Wisteria Eyed

52

Warning:
Descriptions of Anxiety Attack and Existential crisis.
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Last night had been a long night.
But the day that followed after was even longer — especially with all the fussing that people around me were doing.

My foul mood and fragile psyche didn't help much either as I silently let everyone fuss over me while they tended to the few of the wounds (not more than scratches or so) on me.

It wasn't like I didn't appreciate their worries or felt irritated by them, no. It was just that their unneeded worries made me feel uncomfortable and I still had a lot left to process.

And I wasn't getting the time nor space to do that, among all these worried gazes from the Kakushis, Inosuke, Zenitsu as well as Uzui and his wives.

'Thank goodness that Tanjiro passed out or else he would have joined them too.'

A deep sigh left my lips as I closed my eyes and rubbed my warm face; my temperature was currently increasing with each passing minute due to the fever I was coming down with while my body tried its best to fight the poison running havoc in my veins.

And while that was well and good since that means I was getting better, this fever came with other symptoms as well; which included nausea and inflammation in every joint in my body along with feeling lightheaded enough to not be able to stand properly.

The bigger problem, however, was trying to convince others that I was fine and all these symptoms were because of the poison, which should be resolved soon considering my blood and its otherworldly properties.

"Miyasha-san—"

"I'm fine, Shinobu-san, I assure you." I almost sighed out loud as I literally held her hands in mine, "I'm not dying — I won't die this easily and there is nothing to be done to make my current condition better either. My body is fighting to purify my blood and these symptoms prove it. Being sick is the first step to getting better, you know that, right?"

I watched silently as the flustered Insect Hashira opened her mouth to say something before closing it to nod and look at our joint hands.
Oops.

"Ah, I'm sorry for—"

"No!" Shinobu snatched my retreating hands back into hers, surprising me quite a bit with her action, "It's, it's fine." There was something in her expression that made me hesitant to question her about her behaviour, "I apologise, Miyasha-san. I was just worried about you... so much so that I forgot that you are more well-versed in it than I am."

"It's absolutely fine, don't worry," I didn't correct her on her assumption since I didn't want to extend the topic to something longer, "Just, can you please let me handle my own case? I'll be much obliged if I'm given, uh, more space to recover and at my own pace, I hope you understand."

Shinobu answered affirmatively before asking me some basic questions regarding what medications I needed and what prescriptions would be best to suggest to those affected by the demonic poison since the damage done by the poison couldn't be resolved by simple detoxification.

While Shinobu had expertise in medicines and (by extension) poisons, my expertise was in human biology — specifically in blood, muscles and organs. Add my anti-demonic blood to that factor and you'll find the best pair of doctors to cure anyone affected by the demonic poison.

'I wish Tamayo-nee was here,' I couldn't help but think as we quickly discussed the symptoms of the slayers and my diagnosis of them, 'Her expertise in human physiology would have aided us even more.'

After a quick discussion, Shinobu left me alone in my room, finally giving me the space I so desperately needed. In fact, the sudden silence following her departure made me physically slump down as I finally let myself relax.

Or rather, break down as the anxiety building up in my chest increased even more while I tried my best to rewind and categorise what exactly I had found out about the incident by writing it down in my journal.

A humourless laugh escaped my lips as I noticed my handwriting getting worse with each word; my trembling hands making the words difficult to understand as I soon gave up attempting to write completely. I was currently on the edge of an anxiety attack — with my body feeling as cold as ice while feeling none of it while I trembled with nervousness.

'However,' I chuckled again as I curled in, 'I'm still only over the edge, not falling through yet.'

And how ironic was that?
How ironic was it that the news of the reason behind my mother's death was not enough to make me cry and send me over the edge?

How ironic was it that I was more anxious and panicked about the fact that it was my cursed existence that caused their death rather than mourning the fact that they were dead in the first place?

Another couple of chuckles escaped my lips as I weaved my fingers roughly through my already messy hair to somewhat calm myself. Which I wasn't successful in doing so either.

Fucking pathetic.

Selfish, pathetic, coward — I was such a fucking pathetic human who couldn't even care for her own family, let alone mourn for them properly.

I felt absolutely nothing as I kept trembling through the buzzing thoughts in my mind; each thought was as strong as the last but none made sense since all of them passed through in a blur.

'I feel nothing for them.'
That was the only thought that echoed again and again in my mind in an accusatory tone as I kept trying to find anything to feel.

I hated how I felt nothing except anxiety — I felt no regret, sadness or even anger at the fact that Daki literally ate my mother and left the rest to some third-grade demons.

'Maybe I should've just died there, too.'

Maybe that's how it was supposed to be; the original Miyasha dying there and leaving no ripples in the original plot.

Or maybe all this was just someone's twisted imagination for the fun of their readers as they played with my life like some badly written fanfiction.

Another humourless chuckle escaped my lips as I finally felt tears flow down my face, my hands and already tattered haori getting even redder as blood in the form of tears flowed from my eyes.

I had no words to describe how I felt right now — the disappointment, the hate and the disgust that reflected back at me with my every thought. It was not just painful but jarring as I reevaluated my very existence as it was.

'What do I even bring to the plot except for useless complications?'

Everything that I did up until now was nothing the main cast couldn't have already achieved — I brought nothing to the table except being a useless attachment to the already scripted story.

'How could I even have a role in a story I wasn't supposed to exist in the first place?'

Maybe that was why Uzui stopped me from joining the mission because I wasn't supposed to have a role in the first place.

My existence in itself is absurd.

'Maybe I should just leave for somewhere no one could find me.'

Yes. A place where I was away from the plot — from the scripted part where I didn't exist.

A place where I could be isolated and away from people and just... stay away so that I couldn't hurt people; so that my existence couldn't hurt people.

'No one would miss me either.'

Why would anyone? I didn't add anything to the plot; I didn't mean much to anyone either way—

"Please come with us! Having you with me gives me confidence!"

An involuntary smile spread on my lips as Tanjiro's words echoed in my head; the very ones that left me speechless and touched when I first heard them while I went through an existential crisis at his very stupid decision at the time.

My mind slowly reeled with the memories of the three stooges as I took in deep breaths; even the memory of their antics helped me get through my anxiety attack.

Tanjiro's unknowingly sweet words.

"You can talk to me, Aneki. I am always here and I'll visit you every day when you need me."

Zenitsu's warm words.

"Just sit down here and stop whatever you are doing! Lord Inosuke and his minions will protect you!"

And Inosuke's caring but crazy words — all of them reminded me once again why I was doing what I was doing and why I couldn't leave the plot behind.

'Not to mention, I got the twins stuck in this plot as a one-way to the graveyard as well.'

That thought sobered me up instantly as I took another deep breath and rubbed the blood off my hands and face.

In all honesty, while I knew my current thoughts were very extreme in their nature, I couldn't find any of them lacking truth.

It was because of my intervention that the twins somehow ended up in the middle of the plot and it was because of me only that they would have to face the Upper Demon Moons as well as Muzan. And it would only be because of me that they would most probably die on the battlefield.

And I, as always, would be able to do nothing but stand helplessly in the corner.

That was the harsh truth that I subconsciously knew and yet somehow still struggled to accept.

"I like how I feel now and your words. I like myself better when I'm with you."

And then there was Giyuu; the mere thought of whom now made my chest ache as I realised how much unattainable he was. And how shameless I was to even think I could have him.

I hated how much they all mattered to me and yet I couldn't even reach out to them or tell them the truth. For the first time in years, I found myself wishing I could just talk to someone about all this.

About everything.
I hated keeping these secrets but I knew I had no option but to keep them as such.

Because even if I did tell them, I knew no one would believe me.

'And even if they did,' I felt my eyes water again, 'There is no one who wouldn't hate me for not preventing all the tragedies I knew were to happen.'

The realization of the reality of the thought made me laugh as tears flowed down my eyes again while I contemplated the tragedy of my life.

(~×~)

Three days.
It had been three days since Tanjiro and his group returned after facing the Upper Demon Moon.

And it also had been three days since Shinobu had seen or even heard anything about or from Miyasha.

"Miyasha-san?" She gently knocked on the door to Miyasha's allotted room, hating the absolute silence from the other side, "Here's your food! Please... Please just have some this time."

Shinobu's voice trailed off as she knew the person behind the door was most likely not listening to her, with everything that she had noticed.

