Warning!!! Mentions of drug use, emetophobia and toxic relationships.
Other than that i hope you enjoy!! <3 Sorry for any typos oops
3.2k words.
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Dirty Converse
"Are these the same old dirty converse from high school?"
~5 years ago~
"Will you go on a date with me?"
You stood there surprised, back against your locker as you stared Jean in the eyes. "Really? But Jean, finals are coming up. I need to study."
He scrambled through his words, "L-look, I like you not just as a friend and I want to see where this could go."
You couldn't help but blush, "I feel the same but I really need to study." You were making excuses because you didn't want to jeopardise the friendship. "How about this, we do a study date. I'll get some food and drinks, we can chat and you know play music." He was rambling by this point, his face was bright red, "Jean..."
"Uh yeah?" He snapped out of it. "Yes, I would love that." You smiled, holding his hand. "Okay, great. How about tonight at my place at 6?"
"Sounds great, i'll see you then."
"Okay, cool. Yeah, bye. see you later," he tried to sound casual about it. You turned around to get your books and in the corner of your eyes you see Jean happily walking away, doing a celebration dance towards Thomas.
You couldn't help but smile even more.
—————
Present day.
"Y/N?"
Your eyes widened, realising who was behind you. You inhaled and looked over to him. "Jean? What are you doing up here?" You questioned, he came up next to you but kept a fair distance away. "I needed some fresh air. You?" He asked, not much emotion in his voice. "Same here..."
Jean purses his lips, you felt extremely awkward, even though you were tipsy.
"Are you still angry about me not replying to your text or have you actually grown up?"
Jean furrowed his eyebrows, "Well now that you have brought it up, yes."
You rolled your eyes, facing towards him. "Are you actually serious? Grow. Up. Jean."
He looks at you, "Look, I'm a bit drunk and I'm not scared to hold back."
"What the actual fuck does that mean?"
He shakes his head, realisation hitting him, "It doesn't matter... I'm not here to argue." He looked down at his feet. You noticed he actually sounded genuine. You frowned, feeling guilty. "I'm sorry... I just"
"Yeah, yeah. I don't need to hear it." He looks back at you, "Have a good rest of your night, Y/N." He walks away before you could say anything else.
You felt terrible.
Why couldn't you just kept your mouth shut?
It wasn't long until your phone started buzzing, you pulled your phone out and saw Mikasa calling you. You sighed and answered the call, "Hello?"
"Hey, where are you? Eren and I have been looking for you." She said concerned.
"I'm sorry, I needed some fresh air..."
"It's okay. I've lost Eren, he went off to find you."
"Don't worry, I'll text him where I am. You go find Sasha and Connie." You confirm, leaning against the railing of the balcony. "Alright, i'll see you soon," you force a smile. "Okay, I'll see you soon." She nods with a smile, hanging up the phone.
You quickly text Eren where you are then you waited for him to find you. You turn your body towards the view of the houses, trees and road infront of you. The lights of the street lamps and other houses lit up the surrounding area, it looked beautiful. The sky was black and the stats shined ever so bright. Your mind was racing around in circle as you kept replaying your interaction with Jean. It was eating you alive. It felt like someone was stabbing a knife right in your back. It hurt. A lot. Your heart ached. It ached so bad.
It wasn't long until Eren came from behind you, "Y/N?"
You turned you head and looked at Eren tiredly, "Hey..."
"Are you okay?" He tilts his head, moving next to you. "Yeah, I just have a-lot on my mind."
"What's up?" He asked slightly concerned, "I know we aren't close but you can talk to me about anything."
You smiled a little at him, "Thank you. I appreciate it."
"I have an idea." He smiled back, taking a joint from his pocket. "Okay, I like that idea," you grinned, gesturing to the freshly rolled-joint. "Awesome," he takes his lighter and rests the joint between his lips. The dim light highlighting his features perfectly, his man bun has come slightly looser and messier. He wore a leather jacket with a white shirt that had graffiti writing on it, and a sliver chain rested around his neck. He wore a pair of dark blue slightly-baggy jeans with a leather black belt and a pair of doc martens. There was no denying that Eren was attractive and he was single, which of course made him more inviting. Although you knew it wouldn't be a good idea considering he was friends with Reiner and Jean. It would be too messy. You liked the thought of Eren but that could just be because you were intoxicated.
Eren took a long drag of the joint and handed it over to you, you took a drag and blew out the smoke into the fresh nighttime air. "So, tell me what's up?" He looked over, you handed him the joint and sighed. You explained everything to him about your conflicted feelings about Jean and how you weren't sure what to do about Reiner.
"I understand what you mean but if you're not feeling it just tell him," Eren said, taking the last drag of the joint before throwing it off the balcony. "I know and I will. I just hope we can be friends."
"Trust me, he will understand. He won't hold it against you."
"Yeah, I hope so..." You hang your head down, the weed starting to hit. "You worry a lot, don't you?" Eren chuckled, nudging your arm softly. You look up at him and laugh a little, "Yeah, it's a speciality of mine."
"I can tell." Eren smiles. "And with Jean just give him space, he's a stubborn horse - pun intended." He laughs again, you laugh with him. "Yeah, that was a good one."
