I gasp in shock. How long was I out again?! Either way, I can't be bothered with the time right now considering the pain I'm still currently feeling between my eye,s and the worst migraine I've ever had in [Isekai Online]. They said I get no [Death Penalty], but they didn't say the pain is still there. Still, that was a huge loss despite having no [Mastery EXP] penalties or the usual pains of waking up after death.
First things first, I look around and see that I'm back in the room with the three doors. I also look down and see the very same key I used to enter one of those doors. Alright, everything is still intact. Thank goodness. But just in case, I check my stats and [Mastery].
[Wind]
[Stats]
[Race: Human]
[Total Mastery Level: 14]
[HP: 630/630]
[MP: 240/240]
[SP: 310/310]
[Mastery]
[Archery] Level 19
[Woodcrafting] Level 10
[Swordsmanship] Level 19
[Cooking] Level 9
[Wind] Level 16
[Physical Enhancement] Level 17
[Hunting] Level 15
[Blacksmithing] Level 18
[Dagger] Level 6
It seems that they were right. Without any [Death Penalty] for this [Hidden Quest], I can go back to General Veritate's room and have a rematch. But how can I since I can still recall those last words he gave to me before my loss?
[...You should find strength, not through your training and talents alone. If you want to conquer your opponent, you must show me your true convictions, kid.]
My true convictions... I know this is just a game, but...
To tell you the truth, I have nothing to back it up. It's always Kazuki this, Kazuki that...
I thought protecting him was all I had after I left him at the mercy of his bullies years ago. I thought being by his side was enough for my future.
But is he telling me that's not enough?!
I keep wrapping my heading around it. I keep thinking and thinking and thinking...
"GRAAAARGGGHHH!!! This is too damn confusing!!!" I scream at the top of my lungs before dropping to the floor, lying down in defeat. "God, why did this stupid game give me this [Hidden Quest]?! It's near impossible for me to beat!"
Well, it's not all true. I'm actually standing at a stalemate. Thinking about it isn't helping my head at all. It's not that the [Quest] is unbeatable. It's my fault. I'm just a teenager who can't even decide if I should go to college or not. At this point, I need a break from all of this mess. I mindlessly open my menu and tap the [Settings] button on my HUD.
[NOTICE]
[If you choose to use [Sleep Mode], you will wake up in the same location you've been through for 1-2 hours. But if you log out right now, your progress in your current [Hidden Quest] will be lost.
Please keep that in mind if plan to take a break.]
Okay, good. At least this game isn't like those VRMMOs where you are forced to be trapped there against your will. I'm okay with 2 hours of [Sleep Mode]. I just need a break, that's all.
I tap the [Sleep Mode] button on the dropdown menu and set it to two hours. Then I close my eyes for a much-needed break from this virtual fantasy world...
-----
[Game is temporarily paused for 2 hours. Don't forget to hydrate and do some stretches!]
I groan as I get up from bed and remove my [VeilCon]. Judging from the clock on my helmet, it's only been an hour and a half since we logged into the game. I quickly check on Kazuki's health through the [Guardian Player] app on my phone and to my relief, he's doing good so far since his heartbeat and brain activity remains normal, albeit a bit more active, but no alarms have raised on his [VeilCon]. Still, the smile on his face is enough to tell me he's fine.
Following the console's advice, I stretch my arms and yawn as I went downstairs to get a snack and drink since it was still 2 in the afternoon. Dad is still out and we have the house to ourse-
"Oh, Hayate. I didn't know you were awake. Or rather, got back from that game, right?"
My eyes widen. Right in front of me as I enter the kitchen is my mother eating a simple peanut butter sandwich with a camera sitting beside her.
"M-Mom! What are you doing here? It's two in the afternoon," I say, expressing my thoughts out loud.
"Day off. Just sent my article a few hours ago. You didn't read the note on the fridge, right?"
Ugh... I nervously turn around and see the said sticky note right in front of the fridge door.