It has been three days since Miyasha had isolated herself in her room, which, while not being locked, was mostly left alone to give her space as everyone respected her too much to not do so.

And while Shinobu respected that too, she was worried more; especially since it had been almost two days since Miyasha completely stopped eating and had holed herself in her room without even leaving or talking to anyone.

The only reason Shinobu was not intervening yet was because of the fact that she knew Miyasha was alive (she had gone into her room to check on her) and that she was mostly spending her time sleeping than doing anything else.

Or rather, forcefully sleeping, if what Shinobu observed was right.

Miyasha's mental state was not in the best condition and it could clearly be seen through her actions; if not that, then Zenitsu's anxious comments about her 'heartwrenching sounds' did confirm it for her.

However, Shinobu gave a last worried look at the wooden door; this was not her place to step in. Nor was it the time.

(~×~)

I caressed my journal pages as I reread what I had written in it for the past few years — only a few of them being details about the plot of the manga while the rest was filled with memories of my past life.

A smile ghosted on my lips as I read about the dreams I had of my sister, recounting the memories of a life I missed but could never visit again.

The pain of losing not only your identity but also the whole world of what you used to be was something I could never explain or properly pen down. The best I could do was say that it was a dull ache which ghosted in my mind and body before vanishing as if it never existed; as if it was a lie.

And the only thing that could be held as its witness was my memories which I was scared of fading away with age.

'Maybe I should've just died.'

It wasn't the first time I thought that and it wouldn't be the last either. And while I may not know much about the truth behind it, I did know that the frequency of this thought had increased jarringly in the past week I had cooped myself up in my room.

And that only made it sound truer to me the more it kept reappearing.

I chuckled again at the contradiction of my thoughts before finally putting away my journal and grabbing my uniform to change into it after a quick bath.

It had been a week since I had properly done anything humane, including eating, bathing or even talking and it showed as I stumbled while getting off the bed due to the weakness in my body.

A deep sigh escaped my lips as I forced myself to stand and walk despite my swirling vision; my only aim being to quickly move past the bed to the side table and eat something up to at least give me enough energy to not fall over.

While I did know I was left (given) food daily at the door like this, I never really paid much attention to it until today when Shinobu came in apologising and bearing the news that Oyakata-sama was asking for me for the past two days.

And while I couldn't have cared less if it was someone else, I would be hunted down by the Hashiras if I disrespected Oyakata-sama in any way.

'Not that I don't want to go to him either.'

I had a few questions that I needed to ask and a few steps I needed to resolve for the future and all started with talking to Oyakata-sama.

Unfortunately, it meant that I had to get out of bed and act like a human being again.

I heaved an undeserved sigh while stuffing my face with food quickly, most of which went unregistered in my mind as even eating appeared like an unnecessary chore to me.

My nausea didn't help it either. However, I knew that if I didn't eat then it'll only get worse.

Once I was done with my food and water, I instantly took off with my uniform to the bathroom downstairs to wash up. However, the residual pain in my right hand's wrist surprised me as I tried to use it as my dominant hand.

'I almost forgot about it.'
Not moving from the bed for a week would do that to you.

I huffed a humourless laugh before flinching as I tried to open the door with my right hand again. I was a creature of habit and it showed.

Shaking my head, I shifted to use my left hand consciously while I quickly washed myself up.

I noticed belatedly how long my hair already was, its length now reaching much beyond my shoulders; almost down the level of my armpit? Damn.

And while it may not be much of a surprise to others, it sure was to me as it made me realize how much time had passed since all this started. It made me feel oddly melancholic.

I hated it.

But what I hated more was how weak my body currently felt — especially with all the body aches still lingering in my muscles and joints.

Thankfully enough, it was much better than how it was a week ago when my body felt so numb and tired in addition to all the pain it went through because of the fucking poison.

Even the thought of it made me shiver as I clearly remembered the boiling yet itchy sensation that I felt simmering beneath my skin. It drove me nuts since no painkiller worked nor did the Wisteria essence do much to curb it, except soothe it down to the bit where I was at least able to sleep through it.

Honestly, sleeping through it was the only way I was able to get through that horrendous poison with little to no pain.

Okay, the pain part might be a lie, but sleeping was the best thing I could do, honestly.

'Not to mention,' I straightened up the collar of my uniform as I looked into the mirror of the changing room beside the bathroom, 'My body got the sleep it needed and now feels much more refreshed than before.'

The week-long loafing around gave my mind and body a much-needed break. And while I was not able to recover completely yet, I was much better than I was a week ago.

'At least physically I am.'

And I was proven right as I went to the Headquarters without much physical pain but with a lot of mental dread and fatigue.

The unnecessary anxiety and chest pain in addition to it made me want to run away instead of meeting Oyakata-sama.
But even that wasn't a viable option.

"Sarota!" A sudden slap at my back made me wobble, "Woah, you alright? You very pale." I focused on stabilising myself before turning to Uzui, who was looking down at me with a frown.

"I'm fine," I smiled to reassure him, "Just... Still recovering. What about you? How's your eye?" I observed his injured eye, which was now covered by a thick black eyepatch, "Is it still aching? Itching? Did Shinobu remove the stitches already?"

Uzui laughed as he answered, "Yes, yes, my eyes are fine! Eye, rather. Yes, it's aching a bit still but the painkillers help a lot in that. No, it's not itching and Kocho hasn't removed my stitches yet."

"That's good."

His maroon eye looked at me in earnest as he opened his mouth to say something. Unfortunately, he was interrupted by the Ubuyashiki twins as the white-haired kids asked us to step into the mansion for the meeting since Oyakata-sama was not well enough to visit us outside as he usually did.

We both looked at each other before following the kids wordlessly, my eyes wandering around for a while as I took in my new environment.

This was the first time I ever saw the inside of the mansion and that kind of triggered my anxiety even more as I felt something in my chest constrict. Did anyone in the original ever go inside the mansion?

'Maybe they did after the Swordsmen village arc?' I mused before shaking my head and focusing on the children guiding us, 'So young... How old are they? Seven? Eight?'

Their height barely reached my chest, which made me even more aware of how young they were. And yet, they didn't make it past this height when they died in the manga.

"You alright, Sarota?" I was pulled out of my thoughts when Uzui addressed me suddenly, "You look like you have a lot on your mind."

"Well, who doesn't?"

"Not all sad and gloomy like you, though."

His reply made me chuckle as I agreed with him, "I'm alright, I assure you."

"Of all the people who have said they are alright, I haven't seen many who actually were fine."

His words echoed in my mind as we stopped before a room, entering only after being allowed to and bowing instantly as we noticed Oyakata-sama laying on a futon with his wife sitting beside him.

A bitter smile stretched on my lips as I silently agreed with Uzui's previous statement; however, I didn't know if I was in a position to share what I was thinking with others.

Or maybe it would be better to say that I wasn't used to reaching out and didn't know when or whom to do so either.

What a tragic joke I was.

"Tengen, Miyasha." Oyakata-sama's airy voice with a smile made my chest constrict again, "I'm so happy to see you both well and sound, my children."

I silently let Uzui lead the conversation as he greeted Oyakata-sama back enthusiastically yet politely, making me smile when he proudly proclaimed that we were back with positive results as the leader expected.

Oyakata-sama's face expressed a similar expression to mine as he praised us while I belatedly noticed that the discolouration on his face had spread wider down than before.

"Congratulations on defeating an Upper Moon," the sincerity and happiness in his voice were evident as he enthusiastically continued, "You five, no, six have done what we couldn't do for more than a hundred years — I'm proud of you."

His words warmed my heart and strangely calmed my nerves down as both me and Uzui smiled at our frail leader. It was nice being acknowledged like this.

And maybe Uzui felt the same way because he bowed and proclaimed he was only doing his duty as a Hashira.

"It is undeserving of me if I take full credit for leading this mission too," I flinched as I knew what he was going to say, "The four slayers I took with myself were a great help to me — Kamado Nezuko as well, who detoxified the poison in our system before it could do any major harm."

I almost took a breath in relief when he started again, "Sarota Miyasha also helped a lot in the assessment and planning! Her guidance helping me avoid any casualties—"

'For the love of everything, can you please not bring attention onto me right now, Uzui?'
I was not currently in the state to handle such attention and the questions following such attention.

