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One for sorrow. two for joy
"I'm so sorry, Y/N."
~A few hours after the incident~
[5:37 am]
One for sorrow
Two for joy
Three for a girl
Four for a boy
Five for silver
Six for gold
Seven for a secret never to be told
It was useless. The poetry book in the hospital's dim waiting room provided no solace, its words failing to alleviate the weight of concern pressing down on you. As you tried to come to terms with the tragic events unfolding, the absence of hope felt suffocating. Your mind raced, trying to distract itself from the bad situation unfolding in the surgery room where Marco fought for his life. Reiner and Bertolt, equally anxious, sitting by your side, their concern the same as yours. They too feared the loss of a friend. Reiner had informed others, though most were likely still asleep, unaware of the events gripping you all. Suddenly, footsteps approached, accompanied by a familiar voice—Eren's. Your tear-filled eyes met his, silently conveying the depth of your anguish. "What happened?" He sits next to you, his arm moving around your shoulders. You couldn't speak, the lump in your throat was too great to even choke out a singular word. Reiner spoke for you, knowing you hadn't said a word the entire time that you were here. It wasn't going to change.
Reiner explained what he knew and what he had observed when they found you and Marco desperately screaming for help. An ambulance was quick to arrive at the scene, escorting you all into the vehicle. Marco was still breathing the entire journey as the paramedics tried their best to resuscitate him. There was a small amount of hope.
Eren and Reiner stayed by your side, they were both comforting you. They knew what you had seen had traumatised you.
"Friends of Marco Bodt?" A doctor emerged. All of your heads look up, signalling the doctor over. "Good morning, I just wanted to let you know that the surgery was successful."
Your eyes lit up with hope but that was until the doctor continued, "Unfortunately, he is still in critical condition. He won't be awake for a couple of hours, you'll be able to see him soon. I advise you all to go home and come back, you must be tired." He smiled to try and reassure you all, walking away down the hallway leading to the surgical suits. You looked over at Reiner and Bertolt, "You guys don't have to stay but I am." They both nodded, "Are you sure?" Reiner asked with his brows knitted together in concern. "Don't worry, I'll stay with Y/N," Eren assured the two males. They agreed and said their "goodbyes" to you both.
"You don't have to stay, Eren. I'll be fine," you sighed. "No, I'm staying. whether you like it or not," he leant back into the uncomfortable chair. "I think you need someone here, you've been through hell tonight."
You broke a small smile at his kind gesture, he truly was a great guy. "Okay."
He returned the smile and wrapped his arm back around you, he was there to support you. No matter what.
__________
Jean's Pov.
[Hey Alexa, Play 'Glimpse of Us' by Joji]
As he gradually emerged from the depths of sleep, a throbbing ache pulsed through his head, a reminder of the amount he had drank that night. His surroundings slowly came into focus: scattered clothes thrown across the floor, the soft sunlight of dawn peeking through the curtains. Casting a weary glance around the room, his gaze landed on Pieck, her form peaceful in slumber beside him, her arm draped lightly over his torso. Yet, despite her comforting presence, his thoughts stubbornly gravitated towards you.
Every detail of the previous evening played out in his mind like a haunting reel, each frame tinged with the bittersweet ache of longing. He attempted to find solace in Pieck's closeness to him, in the warmth of her touch, in her persistent affection. But amidst it all, an insatiable craving for you chewed at his heartstrings, a longing that refused to be quieted.
Leaning back against the headboard, he released a heavy sigh, the image of you vivid in his mind. He could almost feel the rush of emotions that would accompany your presence. Yet, mingled with this uncertainty, was an unmistakable ache of guilt, a weighty burden born of conflicted desires.
He loved Pieck. Yet, it was a love tempered by shadows, overshadowed by the enduring feelings he held for you. In the quiet of the early morning, amidst the remainder of a night's intoxication, he grappled with the rough storm of emotions raging within him, torn between loyalty and longing, between the love he had and the love he yearned for. He could never love Pieck the way he loved you.
His heart loved you.
His heart yearned for you.
His heart broke for you.
When he witnessed you and Eren drawing closer last night, he couldn't help but feel a pang of longing, wishing it was him in Eren's place. Your presence consumed his thoughts, making him yearn for every moment he spent with you. It's as if nothing else matters when he's with you, as if the universe itself fades into nothing. Just him and you. He feels like his very purpose revolves around you like he was meant for you in every single goddam way.
When he first met Pieck, he couldn't help but search for any resemblance, no matter how faint, of you in her. Every conversation, every touch, every shared moment, he clung to in hopes of finding a piece of you within her. It was a desperate attempt to bridge the void that had grown in his heart since you left.
