Bang!
Minho startled at the ear shuddering noise rattling through the walls of his room, trembling down as his jolted fingers shot back from the keyboard, ripping his headphones off his ears and whipping to his now, wide open bedroom door. To where Felix stared back at him. To where, the culprit of the jumpscare looked at him as if he was an anomaly of catastrophic proportions meant to year apart the space-time continuum instead of a proper human being sitting in that gaming chair. NPC stand style. A blank emptiness to the void of thoughts or words consuming the brothers in the vast universe of oppressive quiet that spanned between them. Occupied with the faint thrumming from the music blasting over the headphone speakers laid across his collarbones to hear what that phenomenon had to say to him.
Felix looked at the phone in his hand. Then back up to Minho. Returning to the NPC idle in the threshold of that open door as he interrogated, "Mid-ho, are you free Saturday?"
"No, I cost money, constantly," The older stretched a hand out, briefly tapping down on the satisfyingly clicky space bar to pause the thumping beats from his music so he wouldn't miss any of the gossip that pop song was blasting into his ears. Not without missing the fast eye roll from his younger brother with the sarcastic response flung back to him. Dragging to the back of his head in succession to a matured reaction to Minho's immature responses flung back to him without mercy. Felix didn't need mercy. Felix needed problems, and Minho was more than welcome to give him the annoyances he was deserving of while he leaned back in the gaming chair. Faced toward the younger. Tapped the pads of his fingers together, as if he was an evil scientist scheming to corrupt the world with his creations, "Why? Why do you need me?"
"Okay so," Felix stepped into the room and shut the door behind him, starting the ramble with excited glimmers in his eyes. As if he was waiting to be asked. As if he was ready with the monologue, desperately hoping the older would fall into his trap. He scurried over to the older's bed, flopped to have a seat at the edge, and sparked up, "Seungmin wants to be official with me. Like, you know, a couple-"
Minho scrunched his nose up, "Ew."'
"Fuck you."
"Why you?"
"Minho."
"You're a rat?"
"Why can't you be happy for me?"
"Because you stole my charger exactly thirty two times, and, yes I am keeping tally," Minho argued back to the scrutinizing eyes staring him down as if he was the complete scum of the Earth, eyes narrowed and head tipped, eyebrows quirked and a scowl threatening to pierce through his very fiber with laser beams rocketed from the younger of the pair. That stare almost returned to Felix as he turned around to the bundle of midnight void curled up on the bed sheets, attacking the pet with affection of kisses and scrubs while that bell jingled in delight to the attention. Minho would've chopped his hand off for touching Gummy when she was sleeping so cutely (Almost as cute as Jisung, curled up in a buttery croissant shape), but he let it pass for now. Reclining back into his seat more as he prompted, "Anyway, so, continue."
"He was going to ask me but. BUT! Get this. Because he can't actually meet Momma and Dad since he can't take time off of work, he wants to get dinner with you and kind of... You know. Make sure you're alright with him seeing me," Felix raved to him. The smile on his lips growing tenfold moment by moment, spreading wide through his features sprouting up like a verdure jungle vibrant in the foliage that evergreen canopy could contain, radiating like melted strawberry ice cream walking from the crunchy waffle cone which held that tasty freeze from warm hands threatening to thaw that ice, glowing delicately in the wiggling of his shoulders and the bouncing disturbing Gummy from her rest. The midnight cat instead coming to sit up and judge that man through the narrowed tilt of her yellow eyes.
The hacker whistled a trilled note to him and folded his arms over his chest, something that could match the purified joy filtered through his younger brother, something that could relate to the excitement he saw sparkling on his eyes in time to the dangling earrings and silky purple river of his uniform shirt, something he understood well. Naivety. Innocent. A passion, a yearning, playing diamonds for hearts, and hearts for infatuation, adoration, gambits in the anticipation evidently stacked inside his eyes and in his shoulders. That royal disposition of his brother collapsing down to the little bubbles and cheerful head wiggles of excitement, a child with tinted glasses painted the color of blossoming roses exploring a fantastical world of mythical beasts and unknown mysteries yet to be discovered.
Minho had only seen Felix this excited once before in his lifetime: When Chan gifted him the customized bass for his birthday.
And now, Seungmin wanting to be in a relationship with him.
He rocked a bit in the gaming chair, occupying himself with the squeaking of the coils inside the seat scraping out meanings between his words, "Wow. So he's serious serious. He's pulling the old fashion cards. If he wants the family to be okay with him dating you."
"Yeah! He actually... He actually wants this with me," Felix grinned louder. But softer too, the upturn of his lips turning to a tender mellifluous. Gentle. The waving of a white flag hung high in a frosty breeze coursing snowflakes through their whipped hair, posted up to scream his willing surrender to that older male and all he had to offer for protection to that kingdom stranded in the cold of a lonely blizzard. Twisting down. Before twisting around, scooping up the offended cat to be held delicately in his arms, a meow of a protest and the dangling of the bell as she was held in a strange embrace by Felix, "He's serious about me. As something real."