Thankfully enough, Uzui moved away from his humble praising and bragging soon, following which he focused on reporting the details of the mission instead.

And honestly, I did not expect him to be this detailed in his report as he let Oyakata-sama know from the smallest to smallest actions regarding the demon and its tracking.

Even the fact that their neck was detachable and difficult to cut was relayed as both Oyakata-sama and his wife expressed their surprise and dismay.

"However," I decided to add since looking at their worried faces made me feel strange, "They can be decapitated — we did it as well. It might just be harder since they have opted for methods to avoid the slayers from doing so."

"So, what would you suggest a slayer who suddenly comes across such a demon?" Oyakata-sama asked curiously.

"Well," I decided to just wing with it, "I don't think normal demons, which are not a part of Demon Moons, have that protective mechanism. So, I don't think many would have to face such a demon. However, in case they are facing one, it'll be better to use poison against them than drag the fight. That, or very high speed along with brute force to behead the demon."

"I agree," Uzui supported me, "We were only able to defeat the demon siblings and cut their necks because of that only."

He then proceeded to narrate his own observations of the demon during his fight with Gyutaro, making me almost surprised that he was able to observe all that while he was spouting nonsense with them all that time.

That's a very different thing I did not express any of my surprises as I only verbally added a few details here and there to contribute to the conversation; especially when they were discussing Daki and her fighting ability.

"Currently, Kamado is unconscious and so is Hashibira," My eyes widened at Uzui's words, "Only Agatsuma is awake but even he is in recovery. If needed, I can call them and make them report their side, Oyakata-sama."

I completely forgot about the trouble trio while drowning in my own misery. Unfortunately, I couldn't even currently say or ask anything about them either.

Oyakata-sama's smile was as clear as day while he listened to Uzui's clear request, "Your reports are enough, Tengen. Thank you for visiting me even after suffering from such a strenuous fight, Miyasha, Tengen. I hope you two as well as the other three take some time off before going back to your duties."

"Hai, Oyakata-sama." We chorused in reply before Oyakata-sama suddenly beckoned me to come forward.

"Miyasha," his wife helped him sit up straight, "I apologise for the wait but I have found the book I had previously promised to give you. Amane, can you bring the note—"

My heart jumped in my chest when Oyakata-sama suddenly started talking about the book that may have more information about my blood but it soon dropped as he started to cough loudly and harshly — the force behind the coughs violent enough to jerk his whole body while he coughed blood.

"Oyakata-sama!" His wife, whose name I got to know was Amane, instantly took out the handkerchief she was carrying and tried to help him. It took him quite a few minutes to settle down while I and Uzui watched him helplessly.

It was a feeling I hated the most, being in the profession I was in.

"I apologise for the sudden interruption." His unneeded apology pulled my heartstrings as I cemented my resolve to step up rather than watch helplessly like this.

"It's alright, Oyakata-sama. You can just, um, please send it over directly to Butterfly Estate instead," I requested softly before bowing down, "Also, may I, if you shall allow, give you a short... check-up? I'm quite knowledgeable in the field of medication and human physiology, as you already may be aware."

While I may not be able to help him for sure, I could at least give it a try, right?

That was a very different thing that Oyakata-sama and his wife's surprised expression made me doubt for a moment.

"Yes, Oyakata-sama!" Uzui's loud support broke me out of my doubting session, "Sarota is very knowledgeable and accurate in her treatment. Please allow her to look into your condition and help you, even if once."

I could see Amane hesitating before Oyakata-sama grabbed her hand on his arm and rubbed it in a form of comfort.

"If so, then you may, Miyasha."

"Thank you for trusting me, Oyakata-sama." I gave them a deep bow before getting up and approaching him swiftly.

My eyes roamed around his face as I sat down beside him, observing his blemished skin and how the discolouration looked much more like dried, dying skin than actual bruising or even loss of skin tone.

"If it's not an issue," I started diligently as I gently touched his hand to check his pulse and temperature, "May I ask you some questions for the diagnosis?"

I could see that the discolouration was slowly appearing on his hands as well since the skin texture of his hand felt rougher and drier than it should be.

"Yes, you may."

"Thank you," his body temperature was much higher than it should be, too, "First of all, do you have any reoccurring symptoms other than the visible ones? Like frequent fevers or temporary hearing loss?"

I watched as both Oyakata-sama and his wife took a few moments to answer.

"Oyakata-sama does frequently have a high fever and dizziness but..." Amane started to which her husband continued, "I don't have any hearing loss yet. I have lost my eyesight, yes, but can hear well for now."

"That's good," I nodded once before asking if I could touch him further for the diagnosis.

Upon expressed permission from both, I gently touched his blemished skin, noticing how it wasn't exactly rotting nor was it a simple discolouration either.

'It almost looks like the cells stopped working completely, but aren't quite dead yet either.'

To be completely honest, I needed proper lab tests to do a more accurate diagnosis but even without such tests, the discoloured and swollen skin told a lot with just its look.

"Does it pain when I touch?" I inquired almost absent-mindedly as I noted how the veins of his forehead were protruding and very clearly showing as well, which meant that the skin itself was not exactly functioning but did act as a covering still.

It also meant the slight swollenness seen on his face also extended to his veins underneath — at least it felt that way to me.

"Not much, since your touch is very gentle, Miyasha."

"And how about when it isn't?" I asked but didn't dare to demonstrate, knowing well that he must be in quite a lot of pain.

"Ah, it does pain, then."

I nodded once as I proceeded to ask other standard questions, most of which revolved around the growth of his skin disorder over the years and what he did to help it.

"So," I looked at them in disbelief, "All the doctor prescribed you were painkillers and generic medications? And nothing else?"

Their affirmative answers in a confused tone made me feel worse as I knew that the medications they just described and showed to me are nothing more than quack.

Well, not exactly quack but they did little to help with the disorder and only focused on reducing the pain and cleansing the body. Even the painkillers given were not developed enough to be effective, making me rub my forehead gingerly as I wondered how much pain this poor guy was going through without any strong medication.

And considering how it was a chronic and painful disorder, he needed some very strong painkillers and in very high dosages too, to relieve the pain.

Oyakata-sama had been suffering from this disorder since he was barely four, right after taking the position as the leader of the Demon Slayer Corps. And accounting for how it was a curse on his family branch because of Muzan, which was very on-brand for the anime, it must have been a he'll going through it for all these years.

'Beyond that,' my frown deepened as I heard him talking about his generational curse, 'It appears as a genetic disorder.'
Which inherently made the disorder worse since generational ones have little to no scope of cure.

However, they could be treated and stopped from further growth. And if it was a curse, then killing Muzan could maybe halt the process altogether. Assuming anime logic is applied here as well.

I took a deep breath as I remembered the part of manga in which his death was talked about; he was actively dying and his body had deteriorated quite a lot after the Red District Arc if my memory served right.

'But,' I smiled at them as I looked at his face once more, 'I still have time.'

No time to undo it, but to save his life? Yes.
Or maybe. Since I didn't know if I could resolve it for sure.

"Has the disorder appeared on any other body part aside from your face?"

Amane shook her head, "None as of yet, but the previous generations were reported to have developed them at a later stage of their... life."

"And what about your eye colour? Did that change when the blemish grew beyond the level of your eyes?"

"I'm afraid, my eyes were always this colour." I didn't miss the amusement in his expression as he answered.

Well, that made things more complicated for me since his disorder seemed quite similar to the skin disorder vitiligo but the rotting note to it and lack of discolouration of eyes and hair made it seem like it wasn't.

And yet, it spread, acted and worsened just like vitiligo, specifically the localised version since it hadn't spread to the other parts of the body as of now. On top of it, it's hereditary and even caused eye problems (blindness, in his case) as well.

Maybe it was a fantasy version of it?

"Oyakata-sama," I called out after a moment of contemplation, "Would... it be an issue if I take a few samples of your blood and skin? I would like to help you treat it — or at least, decrease its spread and the subsequent pain, if possible."

The surprised look Amane gave me made me feel a tad bit bad but Oyakata-sama's soft smile soothed my nerves as he gave his permission without any hesitation.

"It's alright even if nothing comes out of it," his soothing voice assured me, "Even your thought shows your sincerity and I appreciate it."

