The next time that Graham taught me was a Friday evening, this time, I was more attentive. 'Yong card ko, sa bag ko na lang din nilagay para hindi na mawala. Oddly, Graham was more accommodating to my questions today. He seemed quite livelier than usual. Not that he was lively, but today just seemed like he was in a good mood.
Baka dahil do'n sa girl na kinita niya no'ng Monday. Girlfriend niya siguro 'yon. Schoolmate ko pala ang nobya niya.
Or maybe I was overthinking this. After all, I'd been with him only once.
"May tanong ka ba?" baling niya sa akin no'ng naghihintay kami ng MRT. Umiling ako at pinagmasdan ang mga guard na nagbabantay ng mga pasaherong lumalabas mula sa tren.
Bukas, susubukan ko nang pumunta kay Lara mag-isa, para naman ma-test ko na ang inaral ko ng dalawang beses. Alam ko naman na, e. Twice a practice is enough. 'Yong pag-uwi sa Pedro Gil ay madali na sa akin kapag commute dahil pabalik lang siya. Itong pagpunta ko ngayon ay nagpa-refresh sa memory ko kung paano pumunta sa Magallanes at bumalik sa Faura.
I held my backpack tightly as I waited. I brought my laptop with me because I planned on staying in Lara's for a while. Magpapasundo ako kay kuya Ed mamaya, nagpaalam ako kagabi.
"By the way, Graham," the guy looked up at me, "hindi ako sasabay pauwi, ha. May susundo sa akin. Una ka na."
Tumango siya at binalingan muli ang harap.
Pagdating namin sa bahay ni Lara, my friend's parents were at home, so bumati ako.
"Good afternoon, Tita, Tito," ngumiti si Tita sa akin habang si Tito ay tumango lang bago tignan si Graham.
"Why are you here?" Tito asked as Lara went to me. "Sinamahan ko lang po si Eloise, nagpapaturo po mag-commute."
Tumaas ang kilay ni Tita kay Graham bago ako tignan. "Bakit ka sa kaniya nagpapaturo, Eloise?"
Hindi ako nakasagot agad dahil sa tono ng pananalita ni Tita kay Graham. She had a subtle dislike for what Graham said on her face, kahit si Tito. Para bang nandidiri sila kay Graham na ngayo'y nasa pamamahay nila at nakikihalubilo sa anak nila.
"Hindi po kasi ako naturuan ng father ko, so I asked for Graham to teach me."
Tumango si Tita at sinabihan akong may hinanda siyang pagkain para sa pagdating ko.
"But I didn't realize may kasama ka," ani Tita bago niya tignan saglit si Graham.
Nilapitan ko si Graham. "Actually, Tita, we ate before going here, so okay lang po ako."
Iwas na iwas ang tingin ni Graham sa tiyahin niya at tiyuhin ngayon dahil sa pinakikitang disgusto ng dalawa sa kaniya. Lara also stood beside Graham, talking to him as her parents made small talk with me.
When her parents left, Lara went to her room to get the things she'll need to study with me. Graham was still here because Lara told him that he should at least rest before going home. I agreed and asked him to stay for a bit too.
Now, the lively demeanor he had vanished.
I felt... bad about the whole situation for some reason.
"Graham," tawag ko sa binatang nakatitig lang sa telepono niya. He turned to me. "Thanks for teaching me."
Ilang beses siyang napapikit ng mata bago ako tanguan at iwasan ng tingin.
I think gratitude was enough for now. I couldn't bear to ask him something personal when an embarrassing incident had just happened to him.
Maybe, next time...
Fuck, I am being extra good.
If this was William, baka wala naman akong naramdamang awa. Baka inisip ko lang na normal 'yon dahil may mga kamag-anak talaga na hindi gusto ang kapuwa kamag-anak.
Pero kay Graham...
To divert my attention, I opened my laptop and began reading. Lara soon joined me and Graham went home.
Lara and I did nothing but read and answer some activities. Nung mag-three o'clock, nagpasiya kaming magpa-deliver ng meriyenda.
"Lara."
Ngayon ay nakaupo kami sa couch nila. Kanina kasi ay nasa dining area kami since we were using our laptops.
