Amelia's Pov
I wake up to soft snoring and look up to see her peacefully sleeping with her hand resting on my butt possessively making me roll my eyes. So much for just cuddling. She stirs awake disrupting me from memorizing her heart beat. "Aww this is so cute. Now, What the fuck I'm i doing in your bed?"she asks still unbothered about where her hand is. "You wanted to sleep here,"i say making her chuckle. "Are you sure you didn't bring me here yourself, i know you can't get enough of me despite your strict rules,"she says giving my butt a playful squeeze with a huge grin on her face. I'm about to put her in her place when i feel the urge to vomit and rush to the toilet with her following me.
I don't have time to hold my braids up so i just let it all out in the bowl feeling Fabiana's hands gently remove the stray strands from my face and hold the braids up. When I'm done she rushes out and comes back with a bottle of water already opening it for me.
"Are you...you know?"
"Am i what?"
"Pregnant?"
"Hell to the N O, I've just been eating wrong foods lately and getting super nauseous when i go outside, i fainted yesterday....oh my bananas!" I say freaking out about what could actually just be a mild case of stomach problems. I rush back to the room to check my calendar and see that my period is two weeks late. It's not that big of a fuss for me because sometimes it just doesn't come at all in that month. Call me lucky but it comes twice in the next month. "I'm not pregnant Fabiana and i will prove it to you,"i say knowing nothing about pregnancy signs because i wasn't attentive in health class because i already knew i didn't want kids.
"Get dressed I'm taking you to get a check up,"she says sternly not wanting to hear what i have to say about it. "Can I atleast shower first before someone probs my vagina?"i ask and she gestures to the bathroom raising her brows. I know it's serious for her because she didn't let the driver take us insisting that she needs the drive because she wasn't going to the gym as much. When we get there she gets out and rushes to open the door for me freaking me out Abit. Who is she and what did she do with Fabiana. Did she really want a baby that bad? The room is quiet and filled with maternity charts. I insisted on Fabiana waiting outside but she didn't listen and now she's pacing in the room waiting for the doctor to come back with the results after taking my urine sample among other things.
When the doctor comes in she stops pacing and comes to stand next to me. "Doc please tell her it's a false alarm and there's no baby,"i say sure that there isn't one in me. "Actually Mrs Scuderi you're pregnant,"
"How far along?"
"Two weeks,"he says to her. I can see their lips moving after that but can't hear a word theyre saying. A baby? By Fabiana? What am I supposed to do with a baby? I should have frozen my eggs when mom suggested it. "Amelia say something," she says shaking me lightly but i feel dizzy and my eyes get heavier each time i blink and i can't control it. When i wake up I'm in a hospital bed with Fabiana beside me looking worried. "You scared me,"she says sighing heavily. "Relax not even your sudden niceness can kill me,"i say getting up but she pushes me back down gently. Why was i even here? It takes a minute before everything comes rushing back and my heart monitor starts beeping faster. I can't be pregnant.
I can't keep it. "Fabiana we need to talk about this," i say calmly not knowing how she'll take it. She's the baby's father but its my body and what would even happen if i kept it? We'd co parent from London to Milan and vise versa? "Not now, you and the baby need rest,"she says and i can't picture myself sleeping on a hospital bed. I hate hospitals. "Can I take my resting home then?"i ask and she contemplates the idea before calling the doctor who checks off everything saying I'm good to go. On the car ride home i can sense Abit of excitement on her end like she forgot the situation we're in.
"I'm not keeping the baby,"i say making her step on the brakes so abruptly my head hits the dashboard because i didn't have my seatbelt on.
"You what?!!"
"I don't want kids, i don't know if I ever will and this will put my career on hold and i can't have that,"i say looking into her eyes trying to read them. "Get the fuck out of my car,"she says subtly and i don't because we're on the road far from the house to walk. "Get. the. fuck. out of my car,"she says through gritted teeth making me shudder and i do as she asks. I wait for her to leave me there but she doesn't, instead she gets out too and walks over to me.
"You want to kill my child?"
"I'm not killing it I'm just doing what's best for it and myself. Look at what we're doing, you don't love me and I...it would be unfair to it,"
"and who told you that? Do you know how long I've waited for this?"she asks and i don't see how me carrying her child has anything to do with it when she could have easily had a surrogate carry the child for her.