I stared at him speechlessly for a few moments before huffing out a laugh; how much did this young man go through to feel like this? It was oddly hopeless of the usually jolly and hopeful Oyakata-sama.

"I will do as you said and come at a later date to collect the samples." I smiled at the couple as I got up and sat back beside Uzui, who looked at me with fascination, "For now, if it's not an issue, I would like to prescribe you some anti-inflammatory paste for your blemished skin and a new prescription for the painkillers that you can get from Shinobu-san. You can try it for a day or so and let me know if it does not suit you."

"Thank you, Miyasha."

"No," I immediately shook my head, "Thank you for trusting me with this, Sire. I know how painful it must be for you to go through it, and while I do not know the appropriate treatment for it yet, I assure you I will find one that can help you effectively."

The bright and hopeful look that Amane gave me while her husband looked at me with a similar bright expression but with no expectations made my chest ache.

They deserved better.
And I'll try my best to provide that better to them.

'Considering how it is more of a curse thing relating to Muzan,' I mused silently as Uzui and I bowed before giving our farewell and leaving, 'The solution would lie in sunlight and wisteria. Maybe I could incorporate my blood into it too, and see how it works, eh?'

My go-to answer for anything demon related was a combination of my blood and wisteria essence; only the ratio differed with other herbs and chemicals in each case.

For the current case, however, I needed to run some tests and maybe some experiments before I could create a suitable medicine for Oyakata-sama. In addition to that, if the wisteria worked, then I could introduce wisteria candy and/or syrup in his daily diet to boost his immunity.

'Immunity!' I almost facepalmed myself as the answer finally came to me, 'It's definitely a defect in immunity! I can't believe I didn't think of it before—'

I was jerked out of my thoughts as I suddenly crashed into someone's chest, almost losing my balance as I stumbled back hard but was thankfully stabilized by a pair of hands holding me for support.

And the one who stabilised me (and made me lose my balance in the first place) was none other than Hiroshi, who was looking down at me with a very icy glare.

Icy enough to make me shiver as I immediately stepped away from him once he released me from his grip.

The unfortunate thing was that both the twins were standing in front of us, essentially blocking our path to get out. That and Hitoshi's unimpressed look made it worse.

"Miya—"

"Can we talk later?" I almost begged as I looked back at Uzui, who gave the twins his signature poker face, "Please?"

"Why?" Hiroshi asked bluntly in a grave tone, which was only made worse by how he stood there silently, waiting for me to reply.

"I," I wanted to sigh but refrained from doing so because I knew it would only worsen the already mess of a situation, "I would say sorry, but I don’t regret doing what I did and I’ll only apologize for making you worry."

"And you think that's enough?" I hated how Hiroshi was leading the conversation because that clearly meant he was absolutely pissed, "Your 'sorry' would do for everything you are hiding from us, huh?"

"Hiroshi-senpai, let's not start a confrontation here, please."

"Don't divert the topic, Miyasha," Hitoshi interjected, "Especially not after disregarding our words like this — I mean, we literally told you not to face high-profile demons and what did you do? You went ahead to face an Upper Demon Moon. Without any regard for your fucking blood too, might I add."

"Then what do you suggest I should have done?" I asked point-blank, "Let Hashira-sama leave on his own, when his fucking wives' lives were on the line? Isn't it our duty as Demon Slayers to protect people?"

"Yes, but you should be careful with how your blood is!"

"Do you seriously think I can afford to do that?" I gave them a look, "I'm in the frontlines! I can't just think about myself selfishly when I took the oath of saving people as a slayer. You know that."

"But that does not mean you have any right to disregard your safety either." Hiroshi pointed out.

"When did I do that!?" I rubbed my forehead as I felt a headache coming, "Are you seriously telling me this? Each mission is dangerous to every slayer out there, no exceptions. Stop seeing things from tinted glasses, Hitoshi, Hiroshi. It's not anything special."

"Not anything special?" Hiroshi's glare deepened as his rage expressed itself through his tone, "Not anything special? I didn't know you have become this much of an idiot over the years, Miyasha. Unlike you, we value you, we care for you. While you may not care for us or our worries for you, we do care for you. On the other hand, you are ready to throw off your life at every given chance! As if you don't even want to live! Do you care that little about yourself?"

I would never admit but Hiroshi's words rang truer than I ever realised and now that he had verbalized it, the weight of his words hit me harder than I expected them to.

Unfortunately, I was currently not in a mindset to appreciate the truth behind his evaluation.

"Maybe we should talk about this later," Uzui tried to intervene, which was not appreciated by the twins as they fixed their glares at him, "Look—"

"No, Tengen, you look here," Hitoshi smiled at the taller Hashira with no actual mirth, "Just because we haven't said anything to you doesn't mean that—"

"I went with him willingly." I took a step forward to move their attention onto me than fighting with each other, "Don't you dare pin your anger on him, am I clear with it?"

"It's funny how you can be clear with this but not when we are asking you about anything."

"Can we talk about this later? Please?" I sighed as I felt my chest ache get worse and worse with each passing minute, "With clear and calm minds? I don't have the energy to fight now."

"Seriously, Miyasha?" I hated the identical disappointed looks they fixed on me, "Are you seriously running away like this? After all the 'communication is the key' shit you taught us, huh? Have you changed that much?"

Hiroshi's words unknowingly cut through me once again as I closed my eyes to collect my wits.

"You can never know someone fully even if you have grown up with them, Hiroshi." I stated that as calmly as I could, "I... am my own being, I know my own capabilities. Please stop worrying unnecessarily."

"Unnecessarily?" It pained me to hear and watch Hiroshi completely lose his cool and laugh eerily at my words, "You really don't understand it, do you?"

"Understand what?"

"That we care." He snapped at me in disbelief, "That we worry."

"You don't have to—"

"That's not how it works!"

I shut my mouth as Hiroshi rubbed his face in what I assumed to be frustration, while Hitoshi looked at me with disdain and pity.

"Miyasha," it was Hitoshi who started this time, "You... You said you went willingly on this mission, didn't you? Why? Why did you leave for it even when you knew it was an Upper Demon Moon you were gonna face?"

"I, how did you know that...?"

"Well, you just fucking admitted to it just now," Hiroshi deadpanned, making me realize my blunder, "And you still have the nerve to ask how we know about it? Not to mention, you went there for your personal reasons, didn't you?"

"I don't get how that is relevant—"

"Because it is!" Hitoshi declared loudly, "You just hide things from us and never tell us anything that is going on with you. We just have to keep guessing as you don't even send us a single proper letter in the four years you were out! Even now if we ask what your motive was, without guessing it ourselves, you won't say shit."

"I dare you to disagree with us," Hiroshi added with a wry smile, "Go on. Prove us wrong — tell us why you went there."

The silence that followed made me feel worse as I stared at them silently.

"Miyasha—"

"Please." I decided to beg one final time, "Can we just... talk later. Please." I hated how weak I sounded, how tired I felt and how I wasn't able to answer them.

I knew they were right and I hated it.

"You always do that." Hiroshi complained as he huffed a laugh in annoyance, "Always diverting the conversation and never giving real answers. And then we will find you going on another mission maybe facing Kibutsuji this time and dying, just as you were trying to, for all this time. Is it that hard to talk with us? Is it that hard to tell the truth? Tell us, you went to investigate after your mother—"

"What do you want to hear, then? What?" My voice cracked as my emotions finally tipped over and overflowed, "That I was out to find why my mother was killed and my whole brothel was wiped out? That I was pathetic and cowardly enough to not find out about it on my own till I just had to?"

I rubbed my eyes gingerly as they started stinging, "You think I keep my secrets willingly? That I don't want to share them with you just cause I can? Do you know how fucking hard it is not being able to tell anyone what you are going through?! Or to admit that the fucking reason my only blood-related family was killed is because of my cursed existence that shouldn't even—!"

I choked on my words before I blurted out anything too explicit; my tongue feeling oddly numb as I felt I couldn't breathe from all the pressure.

Even breathing as hard as I was didn't seem to help as I felt an excruciating pain in my chest. For a second I wondered if I was having a heart attack.

Though, before I could entertain that thought further, someone covered my eyes and rubbed my back as well as shoulders from behind.

'When did I kneel down?'

"Shh, calm down," Uzui's voice rumbled near my ear, "Just focus on my voice, alright, Miyasha? Come on, answer me."

