"your beauty never ever scared me."
---
y/n's pov
"Are you listening, Y/N?" Chad's voice broke me out of the trance I had been stuck in, staring at the calendar on the wall of his dorm.
"Hmm?" I looked back at him, taking my eyes away from the date.
27th of September 2022.
That meant the next day marked one year since Wes died.
One year since I had seen his face, or talked to him, or kissed him.
One year since I listened to him get murdered over the phone.
Chad followed my eyes and glanced back to the calendar.
"Oh." He realized and a small frown pulled on his lips. "Y/N..."
"It's fine, Chad. Whatever." I shook my head. "What were you saying?"
"Tara." He said and I raised an eyebrow, gesturing for him to go on. "Jesus, did you not hear anything I said?"
"Not one thing."
"You're a great friend, Y/N." Chad commented sarcastically, and I laughed.
"Yeah, whatever. Now what about Tara were you saying?" I asked. "Is this about your little crush on her or whatever?"
"Shut up." He groaned and I nodded.
"So it is?" I rolled my eyes. "Just ask her out then. I've noticed the way the girl blushes when I talk about you."
"Aw, you talk about me? I'm touched."
"Yeah, nothing good, though." I shrugged. "I mostly just tell her about how annoying you are."
"And yet, you're still here."
"Indeed I am." I sighed, leaning forward and taking an Oreo from the packet Chad had sitting beside him before throwing my legs over his.
The front door opened, and Ethan stepped in.
He closed the door behind him and shot me a smile. I smiled back.
Ethan was a real sweetheart.
He walked through the room and over to his side, sitting down at the computer on his desk and sliding a pair of headphones on.
Chad turned to me with a grin.
"I'll ask out Tara if you ask him out." He stated.
"Excuse me?"
"Ethan."
"I know who you're talking about. I'm more wondering why?"
"Because I'm, like, your best friend now, and I've noticed you guys both staring at each other with googly eyes and shit."
I shook my head.
"There have been no 'googly eyes', Chad." I scoffed and he rolled his eyes.
"Yeah, whatever. I know what I've seen." Chad stated.
"Did Tara put you up to this?"
He shrugged and twisted his Oreo. He picked out the cream, eating it before he ate the cookie.
"What is wrong with you?"
"What?" His voice was muffled by the food in his mouth.
I shook my head.
"You disgust me."
"Love you, too. But," He sat up a little and started to whisper. "You know, I'm pretty sure Ethan likes you."
I glanced over at the curly-haired boy invested in whatever video game he was playing at that moment.
"Yeah, I know."
"I'm serious."
"I know you are." I fiddled with the buttons of the jacket I wore. An old one of Wes'. "So am I."
"Do you like him?"
"Chad, come on. Don't do this."
"Do what?"
"This." I gestured to him. "Pushing me like this. I get you're trying to help me move on and all, but..."
I took a deep sigh and lied my head back on the arm of the couch.
"I don't think I can. I mean..." I looked over at Ethan. "Wes was my everything, and I don't know if I can let him go."
"Hey," Chad wrapped an arm around my shoulder. "I never said you had to let him go. I mean, I haven't."
Chad gestured to the framed photo on his nightstand of himself and a dark-haired Wes from when we were 10. The young boys were grinning and had their arms sitting on each other's shoulder.
"He was, like, my best friend." Chad sighed. "I don't want you to let him go, Y/N. I just think you deserve to be happy."
"That's what Tara's been saying." I told him. "Look, thank you, Chad. Really. But you know I can decide that for myself when I'm ready, right?"
He nodded, picking up another Oreo.
"Yeah, I guess." He turned to me. "You staying for dinner?"
"Sure. Mindy's at Anika's tonight so I don't have plans."
"What's the deal with them? Are they dating yet?"
I nodded. "I'm pretty sure. Mindy won't tell me, so I'm pretty confident that they are."
"She's the one always going on about not trusting people." Chad shook his head slightly. "Anyway, I still can't cook, so how does pizza sound?"
"Yeah, alright."
"Ethan!" Chad called out and the boy turned around, lifting one side of his headphones off his ear. "Pizza for dinner?"
"Yeah, cool."
"Okay, well," Chad stood up. "I'm gonna go pick it up because that douche Carter works at the pizza place down the street, and he'll probably give me some shit for free."
"Yeah, okay, cool." Ethan replied, not taking his eyes off the computer monitor.
"Y/N's gonna stay here."
"Alright."
"I'm gonna go jump out the window."
"Awesome."
"He's not even listening." Chad scoffed and picked up his keys. "Well, I'll be back."
"Have fun."
Around forty-five minutes after Chad left, Ethan looked away from his computer and over to where I was sitting.
"Where's Chad?" He asked.
I laughed softly at his puzzled expression.
"He left to go pick up pizza."
"Pizza? Why didn't he just get it delivered?" Ethan asked as he walked across the room and took the spot on the couch Chad had been occupying.
"He explained that already." I said and Ethan looked down.
"Oh. I wasn't listening." Ethan frowned slightly. I chuckled. "What?"
"Nothing. It was funny, that's all." I shrugged awkwardly and he smiled.
He had a very nice smile, I would admit.
"Oh." I noticed his cheeks grow red, and butterflies fluttered in my stomach.
I stopped and a sinking feeling took over my stomach.
I can't like him. I told myself. You're not ready for that again.
But another voice in my head was telling me that it was okay.
I didn't mind that voice.
Getting a notification, I picked up my phone and opened it.
"Who's that?" Ethan looked at my wallpaper.
"My, um," I paused. "He's my boyfriend. Wes."
"Oh. You have a boyfriend?" Ethan had a small frown tugging on his lips.
"Well... I mean, I guess I don't." I sighed. "Not anymore."
"Did he break up with you? Because he'd be pretty dumb to do that." Ethan stated and I smiled slowly.
"No, he, uh... He was killed. Last year." I gestured to the calendar. "Almost to the day, actually. Tomorrow's the one year."
"Oh." He paused for a moment. "Was he the guy you mentioned the other night?"
"Yeah." I nodded. "But... It's whatever. Chad says I should move on, or at least try to."
"I mean, he could be right." Ethan shrugged. "I'm definitely no expert on this stuff, so don't listen to me, but you never know what could happen."
A smile pulled on my lips. "Thanks, Ethan."
The dorm room door swung open, and Chad walked in with three pizza boxes in his arms and a bottle of Coke balanced on top of it.
"Hey, I got food, guys." The bottle of Coke then dropped down and landed right on the carpet. Luckily, it didn't explode or anything.
"Very smooth, Chad."
"Thank you."