"I don't want it and that's final,"
"they are not an it, that's a living being inside of you,"she says pointing at my belly offended by my choice of words. The car ride back is awkward with so much tension in the air. I want to call my mom but i already told her i could be independent of her. I really miss her. I decide to not rush the decision but I'm not keeping the baby either way. I just need time to let it sink in that I'm carrying a child that will soon be taken out of me dead. Since it's already noon i decide to work abit before taking some time out in the city. Fabiana hasn't talked to me since the altercation.
"Mrs Scuderi what will you be having for lunch?"Diana asks coming back from Fabiana so i take it she told her everything. "Honestly i don't know, what do pregnant women eat?"i ask and she smiles making her idea face and starts making something while i go over files on my laptop. I'm done with work for the time being the same time she places a plate of lasagna and i can't help but dig in each bite being better than the next one. "Why you not keeping the baby? You're such a pretty woman and a good wife to Fabiana,"she says and i can sense Fabiana's effect on her.
I just don't want to keep it, because I'm scared I'll never be the best mom to them. I haven't even figured out what i want my life to be like. I was single for a minute then got into this arrangement. "I'm going to browse the city but I'll be back soon,"i tell her not wanting to continue with this conversation. I'm already at the door with the car keys when Fabiana sprints to where i am like she heard me from all the way up there.
"You're not going anywhere alone,"
"the driver can take me then,"
"I'll take you, that's still my baby as long as it's still in there,"she says grabbing the keys from my hand and i find that somewhat attractive. Maybe it's the hormones. If i decided to keep it how would we manage everything?"i ask as she parks so we can walk from there.
"I don't know, you'll have to move here,"
"I'm not moving here,"
"then I'll move there, simple,"she says but I'm not sure about it. We go back to walking in silence. I just can't keep it no matter how convincing it sounds. That's not what i want. At least that's what I think. This baby was an innocent mistake but that doesn't mean it's to blame. What's the worst that could happen if i did decide to keep it? "Fabiana?" I hear a familiar voice making us both turn to see Julie standing there with a boy about 3 tagging on her arm. "Julie hey, i didn't know you have a child," "that's because you keep going MIA on me partner,"she says punching her arm playfully and she doesn't seem repulsed by the action.
"I remember you, you were at her house when i dropped by,"she says focusing her attention to me. "Umm yeah,"i say dryly not sure what to say. "You two should come to baby's birthday, it's right now. I just had to pick up the cake,"she says gesturing to the box on her left hand. Fabiana looks over to me suggestively and i agree. Her house is actually a walking distance from the bakery. It looks cozy and homie with expensive decor. There's a few pictures of her, a man and their child whom i assume is or was the husband. There's also people there with their kids.
"Jules you're here," a shorter woman who has her features says rushing over to us. "Tess this is Fabiana and Amelia, and this is my sister,"she says introducing us. "So you're Fabiana?" She asks analysing her and for some reason it makes me mad."Wanna help me with the cake?" She asks Fabiana directly and she smiles politely leaving me there not knowing what to do with myself. I decide to go to where the parents are with their kids watching intently how lovely they are and when something is wrong they rush to their mothers to make it better.
It must feel nice to have them look up to you to make decisions for them because they know you'll make the right one, that you'll fix anything and everything. After a while i walk into the kitchen to find Fabiana and Julie laughing hard about something with her placing a hand on her shoulder from time to time. Maybe i was overlooking it and they were just talking and nothing beyond that.
"Where's your husband,if you don't mind me asking?"
"Amelia stop,"
"no it's okay, he's dead. That's why I joined therapy,"she says taking a deep breath and letting it out and Fabiana just rubs her back in understanding. I storm out clearly feeling out of place here because everyone knows her and she seems to be having a great time. "Why were you so insensitive?" She asks running after me. "You just left me there in a house where i don't know anyone at the first chance to be alone with the hot blonde,"i say with my voice starting to break. Curse you hormones! I mutter to myself.
"I was just helping,"
"fuck you honestly and i made up my mind, I'm having an abortion,"i say spiraling because I'm simply mad at the fact that she can easily bond with her and not me. I had to be patient to get to where i am with her and all she had to do was be her grief partner. i walk away getting my phone to call an Uber back to the house because my feet are tired already.
"Where are you going? Away from you and this,"i retort. "I'm coming with you,"
"no stay, poor Julie would be devastated if you left,"i say sarcastically making her pinch the bridge of her nose agitated. "Why are you acting like a jealous bitch when you're nothing to me?"she asks raising her voice and i can tell i pushed her to that point so i just walk away taking that in. I get to the Uber and drive home with a bit more clarity on why i shouldn't have even thought about keeping the baby in the first place.