I nodded my head affirmatively as I was unable to let out any coherent sound. It was hard enough to focus on my breathing as my body shivered through a panic attack and trying to even talk through it almost sounded impossible at this point.

'The attacks are happening too frequently,' I thought absent-mindedly as Uzui gently took me in his arms (princess style, oddly enough), his one hand covering my ear while pressing me against his chest in a manner that it covered my other ear, 'Maybe I've finally mentally deteriorated enough to be able to be admitted into an asylum.'

It was no surprise, really.
With all that was happening in the past few months...

"Don't open your eyes," I silently followed whatever Uzui said as I was too exhausted to do anything anyway, "I'll handle it from here."

"But—"

"Just sleep away, if it helps," it was odd hearing him talk so softly, "You sound quite tired."

I didn't reply back as I silently kept my eyes closed and focused on my breathing instead; trying my best to decrease my trembling at least somewhat.

I hated how I essentially ran away and proved them right.
However, what I hated the most was how I didn't hate running away; just the fact that I proved them right.

Lord, was I pathetic.

(~×~)

On days like this, Shinobu wondered why she was often treated as people's keeper — especially Miyasha's, for the past two weeks or so. Or the past two months, to be exact.

In fact, what Shinobu disliked the most wasn't that she was treated as Miyasha's keeper but the fact that she wasn't told anything about her whereabouts or plans despite being treated as her keeper.

Where was the logic behind that?

She still remembered Uzui taking off with the younger slayer without Shinobu's permission despite knowing that the girl was staying in Butterfly Estate for the while and under her jurisdiction. Not to mention, he did it discretely enough too, when Shinobu wasn't even present in the Estate as she was off to her own mission.

And Uzui still somehow had the audacity to do it again; taking off with Miyasha to his Estate just because of a squabble with the Kinomiya twins.

If only Shinobu could wring his neck and—

Shinobu took a deep breath to remind herself to calm down and not waste her anger on people like Uzui. Who didn't even have a lick of consideration for others to at least let them know about his actions in advance.

Another deep breath and Shinobu was back into her calm and sweet state of mind, ready to move on with her life and not commit any homicide. With a smile.

Unfortunately, today was not her day and when Tomioka visited her a few hours later, she was almost sure of it too.

"Miyasha-san is currently not here," she relayed softly as she watched his face fall, "Uzui-san took her to his Estate just a few days ago, Tomioka-san. Is there anything else I can help you with, hm~?"

She almost felt bad for her fellow slayer. Almost. After all, it's the second time Tomioka missed meeting Miyasha by the shy of a few days — earlier when Uzui whisked her away on his own mission and now, when the same man whisked her away again to somewhat deescalate the fight that might have happened.

She, in fact, did remember him deflating like this back when he got to know Miyasha left for a mission as well, which Shinobu found quite amusing and teased him about it too. Alas, he didn't respond to it much.

Unfortunately for him, she didn't have much patience left for anyone at the moment and all she could do was tell him the situation and turn him away.

After all, could you blame her? She was already quite exasperated with Uzui and his antics; taking Miyasha on a mission despite knowing that Oyakata-sama explicitly said that only he would allot her missions and somehow Uzui still got out of it with little to no scolding since he killed an Upper Demon Moon!

And while she did grill him and didn't let him off the hook until he properly apologised, it still was nothing in front of how Miyasha's health just deteriorated — both mentally and physically.

It honestly pained Shinobu to watch Miyasha hole herself into her room and not come out of it for a week straight.

Even when Uzui visited her directly and tried to talk to her, she didn't even respond, which worried both him and Shinobu.

Waiting the week out while keeping an eye on her only made her feel worse as Shinobu wondered if she could have done something to stop this spiral down. After all, it wasn't like Miyasha was in much good of a mental space in the first place after her eye injury.

It wasn't until Oyakata-sama asked for a report that they decided to maybe push Miyasha out of the shell instead of waiting for her to come out — which Shinobu was very much against, but couldn't do anything in place of it either.

Even delaying the meeting for two days didn't do much help until she approached Miyasha directly.

And just when Shinobu thought she might get a chance to talk and help Miyasha out with her mental state after she came back from the meeting, the twins decided to jump in and make everything worse.

To be honest, she quite understood the reasoning behind Uzui's actions of suddenly taking Miyasha to his Estate but still somewhat resented him for it as well, especially since it was Shinobu who was left to deal with the aftermath.

That is, people coming back to her to ask about Miyasha — with the people being Zenitsu, Inosuke, Kinomiya twins and now Tomioka.

"Miyasha..." Tomioka's voice brought her out of her thoughts as Shinobu looked at him warily, "Was she alright when she came back?"

Shinobu gave the older Hashira a sad smile, "She was... I am not sure if it's something I can disclose, but she wasn't much injured physically if that is what you are asking."

Tomioka nodded as he observed the shorter female; he knew she wasn't telling him the whole thing, but he didn't mind it. He would rather hear it from Miyasha directly instead.

"Where is she now?" He blurted out absent-mindedly, before continuing in panic, "If you can tell me, please."

Shinobu was actually surprised and impressed at his politeness, thinking when he suddenly started becoming so good at social cues without realizing that he was learning all this from Miyasha since a few months prior.

"She's at Uzui-san's residence," she continued instantly as she noticed him opening his mouth, "And no, I don't know where he lives nor his address, so please refrain from asking about it, Tomioka-san."

It amused Shinobu how much more expressive Tomioka had become recently. She genuinely wondered if it was Miyasha's influence.

"What," she was almost hesitant to ask, "Are you asking it for though, Tomioka-san~?"

"I wanted to send her a letter," Tomioka admitted honestly, his eyes looking down at his hands with an almost sad look, "I haven't heard from her for two weeks. Are you sure she was alright?"

His downturn expression actually broke her heart as she sighed and wondered if she should just tell him about all that was going on.

A few moments of silence and contemplation on Shinobu's side were finally followed by a long talk about Miyasha's mental and physical condition, which also included her brief confrontation with the twins in front of the Headquarters.

Shinobu took this chance to keenly observe Tomioka and his reactions to the information, noticing how he genuinely seemed worried and... guilty, for some reason?

His expressions confused him and when she tried to poke around and try to make him talk about it, he just brushed her off bluntly — making her feel more annoyed than ever.

She had no idea how Miyasha could handle this man, honestly.

"Tomioka-san," Shinobu decided to just ask him directly, "What are your intentions with Miyasha-san?"

She almost felt odd asking him about this so directly, but she knew that he wouldn't even get what she was saying if she didn't ask him so directly.

Unfortunately, she underestimated how unaware he was.

"I don't want to harm her."
Shinobu almost wanted to facepalm as she heard his innocent yet sincere answer.

"I, I didn't mean it like—" Shinobu sighed when she felt her smile falter, "You know what? It's alright. I'm glad to hear that and I hope you are done here, Tomioka-san. Because even if you aren't, I am."

That was how Tomioka was promptly kicked out of the Butterfly Estate, which was not exactly a first-time occurrence for him, against all the odds.

Surprisingly though, meeting Rengoku while leaving the said Estate was a first-time occurrence for him.

"Tomioka, my man!" Rengoku smiled as he clapped his fellow Hashira's back, before reminding himself once again that he was retired now, "How are you doing? It's been months since we last met!"

Tomioka nodded as he gently greeted back the enthusiastic man, his mind wandering through other thoughts as he absent-mindedly continued the conversation and asked him back how he was.

"I'm doing fine!" Rengoku smiled as he showed Tomioka his shoulder, "See! My shoulder is much better now! However, Kocho still asks me to come for regular checkups!"

"Regular checkups are done to ensure there is no remaining complication left behind," Tomioka repeated what he remembered Miyasha saying once, "Better, um, better safe than sorry?"

Rengoku blinked in reply as his words surprised him, "Oh, absolutely!" He laughed loudly, "You are correct, my friend! In fact, I remember someone telling me this before, too!"

Unexpectedly being called a friend made Tomioka feel strange and warm — both of which were welcomed by him as he nodded with a soft smile.

Their small talks continued as Rengoku loved to see how more open Tomioka had become since the last time, his heart feeling full for his friend as he realised how much better he was now faring.

However, it wasn't until he mentioned that Uzui came to visit him in the past week to show off his matching eyepatch with Rengoku that he noticed Tomioka's face light up.

