R struggled to surface from the dark, his mind a chaotic jumble of sensation and memory; smothering heat and frigid bone-deep chill, sharp pain and empty numbness, the lingering horror of the dream...
be careful
too late
"Julie..." he rasped, his voice scratchy and raw, stirring him from oblivion.
As his eyes opened, blurry shapes of muted color bloomed in his vision, then swam dramatically in front of him as his eyes rolled back up and the lights went out.
no... wake up... Julie...
Struggling again, R tried to move, groaning as his body cried out in a thousand voices of pain. God... why did everything hurt so much? Why couldn't he move?
Why was it so fucking hot?
His eyes flickered open again, and the blurriness sharpened somewhat.
He was in a room, though he couldn't see any real detail, just splotchy shapes of yellows and reds and dark browns. A large window blazed in a bright halo across from him, framed by shapes that looked like curtains, that much he could make out. The place wasn't familiar to him.
Why was he here?
R tried to rub his eyes, but his arms wouldn't budge and his fingers screamed in protest. Staring down at himself blearily, he blinked to clear his head, and slowly the world came into focus.
He was wrapped up like a mummy, on an old fashioned couch, in a tight bundle of floral bedding.
Tied with rope.
R stared at himself for a long while, not understanding why he was tied up. He tried to make a cohesive whole of the jumbled mix of memory and dream in his head, to remember how this had happened, but the puzzle pieces wouldn't fit together.
He had been walking... snow everywhere... his mom was there...
R blinked. Mom?
Shaking his head, he tried to find more pieces as he worked to shimmy himself free.
Julie looking through him... an empty kiss... his mom telling him to be careful...
R stopped moving and stared down at nothing. Why did he have memories of his mom?
The images kept coming. A breathtaking chill, an insistent blurry figure, the girl on the bench, and a struggle with something dark and terrible.
too late
R's heart squeezed hard. Julie. Where was she?
She'd been searching for him, with dad, in the car. Wait... how did he know that?
But they'd gone back to the city. That's where she had to be... right?
Deep down, something told him that wasn't true. Something was terribly wrong.
His struggles to free himself grew frantic as fear and dread sharpened his mind, and he finally succeeded in bringing his forearm up to his chest, though his fingers burned, and his side pulsed angrily.
"Hello again," came a soft male voice from across the room.
R froze. The dream echoed in his head, the voice of the dark thing saying the same words, as he tried to see who had spoken.
when you wake... I will be waiting
A sudden movement made him focus, and he caught the pale eyed stare of a man dressed in jeans and a plaid shirt leaning against the far side of the room next to the window. The man pushed himself off the wall, grimacing as he did so, and walked over, his arm pressed tight against his chest.
R watched him as he moved, unease growing. The man's frame was incredibly gaunt, his hair, short like R's, but colorless white. And his eyes...
Infected.
The guy had been exposed to the disease. R could see it in those eyes, but deeper than that, he could feel it. Some old part of him recognized it in the guy.
But the man wasn't dead. Just... hollowed out. How was that possible?
...it enjoys twisting him...
Oh shit.
The guy in front of him was the girl's brother.
"I said hello," the man said again, wincing as he shifted his arm. "It's rude not to answer."
R tried to stay calm, but everything the girl told him came flooding back.
he keeps feeding me...
bad things
Swallowing, R spoke as evenly as he could, "Why am I tied up?"
The man glanced down at him briefly, before looking towards what R guessed was the kitchen.
"It's for your own protection."
He was lying. Jesus Christ, where was Julie, was she here? Had this guy done something to her?
he keeps feeding me
too late
R forced himself to keep calm. He couldn't do anything wrapped up like this.
"Well, I'm awake now - can you untie me?"
The man stared back at him, his face blank. The unblinking gaze from those eyes was disconcerting, and R found himself flashing back to the nurse on the bus... The one who'd held him... bitten him.
Infected him.
"Not yet," the man said softly, and he glanced towards the kitchen again. "I have to eat... are you hungry?"
The man's words opened up a sudden yawning emptiness in R's stomach, and it growled loudly.
"No," he lied. He was in fact ravenous.
"No?" the gaunt man echoed, and his mouth tilted in the faintest hint of a smile. "Stomach says yes."
"I have to go to the bathroom," R said quickly, trying to catch the edge of the guy's good mood, and as he said it, the urge became painful, "Can't do that tied up, unless you want me to pee on your couch."
The man's brows lowered, all traces of the smile vanishing, and R's nerves jittered under his skin.
"You always this rude?" the pale eyed man growled.
