Ashley and I got started on making the cookies. We started with me listing off the ingredients and what measurements of each while she went around the kitchen gathering the measuring cups and the ingredients, setting them in an organised way on the counter.
"So, as your best friend, I know you love your organisation. So, how are you organising these?" I asked, slightly teasing her. I looked at her just in time to see a slight smile come across her face as she brought back the sugar and flour, as well as a 1-cup measuring cup.
"Well these are the ones we're going to need the most of, and their respective measuring cups. And these we won't need as much of and also the measuring spoons. And these two smaller piles are specific to the macadamia nut and the gingerbread. Like we wouldn't use the white chocolate chips for the gingerbread, so it goes in this pile," she explained.
I loved the way she was so organised. Sure, I could keep things organised in my room or my camera bag or even during a croc show. I know I'm not the best at putting things away, and I've been known to leave camera equipment scattered across my desk or painting supplies, as well as just shoving clothes in a drawer or haphazardly into my closet.
But she was more than just organised, she had a spot for everything and an unsaid plan in her head. She moved fluidly, knowing exactly what she would do and when without much hesitation between things. She always had things in her room so clean and organised, everything had its spot where it fits perfectly, like some kind of mega game of Tetris. My organisation abilities stopped at putting things where they went.
I've been there a lot on days when she'd be deep cleaning her room, or slightly stressed out cause she had things scattered across her desk for the things she was currently working on. She'd apologise profusely and then organise it into piles that only she knew what they contained, and which things were for what project or to be used in what order. It was like her mind was this complex system to anyone on the outside looking in, but it was common knowledge to her.
We got the cookies made, and the last tray was in the oven, while the rest of them and the gingerbread cookies were cooling on racks Ashley set up on the kitchen table. I was scraping the sides of the mixing bowl with a spoon while Ashley was finishing up cleaning the small mess we had made, which just consisted of some spilt flour here, spilt sugar there, and whatnot. She also loaded the dirty dishes in the dishwasher.
"Okay, Robert, I'm gonna have to confiscate that bowl and spoon," she joked, holding out her hands and waiting for me to hand them to her. "Plus, I think you polished them enough." She giggled.
"But there's still some look!" I said, showing her the tiny bit of cookie dough on the bottom of the bowl while holding it close to me. I smirked at her, and a slight grin spread across her fast.
"Come on, don't be cheeky, Tarzan," she joked.
"Okay, okay," I said, scooping up the last bit up and handing her the bowl. She put one hand on her hip, and I knew she was waiting for me to hand the spoon over as well. I took my time, taking small nibbles of the cookie dough to make her laugh.
"Are you trying to prove something, Croc Boy?"
"I think the fact that you called me "Croc Boy" proves enough, darling," I said, winking at her and handing over the spoon. A slight blush spread across her cheeks. I smirked again. "You weren't expecting that, were you?"
"No," she said, looking away while she put the dishes in the sink, "I was not expecting that. But you do have a good point- just being called "Croc Boy" proves plenty. "
She looked over at glanced at the timer on the oven, checking to see how much time was left on that batch of cookies before pulling out her phone. I watched her as she scrolled through what was probably Pinterest. Her hair was up in a messy bun, and even though she was basically wearing pyjamas, she still looked beautiful.
I looked at her hands holding her phone. Her nails were usually cut short, but the artist in her preferred to have them painted, and now they were a very light blue.
I moved so I was standing in front of her, leaning against the small kitchen island in front of her. She looked up at me, arching her left eyebrow.
"Can I help you?" She said, smiling slightly.
"Can you do me a favour? Put your phone down," I said, softly.
"Okay?" She said, before locking it and setting it on the counter next to her.
She stood with her hands in front of her, looking up at me. Her hair was still up in the messy bun she tied it in when she got out of the shower, but now some small strands fell out and framed her face.
I gently grabbed her hands, and slowly reached my right thumb to rub the scars on her left wrist.
I let my gaze trail up from her arms to her face, where she was giving me a confused look with watery eyes.
"You are just..so beautiful," I said to her.
"No, I'm not," she said, looking away. I stepped closer to her.