"Thank you. But seriously don't worry about Jean, he cares about you." He says, resting his hand on your shoulder. "He does?" You perk up. Eren nods and chuckled, "Yes. Of course, you were his best friend."
"Yeah... Were... That's the key word here, Eren." You frowned. Eren wraps an arm around you. "Please don't stress. It'll be okay."
You felt tingles as he put his arm around you, your head then resting against him. "Thank you, Eren. I appreciate this..."
"Anytime."
————-
Eren and you decided to go back and find the others, you were extremely high by this point and so was Eren. The pair of you were both chatting complete shit to Sasha and Connie who found it absolutely hilarious. Connie was also high and drunk so when all of you were sat on the couches, the conversation was probably one of most concerning and weirdest things you had ever had. You were now enjoying yourself a lot more then you were an hour ago, a weight had been lifted off your shoulders after talking to Eren.
Mikasa and Armin had messaged you all and said they had gone home. They were tired and both just wanted to go to bed.
It wasn't long until Reiner had joined you, he was sat next to you and Eren. "You guys are fucked, jesus christ," Reiner laughed at the four of you. "You bet!" Connie pointed gun fingers, Sasha then brings up something random to Eren and Connie, meanwhile Reiner begins to speak to you.
"So how's your night been?" He smiles, resting his arm around your waist. You tensed up slightly remembering what had to be said tonight. "It's been good but uh, there's something we need to talk about..." you try to maintain a soft smile. "And what's that?" He leaned closer, rubbing your side. You glanced down at his hand and then back at his eyes, "Look, I think your a wonderful guy," you stop for second, slurring your words. A wave of nausea had hit you but you tried your best to ignore it. "But, I just don't see you as someone I picture myself with."
His brows instantly furrow, "So you have been leading me on?"
You shake your head, "No! Absolutely not. I would never-"
"Oh save it," he takes his arm off from around you. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean it to come across like that- I need to use the restroom." You quickly got up and stumbled away. Reiner leant back in his seat with a scowl, Sasha noticing you leave, "Reiner, where is Y/N going?"
Reiner shrugged, "Bathroom."
Connie had leant back staring at the ceiling with Eren, "That's crazy"
"Crazy mad, dude." Eren responded.
"Crazy madly mad, dudeeee."
Sasha rolled her eyes at the two, "Is she okay?"
"She's fine."
"Uh, okay.." Sasha pulled out her phone messaging you.
Today, 1:32am
Wife<3
Hey, Y/N? Where did you go? Are you okay???
You looked down at you phone seeing the message, you were going to respond but you knew you needed to be sick. You put you phone in your purse and ran to the bathroom, you crouched down and threw up. The weed was not hitting you the way you wanted it to anymore. Your anxiety was through the roof, you let out a few tears as your worries consumed you. The last thing you wanted was your friends to dislike you because of Reiner. You felt awful, physically and emotionally. You choked out a sob, your emotions overflowing through you. Everything felt too much.
Suddenly your thoughts were interrupted when somebody opened the door of the bathroom, "Oh shit- I'm sorry."
You glanced up at them and saw one of the last people you wanted to see for rest of the night.
"Y/N, are you okay?!" The man closed the door behind him, turning the lock so no one could walk in. "J-Jean? I-" You just shook your head and threw up again into the toilet. He quickly got on his knees next to you and pulled your hair back, "Oh Y/N..." He sighs, he spots the hair band on your wrist and lightly touched it, "may I?"
You looked up briefly and nodded, then turning your head back to throw up once again. He tied your hair back and started to rub your back. "It will be okay."
Even despite your conversation earlier, he continued to treat you kindly, his words and touch soft towards you. As Eren said, he still cared about you more than words could say.
You had stopped being sick but your whole body felt weak. Tears were still streaming down your face as you hated being sick, you had a great fear of it. The alcohol, the stress of tonight, the overload of work, missing your sister, the hurt of Jean being with somebody else, Reiner accusing you of leading him on. It all had became too much.
"Too much to drink?" He said as he got some tissue, you faced him and shook your head. "What happened...? If you don't mind me asking?" He said with a soft voice and soft eyes looking at your face. He got the tissue and wiped your mouth then putting it down the toilet, he grabbed some more and started softly wiping under you eyes. "You don't need to do this..." You spoke weakly. He sighed, looking at you with soft eyes and a frown. "Even despite everything, I still care about you..."
Your heart strings are tugged, your throat feeling tight, tears swelling your eyes. "I'm really sorry about earlier," you choked out the words, a strand of hair falling into your face. Jean softly tucks your hair behind you ear, "It's okay... Don't worry about it." He smiled softly. "All i care about right now is if you're okay."
The tears fall down your face, feeling a sense of déjà vu. You've been in an extremely similar situation to this before. "Sorry... I don't know why i'm crying." You sniffled. "Are you sure? You can tell me." He wipes your tears, his palm resting on the side of your face, his thumb rubbing your cheek gently. "I'm just stressed about work..."
You didn't want to tell him about Reiner since it was his friend and you didn't want Jean to say something to him. "I also just miss Mina..."