"Hmm?"
"No'ng Monday, nakita ko si Graham sa UP, sa side ng mga white colleges."
"Weh?"
"Oo, nilapitan ko, akala ko hinihintay ka. Sabi niya, iba hinihintay niya, may kinita."
"Nakita mo kung sino?"
"Oo, health science student ng UP."
"Ahh, malamang si Jaz."
"Girlfriend niya."
Lara moved her eyes from her phone to me and squinted them.
"What?"
"Sinabi niya bang girlfriend niya si Jaz? 'Tsaka, parang curious ka yata masiyado para sa taong 'di mo crush?"
"OA, bawal bang ma-curious?"
"No, pero knowing you, hindi ka naman mahilig makipag-usap tungkol sa relationships, e. Tignan mo, recently mo lang nalaman na may ex akong cheater."
"Binibigyan mo ng malisya 'yong simpleng sentence ko. Sabi ko lang naman girlfriend niya 'yon, ano'ng kakaiba ro'n?"
"'Di mo nga kasi personality 'yon, ni wala ka ngang paki sa iba na hindi mo naman kakilala ng lubos, e. Tapos, ngayon, you're curious."
Tumahimik na lang ako at nag-phone. When our food arrived, she asked me to take a photo with her, ipo-post niya raw sa Instagram story niya. Tumango ako at ngumiti sa camera.
"Bakit ang cute ng filter sa 'yo, sa 'kin mukhang ewan," bulong-bulong niya nang magsimula na akong kumain.
"By the way, excited ka na para sa pageant?" habang ngumunguya, nilingon ko ang kaibigan at binigyan ng takang ekpresyon. "'Yong Miss U-Belt! Did you forget? Ano ka ba! Sa March na 'yong training mo, 'di ba?"
My eyes enlarged, completely realizing that I had forgotten I agreed to that.
"Shit, e, midterms din sa March," problemado kong wika habang patuloy na kumakain. "Ayos lang 'yan, kaya mo 'yan. Ang laki ng prize money if manalo ka."
"Wait, how did you know I was joining pala?"
"Kinuwento one time ni Mari."
'Yong daldal na 'yon talaga!
"I forgot about that already, and tinatamad na ako."
"You're not going to join na? E, sabi pa ni Mari, may nakumbinsi na siyang magpahiram ng gown para sa 'yo, e."
I haven't talked to Mari about the pageant since January, talagang hinanapan niya pala ako ng masusuot...
"I'll think about it..."
"'Wag mo sabihing hindi ka nasasayangan sa effort ni Mari pero 'yong kay Gray nasayangan ka."
"Ang malisyosa mo. Iba naman 'yon, e. Ako, humingi talaga ng pabor kay Graham, si Mari, nagpresinta na tutulong siya."
Nagkibit balikat si Lara at kumain na rin.
I dismissed the remarks of my friend. We continued studying until my brother came. Nung naghihintay ako kay Kuya, I realized na natapos ko na lahat ng kailangan kong gawin.
Readings, check.
Math activity, check.
Review for the incoming econ quiz, check.
I can read a book tomorrow! After weeks of being book-free, finally!
"Kuya, can we eat dinner before going home? I'm too tired to cook na," Kuya nodded as I put my seatbelt on.
"Ano'ng gusto mo ga?" he manuevered the gear shift and began to drive. "Do you know any Mexican place na madadaanan natin?"
"No, I'll use GPS na lang," tumango ako. "Gusto ko ng tacos and... tequila..."
Kuya glanced at me before nodding. I smiled widely before looking out the window.
In the end, hindi on the way to Manila ang nakainan namin ng dinner—umabot kami ng UP Town Center. We ate in Silantro and I drank a bit of tequila. Si Kuya ay hindi uminom, hinayaan niya lang akong tumungga ng ilang shots dahil sabi ko na-miss kong uminom kahit last week lang ay... uminom kami ng mga kaibigan ko after attending one of UP Fair's concert.
"Eli said nagpapaturo kang mag-commute, sino nagtuturo sa 'yo? Sino 'yong Graham?" asked Kuya as he drove again.