"Do you know where Uzui lives?" Tomioka asked without hesitation, "His address, if you can?"

"Yes?" Rengoku felt confused as he continued, "Why, did Uzui do something?"

He wouldn't be surprised if he did. But learning that he didn't exactly was more surprising — to be more accurate, learning that he essentially picked Miyasha up and went off was much more surprising than Rengoku had ever expected.

And the more he heard about it, the more Rengoku wondered if the twins were really that pissed to have Miyasha completely removed from their vicinity.

The other question that popped into his head was how desperate was Tomioka to even ask about Uzui's address just to reach out to Miyasha once instead of simply waiting for her to come back.

"Tomioka," Rengoku decided to ask what he was wondering about for months, "Do you like Miyasha?"

"Yes?" The confused look Tomioka gave him raised more questions than could be answered, "Why... Why wouldn't anyone like her?"

Rengoku stared at him and Tomioka stared back, both of them wondering what the other one was thinking before Rengoku finally broke down and laughed.

"Ah, I understand now!" It was almost funny to see how much innocent his former colleague was, "You, You aren't much familiar with this, are you, Tomioka?"

Tomioka's tilted head was enough to answer Rengoku's question as he laughed again and shook his head.

"To think you got her trust and love so completely without even realising it!" Rengoku laughed at the absurdity of it all but he knew that was how life was.

While he did love Miyasha's fire and liked her for it, he also realised that the only person she had ever completely leaned on was Giyuu and that it was quite mutual between those two — at least, that's how it looked to him.

And despite him trying several times, he wasn't even able to open her enough to share her worries with him much beyond what she had on the surface.

"Tomioka," Rengoku decided to help him out as a friend and a former colleague, "What do you think about Miyasha? No, tell me, how do feel about her instead!"

"I... don't understand?"

Rengoku hummed as he motioned Tomioka to follow him, "What I mean is, how does Miyasha make you feel? Is it warm? Is it exciting? Does the idea of meeting her make you smile unconsciously? Do you like the idea of coming back to meet her after every mission? Does it motivate you?"

He looked back at Tomioka as they entered Butterfly Estate, "Because if it does, you are in love with her, my friend!"

Tomioka's eyes widened as Rengoku's words registered in his mind.

"I..." he faltered before continuing, "How do you know?"

"Because I almost felt like that, too," Rengoku gave him a wry smile, "For Miyasha. I don't love her, I can give you my word on that, but there was a time I found her... lovely. It's hard not to, really! Spending time with her felt effortless and the way she always knew how I felt was attractive to me! Her view of the world and how she dealt with it is also so new and exciting! Even the fire in her eyes—!"

Rengoku laughed as he interrupted himself from saying anything further, knowing full well that any further words could sound much worse and make the whole situation awkward, if not completely sour.

"So," he continued after a pause, "That was how I used to feel about Miyasha! I hope you take my words as friendly advice and think about your feelings once! Maybe, you'll feel the same!"

Tomioka nodded as he did feel his heart drop when he heard Rengoku talk about Miyasha, his eyes clouding over as he realised how he felt was quite similar and yet much more than that.

Unfortunately, the realization of his feelings for her was overshadowed by the overwhelmingly negative emotions that he felt when he heard Rengoku's words describing Miyasha. He never thought he could feel so bitter about something he could completely understand and relate to.

"Do you," Tomioka asked in a sombre voice, "Still like Miyasha?"

"I don't!" Rengoku lied brightly as he gave a closed-eye smile, "I used to feel like that towards her, but I assure you I don't feel like that anymore!"

In some fights, it was better to step down because their results were already decided against you from the beginning. This, Rengoku thought, was one of those fights.

He would rather lie than come in between two people who were already set to be.

"I know my words came off as quite forward," he decided to explain himself to avoid any miscommunication, "But I assure you I mean no harm! I want to help you with my whole heart and  I hope I can!"

Tomioka nodded again as Rengoku rattled off some more suggestions and encouraging words, their time soon coming to an end as the doctor came in for the checkup.

Rengoku felt strange helping Tomioka like this, or maybe it was the subject itself that made him feel kinda forlorn.

However, when Tomioka turn to suddenly hug him and thank him in his sincere voice, he felt very... liberated. Happy.

He knew it was quite unfortunate on his part, some may say tragic even, but that's how life usually was. Some things were set to be and some were not.

It was unfortunate, Miyasha was not set on his path and that was alright. He was just glad he got to know about it before his own feelings developed any further.

To be honest, he wasn't sure if what he did was right or something that he should have done, but he knew it was something that needed to be done. He owed it to Miyasha as a good friend, if not to Tomioka as well.

(~×~)

Time is a strange concept, if one ever takes a moment to examine it. With how fast it passes when one doesn't notices but crawls through when we want it to be over the most, it was an unreliable companion, really.

Ironically enough, it's not even the fault of Time but our own inconsistency with the observations and our patience. And while it is known to all, people still like to blame it on the passing of time rather than pointing out their own flaws.

Maybe that was human nature.
And maybe that was why I preferred blaming time and the Gods than accepting my own circumstances and moving on.

I felt Uzui's silk-like aura approach me but didn't move to acknowledge his presence as I enjoyed watching the clouds above me from the porch instead.

To be honest, I could never really accept that I was in my second life.
Yes, it's been almost eighteen years since I'd been born in this fanfiction-ish side of the kimetsu no yaiba and yet, I still couldn't help but feel like it wasn't real.

Like all this was a cruel joke played at my expense.

And even when the pain and the other impactful parts of reality did make me come back to the present from time to time, it still wasn't enough. I still couldn't stop finding myself tracing back to my past life.

Or rather, aspects of it that once defined me.

"Oi, Miyasha," Uzui's voice made me smile as he sat down beside me on the porch, "What are you thinking about? Don't tell me you are wondering why clouds are white."

'It's almost tragic that all that once defined me is not even here,' I chuckled as I looked up at the sky again, 'Almost as if it never existed in the first place.'

It made me wonder why I existed, too.
Why here? Why now?

Why me?

Too many questions with no one to answer, many of which I was afraid to find out the answers to if I had to be honest.

"Not quite," I answered back leisurely, "I was just wondering about a song that has been stuck in my head for the past few days. I just can't seem to get rid of it, you know?"

That made Uzui laugh as he leaned back and looked at the sky with me.

"Then just sing it out," he suggested, "I want to hear this song too that torments you so much. Is it a lullaby?"

"Not so," I answered with clear amusement as I seriously considered if I should sing it out loud or not. And while I won't usually do that, it has been stuck in my head for days.

Not to mention, I genuinely missed listening to music from my past life too; after all, they were a big part of me back then. Maybe singing them would help me a bit.

"Okay then," to the hell with it, let's just do it and regret it later, "I'll sing, but you have to promise to not laugh, yeah?"

The imagery of Uzui nodding his head looked almost adorable as his shoulder-length silver hair hilariously curtained his face.

I closed my eyes and leaned back, feeling the soothing sunlight on my skin as I hummed the music of what I remembered to be 'Top of the World' by Greek Fire — one of my favourite songs, considering it was part of the movie Big hero 6 too.

That was a different thing I liked its stripped version a little better since it was much easier to sing and had a forlorn feel to it, just as how I felt for the past few days.

"I remember the nights," I started softly since I was low-key surprised by my own voice again, "Caught up in dreaming my goodbyes—"

No matter how much I sang, I could never get used to my own voice — especially if I was doing so in English since that made me draw a comparison between my past life's voice with the current one more often than not.

"On top of the world, on top of it all," However, I couldn't deny I loved singing as well, "Trying to feel invincible," I sang through without a care as I laid back on the wooden floor of the porch like a cat sleeping belly up in the sunlight, "I'm dying on top of the world, on top of it all — trying to feel invincible."

I keep repeating some of the paras as I preferred them much more than the others and also for the fact that I sometimes forgot the next lines and just went back to singing what I did remember.

'I ain't sure winning any singing competitions,' I smiled at my own thoughts as I repeated the chorus one last time and finished singing it. Though, I still kept humming the song as I finally opened my eyes to look at Uzui, who was staring at me intently.

When I raised an eyebrow, he gave me a sly grin and offered his hand — which I took gladly as he pulled me up into a sitting position.

"What language was that?" He asked with genuine curiosity, "I'm not sure if I had ever heard it before. Where did you learn it from?"