"Don't stress about work, you're amazing at what you do, you're an incredible writer."
You crack a small smile at his kind words, "And you'll see Mina soon, i'm sure."
"Thank you..."
"Come on, let me take you home." Jean said, moving his hand to yours. Tingles went up your arm, all the way up and down your spine. The feelings you had for Jean were still there deep down.
Little did you know, he felt the exact same way.
You would've rejected his offer but you were way too high. "Okay..."
Jean stands up and holds out both of his hands for you to take, he pulls you up and wraps an arm around your shoulder. You put your arm around his waist and made your way out of the house. You walked with him to his car and he helped you in the front passenger seat. He got into the drivers seat and turns on the engine, he has sobered up by now so he was fine to drive. All he wanted in that moment was you to be safe.
"Any particular music you want to listen to?" He looks over at you, you smiled and chuckled weakly, "Try and guess?"
He instantly knew what you meant and he smiled back at you. He connects his spotify to the caf and scrolls down to play an old playlist you had completely forgot about.
Playing Playlist... 081914
The playlist was named after the date you both started high-school together. It was crazy to think that was over 9 years ago. "I didn't know you still had the playlist?" You spoke. Jean nodded, putting the car into drive and pulling off. "I would listen to it occasionally in college," he glanced at you.
You smiled at him and then realising what song started to play it was 'Robbers' by the 1975. It was one of your favourite songs ever and it was Jean's as well. You both looked at each other and smiled, you both started to sing along.
[Hey, Alexa. Play Robbers by The 1975]
As tired as you were you couldn't but sing, it really felt like old times again.
—————-
5 Years Ago.
You and Jean were sat in his new car that he got for his birthday, it was the newest model of the mercedes-benz. It was an extremely nice car. His family were more wealthy than most people in Trost. Yes, his stuck up and cocky side came out a lot but he was actually one of the most caring and charming person you would ever meet.
You were driving down the high street, "So, what song?" Jean said as he looked over to you.
You smiled, "Have a guess."'
Jean smiled back, "On it." He connected his phone to the bluetooth and turned on the song 'Robbers'.
"You know me too well, Jean." You giggled, "Of course I do. I know everything about you."
He laughed, "Unless there's something you haven't told me yet?"
You pulled a thinking face, "Hmm, no. You know everything."
"Yeah, thought so."
He did know almost everything about you but there was one thing he didn't know.
He didn't know that you were in love with him.
_________
You told Jean your address and he parked outside of the apartment complex, he looked over at you, "Do you want me to walk you inside?"
"You don't have too..."
"Of course, It's okay" He turned off the engine and got out of the car. He walked over to your side and opened the door for you, he held out his hand for you to take. You held his hand and got out of the car, your whole body felt weak, your legs gave out as you stood up. "Woah, easy.." Jean said softly, wrapping his arm around your waist. "Sorry... tonight has done a number on me," you held onto him. "Don't apologise," He walked with you to your apartment, he took your keys and opened the door. He took you to your room and sat you down on the bed, "You going to be alright?"
You nodded, "Yeah... I'll be fine."
"Where do you keep your pyjamas, i'll get it all for you."
"Jean... You really don't have to do all of this."
"No, I do. Where do you keep your pyjamas?" He firmly asserted, you sighed knowing he wasn't going to give in. "Second draw in my dresser."
"Thank you," he walked over to your dresser and got out some pyjamas. He laid them on the bed and looked at you, "You get dressed, I'm going to get you some water."
"Okay... Thank you..." You smiled weakly. Jean left to go to the kitchen while you started getting ready for bed.
About 5 minutes past and Jean came back, he knocked on the door, "Are you dressed?"
"Yes," you responded, sat on your bed removing your makeup. He walked in and sat the glass of water on your bedside table, "feeling any better?"
"Yeah, I am. Thank you." You smiled, taking the glass of water and sipping some of it.
"Good," he smiled, looking around at your room, his eyes stopped at the corner of your room as he noticed something familiar.
"What?" you raised a brow, curious on what he was so fixated on. He walked over to the corner of the room and picked up your pair of battered black high-top converse. "Are these the same old dirty converse from high school?"
You couldn't help but smile at the fact he still remembers every little thing about you. "Yeah, they are."
"I thought you would've thrown them out by now?" he chuckled. "Yeah, I cant bring myself too. I love them too much." You laughed a little.
"Fair enough," he lightly placed them back down, his phone starting to buzz. He takes the phone out of his pocket and sees Pieck calling him. He sighed and walked over to you, "I've got to get going but I'll see you soon. Pieck is wondering where I am."
Everytime he mentioned her name, it hurt you.
"Oh, yeah. Right. I'll see you soon then..." you used your strength to crack a smile. "Yeah, I'll uh- see you. Bye Y/N." He goes to leave but before he does you speak up, "Thank you for everything."
He turns back to look at you, "It's no problem, anytime." He smiled back, he turned around and left your room.
You waited for the sound of the front door shutting and once you heard it, you laid face down into the pillow and let out a loud groan.
Why did he have to be with someone else?
———-
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