"Cousin of Lara, he's well aware of commute life, so nagpapaturo ako since bawal ako magtaxi." I played with the stereo, trying to find a good song.
"Bakit sa lalaki ka pa nagpapaturo? Baka mamaya iligaw ka niyan, bebe," the car swerved to the left. "Hindi, matino naman si Graham, he won't do that, Kuya. Besides, he's a cousin of my friend."
"Saan mo ba gustong pumunta at talagang nag-aral ka pang mag-commute?" nilingon ko si Kuya at medyo antok na sumagot. "Bahay nina Lara, William, tapos Franko."
"Hindi nga puwedeng pumasok ang mga lalaki sa condo mo, ikaw naman ang pupunta, ano ka ga, Eloise!" napapikit ako dahil sa pagtaas ng boses ni Kuya. Hindi pa naman siya galit, inis lang.
"I won't go there alone, Kuya. I'll always ask Lara to accompany me, okay? 'Tsaka, 'di naman sila mag-isa sa bahay nila, e."
"Siguraduhin mo lang, Eloise. Kapag ikaw pumunta ro'n ng walang kasama, hindi ka na makalalabas ng hindi ako ang kasama mo, tignan mo."
Bumuntong hininga ako at umidlip na lang kaysa magsalita muli. Baka mamaya kung ano pa ang masabi ko kay Kuya at hindi ako tuluyang mapayagan mag-commute. Ang controlling talaga nila ni kuya Eli.
"Good night, bebe," kumaway ako sa kapatid bago isara ang pinto.
When I woke up the next day, my throat was dry. I forgot to drink water before I slept last night.
I messaged Lara that I'd go to her house today to try my knowledge of commuting. But she said that she wasn't at home right now, she had some facial and dental appointments, so she was out the whole day.
Sayang!
Since I had no schoolwork to finish doing today—hallelujah—I went to a bookstore and tried to buy a new book. But nothing caught my attention. I roamed around RobMan instead and bought some clothes.
Then, I cleaned my condo unit before I cooked dinner.
As I was marinating the chicken, kuya Eli came.
"What are you cooking, bebe? It smells good."
"Chicken pastel, Kuya. Eat ka ng dinner here?"
He nodded and took off his shoes.
"Can you wake me up when you're going to eat? I'll take a nap lang," he plopped on my bed, still wearing his suit and socks.
I intended to do what Kuya said, but he seemed to be exhausted based on his loud snores. Hinayaan ko na lang siyang matulog. If magtuloy-tuloy siya ng tulog, bukas na siya makauuwi. Hindi ko alam kung kailangan ko ba siyang gisingin na maaga, though...
I ate while watching a show on my iPad. Nung mag-alas onse na, natulog na ako—well, I tried. Pero bumalik at bumagabag sa akin ang nangyari kahapon.
I didn't remember it all day, but it came back tonight as if I did.
Why were the parents of Lara cold towards their nephew? Dahil ba na-associate ang Kuya ni Graham sa droga? I would understand if ang Kuya ni Graham ang ayaw nila, pero si Graham mismo? Hindi naman siya 'yong nakulong, ah, kaso siya rin ay ayaw nila.
Lara said Graham was nice, just suplado. So... did something happen between Graham and Lara's parents before?
Pumikit ako at pinilit ang sariling matulog na dahil wala ring mangyayari kung patuloy akong mag-iisip at magtatanong.
Paggising ko, kuya Eli already left. He cooked breakfast for me and left a note.
Thanks for letting me sleep here, my bebe. I cooked you bacon and rice, eat before you go to school. Love u. Study well.
- Kuya Eli
I smiled and ate. Pumasok ako sa klase at nang matapos 'yon, naalala ang pageant at gown na hiniram ni Mari. Lumapit ako sa kaklase na nagtitipa sa telepono.
"Mari," he faced me and waved. "I might not join the pageant na for miss U-Belt."
Mari frowned. "Why not?! You already agreed, ah? Plus, I have a gown that's perfect for you! You'd do great in that pageant, Dani."
"Tinatamad na ako, e."