Now, that was a troublesome question.

"It's English," I answered honestly, "And I started learning it when I was young; some customers in the brothel used to speak it and that's where I grew my interest."

Uzui hummed while giving me a look, "You learned from just that?"

"Nope," I smiled at his knowing smile; this bastard was surely onto me, "I actually learned it from a senior Doctor I met and worked under while I was out a few years ago."

"Then why didn't you say that in the first place?!"

"Because I wanted to see your reaction."

The shit-eating grin I gave was reciprocated with an annoyed expression as Uzui leaned in to dramatically flick my forehead. I chuckled at his antics before flopping down on the porch just as dramatically in reply.

It was a good day.
At least it felt like one.

And after all that happened the past week or so, I'm just glad to have this downtime — even if it only meant that I was running away from it.

"You know Miyasha," I hummed at Uzui's words as he continued, "You are more expressive than I initially thought."

"Am I?"

He hummed affirmatively as we both turned our heads slightly to see his approaching wives, "Have you seen yourself? If not, then go look in the mirror. You look down whenever you think about whatever you do and that's most of the time when we aren't looking. Is it your brothers?"

'Well,' I thought wryly, 'He was quite close enough, to be fair.'

"I'm not like you, Hashira-sama," I quipped back, avoiding the topic altogether, "I don't prefer to stare at myself through the mirror for an extended amount of period."

"What a pity," Uzui replied plainly, which kinda disappointed me since I thought he'll take the bait, "You have a pretty face but don't even use it. Except when trying to look innocent while dancing around the question."

Unexpected laughter spilt from my lips as I was discovered in my not-so-obvious tactics.

"Oi, stop running like that! Suma!"

"Waah! Miya-chan~!"
I turned around to meet Uzui's wives Makio and Suma approaching me, my lips spreading into a natural smile as I greeted them back.

It has been three days since I've been staying with Uzui.

And the whole of these three days, Uzui and his wives kept me company almost at all times; never leaving me alone except at night as they kept tugging me into different activities to do or silly conversations.

Within those silly conversations, it was Uzui who kept poking me around to gauge my reaction and attempted to talk on serious topics.

Of course, I made my way around all of them.
And of course, he called me out on it while letting me dodge them as well.

However, between dodging serious talks to giving the strangest looks at the absurd topics, Uzui and his wives somehow grew on me. I mean, it was hard not to get attached as they acted just as casually and sweetly as my three stooges.

"We made the wisteria candy just like you taught us! But it still doesn't taste as good as you make it~" Suma whined as she plopped down in between me and Uzui, "How do you make it not-so-sticky but delicious too?!"

Yeah, life was good here and I really liked it.

"Try keeping them in the Sun for a while to dry them," I suggested, chuckling as I noticed a lightbulb lit up in their heads, "It'll help the syrup dry fast and the candy not be so sticky."

I chuckled again as Makio swore loudly at the obvious answer, before immediately apologising once she remembered Uzui was sitting right beside us as well.

'The atmosphere here is so domestic and warm,' I mused as I watched Uzui tease Makio and Suma whining at them to not 'fight', 'I kinda like it.'

And I was quite surprised by it too, to be honest.

I was never interested in relationships and family in my previous life — with hours of studies and shifts for medical residency, who would even get the time to think about such things?

Ironically enough, it took me nearly eighteen years of my second life to realize how much I liked the idea of domestic life as well. In fact, it almost sounded like a paradise to me, at this moment.

It was then that Hina came in and announced that lunch was ready, making everyone answer back enthusiastically as we all gradually left the porch to go eat together.

"Hey, you ain't coming?" Makio looked back at me, offering me a hand as she noticed me getting up, "Come fast! Or else I'll eat your portions too!"

I laughed at her antics as my heart skipped a beat at how comfortable and... good it all sounded. The feeling of being included and belonging without any thought.

I didn't notice until much later that a small smile kept playing on my lips throughout the whole lunch as everyone conversed leisurely — except Uzui, of course, who kept poking fun at me and Makio to get entertainment outta us.

And while Makio played along for a while and stopped midway, I just jabbed him back with the same tone and even worse jokes; making his wives laugh at him instead.

"Oi, stop trying to steal my wives."

I almost choked on my food as Uzui warned me in the most serious tone ever; my chokes soon turning into laughter as Hina and Makio joined while Suma jumped in to defend that it would never happen.

"Well," I gave him a sly grin, "I can't help when I'm this fabulous at cooking, can I? And you told me yourself, I have a good face. So~"

Uzui shook his head as he leaned over to steal my pickled reddish.

"Hey! That's mine!"

"And these three are mine."

"And the stitches I removed from your eyes are yours too, want me to sew them back in to shut both your eyes?" I replied sarcastically as I gave him a look while his wives blushed red. He sure was one smooth bastard.

"You can be my fourth wife instead if you want," he ignored my last reply and winked shamelessly when I didn't give back any reply, "I don't think anyone would mind. Right, girls?"

I shook my head in urgency as unexpected but enthusiastic replies came pouring in from the other three females.

"Woah, woah, absolutely not!" I almost choked on the food in my mouth before chewing it out as fast as I could before continuing, "Nope! I can barely handle myself, how do you expect me to handle being in a polyamorous relationship?!"

I shook my head again as enthusiastic assurances were poured in by the other females while the only male in the room grinned at the chaos.

It wasn't until much later that I replied to Uzui regarding the subject when we were alone on the porch again in the setting sun since that guy kept following me everywhere.

"If you keep following me like this, Hashira-sama, then I'll think you fell in love with me." I taunted him as I looked at his silver hair gleaming in the afternoon sun, "Imagine what a scandal it will be — the former Sound Hashira following after the young, innocent slayer."

My grin widened as Uzui fixed me with the most unimpressed.

"Oi brat," he started as he pointed at me, "First of all, I ain't in love with you. Unless you want me to—"

"I sure as hell don't! As if you'll be able to handle me!"

"—yes I'll be able to handle you, you brat. Anyway, secondly, call me Lord Tengen. Or Uzui-sama. Or anything other than Hashira-sama, it's very lame and you call that all the other Hashiras."

Uzui paused before turning to me completely, "Wait, no. You don't call Rengoku, Kocho or even Tomioka that! Then why do you keep calling me Hashira-sama?! I even invited you to my Estate!"

I looked at the man-child in front of me with the most deadpan look I could muster, "You carried me here without my permission."

"Same thing!"

"Same thing, my foot!"

"Don't change the subject!" He said it out jokingly, but the line itself triggered my memory of the fight I had with the twins and sobered me up real quick, "Just call me something... else. Hey, you alright?"

"Yes, yes, I am—"

"What happened?" Uzui's tone turned much gentler than before as he narrowed his eyes, "Was it something I said?"

I felt my words get caught in my throat as I realised for the first time how much Uzui was actually been attentive to me. I wasn't like I didn't notice it before — I did, but for some reason, it just hit me how much.

"Why do you..." I sighed before starting again, "I apologise and I know it's gonna sound bad—"

"Just say it."

"Why are you looking after me?" I couldn't help but ask as I observed him, "Why... care? Do you feel bad about my fight with the twins? If yes, then don't worry about it much, it's not something new."

Uzui looked at me with narrowed eyes, as if contemplating something while he let the silence stretch between us.

I felt awkward, which I tried to brush off with a joke instead, "Don't tell me you were doing that to convince me to be your fourth wife or something."

"Do you really not see it?" Uzui tilted his head, "Why people care about you?"

At my questioning look, he straightened up and turned himself to sit facing me.

"When the twins said that you didn't see how much people care, I thought that they were exaggerating," Uzui admitted, "In fact, I didn't think much about the things they said until after bringing you here. Initially, I thought they were just exaggerating but the more I observe you, I find them to be right. I know it sounds bad, but they weren't wrong — you honestly don't see people caring for you, do you? Why is it so?"

His counter-question left me speechless as I took a few moments to process his words.

"I..." How could I answer such a question without going into who I was in a life that didn't exist anymore? "I'm sorry."

Uzui sighed, "Look, it's nothing to—"

"I don't know when I started becoming like this," I continued as I looked up at the coral sky, "Or maybe I was always like this. You are right, I am not used to being cared for or even cared about. I know the twins are right too; with how I almost always keep them in dark, I understand why they worry. It's just..."

