Steven's body was buzzing with excitement, his chest full of warmth and affection. He couldn't have kept the smile off his face even if he had tried to, not when he was holding Brandon in his arms. There was nothing sexual in the touch, but Steven found himself content with just breathing in Brandon's scent and feeling the solid heat of his body.
It was the first time Steven saw Brandon in a t-shirt and that alone was telling a lot about the weather. Sweat was trickling down Steven's back, as his body became overheated under the scalding sun, but he would rather have a heatstroke than push Brandon away.
Steven ran his fingers up Brandon's arm to his biceps and back down to the crook of his arm, momentarily forgetting all about the music and the mass of people swaying and screaming around them. He hadn't expected to find distinct muscles from Brandon's arms. Having only seen Brandon wearing baggy clothes had given Steven a different, less athletic impression of him.
Brandon's skin went on goosebumps, as he felt the touch, and he glimpsed at Steven over his shoulder with questions in his eyes. Steven only gave a smile as an answer, and Brandon seemed content with it, as he turned back to face the stage.
Steven found himself wishing the day would never end. How was he going to persuade Brandon on another date? After that day their deal was over, and Steven didn't know how he was going to survive, if Brandon didn't want to keep seeing him.
"You said I thanked you, but", Brandon hesitated, turning around to face Steven again. The band had left the stage, way too soon for Steven's liking. "I don't think I did?"
"Well, maybe not with the exact words, but the message was clear enough." Steven murmured, smiling.
"Still, thank you so much for this." There was a new-found liveliness in Brandon's eyes Steven didn't remember seeing in them before. His cheeks were flushed and he was smiling, albeit just enough for it to be noticeable. He gestured vaguely around him, before declaring: "All of this, these dates, they've been the best days of my life."
"So far." Steven wiggled his eyebrows, his smile turning to a grin. Then he took in a deep, calming breath and suggested: "I could come up with new ideas, if you want to give it a try?"
Brandon grew quiet, studying Steven's face in silence, before eventually nodding and saying: "I'm not ready to let this go, so, yeah, of course I do."
Steven whooped, jumping up and down. He grinned like he had just won the lottery, and squeezed Brandon into a fierce hug. He even went as far as swirling them around, ignoring the long looks they were gathering. "I'd like to kiss you breathless."
When Brandon tensed in his arms, Steven realized what he had just blurted out and quickly set Brandon back to the ground. He stuffed his hands in his pockets, shifting on his feet. Then he murmured: "Don't worry, I won't. I promised to wait and I will."
"It doesn't always have to be something spectacular." Brandon was quick to change the subject. "I'm fine with just hanging out and watching a movie or something."
"You just want to watch more rom coms, but are too proud to say it out loud." Steven teased with a jocular grin. He could still see the unease and guilt in Brandon's face, for making kissing such a big deal, so he did his best to lighten the mood.
"Oh shut up." Brandon laughed.
Florence + The Machine was the main artist of the day, so after their performance the crowd in the festival area thinned. Brandon let his shoulders drop from his ears and didn't fiddle as much once they had more room to breathe. They bought two cans of overpriced beer and sat on the grass, while Steven smoked.
The stage was far enough so that the music wasn't blaring and they could talk in normal voices again. Brandon fell to his usual silence, gazing around and laughing at the stories Steven told him. Steven could easily keep the conversation up even by himself, just as long as Brandon was listening.
"Have you ever been in love?" Steven found himself asking. He studied Brandon's side profile as the setting sun shed golden light on the bridge of his nose and reflected from his glasses. If he was surprised by the question, he didn't let it show.
"Have you?" Brandon asked instead, his face giving away nothing as he turned to meet Steven's eyes.
"No, not before.." Steven hesitated. He didn't want to slam the fact that he had been hopelessly in love with Brandon for years now right in his face, not when even the thought of kissing was enough to throw Brandon off balance. "I used to think I just wasn't built that way. I didn't think I'd be able to fall in love or want to settle down with anyone."
"But you do now?" Brandon asked, shyly. How long was it going to take for him to believe in Steven's words?
"Yeah." Steven said, then stopped to consider what to do next.
He had made promises to Brandon before, but had he tried telling how he felt? From the beginning, without jokes and grins. Perhaps then Brandon would finally start to believe that he could be serious too, that he wasn't just a trickster who couldn't take anything seriously.
