Meet Him;
Without Bars, Just Him Nakedly.
Love Willows.
We often want a certain kind of attention, undivided, unguarded, ours alone with no one coming in to ever take it away. We never realize how much we needed that person to just be there, until they are and we can finally ask the questions, finally know the truths but most of all truly know if their love should they give it, will it be enough.
The car ride wasn't slow, rather Loch his father was speeding, or rather just trying to show off his car, Love couldn't decide between the two but what he gathered was they were out of the city, far from it and headed toward lake Pittsburgh.
One of the city's luxury destinations since the lake was a manmade reservoir by channelling water from the sea at least that's what Love remembered from what he knew about the place.
"I just wanted some alone time with you." Loch finally spoke making Love snicker, it was shocking that Loch wanted anything to do with him that he didn't deem worthy of his precious time and familial importance. "I gather you have several resentments toward me." He went on and Love was simply silent.
Even when they turned off the main road and headed toward what he assumed was a small community and destination for those wanting to get away from the city. It didn't mean the infrastructure wasn't any less extravagant, more rather it was over the top like everything else in the Cove.
"We're almost there." Loch whispered as he tried to hold Love's hand but he moved it away, now that there were no cameras, no people to please, they could stop pretending to have any sort of care for the other.
Loch drove through the slightly buzzing community, further down passing a few more homes and a wooded area until they finally arrived at a particular house, it was beautiful, a blue allure to its painting.
The large windows and the wrap around porch making it seem warm but the design seemed to be a mix since it seemed there were more modern touches when he looked at it, but all in all, it was a gorgeous home.
"I knew you'd like it, I had it refurbished just before you arrived from Europe, I guess I was waiting for the right moment to show it to you." Loch explained and Love snickered again, it was just like him. "Stop it!" The man finally growled and Love fully turned to face him with furious eyes.
"You stop it, the gifts, the money, the fake affection, we're nolonger around the humble citizens of the Cove, you can stop dad, you don't have to pretend." Love spat angrily as he tried to walk away headed inside but his father grabbed him by the arm aggressively.
"You really think I pretend, I never pretend with you, I'm always trying to show you that I do care about you, that I, as your father love you." The man argued, his green eyes darkening with his aggression.
"No you don't!" Love hissed back, trying to get away from his father hold but Loch was much stronger. "You care about you, about your image, about everyone else, the money, pleasing the people, your career, there is no care about me, what you care for is if I'm doing things right to fit into your perfect world." He added as the tears burned his eyes.
He had never spoken to his father like this, not in a very long time. "Is that what you think Love, that I'm some kind of emotionless bastard who couldn't possibly love you?" Loch demanded as he faced his child.
Love didn't refuse, he didn't say anything rather. "Love I have gone above and beyond to show you and your siblings that I love you, you more so than them that your mother had to reprimand me, the money, the cars, the house, I just wanted to show you that I loved you, that you were loved." Loch confessed as he shook Love roughly, wiped away his tears, yet it didn't diminish his beauty.
"I don't want the money, the cars, or anything, I just wanted my father to hug me, for years I've agonized over it, you're never not formal with me, you never consider what I want, all you do is make things go your way." He explained not caring about the tears anymore.
"You and mom can never, rather will never let me be a mess, all I've ever wanted was for you to come to one of my shows with a bouquet and just say you're proud of me, at school when I was given prize after prize for excelling I didn't want a car or a house as a gift, I just wanted my dad to be there and tell me he loved me and that he was proud." Love finally broke down, moving away from a speechless Loch.
The door wasn't locked so he got in and headed upstairs, there had to be a bathroom he could lock himself in, he found it in the main bedroom, and there he shut the door and cried, cried for all the times he was hurt and wanted to desperately do better so that the man would finally just give him a sliver of care that was unguarded.
"Love, Love listen to me my boy, I'm sorry okay." Loch begged on the other side of the door. "Please my sweet boy, I never meant to hurt you, I never intended for it to be it like that, I was an ignorant fool." He pleaded.
Yet his words, his remorse, they all simply caused Love to cry even harder, finally just drown himself in it. "I'm not leaving you my sweet boy, I'll be right here, I'm never leaving you." The man proclaimed as the night went on.
Love had cried, he didn't know for how long but afterwards he felt lighter, as if his heart was free and it made him happy in a way because despite the hurt, Loch knew, his father finally knew how he felt.
"I'm coming in." That sudden announcement after so much time had Love wondering what the man wanted, hadn't he left, it made him wonder what he wanted out of all this.
So when the door opened and Loch's eyes seemed to be red from what was obviously crying, Love didn't hesitate to go toward him in the spacious bathroom. "What's wrong?" He immediately demanded looking at the disheveled mess, he was far from the Loch Willows he knew, this man was truly a mess.
He chuckled. "I should be the one asking you that, I should be the one moving to console you my sweet angel, but it seems I have failed you as a father." Loch confessed and Love sniffled.
He didn't say anything, just moved to hug him. "I don't blame you, mostly because I realize that you didn't see me, and I never spoke out." Love tried to comfort the man but Loch vigorously shook his head in refusal.
