It was a quick trip to retrieve the few things Drea wanted. Now with the everything secured in the trunk, my eyes droop as we get closer to home. Drea, on the other hand, passed out shortly after we'd gotten onto the highway.
Familiar buildings make their appearance, lights smearing and smudging together into puddle of color. My phone buzzes in my pocket, illuminating the seat.
I sigh, picking it up and taking a glance.
"I want to respect your wishes but I would like to see you one last time."
-Ethan
I shake my head and move to click my phone off but hesitate.
My eyes wander through the messages I had merely skimmed for the past couple days.
A twinge of guilt courses through me and I can't help to miss the feel of him.
I acknowledge how out of control my mind has been lately but can't muster the energy to dissect it. My heart feels differently everyday about everything and my brain is getting exhausted taking it seriously.
Now all I crave is the thought of what Ethan once was to me.
Before I had found out about his relationship. That is when my feelings began to get flaky.
Perhaps it could have been the traumatizing series of events leading up to that discovery, but I push it all aside and bring my thumbs to the keyboard.
Before I can psych myself out, I allow my thumbs to do the thinking.
"Okay."
-Paige's iPhone
I squeeze my eyes shut, already kicking myself for it. I'll regret this more than I can fathom. I can already feel it bubbling in the back of my mind.
The pressure of thoughts negating themselves is enough to bring tears to my eyes. I can't even leave the house without dad being aware.
Of course I come across this issue once I'm with the responsible parent.
I glance to Drea in her peaceful slumber and relax my shoulders. I'll talk to her about this tomorrow and perhaps we could offer each other comfort.
My phone turns off on its own accord and I allow it to drop back into the seat between my sprawled legs. We pull to a stop and I peer through the window to see the familiar, cozy diner.
It's definitely grown on me just as much as Joe's. An air of comfort surrounds it, especially with dad taking charge.
"Alright, girls, I hope you're hungry." His voice is cheerful and tired, much similar to the expression on Drea's face as she rubs her eyes clear and comes to her own realization.
"I dig a good burger right now." I say, my mood lifting and previous destructive thoughts diminishing as I make sure Drea's gained consciousness.
"Mmm." She hums, unbuckling her seatbelt and stretching. "That does sound good."
Dad is the first to open his door, followed by Drea, then myself. Getting out is a bit disorientating, reminding me of when we'd take bathroom breaks on a long road trip.
My groggy eyes appreciate the dim lighting, as does any nerves that were still struggling to settle.
Dad holds the door open for us, circling behind us. We both look to him when the host approaches us, "How many tonight?"
Our relief is obvious when he holds up three fingers and nods to her in appreciation.
Once we are seated and our drinks our ordered, we sit in a tired silence.
Drea's head is supported by her hand, eyes looking glassy and ready for a good nights rest. Dad himself sports slumped shoulders and an expression of exhaustion.
I feel how they both look.
I reach for my phone only to realize that I left it in the car.
"Aw, shit, I'll be right back." I say, breaking them both from their blank gazes at the table.
"Is everything okay, sweetheart?" Dad asks, only a little concerned.
"Yea, I just forgot my phone. Trivia Crack isn't going to play itself." I respond, but dad stops me before I can stand.
"That's alright, I can go grab it." He offers and I give him a smile, nodding in acceptance.
It isn't until I'm watching him open the door to his car through the diner windows until I remember my earlier conversation with he-who-shall-not-be-named.
I hold my breath, feeling a bit lightheaded by that epiphany. I can only hope that either Ethan hasn't responded yet or dad doesn't sneak a peek at my phone.
Keeping my eyes glued to him, he doesn't look at the screen once. My anxiety spikes when he steps out of my line of sight the closer he gets to the doors.
I clutch my fingers together and wait until he walks in. He turns the corner and makes his way to us, holding my phone in the opposite hand he had grabbed it with moments ago.
I feel my heart drop, hoping he just switched hands to grab the door or something. Either way, the detail stresses me out until he takes a seat with a neutral expression.
"Thank you for grabbing that for me." I force a lighthearted tone and reach for my device. Just before I can get ahold of it, he pulls it from my grasp.
"I think we should talk about the message waiting for you." His face is somber and shoulder much more tense than they were when we had first walked in.
"Uh...what message?" I ask nervously, knowing playing dumb won't help this matter.
"Disregarding the message from an 'Ethan'—which we will discuss later—I would like to know why your mother believes that you are going to be living with her." His firmness bleeds into hesitation, "Were you wanting to stay with her after her discharge?"
I take a second to absorb what he'd said. I had began preparing myself for a whole different subject, but this strikes me more intensely than if he had made the connection with Ethan and Mr. Halloway being the same person.
"I—I" My throat closes at the thought, what dad must be thinking right now. "Dad, I genuinely have no idea what you're talking about. I haven't talked to mom since...since she was in the hospital."
He sighs, looking disappointed. "Don't be afraid to hurt my feelings, sweetheart. I can't say I understand, but I will support whatever decision you make. I'll warn you of her state but..."
His pained expression is enough for me to interrupt him.
"Dad, no. Please trust me when I say that I don't want to do that. Ever. I know full well how batshit crazy she is—" I pause when he gives a warning look but continue, "We have our own thing going, anyway. You and Drea are my family now."
I smile and snake one hand to place over Dreas and the other to rest on dads forearm.
"Okay, well you may have to tell your mother that." He responds, sliding my phone over the table.
"Hi hun! I'm feeling a lot better so they'll be releasing me in now time. I can't wait to see you and your beautiful face. I'll be home in no time. Maybe when I'm out we can go get ice cream and have that spa day"
-Mom
The message saddens me the more I read it. When I get to the end, a tear springs to my eye.
Her mentioning our long-lost spa day was meant to hit a nerve. It was a targeted attack against my emotions and I know it.
"You don't have to worry about me ever going back to mom. I don't think I can look at her ever again." I mutter and click my phone off before dropping it to the table with a clank.
Drea moves her hand, catching my attention. Her worried look earns a head shake from me.
"Paige?" Dad asks, sounding a bit upset.
Before I get the chance to reply, our food arrives and is placed in front of us.
As delicious as it looks and smells, I can't find my lost appetite. That pisses me off even more.
The newfound distaste with my dinner choice puts me in more of a sour mood than before. Drea picks at her food as well. Dad has no trouble digging into his steak, his chewing the main topic of conversation now.
I munch on a fry as Drea begins her main course as well.
Ten minutes pass and I've gotten half my fries down as thoughts of mom fill my claustrophobic head.
Once again, I'm occupied by the constant stress from mom and Ethan. They seem to always want to wiggle their way into my anxieties.
I pick my phone back up to view my only other unread message.
"Okay, you tell me when and where and I'll be there."
-Ethan
My eyes skim over it in thought before I turn my phone back off without answering. I'll worry about him tomorrow.
I feel like putting these issues on the back burner let's them fester and boil over but my energy levels can't take it. My body feels strung out more so than ever and once again, I plummet into the dark fog that's settled in the back of my brain.
With another sigh, I scoot forward to sip my Dr. Pepper.