The guilt that washed over him was overwhelming, engulfing him in a wave of remorse that threatened to suffocate him. He knew it was wrong to compare Pieck to you, to seek solace in her presence when his heart still longed for yours. The conflicting emotions tore at him, leaving him drained and lost in a sea of uncertainty. His mind raced in circles, trying to make sense of his feelings. Ever since you had re-entered his life, everything had changed. The world he had built for himself had crumbled in an instant, replaced by a storm of emotions he thought he had buried deep within.
As he sat, his hands pressed against his ears in an attempt to silence the chaos within, he found himself torn between two worlds. His care for Pieck was genuine, a connection that had grown over time. But his feelings for you remained steadfast, a love that had never truly faded, even in the years of absence.
The internal battle raged on, each side pulling at his heart with equal force. The conflict weighed heavily on him, a burden he carried with a heavy heart. The pain of leaving you all those years ago resurfaced, intertwining with the confusion and longing that now consumed him. In the quiet solitude of his thoughts, he grappled with the choices before him, each one with its own set of consequences. The decision he was about to make would not only shape his future but also the lives of those around him. And as he wrestled with his emotions, he knew that whatever path he chose, it was impossible to make everyone around him happy.
He uncovered his ears, his mind quieting down as he reached over for his phone, scrolling through any emails or messages. That was until he saw a message that made his entire mind silent. "Marco..." he choked out. He abruptly got up and started chucking on his clothes from the night before. Not wasting a single second.
Pieck woke up at the sound of his shuffling and scuffling, "Jean, where are you going?"
He looked over, meeting her gaze, "Something happened to Marco. I'm going to the hospital."
Pieck's eyes widened, "Oh shit, I'm coming with you," She quickly got up from the bed, chucking on some random clothes from the closet. "Alright," he nodded in agreement.
They both hopped into Jean's black Mercedes, he switched on the car, put the car into gear, and quickly drove off.
A couple of minutes passed and he looked over to Pieck sat next to him in the passenger seat. "Who are you texting?" He raised a brow, gaze averting back to the road. "Reiner, he's filling me in on what happened. Y/N was with Marco when he got attacked."
His eyes widen, the colour draining out of his face. "Is she okay?" Jean asked concerned, his heart pounding loudly inside his chest. "Yeah, she's fine. She pushed Marco in front of her to protect herself." Pieck said, her tone seeming upset. "She what?" He gritted his teeth, his blood starting to boil, he didn't want to believe it. "There's no way she would do that."
"I don't know, Jean. You don't always know people, she could've changed over the years." She spoke, while still texting, her eyes not leaving the phone. "And that's what Reiner said? He saw it."
She nodded in response, "Yeah, apparently."
"Key word, Pieck. 'Apparently'. Is it true or what?" He glared over at her for a moment. "That's what he said. I don't think Reiner would lie." She met his eyes, showing the text messages on her phone. "I guess..." He frowned.
________
Your Pov
You stared ahead blankly, your heart still racing, your body filled with worry. Eren had gone up to go to the hospital cafeteria to get you a coffee and some kind of food. You glanced down at your phone as you felt it buzz, you saw a notification from Connie.
Cornetto
Hey, I heard what happened. I'm so sorry, I'll be at the hospital with Sasha as soon as she wakes up. I hope you're okay 💙
You
I'm okay, thank you. Just shaken up, I'll see you soon🫶🏻
Your anticipation rose as the moment drew nearer, yet a sense of helplessness still lingered in the air.
As two familiar faces, Jean and Pieck, came into view, your heart skipped a beat. Jean's expression betrayed his inner turmoil, and although you had a hunch about the reason, you had no idea about the real reason that he believed. Pieck's solemn expression, clutching a bouquet for Marco, mirrored the heaviness in the air. They approached in silence, Pieck conveying Jean's unspoken emotions. "I can't believe it," she murmured, passing the flowers to Jean.
Unable to find words, you cast your gaze lowered, avoiding the inevitable confrontation. With a swift reason, Pieck departed, leaving you alone with Jean and the weight of unspoken words.
A sigh escapes your lips as you scramble to find the words, "This shouldn't have happened..." You spoke solemnly. "It's your fault. You know that right?" He looked at you with narrow eyes. "What?" You choked out, not believing what you had just heard. "I said what I said," his gaze left you as he looked ahead.
It left you speechless, your expression filled with even more hurt than before.