Gummy stared at Minho.
Eyes narrowed and tail whipping while she was held in Felix's arms.
Minho stuck his tongue out at his cat, taunting her in her frustration of being held so cutely. Must be shitty; So be so filled to the sealed brim with unadulterated rage at the world and the constant want to murder on the tips of those sharp claws, yet to be so small and squishable that your serial killer tendencies as quenched by the wrapping of tight arms coursed around your furry body. Once knowing the cat scrutinized him enough, Minho turned his attention back to the waiting Felix. The waiting brother, his own eyes scowled with a slight judgement toward the hacker. Side eye. An incredible amount of side eye from both Felix and Gummy, picking apart every inch of him as if he was a failed masterpiece to be criticized and critiqued from peers.
He simply brushed that judgement look off, and continued, "Are you ready for a relationship that committed? If he knows he wants something serious with you enough to get permission from me, even though you're an adult and you can do whatever you want, that's it. He's locked you down. You're stuck in taking it as seriously as he is. To be that involved with someone, it's a lot."
His younger brother quieted, his gaze slipping down to his lap. To his folded legs, tucked closer to his body at the edge of the mattress as a pensiveness overcame him. Casting down, as if he stood at the edge of a reflective pond in that grand forest. That grand wonderland of twisted trees and warped landscapes checkered with esoteric extravagance only few would come to understand; Those setups of tipped tea-parties on caterpillar backs squirming along grass blades sharp enough to cut through tunnels, hedgemazes of roses with voices and flowers which sung classical tunes to occupy time while they grew long enough to be pruned, crystalline mines of frigid gemstones prodded and poked by wisps in the sky come to take back what glimmers it owned from inside those cambered chasms trapping the sun. As if he could look from above, down to that world and see all it's answers from where he sat.
Silently, Minho undid the fold he kept himself in. Footsteps tapping down on the floor as he dragged himself over to where Felix was sat stilled. Statued by the reflectivity stapled to the sudden press of his lips and searching gaze of his eyes, riffling through questions on questions of a reality which now sunk into him. Pausing for a beat, Minho then grabbed the younger's knee, shaking it a bit to call his attention to stabilize back on normal ground. Waiting until those eyes coursed up and landed on him, before starting up, "Lix, does he want an answer now?"
"No, he said I can take my time and think about it," The younger murmured back, his eyes quickly casting back down to his lip.
"See? Green flag. Huge green flag. Seungmin seems like an incredible person. He'll take care of you, I know he will, I've seen the way he treats you and I've seen the way he treats his kid, I know he'll be good to you. If you're ready to commit to him like that," Minho twisted his head, trying to invade on the space Felix was staring down to. Trying to warp in such a way to catch his brother's eyes and bring that small smile back to his face, "And, if you're not ready for something like this, I will be more than glad to get dinner with him and say 'No' so you can blame it on me. I'll do it, Minho style. Extra dramatic flare. Okay?"
The tiniest of smiles peered it's way to Felix's lips. A fast nod coming in turn. Deciding for him, "Momma would like him."
"Oh, Mom would adore Seungmin, yeah. She'd probably be off-put by the age gap but she'd smoother him once they had the chance to talk. She'd love Eunwoo too."
"Think so?"
"Felix, it's Mom. She's adopt an pile of shit if it needed a home."
Minho quieted.
Looking Felix up and down.
He hummed, "No wait, I guess she already did."
"Shut up, pickle brain," Felix shoved him, his smile growing wider as the chair involuntarily rolled back with the force.
A sound cut over Minho's headphones.
He stared down at the electronic around his neck, blinking. Before spinning back to the computer screens, two filled with lines of code he needed for the job he was working on, his laptop opened and intruded by a call from a familiar name.
"Is that Jisung?" Felix interrogated, flopping over on the mattress to see the screen around the waddling Minho scooting back to his desk. The cat in his arms finally squirming away from him, the twinkling bell on the collar acting in lieu of a voice angrily shouting back to being held as if she was nothing but a taco. Scurrying away to hop onto Minho's desk with a small 'mwwrrrfff' announcing her intrusion. Minho went to poke her, prod her away from stepping on his keyboard with the miniature mittens as Felix trudged behind him, "Tell him I said Hi, I have to get going. I love you."
"I love you too, drive safe," Minho gave him a slight smile, watching until the moment Felix closed the bedroom door and slipped away.
He quickly slotted the headphones back to his ears and accepted the voice call.
"Minho."
As soon as he heard that melodic voice utter through the speakers, his heart...
Pinched?
Jisung's voice didn't sound right.