"Heading out for a while. Will be back early.
Don't be greedy with the snacks. That means you too, Kazuki.
- Mom"
"Uh... Whoops..." I sheepishly reply. "Sorry, we kind of got caught up with [Isekai Online]."
"That game, huh?" I can hear her sighing, which might not be a good sign. "And where's your brother?"
"Back in the game. Don't worry, I'll grab something from the cabinet and check up on him right away. Please excuse me."
I quickly shuffle my feet to the cabinet to get back to our room. Even if I'm on break, that doesn't mean...
"Hayate. Sit down."
I flinch at those words. I wish that I didn't, but I know my Mom. She won't take ignorance or 'no' as an answer. I slump down and sit right in front of her. "If this is about me leaving Kazuki alone..."
"It's not that. Knowing you, I doubt you're going to leave Kazuki alone there," my Mom interrupts. "Although, that side of you tends to worry me a bit. In fact, I feel like you leaving the game in the middle of it is much more than a break for you."
She is half-right. I don't say anything else and take my glance away from my Mom.
"I suggest you start being an honest, young man. What's troubling you lately? Kazuki's birthday is only for a few weeks and you seem stressed despite your exams being done."
Guess I can't hide it, huh? Though, I might as well since I got a lot of my mind ever since I had that boss fight.
"...Am I focusing too much on Kazuki lately?"
She quickly turns to me once I ask that question. "Where did that come from? Did you fight with your brother or something?"
I flinch again. I am not revealing that I got that thought from fighting an undead general in the game!
"No. It's like you said. Kazuki's birthday is coming and it's only a few months away till I graduate from high school. Once I find a college scholarship, I have to be away from Kazuki for a while."
"And?"
I take a deep breath before I continue. This is tough to admit, you know. "Kazuki needs to learn to be independent. But in reality, I also need to learn it away from him, too."
My Mom quickly tilts her head. "Uh... I don't get what you're saying, honey."
I sigh. Again, really tough to admit.
"I'm saying that I might be too clingy with him. Too overprotective as my friends said all the time," I clarify. "I honestly thought that's my job as an older brother. Something that I almost missed out on half of my childhood. I'm trying hard on finding what to do in my life. I don't want to follow in your footsteps, join my friends in whatever they want to do in their lives, or plan to become a college dropout. But at the same time, I just don't want to lose the reason why I want to be a better older brother to Kaz."
I can hear my Mom humming after everything I said. "So what you're saying is that you have no clue what to do in your future, correct?"
I sigh in dismay. "I'm saying that I never have a real goal or a dream, both in [Isekai Online] and in real life. So yeah, you're right about that part." I can feel myself sinking down into my seat just thinking about it. "Do you think I'm the only Palmer here who doesn't have a future? You have your journalist job, Dad has his AI toys to play with, Kazuki is enjoying his fantasy life in [Isekai], and I have nothing but studies and homework to worry about. It's like I can't find any interests no matter what I do and I feel like I'm running out of time. I just...feel lost in my thoughts for my future. I tried my hardest, yet I feel like I'm winning nothing at the end."
I take a deep breath again after my rant. Even if I let my thoughts out of my head, it doesn't make me feel any better. Especially since the only person who is listening right now is my Mom. I'm expecting her to say that it's a "teenager thing" and...
"Who said you're winning nothing?"
...Eh?
"Hayate Palmer, you've been thinking about this all wrong. I understand your frustrations about what's ahead, but you can't just focus either on your past or future to decide your goals after high school," my Mom said.
"It's...not?" I ask, completely shocked at her sudden 180 from her laid-back mood. Normally, she saves that for whenever we get into a fight, ignore our chores, or break something in the house.
"Yes. In fact, if you truly want to find something you want to do in life, you have to focus on the present, and live your life to the fullest while never worrying about your future. This way, you might be able to catch interest in a hobby or something you enjoy most." My mom stands up and walks to my side before placing her hand on my back. "It's a matter of enjoying your own pace. Even if you can't decide on a college, university, or major, you still have time to find your future. There is no time limit in life and all you can do is live your own life whenever, whatever you want."
