my heart slowed and my breathing calmed.
I was safe. He wasn't here. He could never do those horrible things ever again...
"Here," Agent Giles handed me a water bottle. "You can wash your mouth out."
"Thanks," I said gratefully. Once I was feeling better I stood up and we continued our journey through the winding forest roads.
"You are coming back, huh? This place holds a lot of precious memories, doesn't it?" Wheaton's voice whispered into my ear. I absentmindedly reached back and ran my fingers over the scar on my shoulder from when Ben had sunk his teeth into my flesh. "Ah yes, this is where Ben died too. Remember stabbing him? You didn't feel a thing. Not even when you helped me burn his body to ashes."
"Go away," I murmured as we pulled up to the cabin.
"Did you say something?" Agent Parker asked.
"No, nothing," I said as we exited the car.
Here it was. It was as tiny and decrepit as I remembered it, but now yellow caution tape surrounded the area. The place was a hive of activity, and several police cars sat in the driveway with their owners scattered about in front of the cabin. There were several basset hounds and beagles on leashes, and I supposed they were cadaver dogs. They reminded me of the real reason I came to this place- of my grim duty.
"Whenever you're ready, we will follow you," Agent Parker said gently. I nodded and started the trek through the woods. I didn't recall exactly where the clearing was, but I knew the general direction. It took longer to find it than it had when Wheaton had led me here, but eventually the dogs started to get antsy as we entered the familiar circle of trees with the strings tied to their branches that were blowing gently in the breeze.
Agent Parker placed a hand on my shoulder.
"You did a good job, Reyna," she assured me. I slowly walked over to where I knew Mary's body lay. It was by the oak tree closest to a cluster of boulders.
"She's here. This is where I buried Mary," I whispered. "He wanted to burn her, you know? But I begged him to let me lay her to rest here with the others. I figured-" I choked on my tears. "I figured her family would want her body back some day." I collapsed to my knees and wept. Almost surprised I still had tears to cry after today. After giving me a moment Agent Parker spoke.
"Reyna, we need to start exhuming and identifying the bodies. You've done your part. Now Agent Giles is going to take you home, okay? Try to get some rest." Officers were already starting to mark off areas with tape and a crew of individuals who I took to be forensic experts began preparing digging tools and body bags.
"How will you figure out who they are?" I asked.
"Well, we'll cross reference their features with those of missing persons. If needed we will put out their descriptions in the news in case they were never officially reported missing. Don't worry. We will do everything we can to make sure their families get closure," Agent Parker said, again clasping me on the shoulder.
***********
The next week passed by relatively peacefully. I went back to live with my mother, but we mostly avoided each other. We had some moments where it seemed things were back to normal, but then I would inevitably fuck it up by mentioning something about Wheaton or my captivity, and we would both grow cold again. I still got panic attacks and flashbacks, and Wheaton's voice droned on inside of my head unless I was distracting myself.
I started to see a counselor, but I had mostly avoided talking about Wheaton and all he did to me. I just wasn't ready to process it. Everytime I thought about it I spiraled into a frenzied state of panic. She tried to talk to me about my dad, but I shut that down pretty quick also. So, we mostly sat in silence while I colored in some adult coloring books she provided.
I had already seen several doctors just to check things out. Apparently, other than some minor scarring, I didn't have any damage to my reproductive system that they could find. Which was good because I had been worried that my miscarage had caused some permanent harm. They said that all my other scars would fade with time, even if the burns didn't go away fully. But I would need to get surgery to fix my wrist.
One night during dinner my mother had made pasta, and it tasted so much like his that I started crying right there at the table. My mom looked at me like she wanted to say something but held her tongue while I sobbed. Eventually she came over and placed a blanket around my shoulders and handed me a box of tissues. I gave her a gentle smile of appreciation.
The people had mostly started to leave us alone, but my mother was already having to refuse offers for me to appear on various talk shows or news segments. So, when I heard a knock at the door while my mother was out at the store I kind of assumed I'd see a crisp business person with a gift and a contract through the peephole. But instead it was a middle aged man and woman with bags under their red eyes.
I slowly unlocked and opened the door.
"Can I help you?" I asked politely.
"Are you Reyna Bristol?" the man asked softly. I nodded and waited to hear more. "My name is Jacob Smith and this is my wife Maraline. We are the parents of Mary Smith." My eyes widened for a moment before I caught myself.
"I'm so sorry for your loss," I whispered, unsure of what else to say.