It wasn't long until Eren returned with two coffees and granola bars. "Oh Jean, hey. Good to see you," he nodded at him. Handing over the coffee and granola to you, "Thank you..."
Jean nodded in acknowledgement as he greeted Eren, the shadows of concern etched on his face. "Yeah, it's good to see you. Any idea when we can go in and see Marco?"
Eren's response was tinged with a touch of frustration. "Not yet. Hopefully, we won't have to wait much longer."
Jean's grip on the bouquet of flowers tightened as he leaned back in his chair, the weight of worry settling in his chest. The uncertainty of the situation weighed heavily on him, a mix of impatience and fading hope clouding his thoughts. His frustration bubbled to the surface, spilling out in a torrent of emotions. "I don't get how you're not angry at Y/N. She's the reason he is in this hospital," Jean's voice quivered with a blend of anger, hurt, and confusion, the words laced with bitterness and accusation. The sudden accusation caught both you and Eren off guard, your expressions mirroring a mix of surprise and disbelief. The version of events that Jean seemed to believe was a far cry from the truth as you knew it. Eren's disbelief was palpable as he retorted, "What the hell are you on about, man? Y/N didn't do anything. They're both victims in this."
Jean's response was sharp, his tone cutting through the tense air. "Reiner said to Pieck that he saw Y/N push Marco in front of her." The accusation hung in the air, heavy and suffocating as you blinked in utter disbelief, the weight of the accusation settling like a stone in the pit of your stomach. Eren's eyebrows furrowed in confusion, his disbelief mirroring your own. The accusation was unfathomable, a sharp contrast to the truth as you knew it. "You really believe I would do that? That's not what happened at all," you stated firmly, your voice laced with a mix of hurt and frustration. The truth was crystal clear in your mind, the betrayal of trust evident in Jean's misguided accusations.
The air in the room crackled with tension, the weight of misunderstanding and misplaced blame casting a shadow over the once solid bond between friends. As the truth unravelled, it became clear that the real battle lay not only in the physical wounds of the past but in the emotional scars that threatened to tear them apart. The truth, tangled in a web of lies and deceit, was a bitter pill to swallow, leaving a bitter taste in their mouths as they grappled with the harsh reality of the situation at hand.
In the wake of Jean's accusation, a heavy silence fell over the room, thick with tension and unspoken truths. Eren's gaze shifted between you and Jean, his eyes filled with a mix of disbelief and frustration. The bond of trust that had once held their friendship together now seemed fragile, teetering on the brink of collapse. "I can't believe you would think that of me, Jean," you spoke softly, your voice tinged with hurt and disappointment. The weight of the accusation hung heavy on your shoulders, a bitter reminder of the fragile nature of trust.
Jean's expression softened, a flicker of doubt crossing his features. "I... I don't know what to think anymore," he muttered, his voice tinged with regret. The realization of his misplaced blame weighed heavily on him, a burden he now had to carry. "I guess I feel guilty. Marco doesn't deserve it. I just wanted an answer to the situation, I didn't want to believe it." He knew that as soon as he met your eyes and you spoke the truth, he believed you.
Eren's voice cut through the tense silence, his tone firm and resolute. "We need to focus on finding out the truth, not casting blame." His words echoed in the room. "I don't understand why Reiner would say that though?" Eren added to his point.
You knew what you were going to say next could strike a chord in Jean but you know that Pieck had it out for you. "You don't think that Pieck would've lied?" Eren spoke before you, it made you feel relief that he had said what you were thinking. Jean blinked in disbelief, his mind was doing laps, and he felt extremely conflicted. He actually was aware that Pieck had a habit of lying about very serious things, he knew full well about the Hitch situation that happened not too long ago.
It wasn't long until Pieck returned, Jean standing to meet her gaze, his full of anger, he didn't know what to believe.
As the tension lingered in the hospital waiting room, Jean's frustration only grew stronger. With a sense of determination in his eyes, he approached Pieck, her gaze flickering nervously between him and the ground. Eren and you sat in concern about how this conversation would turn out.
"Pieck," Jean's voice was steady, firm, as he stood in front of her. "I need to talk to you about what you told Reiner about Y/N and Marco."
Pieck's eyes widened in surprise, her act of calmness disappearing for a brief moment before she composed herself. "I don't know what you're talking about, Jean," she replied. Jean narrowed his eyes, the certainty in his gut growing stronger as he saw through her facade. "Don't lie to me, Pieck. You told me that you Reiner saw Y/N push Marco in front of her. That's not true, and you know it." Pieck's composure cracked, a flicker of fear crossing her features before she regained her demeanour. "I... I must have misunderstood," she stuttered, a hint of defensiveness creeping into her voice. She had been caught out.