"Ayaw mo na nung prize money?"
Right. I would get money if I won...
Sighing loudly, Mari smirked and went closer to me.
"Sali ka na, pati 'yong org na all-girls, sabi kaya, tutulungan ka nila. Next week ka nila ite-train along with two other contestants."
"Oh, mayro'n na pala, e. Sila na lang!"
"E! Walang panama 'yong mga 'yon sa ganda at talino mo, girl!"
Tumaas ang kilay ko sa pambobola niya.
"Okay, siguro hindi sa talino kasi sabi nung members no'ng org, matatalino raw 'yong dalawa, pero nakita ko na, girl! 'Di hamak na mas may laban ka sa face!"
"Sama ng ugali mo."
"Same to you, 'te. Ano? Sali ka, ha? Excited kaya akong makita kang rumampa 'tsaka maayusan!"
I scratched my left ear before Mari clapped. "It's settled! Magte-training ka na next week at ako ang isa sa mentor mo!"
"Ano namang ituturo mo?"
"Siyempre, kailangan 'yong tindig mo ayusin, parang lalaki kang tumyo, e. Tapos, 'yong makeup naman, kaya ko na 'yon! May naiisip na akong look na bagay sa 'yo."
He began to drag me out of campus.
"Huy, sa'n ka pupunta, may klase pa tayo sa GAB," napasapo ng siya ulo at natawa sa sarili. "Nakalimutan ko!"
We walked together for our next class. My friends were either absent or late today, may mga ganap kasi sila o na-late ng gising, ayon sa GC namin.
"Wala sina William, 'no?" tanong ni Mari. "Wala, absent 'yon."
"Sayang, walang pogi." We entered the classroom and began to talk about the training and the gown he borrowed.
"Backless 'yon, girl. Bagay sa 'yo!"
"Backless? I've never worn a backless gown before, ano'ng kulay?"
"Champagne gold, shimmering ka no'n!"
"Gold talaga?"
"Oo, tapos gold heels din. May gold heels ka ba? Kasi hindi na ako nakahiram."
"Wala... Wala akong gano'ng heels dito sa Manila, Mari."
"Hmm, si Lara kaya mayro'n? Tanong mo 'pag nakausap mo siya."
Mari continued to talk while some people came into the cold classroom. When our professor came, Mari shut his mouth.
"I assume you've read the reading materials for this week, so I'll get on with the recitation."
Like our SocSci professor, he had an index card with him. But unlike our SocSci prof, he didn't always have a recitation. Usually, it was unannounced.
"Cruz," my classmate stood and listened to the question thrown at her, "what is development ethics?"
I listened to the answers of my classmates. I wasn't called to answer today, baka next time.
When I was going home after my last class, I saw Graham in front of OUR. Kumunot ang noo ko, ime-meet niya na naman ba 'yong girlfriend niya?
Lumapit ako at kinawayan siya ng bahagya.
"You're here again, I assume you're waiting for her again?"
Bahagyang kumunot ang noo niya. "Her?"
"The girl you were also waiting for, you know, last week."
"Ah, oo. Hinihintay ko nga siya. Tapos na klase mo?"
"Yeah, ikaw?"
"Oo."
"Okay, sige, ingat ka."
I already walked past him when he spoke up.
"Eloise," I turned my head and looked at him, "puwede bang next week na kita turuan ulit?"
"Yeah, of course. Puwede mo naman lagi sabihin sa 'kin kapag hindi ka available, e."
Is this what Lara was saying? That he's nice? I mean, the way that he spoke about his request was quite gentle. Is this how he actually normally spoke?
Had his prejudice towards me vanished completely?
Hindi na ba iritado dahil may condo unit ako at may natutulugan?
Lumiwanag ang mukha niya at tumango. I feel like he was even going to smile at me if only we were more intimate with each other.
"Sige, ingat ka," aniya.
I walked home and took a warm shower. Mamaya ay tutungo ako sa Esso para gawin ang isang homework na binigay kanina.
Habang naglalagay ako ng lip balm after taking a bath, I found my reflection showing that I was smiling.
I shook my head and put on my jacket before going down.