"It's just what?"

I laughed as I felt my voice waver, "I don't want to trouble them. No, maybe it's more than that. Maybe I just can't imagine them, or anyone, in fact, caring about me."

"...Even after they say it out directly?"

"Even when they say it out directly," I laughed at myself, "Trust me, I have trouble understanding myself as well. I... I sometimes can't help but feel like I don't belong and that no one would care if I disappear. That I'm not meant to exist."

"How can that be?" His incredulous tone sounded naive to me as I laughed again, "You are here, so why wouldn't you mean to exist? Who even decides that?"

I couldn't stop laughing at the fact that I couldn't even answer him how it was already decided — the future and everything. And how I was an anomaly in it.
How everything in this world was scripted through and how I tried to change it for my own selfishness while still being afraid of it.

In fact, because I knew the original future, I became more and more fearful of the future that I was unprepared for. Not to mention, the resentment I held for myself for some of the changes I made was not any less either.

"Yes, I am here," I blurted out in between my laughs, "I am here and endangering everyone I hold dear. I..." I watched as my hands stained red from my bloody tears, "And I feel like I can't do anything except just watch. My mother, and now the twins—"

I froze as Uzui's hands rubbed my cheeks, his fingers brushing off my tears gently, "You laugh too often when you shouldn't be." He almost whispered before he got up and brought a cloth that he handed to me, "Take this and don't cry. It'll just hurt you, with how you bleed through your eyes already."

"It's not my eyes—"

"Shh, I don’t care." Uzui patted me as I gently rubbed my face with the red cloth, "No need to justify. I won't ask anything of you just like you didn't ask anything of me. I respect you as my benefactor and I will never ask you to justify yourself."

His words made me choke up as I continued crying, my body curling half into a ball while I sobbed silently while Uzui patted my head from the side.

It has been seventeen years since I came to this world — twelve years since I knew what world it was.

And even though I know what would happen in the future with the memories I had carried on from my previous life, I was still scared and felt very regretful about how much time was passing by while I just stood there, watching like a bystander.

To me, time felt like an hourglass.
Initially, it had a deadline of twelve years set by itself that I wasn't much aware of nor cared about.

Now? I regretted not caring. I regretted being afraid of the plot while still being afraid of it.

What a tragic comedy.
Not that seeing it that way ever helped me either.

"I know what I think is not right," I said out loud, not caring if Uzui was listening to me or not, "But I just, I just can't stop these thoughts. No matter how much I think otherwise or even try to think positively, it just doesn't work! I keep feeling like I don't belong in this world — between you guys. And, and those thoughts keep themselves repeating enough to make me start believing in them, too. I just... I just want them to stop. I just want to rest."

The beat of silence that followed my loud rambling made me reconsider everything before Uzui replied.

"You," There was a hesitance in his voice as he said, "You are not your thoughts, Miyasha. Yes, you are the one thinking them but you are not them. You are separate since you are a person and they are just words and those words don't necessarily define you."

I moved my head to look up at him as his maroon eye met my bluish-violet ones, "Yeah, yeah, I know I know I'm not the best person to say this, since I can't apply it to myself either but that's how it is. Also, don't counter your negative thoughts with positive ones; that's not how it works. It'll just create unnecessary noise and make your head muddled."

"Then what should I do?"

"Ignore them," he advised as he patted me again, "The more you give them space in your head, the more they take up that space."

"It's easier said than done."

"Yeah, and? Just because it's hard doesn't means you won't do it. Or can't do it. It just means you have to work a bit harder."

I chuckled at how his words rang true before closing my eyes as I took some time to process the words and repeat them enough in my mind to maybe actually apply them later.

"How do you suggest I do it, Hashira— ah, uh..."

"Take your time," Uzui flicked my forehead lightly, making me jerk up and glower at him while that ass smiled, "And focus on believing what you know is the truth. You know you are here, so it doesn't matter if you were supposed to exist or not. You are between us and we care, so focus on that. Focus on our words and actions and let that dictate instead of your nonsensical thoughts."

I nodded before giving him a grateful smile, "Hai, thank you, Hashira-sama."

"If you really want to thank me, then call me something else!"

I hummed as I mused what to call him. Maybe some sort of nickname would do?

"Would you like me to call you Uzui-san?" I offered the safer option first, "Or some nickname like I call Ren-senpai? You know, Ten-senpai or something like that—"

"Yes!" I had never seen Uzui react that enthusiastically to anything as he almost jumped up while sitting, "Ten-senpai! Call me that! That rhymes with Kyojuro's nickname!"

I couldn't help but burst out laughing at his childlike behaviour, finding it extremely adorable while he tried to flick my forehead again to shut me up — none too lightly either, on top of that.

Unfortunately for him, that didn't stop me from laughing at him either, for the rest of the day.

(~<>~)

It was the next morning when a Kasugai Crow appeared for me, of all people.

Even Uzui looked surprised when the crow announced for me to visit Oyakata-sama as soon as possible for the mission allotment, which kind of surprised me if I had to be honest.

Why couldn't I get my mission through the crows themselves?

'Then again,' I silently mused, 'It'll be easier for me to check up on Oyakata-sama once and maybe even collect some samples while I'm at it.'

The issue, however, was not at that but where to run the tests.
While I could ask Shinobu for her working space, I'm not sure whether she'll allow it or if I would even be comfortable enough to properly conduct the whole test.

Not to mention, I wasn't even sure if she'll have the types of equipment I'll require for my 'futuristic' tests.

'Maybe I should just visit Kamikochi instead?'

I had my own laboratory set in the village and while I was at it, maybe I could even visit Shigeno-sensei since my letters to him for the past few months had been irregular at best.

Hopefully, I don't get an ass-whooping when I go back to visit him...

"I should just go visit him after the mission," I mumbled to myself, "I need to take my stuff from Butterfly Estate too."

"So, when are you leaving?" Uzui asked as he leaned against the door of the room I was staying in for the while, "Today evening or directly tomorrow morning?"

"Today afternoon, if possible," I replied honestly, "Thank you so much for your help and hospitality. I genuinely enjoyed my stay here and would love to stay longer but I believe it'll be better to leave early for the mission and avoid as many possible victims as I could."

Uzui nodded as I looked back at the hallway outside before turning in, "Do leave the recipe for that curry you made, though. Makio really loved it. In fact, come again to just make it directly."

I laughed at his blatantly sweet invitation.

"I will do both, Ten-senpai!"

Uzui was an unbelievably attentive and sweet guy, despite how ridiculous he acted at times. I was glad to be able to see this side of him.

And while I never expected to feel this way, I was kind of glad to get to know him at a deeper level through this mission and extended stay.

"Or," his eyes glinted with mischief as he grinned, "You can just come and work for me as a maid since you refused my initial offer to be my fourth wife."

Scratch everything decent I ever said or thought about him.

"Sure, that's the only thing left for me, huh?" I rolled my eyes at him, "As if you can afford me, please."

"Oh?" Uzui sneered at me playfully, "How much shall I pay you for your services, then?"

"Eternal servitude."

My answer only served to make him amused as he kept on teasing me till we finally left for the Headquarters. After that, it was almost one-sided bullying as he kept nagging me while we travelled back and he acted as my guide.

I honestly take back everything good I ever thought about that manchild.

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(~<End of Red District Arc>~)

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Heya, folks!

First of all, I'll like to apologize for the ghost ping y'all must have gotten for this chapter. I accidentally published this chapter mid-writing and I'm so sorry!

I hope I can appease you with this long (which is now becoming the usual) chapter!

Other than that, honestly speaking, I would love to hear you readers' opinion on the fight and whether you think the twins are right in their reasoning or not. Do you think their arguments were valid?

Well, if you ask me then you'll have my answer in the next few chapters or so. The only thing I'll say is that if anyone thinks Miyasha is solely the victim and what the twins did was completely unjustified, then they need to reevaluate.

》Taishou Secrets《
Miyasha consumes a lot of wisterias daily — from candied wisteria petals to wisteria syrup that she uses in her tea instead of sugar. She has taught everyone in Butterfly Estate how to make these and Shinobu particularly likes them the most.

And that's it for this chapter, folks! Please leave a vote and comment if you liked it or even if you didn't — your comments are what keeps me going!

Stay safe and stay healthy!