I am stunned at what she said. In that one speech, everything I believed in has been thrown out of the window completely. I keep thinking about my past just to ignore my future because my teenage years are about to end with my graduation. Yet she simply said I just need to focus on the present instead. I...don't know what to say about that.
"I've...never thought of that before," I say as I hang my head. "All my life, I stopped thinking about my future because I'm conflicted about what to do because of my childhood seemingly without Kazuki. But now that you tell me to just focus on right now, I just don't know what to do about me and Kaz afterward. I did say I lost most of my childhood with him."
"Again, who said that? Or have you forgotten how you were very happy to be around Kazuki when he was a baby?"
Wait, what?
"I remember that when your Dad tried to teach him to say "Daddy", you got all jealous and challenged him to see which one of your names Kazuki would say as his first word. And in the end, he said your name first."
I raised my eyebrow in confusion. "Huh? I never remember that."
"That's because you were eight years old back then. I'm surprised you forgot about it," my Mom calmly answers as I watch her sipping her coffee. "Out of all of us, you were most active in helping me change his diapers, playing with him, and even learning both Japanese and English. I still have videos of you two watching some preschool shows together."
I'm speechless. I thought I was a bad brother because I ignored him most of my life, but all this time...
"I-I... When did I stop hanging out with Kazu back then?" I asked nervously, still forgetting my childhood at the moment.
"After you started 6th grade in elementary. I remembered you were bullied back then and you stopped hanging out with Kazuki. Do you remember? You had to transfer schools because of it."
Ah. Now I remember. Now I know why I forgot all about it. It's vague, but I now know the reason for those words now echoing in my head from my past.
"Who wants to be friends with a brother complex freak?"
I groan, now recalling everything. Man, now I feel like a jerk for forgetting all of that.
"Right. Those guys harassed me because I kept talking about Kazuki and defending him when they started to mock and insult him behind my back, even when he was 4 years old. I don't know what happened to them after I transferred, but I don't care now. All is in the past and I rather not care about the people who hurt me and Kazuki."
Even if I knew where they are right now, it doesn't matter. What puzzles me is what the hell happened to them after their bullying. Not that I care anymore though.
"Ask the young man who is scared of his past and future to not even decide what college you should take." God, Mom. Why did you have to ruin my moment with that reminder?! "But in all seriousness, the last I heard of them was that they were sent to detention before we decided on your transfer. Either way, you've made the right choice not to worry about them. But if you want to move forward, start thinking about the present. Not in the past or the future. It doesn't matter if you don't have the answers right now. Just live the way you want. Besides..."
To my surprise, Mom starts patting my head. The very same way she did to Kazuki when he did his chores. Or rather, the very same way she did to me up to the year before Kazuki was born.
"Everything you did with Kazuki. It's not a waste. It's not perfect, but you did what you can that Dad and I can't do every day. Protecting and helping your younger brother your way."
Mom... I'm speechless with those last sentences. I'm still dithering about my future. Yet after hearing all of that, I feel a sense of accomplishment. Something I never felt from helping and protecting Kazuki every day both in [Isekai] and school.
"Well then, I should take care of some emails for a moment. Do you have time to clean the dishes while I take care of the work I left on my laptop?"
I hum in thought. I already made my resolution, but just in case...
"I set my game for two hours of [Sleep Mode], so I can try," I answer with a smile.
"Don't worry. I won't be giving too many chores for you to do alone this time. After this, we should start planning your brother's birthday before you get back to your game. Of course, we can do that in your bedroom. Even if Kazuki is about to become 12, we can't leave him to his own devices in that game, right?"
I keep my smile. Yeah, this is enough to help me relax before the rematch. Preparing for Kazuki's incoming independence and my resolve for myself as a brother and an individual.
"It's better than doing last-minute shopping."