"No, you're not making excuses for me or anyone, Loch junior throws tantrums, Dex and Nigel throw fits, Tara literally smashes her car into anything mostly mine or your mother's property, but you;" Loch cried.
"You never complain, you never speak out of line, I guess I grew complacent, grew ignorant that despite how controlled you are and how you've succeeded, you didn't need my attention as much when you're the one who needed it most." He concluded as Love wiped away his tears.
"I should've seen the signs early on, even before Europe, I should have been your dad before I was anything else, I let someone else be your dad because I thought you would always be mine and never dared to think about the day you would slip away." Loch muttered sadly as he held Love by the shoulders.
"It's not like that, Darryl can't replace you." Love weakly argued earning a scoff from Loch.
"We both know he can, he's been with you since the day you were out of your mother's womb, your first steps, your first words, he's your dad." Loch pointed out and Love understood the hurt he felt, he's never had a true experience with man as father and son ever since he was born.
"You were there when I lost my way, when Tara wanted to cut off of my arm and when that kidnapping gone wrong happened, you were there, those times count." Love argued.
"I know kiddo, but they aren't truly the real thing, you and I should know each other more than this, beyond words, I should've been able to know how hurt you were by my actions, and I will make up for it." Loch proclaimed as he gave Love a sad smile.
Both of them wiped their tears away. "First we are going to therapy, both of us, we both especially you have a lot to get off this beautiful heart of yours and second you're going to spend the weekend with your old man." Loch stated earning a chuckle from Love.
"I'm so sorry my love, I promise from now onwards I'm going to show you." Loch apologized as he pulled Love in for a hug. "Show me what?" Love quizzically questions. "That you've always been my heart, my favourite child, the apple of my eye and my most treasured possession." He claimed earning a snicker from Love. "That's a bit excessive." He argued. "Yet every bit true."
The two separated, both their eyes shining with a renewed understanding. "Thanks dad." Love whispered as he smiled then turned to leave the bathroom but before he was out Loch called him. "Yes." He answered.
"Im your dad, and I will do everything in my power to show you that you're loved and protect you, I will stumble along the way forgive me for that but all I will ever want for you is the best and some times its going to make you angry,— but you're my son, you above everything brought me peace, so I know you'll forgive me." He asserted with a glint in his eyes, one Love knew made his words true.
"I know dad." Love accepted just as he left, surprisingly he found bags of his stuff and Loch's in the lounge, a ping alerted him of a message from his other father telling him that he talked with Loch and sent over some of his things for the weekend, he couldn't help think of how thoughtful his father had been, and how this also felt planned in a way, but he would go along with it anyway.
"How do you like the house?" Loch asked having discarded his jacket and only in his socks, it had been a while since Love had seen him so relaxed. "I really love it, it's just enough of a blend for me, you have good taste." Love complimented and Loch chuckled. "Give some credit to Malia too, I asked her to help." The man told Love who simply nodded with a smile toward his father.
"So since we're here and near the kitchen how about you and me cook something, then later go to the lake shore, get a fire going and I'll tell you everything that happened when your grandfather first caught me jerking off." Safe to say Love was horrified. "Dad, that's inappropriate bonfire conversation." He whined as the man's laughter boomed all around the house.
"Okay so how about when I ran off with his mistress, so convinced that I was in love with her." He exclaimed making Love gasp. "That really happened?" He quizzically questioned and Loch hummed in acceptance.
"You bet your pretty green eyes it did, though I got caught before we even got out of the city, your grandfather dragged me back and Ezra's father ran off with the so called mistress instead." Loch explained further making Love laugh at how wild everything his father was telling him seemed.
"Dad what was the most dangerous this you ever did when you were a kid?" Love asked Loch who hummed before answering. "I did a lot of stupid things back in the day, but I think river rafting in the Zambezi river without a guide was the most stupid of all." He answered and Love was in shock.
"How did you survive, isn't the river full of crocodiles?" The beauty questioned his father who moved closer to him, they were both wrapped in blankets, a fire in the middle of their carefully made bonfire spot by the lake shore. "Its very full of crocs but I had help, Femi guided me to safety, that was the time I fell in love with her." Loch mumbled sadly, a knowing look overcoming his features, a sadness Love knew.
"Thats beautiful." Love whispered and Loch chuckled regaining himself. "Sorry, I shouldn't have." The man wanted to apologize but Love stopped him. "No, tell me about her, you've always told me about the whole family but never her." He asserted. "Hmm, I thought you wouldn't want to know about her." Loch confessed and Love chuckled lightly.
"You assumed but your assumption was wrong, before me, she was your everything and I want to know about her, she was a part of you and I want to know you and her." He added and Loch smiled pressing a kiss into Love's hair. "There are a lot of things, where do I even begin." The man giddily began.
"Start anywhere, we've got a whole weekend to ourselves and even after we've got so much time, and I'll be right here by your side." Love assured the man who had a teary smile next to him. "Oh I love you, Love." He whispered. "I love you too dad."
F.R.I.E.N.D.S
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Saint Jay