"Your parents were dirt poor, right?" Steven began, not really asking, but still waiting for Brandon to nod, before going on: "Mine had money, but they never gave us any reason to believe that love or marriage could last. They fought and cheated and fought some more, but refused to divorce until all of us kids were 'old enough to handle it'."
Brandon was studying Steven's face in silence, his lips parted with surprise like he couldn't quite believe the amount of honesty Steven was offering him. It was, Steven realized, the first time he had told any of his friends about his parents' divorce without making a joke out of it. He had turned it all to jest and ridicule, because deep down it still hurt too much to really talk about.
"Not that I'd call a ten-year-old old enough to handle it, but it was the best decision my parents have ever made." Steven shrugged, swallowing. The ache in his chest took him by surprise, like he hadn't known how much talking about his parents' divorce could still hurt. "They have both remarried, but it still took me years to change my mind about marriages and love."
"What changed your mind, then?" Brandon asked, softly.
"I think, at first, seeing Eli settling down with Benjamin. He always used to swear he would never fall in love, but there he is, happy and content in a relationship." Steven pondered. He glimpsed at Brandon, knowing that Eli was somewhat a sore topic between them. "Then Ash found Miles, and Jeremy Preston got married.. and I guess I just finally got tired of pining after you without ever trying to do anything about it."
"I don't get it." Brandon frowned, looking down at his hands, which were holding the beer can. "If you had feelings for me for that long, was that really the reason you never said anything to me about it?"
"But I did say it, many times." Steven chuckled, unable to hide the grin that was creeping its way to his face.
Steven had flirted with Brandon countless times during the past years. Sometimes he had only hinted on it, but more than once he had said it out loud. He had literally told Brandon he wanted to take him out and that he was into him, and yet somehow it never got through to Brandon.
"I mean, yeah, but.." Brandon mumbled, ducking his head and letting his hair curtain his face to hide the redness of his cheeks.
"You just never believed I was being serious, I know." Steven said, offhandedly. "I also know that I like making a joke out of everything, but I would never make a joke out of this. You and me, I mean."
"Okay." Brandon whispered, studying Steven's eyes a little longer.
"And I don't know what happened to you that you find it so hard to believe in me, but I will show you I can be trusted." Steven halted. He flicked ash from his cigarette, buying himself more time to think. All that honesty tasted foreign in his mouth, now that he wasn't drunk or giving Eli advice. "But if you can't do that, you'll have to tell me. I can't keep pining over you for the rest of my life, if it isn't going to work out between us."
The look in Brandon's eyes darkened, and Steven could have sworn he saw a flicker of fear in them. He wondered if he was asking too much, but at the same time he knew he wasn't. If Brandon couldn't let him in, it wasn't fair for Steven to have to spend his whole life guessing and trying to get his attention.
"I will." Brandon promised, his tone grave. "And.." He started playing with the pull tap of his beer can, while looking in the distance. In an instant, he seemed to be miles away, lost in his thoughts. "To answer your question.. I have had crushes, but I've only really loved once and he is the reason for my trust issues."
"Eli?" Steven guessed. He had found out about Brandon's feelings for Eli about the same time he had taken Eli to his place and one thing had led to another.. Hence, a sore topic. Even as Eli and Steven had decided to stick with being just friends after that rather awkward encounter.
"What? No." Brandon breathed, letting out an incredulous laughter and shaking his head. "Eli has never done anything to hurt me."
"But someone else has?" Steven asked. Brandon stayed quiet, still gazing at the distance, but Steven didn't need a confirmation. He wanted to tell himself he was surprised, but the truth was it made sense to him. Steven stumbled with his next words: "Do you want to talk about it?"
"Yes, but not right now." Brandon said, finally turning his gaze from the spot in the distance. He smiled, that same guarded smile of his, and plopped down to lie on his back. Steven didn't need to be told to do the same, and soon they were laying in the grass, staring at the clear summer sky. Brandon turned to look at him. "Tell me about that modeling gig you had with the twins again."
"Oh, where do I even start.." Steven began, knowing exactly where to start and how the story would go.
They ended their third, but not last, date the way it deserved to: smiling, laughing and with ease and warmth in their chests. They had so many things to talk about, so many secrets to share, but it could wait. After all, they no longer had only three dates to get to know each other. They had all the dates they wanted to have and all the days the future had to offer.