"Yes, you are. I know other people have made you feel like you're not, but I'm gonna do everything I can to make you feel pretty. And loved and wanted and everything else that you should feel any way that some crappy people who don't even matter made you feel like you're not," I said. I gently reached up and brushed some of the hair out of her face.
I gently put my thumb under her chin and turned her head to face me.
"Ashley, I have worked and photographed all sorts of animals, and been to all sorts of places, but you are the most beautiful thing I have had the pleasure of experiencing," I said.
"Oh, Robert..." she said, her voice sounding kind of sad like she didn't believe what I was saying. Which, given her dating history and her not-so-great luck with friends, I can see why she didn't. But like I just told her, I want to do nothing but make her happy and feel good about herself. She deserved that. And so much more.
"Trust me, you're gorgeous. And I'm going to remind you every day, even while we're in this trial period," I said, trying to reassure her. She softly nodded her head, a stray tear fell down her cheek, and I wiped it with my thumb.
I leaned down and pressed my forehead to hers. "Everything will be okay. We'll figure things out, your family will be okay, your art will do great, and you and I will be fine," I whispered. I wanted to reassure her and let her know that everything would be okay because I truly believed it would be. Things may be rough and uncertain sometimes, but in the end, they will always be okay.
"Okay," she whispered back, closing her eyes.
"Okay," I said, closing mine as well. I tilted her head up with my hand which was still gently below her chin. I slowly leaned down to kiss her. But right as my lips were about to touch hers, the timer on the oven went off.
"Oh! The cookies!" She said, giggling softly.
"Wait a minute, we're kind of doing something here," I said giving her a cheeky grin.
She reached up and gave me a quick kiss, before dashing over to the oven to get the cookies out. I watched as she grabbed an oven mitt to grab the tray out of the oven, before setting it on top. She turned off the oven and looked at the cooled cookies on the table.
"While the ones on the tray cool, help me put these in containers," she said.
"Can we taste test?" I asked, watching as she walked to one of the cabinets to grab containers. She tiptoed and stretched to reach the containers, her shirt raising up and showing her stomach, as well as the belly piercing she had. It was the only one she had other than a few in her ears. I thought it was cute, and I went with her the day she got it done when she was 16, and it looked like it hurt.
She stuck her tongue out slightly as she reached for the containers as if that was going to help her reach them. I smiled to myself and shook my head before walking over to her. I gently put my hand on her back to let her know I was right beside her, and I easily reached up and grabbed the containers she was reaching for and handed them to her.
"Thanks," she said, walking over to the table. "Ya know, I could have gotten it."
"How? By climbing the counter?" I joked, laughing. She set the containers down on the table and started putting the gingerbread ones in the smaller container.
"Precisely," she replied, smiling. "When you're short, you become skilled at doing things without asking tall people for help. Half of it is just to prove to them that you can do it without them."
We laughed about her comment and put the cookies away. After the ones that were on the table were done, we added the last ones that were on the tray to the container with the rest of the macadamia nut cookies.
We each took a few cookies, I went for the white chocolate macadamia nut ones and she grabbed a gingerbread.
"Outside?" She asked, walking towards the back door.
"Sure," I replied.
We went and sat on the porch swing and ate our cookies. We sat in silence after, enjoying the occasional animal sounds and sounds of guests at the zoo. I sat on one side of the swing, pushing it gently with one foot. She laid down, her head on my left leg, and her legs stretched out, bare feet crossed on the other arm of the swing. Her toenails were always painted white, and she wore a toe ring on her left foot and an anklet on her right.
"I'm excited to release Noosa tomorrow," she said, breaking the silence. I looked down at her face, her eyes were closed like she was just soaking this moment in.
"Me too. Would you want to swim with her for a bit after? Like to watch her swim off and to take photos?" I asked, playing with the few loose strands of her hair.
"I'd love nothing more," she said, a small smile spread across her lips.
"And how are we gonna do our gift exchange? Do you and your mum have a plan, more or less, for the day?" I asked. I stretched my left arm so it was against her side, and my fingers gently rested on her hip.
