I've never had my parents question or ask about my love life. I never had a love life for them to ask about. Not until this afternoon, in the family room, did my mom interrupt Law & Order again. Her body blocks the TV with my dad at her side. A familiar sense of Deja Vu hits me, and I quickly mute the show. They sit on a love seat in front of me, my mom facing me with a kind smile.
"Hi..." I sit up, my brows furrowed in true confusion, "is this another serious family reunion?"
My mom laughs, completely waving off my question at first. Dad gets comfortable beside her, a rather neutral look on his face. It's like it settled on there one day and is now forever permanent. You never know what he's thinking anymore; his face expressions used to tell it all. He's the opposite of what he was before.
"We just want to catch up with you, hon. See how you're doing, and what life's been like for you lately."
"Okay..." is my response to my mom's enthusiastic gestures.
She's a little different too- ever since my embarrassing outburst. More open is the way I'd describe it. Like she was before. There's not much tension in her body when she's around dad. She's relaxing again, and she's almost... caring. It's not all about pleasing dad anymore. I try not to smile at the thought of them trying. False hope is one's greatest enemy.
"First, Nolan," mom turns serious, her once friendly smile, gone. "Your father and I want to apologize."
Apologize? These definitely aren't my parents. Cant be! I must've came back to a different dimension. Something.
"Nolan?"
"Yes?" I immediately snap out of my weird thoughts, my focus settled back on my parents that look worried and sort of uncomfortable.
"We said we're sorry. I'm sorry, hon. For treating you like you weren't my son and not listening to how you felt. For...taking your dad's side in things when we both know he was in the wrong. Your feelings were valid. They still are valid, and I won't forget that again."
My body goes rigid at the sudden apology, not expecting it to sound so sincere. I look to my dad who's eyes soften a bit at the sight of me. His neutral facade fades as he takes in a deep breath. I don't know what to expect from him. Well, actually, I do. A simple 'I'm sorry' and maybe an acknowledging head nod if I'm really lucky.
"Nolan, son. I...apologize for my behavior towards you. I've been thinking these past few days about what you said, and you're right. I haven't been acting like how a father should. There's no excuse that can make up for it, so I won't try to come up with one."
My eyes widen at the apology that proved to be more than two words and a head nod. Mom looks to him approvingly which causes him to smile over at her, before focusing back on me. I don't look or cower away from him like I usually would. Instead, I wait.
"I just want you to be okay. I want you to have a successful life and a good family without anything tainting that. So, I monitored your friends and your activities. I controlled them. I shouldn't have. I'm sorry that I did, son. I can only hope to gain your forgiveness and trust back."
I want to give them my forgiveness and trust. To have them as my parents again, and mend a forgotten bond called family. Unfortunately, it can't be that simple and easy. Easy peasy lemon squeezy would be a lie. Somewhere in my mind I'll have the long-term memories of my dad scaring me, or degrading me. Of making me feel like I'm not his son. Mom seems fine, but a smile can hide some things. I wonder how she feels...
"Thank you," I say, pushing out the rational side for once. "Your apologies mean a lot to me, but it'll take time to fully forgive you guys and be like how we were before."
They nod, simultaneously, giving me hopeful smiles that I unhesitatingly return. We sit in silence for a minute after that to process everything that was said. Mom suddenly pops up with a curios glint in her eyes. I watch her in confusion, wondering what suddenly has her excited.
"So," she starts, "you went on a date recently..."
"Yes," I say, smiling without a thought from the memories.
"Who was the lucky girl? We didn't get to see her," my mom pushes, already invested.
Scarlette did take me home in time for our family dinner. She offered to watch me from the car to make sure I made it in safely. It brought back memories of me never letting her step too close to the door in fear that my parents would be there, ready to scold me. It took a little confidence, but I let her walk me to the door. My parents didn't break the door down and drag me inside- of course being busy with making dinner.