R stared at him steadily. "Only when I'm tied up."
The man's face broke into a lopsided grin, and he gave a sharp laugh, cut short with a hiss, as he shifted his arm against his chest.
"Shit..." he grunted, squeezing his eyes tight before easing them open. "Stay there..." he added, pointing at R with a hoarse chuckle, and turned away to head into the kitchen. Soon the smell of cooking meat filled the air.
R's heart was hammering. He'd seen what the guy was holding his arm against. Blood, thick and dark, had oozed from a clean gash across his upper chest.
It looked like a cut. From a knife?
Julie always carried a knife, knew how to fight with one too.
R's skin went cold. Was she here? Had he done something to her? Jesus Christ, he had to get free!
Wrestling with the ton of bedding surrounding him, he finally managing to wriggle an arm out. The effort cost him though, and as he sat trying to steady the suddenly swimming room, he saw why his hands were in so much pain. The skin of his fingers was bubbled, and some of the blisters had burst from his efforts to free himself. He turned his hand over, staring at it, and realized he couldn't feel his pinky at all.
"Frostbite," the man said as he returned, pulling up a wooden chair and then a folding table with his free arm. He disappeared into the kitchen again and returned with a plate of food, then sat down and started to eat.
"At least I think that's what it is..." the man said, sawing into the bloody steak on his plate. "I'm no expert."
R watched, tension building between his shoulder blades as the smell of what the man was eating drifted through his senses.
The pale eyes rose to him as the man paused mid bite, and smiled, obviously enjoying the meal. The smile turned into a smirk as he finished chewing, and he held out an army knife with a skewered sample, red and dripping.
"Want some?" the guy asked, tilting his head. "It's amazing."
R's nostrils flared and his stomach churned uneasily. That smell. He knew that smell. And why did that knife look so familiar?
The realization hit him hard and he squeezed his eyes shut, suddenly terrified.
Oh Jesus... he's eating... and that's Julie's knife...
"You have it, you never go back to the regular stuff," came the guys voice, and he laughed.
R couldn't speak.
be careful
too late
"Where is she," R blurted out suddenly, his eyes still closed, his blood pounding in his ears. A deep horror filled him, and beneath it stirred something raw and shaking.
Rage.
"What?" the guy asked, still chewing.
"Where's Julie," R asked again, opening his eyes to focus on the man, his voice trembling, barely above a whisper.
"Julie... was that her name?"
A terrible hole opened up in R's chest at the words.
Was?
"What did you do..." This time R's voice was a whisper. His throat had gone so dry he couldn't manage anything else. His gaze fell to the meat on the man's plate as his mind started screaming.
The guy followed his gaze, a strange smile on his face.
He picked the knife up. "Yeah, this is hers." Wincing, he lifted his arm to show R the gash across his chest.
"Girl knew how to fight," he said with a snort, "This is going to-"
With a sudden guttural cry, R swung his legs over hard, catching the guy in the side and knocking him off his chair. Rolling off the couch with the momentum, R landed on the floor on his free arm, yelling as his broken ribs flared in stabbing pain. Clenching his teeth against it, he worked furiously to free himself of the blankets and ropes still bound about him, rolling back into a sitting position as he managed to pull his other arm free.
The man was on top of him in an instant, hammering him in the head with punches as R tried to protect himself, barely landing a few hits of his own. The blows came hard and fast, shockingly hard from such a thin man, and R quickly realized he was losing.
Streaks of light danced across his vision as the guy caught him square in the temple with a sudden blow, and he went slack for a moment, dazed, his head pounding with hurt. Disoriented, he tried to get back up, struggling against his now leaden body, and the man landed another thunderous blow to his face, knocking him back down.
Groaning, R rolled back against the hard wood floor, the room spinning sickeningly around him. Something warm trickled from his nose down his cheek.
His mind was a jumbled mess of pain and anger and fear. What the hell had he just accomplished? Nothing. He hadn't helped Julie, sure as fuck hadn't helped himself. Eyes tight with pain, he looked up.
The guy was standing over him, features blurred.
R tried to rise, but his body was having trouble listening. "Wha... d'you do... to Julie..." he mumbled, finally managing to roll on his side as his ribs squealed.
The man bent down and R flinched, holding up a shaking arm to defend himself. Without saying a word the guy yanked R off the floor by the wrist, then pushed him back on the couch, binding his wrists tightly with the rope R had loosened.
Dazed, R tried to pull his arms apart, but there was no give, not like last time.
Shit.