"My uncle is coming in the morning, and mum and I are going to exchange our gifts, and Cait and her mum left gifts under the tree for us. Plus, my family in America sent some stuff that came last week that mum wrapped and put under there," she explained, reaching down and intertwining the fingers on her right hand with mine that were at her hip. She laid her arm across her hips. "Then, lunch with my uncle. I think mum mentioned wanting to go over to your house around 1 or 2, and bringing cookies and doing our gift exchange before we went to release Noosa."
"That's a solid plan," I said, giving her hand 3 gentle squeezes.
"That's all we have to do, I think. After all that, you should come over and we can watch Christmas movies."
"I'd be delighted," I said, smiling. "Oh, I found a song that made me think of you. It is a bit older, but I just discovered it so bare with me." I picked up my phone and pulled the song up on Spotify. I pressed play and "Happy Lil Hippie" by Cody Simpson started playing.
She lay with her eyes closed, and out of the corner of my eyes, I could see her lightly moving her feet to the beat of the music.
"Play it again," she whispered as soon as it was over. I played it again, singing along softly to her.
It ended for the second time and she was silent as if she was mulling over the song in her head.
"I like it, it's catchy. And I love that it made you think of me," she said after a few minutes of silence. She opened one eye slightly to look at me, then closed it as she reached her right hand up and gently put it on my cheek, her thumb softly tracing circles on my chin.
"It describes you to a T. Other than your eyes being green instead of brown as the song says. That's the only difference between you and the girl he's singing about," I said. She lowered her arm and went back to holding my hand across her hips.
"Thank you for thinking of me," she said.
The sun was starting to set. Her tanned skin glowed, and the natural highlights in her hair stood out. She just looked otherworldly. It was moments like this that reminded me why this time was called the "golden hour".
She was so kind. She had the biggest heart of anyone I knew, other than maybe Bindi. She was so gentle and sweet with people and animals, and it was so hard for me to think she had a rough time making friends in public school. I knew it was nothing that was her fault, sometimes, the world just isn't kind to the people who are.
And she was so smart. She knew what she was talking about when she spoke, and she talked kindly. Sure, I knew stuff about animals and photography, and I thought I was pretty smart. But not many people in my life knew a lot of the things that I did, so it was nice to communicate with someone who was as equally smart in most of the same subjects as I was. But to hear her ramble about art and talk about art things that she was passionate about fascinated me. It never made complete sense to me and it was like she was speaking Greek half the time, but I loved hearing her talk and learning about what she was passionate about that I just didn't care.
I was just so lucky to be around her. To even know her was even luckier. To love her was like winning the lottery.
Love.
I really think I love her. I just had no idea how to tell her, and I knew she wanted to take it slow and try things out, so I was respecting that. It might sound weird, but I took a similar approach to this as I do to animals, respecting their boundaries and taking it slow.
I smiled to myself, thinking of all of the cool adventures we would have together, and all of the ways I could show her that I love her.
We sat there, enjoying the silence again. Well, until Ashley's mum and a man, who I'm assuming was Ashley's uncle, came walking down the path from the zoo. I gently nudged Ashley to get her attention, prompting her to sit up.
"Hey kids," Laurie said, approaching the steps to the deck. "I figured you two would be out here by now. Did you get the cookies made?"
"Yep," Ashley said coldly. I assumed this was because her mum didn't mention that she was going to be meeting her uncle today. I would be a bit upset too.
"Oh, Robert, this is my brother, James," Laurie said, they were standing close to us now, and I stood up and shook his hand to be polite.
"Well, I'm going to go home now," I said, awkwardly. "I'll see you both tomorrow." I turned and looked at Ashley, raising my eyebrows quickly. I was hoping she would take this as a hint to call me or text me if she needed anything. But, I figured I would call her a bit later regardless.
I turned back around and followed the dirt path to my house. I felt slightly worried for Ashley, I knew she wasn't expecting to meet her uncle until tomorrow, so I know her mum just bringing him home must be confusing for her. I hoped it would go well, but I would know for sure if she called me later.
I opened the back door to my house and was greeted by the smell of food cooking.