Scarlette and I talked a little at the door, and she ended it with a kiss to my cheek. I must've stayed frozen like a statue for hours after waving her away. My entire body buzzed with happiness that I couldn't even contain myself during dinner. Random smiles kept appearing on my face, causing my parents to wonder why I was so happy. They knew about the date, but not the full details. I guess that's why they're asking me now.
"It's my friend- my girlfriend, Scarlette," I answer, not used to calling Scarlette my girlfriend. I've always referred to her as my friend. Not my crush, not my potential lover, not my actual lover. Just friend. Fully realizing that I get to call her that has me smiling all over again. And she gets to call me boyfriend. So cool...
"Girlfriend?" this gets my mom to join my side on the couch, her hands grasping at my arm. "when did this happen?"
"During the date," I answer, getting a little excited to talk about it. Madaline wanted the details in person, but we still talked about how great it was. "Before she took me home."
"So, what's your relation with Julie?" dad asks from his spot. He's leaned forward, showing he's as curious as mom.
It feels like I've said it a thousand times before, but I guess everyone hasn't gotten the memo. Julie and I were friends. We still are friends. The forced proximity didn't bother us one bit, but we thought of it as friends spending time together. There were no romantic feelings attached- at least not for me. I guess Julie thought something different... The thought makes me feel slightly guilty. I hope I didn't lead her on to confess my feelings for another girl.
Julie seemed like she understood, even though she had a crush on me. It's like she even knew who I had true feelings for before I fully recognized it. It seems like everyone knew before I came to the final conclusion of my feelings. That's oblivious on an entirely different level.
"Julie and I are friends. We've always been friends," I admit to them.
"And those dates?" dad pushes.
"We were just...hanging out. Those dates were set by you guys, and we went along with it."
"What about the one you planned, sweetheart? What was that?" mom brings in her confusion.
I cringe at the memory of the supposed date. It's a good and bad memory for me. Good, because Julie and I had fun watching a movie that we both seemed to enjoy. It was like our friendship grew. Bad, because we ran into Scarlette and Jackson. That's when I almost lost someone that I wanted with me for as long as I could. Dad would probably say I'm too young to say something like that, or that I've read too many books. I'd say he's right, but that's also how I know what I feel is something that could be written in books. My feelings are real. They're strong.
Mom would squeal, as she usually does, if I said all of that. Then she'd go on a rant about how her son is growing up to be a fine young man. I think I'd rather take dad's comments.
"It wasn't like that. It was just a friend thing," I answer, telling only half the truth.
My parents share a quick look before nodding to each other, then me. I look between them before turning to mom who clasped my hand in hers. I'm met with another genuine smile that has me tilting my head in confusion, but with a tiny smile that dares rise to my lips.
"I see. But Nol, you should have her come over. Your girlfriend- Scarlette was it? We'd love to meet her."
My mind blanks at the thought of bringing Scarlette over to meet my parents. I know mom would say for dinner, and go extremely overboard. She does it when she wants to be friendly to guests that come over around that time. I learned that when Mrs. Kurly spent thanksgiving with us, and her husband was away. Let's just say, she went home with way more than what she originally bargained for.
Anyway, Scarlette has just become my girlfriend. How would it look if she immediately met my parents? Isn't that moving too fast? Would she think I'm rushing things? This is my first relationship. And with a girl I really like! I can't let it go wrong.
"Um, I don't know. We're in a new relationship, mom, I don't want to push it," I say, with a hopeful smile, hoping that she'll understand my reasoning.
She nods, patting the top of my hand, "Of course. I understand. Maybe further down the line, invite her over, yes?"
I hurriedly nod, liking that idea much better. Mom smiles at that and we leave that topic be for a while. Dad joins back in and that's how we spend our day as a healing family, with nothing but smiles and jokes filling our home.
Everything isn't suddenly perfect like in the books and movies I read and watch- although it'd be cool. Things are looking up, and I relax in my seat next to my mom, smiling at the fact that maybe this is where I commit to being free. To being me. Nolan Avanchie Duras.