"We wanted to thank you. We heard about what you did to ensure Mary's body made it back to us," Maraline croaked, and her eyes shined with tears. Her husband wrapped an arm around her shoulders.
"The police have released her to us. Her funeral will be this Friday, and we would like you to come if you would want that," Jacob said. I honestly was at a loss for words. How was I deserving to join this family in their grief? Sure I was torn up by what had happened to Mary, but it wasn't like I ever got the chance to really meet her. I had just done what I could, which really wasn't much. But as I looked into their earnest faces, I knew I couldn't refuse.
That is how I ended up putting on my lacey black dress and doing my hair for the first time in over a year. Sure I had combed it, but it had been a long time since I'd put effort into my appearance. For some reason, Wheaton never seemed to care much about what I looked like as long as I was clean. My mom drove us to the church where the funeral was being held.
It was a somber service, and there wasn't a dry eye in the whole sanctuary. I spotted two familiar looking girls in the front row who were sobbing audibly before I realized I recognized them from the photo that Mary had kept in her wallet. I thought uncomfortably about how easily it could've been Quinn crying in the front row with me in that casket. That is, if they would've ever managed to find a body.
A choir sang a haunting song as we started to file out the doors to drive to the cemetery. I hadn't realized it until the line of cars entered through the big wrought iron gates that Mary was being buried in the same cemetery as my father.
As I laid my flower on top of her casket, Mary's mother swept me up in an embrace and she and I cried together for a moment.
"Bless you," she sobbed.
"I'm just so sorry that I couldn't have done more," I said as I pulled back.
My mother and I started walking through the slightly frosted grass back to our car, and I ruminated over everything that had happened. All the death. All the pain. Just because two sick men decided they could play with people's lives for their own amusement. Even though Ben was dead and Wheaton would be in prison for the rest of his life, that wouldn't bring those they had killed back to life. It wouldn't heal the mental or physical scars they had caused. Maybe it was like my dad had said all those years ago, bad things don't happen for good reasons. They just happen, and we are left to decide what to do with the shattered pieces of our lives.
"Mom, can we go see Dad's grave?" I asked softly. She didn't ask why. She just nodded and drove us over to the other side of the cemetery. I got out of the car slowly and wandered over to his headstone. I gently swept some of the lingering snow off the top and knelt down.
"Sorry we didn't bring you any flowers this time, Dad," I said as my mom walked up behind me. "You know, before I was kidnapped I'd never even really cried over Dad's death. I just never realized how much I missed him in my life until I was at rock bottom. All I wanted was for you guys to come and hold me and tell me everything was going to be okay," I sniffled. I ran my hand over my mother's name on the stone next to her blank death date. "Then, I almost lost you too, again. And I was scared. So scared that I would be left all alone in the world, and all I would have left would've been Wheaton."
"I'm sorry that I ever considered leaving you. That night that I attempted... I'll never forgive myself for it," my mom said before leaning down and holding onto my hand.
"I'm sorry too. I'm sorry for how I've been. I just don't know what to do or how to act. I have seen so many horrible things, done so many things, and how do I move past something like that? I'll never be the same person I was before all of this, and for that I'm sorry," I cried. My mother hugged me tightly and for the first time since I got back, I accepted her touch gratefully.
"You don't need to apologize. I-I haven't handled this the best either. I just- I'm so frustrated that I was helpless for so long, and I thought that now that you're back that I could do something, but I'm clueless. I just don't want to keep hurting you," she said.
"Mom, I feel the same way. I don't want to keep hurting you either. Which is why I guess I felt it was better if I just kept my distance," I said, and my mother let out a weak chuckle.
"I suppose we are both just hopeless, huh?" She glanced down at the grave. "Your dad would probably be telling us both to get over ourselves, wouldn't he?" I nodded.
"Mom, I love you. I know I haven't been the best daughter-"
"Honey, I love you too. Of course I do, and you don't need to apologize anymore," she said. "We've both said sorry enough. Now we just gotta agree that we will figure this all out together." I smiled up at her.
"Yeah, together."
There was a long road ahead of me, and I'm sure the path was paved with blood and mud. But I had Quinn. I had my mom. I had people like Chelsea and Agent Parker supporting me. There wasn't anything I couldn't do, nothing I couldn't overcome. I made a promise to myself as I sat there on that frosted ground that Wheaton wouldn't get the last laugh. It was my life, and I wanted to fill it with love, true love. Not the bullshit Wheaton had tried to shove down my throat. I am in charge of my future now, and I choose to live it to the fullest alongside the people that I care about.