But Jean could see through her lie, the truth shining bright in his mind as he spoke with conviction, "You're lying, Pieck. Why would you say something like that? What do you have to gain from lying?"
Pieck's eyes darted away, her gaze avoiding Jean's piercing stare. The tension in the room was so thick, that it felt foggy, the weight of deceit hanging heavy in the air. And then, with a sudden burst of frustration, Her voice laced with defiance as she retorted, "I have nothing to gain from lying. I- uh."
The air crackled with tension as Pieck stormed out of the waiting room, leaving behind a sense of betrayal and unease. Jean watched her retreating figure, a mix of sadness and anger brushed down him. As the echoes of her footsteps faded, Jean took a deep breath. He trailed himself back to his seat, sitting back down between you and Eren.
As time went by it became obvious that she wasn't going to come back, luckily none of you wanted her to. No one said much as you waited in that bleak room, it felt deathly quiet even though there were so many other people there. Jean at one point whispered in your ear, "I'm so sorry, Y/N."
You frowned, feeling a bit sorry for him, "It's okay. She's your girlfriend, of course, you wanted to believe her..."
"That's the thing—I didn't want to. I shouldn't have been so quick to blame you," he sighed, his tired eyes meeting yours with a softness that spoke volumes. "It's okay, I understand," you reassured him, taking a leap of faith by temporarily putting yourself on the line. You reached over and gently held his hand, his gaze shifting down to where your fingers intertwined. A small smile graced his lips, mirrored by your own. You felt tingles go up your hand to all the way up your arm, his touch felt electrifying.
_________
An hour passed and the doctor told you that you could visit him, he was awake but was on a butt-load of drugs so the things he was saying to you all made you laugh. Connie and Sasha had arrived and were really taking advantage of it. The poor guy. Not like he was going to remember it when he next sees us all.
Before you were going to leave to let him rest, he lightly grabbed your hand. You turned around and stepped closer to him, "Are you okay?" He weakly spoke. "I'm okay, I'm just glad that you are," you smiled at him. The amount of relief that washed over your body knowing that he was going to be okay. "You should rest too," he smiled weakly, his eyes feeling heavy. "I will, I'll see you soon." Your grip on his hand tightened. "Yeah, I'll see you," he nodded, letting go of your hand.
You said your goodbyes and walked out of the room, Jean had waited back for you, but the others had already gone ahead.
"I'm glad he is okay," you looked up at Jean. "I'm glad he's okay too," Jean replied with a forced smile, sensing the relief in your voice. "Hey, how about I take you out for dinner tonight? You know, just friends hanging out."
You furrowed your brow slightly, sensing Jean's nervousness. "Just friends?" you questioned gently. Jean hesitated for a moment before nodding. "Yeah, just friends. It'll be fun, I promise."
Just friends. Words you both hated saying to each other. You wished it was more.
As you both walked out of the hospital, a sense of uncertainty lingered in the air, but you appreciated Jean's attempt to offer comfort in the form of a simple dinner outing.
As much as you wanted to be more than friends, he was still with Pieck. Even despite the fact she had constructed a lie that could've had serious consequences.
The feeling as though the universe was trying to send you a message. Maybe it was trying to tell you that the obstacles and challenges, you and Jean weren't meant to be together. Yet, despite this nagging doubt, there was an undeniable pull between you, a mutual desire that refused to be ignored.
You couldn't shake the feeling that fate was toying with your emotions, weaving a tangled web of uncertainty around your relationship. But amidst the confusion, there was a glimmer of hope. You were starting to not doubt your feelings. You knew that you wanted him but it was never that easy.
As you replayed the events of the day in your mind, you couldn't deny the depth of your connection with Jean. Despite the setbacks and doubts, there was an unspoken understanding between you, a bond that transcended mere words. Perhaps the universe was testing your will, challenging you to trust in the strength of your feelings. And as you pondered these thoughts, you longed for just the same way he longed for you.
But neither of you could bring yourselves to say it aloud. Pride stood between you like an impossible wall, shielding your hearts from the vulnerability of confessing your true feelings. Despite the overwhelming desire to open up, the fear of what could be lost held you back. The thought of Pieck's potential to shatter the life you had worked so hard to build weighed heavily on your mind, leaving you hoping for Jean with an ache that seemed to grow with each passing moment.
If only life were as simple as wishing upon a star, maybe then you could have what your heart truly longed for.
_________
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