"Hey love," He tried to greet as normally as he could, kicking his feet up onto his desk to relax back while they talked. Despite the blaring of warning sirens in his mind shouting to him the weakness in the other's voice didn't sound right, that illustrious quality of the Elysian glow honeying smooth strings through his syllables, rhythmic meter of angelic poetry in his spoken words shattered by an unusual timidness to his tone, by the faintest sound of something. What is that? That sound the speakers barely were able to project through the still? Sharp breaths. Abraded breaths. Sniffling? Was Jisung sniffling? Is he crying? Minho tried to keep his slough of questions contained inside his squeezing chest, trying to ask as calmly as he could manage to, "What's up?"
Again, a sniffle in turn of an answer. Another sniffle, almost suffocated by something, muffled? Fabric? Was he muffling his sniffles behind his sweaters or a hoodie? Those heartbreaking sounds, each causing Minho's heart to be ripped in two and stomped out on a cement curb to be left for dead, followed by a sharp breath. A quick inhale, a breathy exhale, trembling ever so slightly, before Jisung told, "I know we said you'd come over tonight after stream but, I don't know. Just not... I have to stream, but that's all I can do today."
"That's fine. I don't mind," Minho lied. He did mind. He minded very much; Not that he couldn't have the camboy to himself for a few hours, not that he couldn't make that lithe body go again once he caught his breathe, not that he couldn't touch him and use him in whatever way he wanted, no he didn't want that. He minded he couldn't be there as the stream ended to help those shaky legs clean up and reorganize, he minded he couldn't be there to shower with him and scrub shampoo suds through the sweaty scalp and pepper kisses on the dripping shoulders, he minded that he couldn't be there for Jisung to cuddle while he came down. He couldn't be there for Jisung to snuggle with, bury his nose into, and breath the warmth in gently. He couldn't be there to care for him. That's what he minded. Instead of voicing any of those concerns, Minho urged him, "You should cancel the stream if you're not feeling up for it, you need to take a break sometimes too."
"It's fine. I can I make it through," Another sniffle in that sentence.
Having to listen to those sounds through the speakers, Minho could feel his heart breaking bit by bit.
Why is he crying?
Would it be so bad, if he went to check on him? If he went to that apartment, with cookies in his hands and arms open to nuzzle him while he was upset? If he went, to be with him? To make sure he was okay?
The hacker asked him, "Could I still come over?"
"No. We're not doing anything," Jisung immediately denied. Even if he could clearly hear the choke in his words. Even if he could clearly hear the ruffling of sheets caught in the microphone. Even if he could clearly hear the concealing of his voice, words quiet through the fabric he covered his lips with, "What would be the point?"
"Just to talk? Spend some time together? We could cuddle," He insisted, silently begging for the camboy to accept.
Silently begging he would be able to see him. He would be able to be there for him, wipe his tears away and hold him tightly until he fell asleep.
Silently begging he could see Jisung again, even for a moment.
Yet, he still, turned him down. Denying through the muffle of fabric, as if he was biting it to hide his sorrows away, "I know what I'm for, Minho. I'm not for that. For spending time with and... enjoying. I'm for pleasure. Us cuddling and being affectionate like we were, we can't keep doing that."
Minho tried, coming to set his feet down on his floor, nudging Gummy away. This was serious. Something isn't right, and that something was gnawing away at his nervous gut, "What if that is my pleasure? What if spending time with you and being with you is my version of pleasure?"
"Then I'll tell you to find someone else," Jisung sparked again, that sunlit voice nearly shattering apart as he broke, "Because I can't..."
Choking softly on his words strangling him in his throat.
Pained breaths that tried to force themselves through his lungs, tearing on thorned roses while they tried to cough themselves up.
Thorns which grew in Minho's chest as he was forced to listen.
"I-I'm not..."
Forced to hear every suffocated sob. Every wiped tear.
Tears which stitched his heart with patches to be ripped through again.
Why was he upset? Why was he suddenly retreating when they had been cuddling so close merely a week ago?
"I'm for sex. Please leave it as that."
Minho swallowed down his own sobs with those words.
No.
No, you aren't.
Before he could stop himself, Minho tried to comfort, "You aren't. You are so much more than that. You are so, so much more than just a body to fuck. You're so much more than that, my love."
The headphones went quiet.
"Don't call me that."
Minho blinked at the screen. At the window of the ongoing call.
In his chest, a blade sliced through his heart. Cutting it open for all it held to spill over as he swallowed a weak, "What?"
"Love. Don't call me that. Just call me Jisung, please."
Minho opened his mouth to respond,
But before he could, Jisung hung up the call.
Leaving the hacker to reel at the sudden silence filling the room in the absence of his warmth.
Leaving him to stare at the screen name as Jisung's user went offline.
What?
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