Then the man stood back up, picking the chair off the floor and setting it upright. The plate lay in pieces by the fireplace, and the meat rested nearby, covered in ash.
"Fuck!" the guy growled.
The man turned back to him swinging. Too late, R saw the fist aimed for his temple. There was a brief explosion of violent pain, and the world went dark.
Sounds came to him gradually, and the repeated light slap of something against his cheek, but the pounding hurt in his head and jaw pushed him down again.
The sounds resolved into words as the pats continued, "Come on man, wake up."
R's eyes rolled open and he stared into the blurry face of the pale eyed man.
"There we go," the guy said, his mouth pulling into a smile as he stood back up from the couch. "Didn't mean to hit you so hard, sorry. You just screwed up my meal."
R's eyes glazed and drifted shut.
"Hey, no no, stop that."
The patting continued, and R stirred again, starting as something was pressed to his lips.
"Just water," the man said, and R felt the liquid lap at his mouth. "Drink it, you'll feel better."
R took a sip, and the water coursed cool down his throat, sharpening his mind. Opening his eyes, he blinked to clear his vision, and groaned against the brutal pounding in his skull. His face felt swollen, like an ill fitting mask.
"That's better," the guy said, and took the cup away.
R blinked again. The words he'd said... another echo of the creature from the dream.
too late
The guy turned back and sat on the edge of the fireplace, facing R. "I never introduced myself. I don't tend to do that with people, but I think, if we're going talk about some things, I should."
The man smiled. "I'm Evan."
R raised his head slowly, wincing as the throbbing pain got worse, and met the man's pale gaze.
"Evan... where's Julie," he asked hoarsely.
If he's hurt her, I'm going to kill him.
"You know I saved your life? Least you could do is give me your name."
R said nothing, though the news shocked him. Saved my life?
"You were a fucking popsicle man," the guy said, then laughed. "If I hadn't gone out, brought you back, and warmed you up, you'd be dead."
Evan waved his hand dismissively, the knuckles red. "But don't worry about sharing your name or anything."
...he was nice once... promise me you'll save him...
R sighed. "Rowan..."
"Rowan. Okay," Evan said, pulling something from his back pocket, "Let's trade. I'll tell you where Julie is, if you tell me how you got this."
And he held out the little brown bear.
R froze, feeling his skin prickle as he looked down at the blood stained toy.
He looked back up at Evan.
"Don't tell me you don't know what it is," Evan said in a sharp voice. "You were holding it when I found you." He leaned forward. "It belonged to my sister. So why do you have it?"
Shit.
How the hell was he supposed to answer that? He killed the guys sister... what the hell could he say?
"I found it," R answered roughly, through a suddenly dry mouth.
Evan frowned. "You found it? Where?"
R didn't answer straight away. Keep it as close to the truth as possible... "In the park."
Evan twisted the bear in his hands, just like his sister once had. The effect disturbed R greatly.
"When?"
Goddammit.
"Years ago," R finally answered.
Evan's face grew darker. "How many?"
"I... I don't remember."
The pale eyes narrowed. "You don't remember."
R shook his head, wincing as the room wobbled, and knew the guy didn't believe him. Too fucking bad.
"I answered your question," he snapped, "where is she?"
Evan leaned back against the fireplace. "Was she your girlfriend?" he asked casually, as if they were hanging out over a beer.
R's heart clenched. He'd said 'was' again. "If you've hurt her, I'll-"
"You'll what?" Evan shot back, interrupting him. "What exactly will you do? You're tied up and I just beat you unconscious. You've got nothing."
R glared at him, wishing, for the first time since coming back to life, that he was a corpse. He'd rip this guy apart.
Then he blinked, stunned at the viciousness of that feeling. What the hell? Would he really do that? The answer came back loud and clear. When it came to Julie, he would.
Evan was still talking.
"... so if you want to avoid round two, you need to start telling the truth."
R's gaze fell and he stared at the floral print in his lap. What the hell else could he say? Perhaps it was time to finally own up to what he'd done?
"You tell me the fucking truth," Evan growled, "or you'll never see her again, okay?"
Fine.
R's eyes rose to meet Evan's, and when he spoke his voice was even and clear.
"I took that bear from your sister's corpse, after I killed her."
A strange calm settled in his stomach. It felt surprisingly good to tell the truth.
Evan's face was wide eyed with shock. "W-what?"
The guy's reaction made R feel oddly satisfied, after everything the asshole had put him through. "You wanted the truth," he answered with a snarl, "That's the truth. Now where's Julie?!"
"W-why would you..." Evan stuttered, his face still slack with disbelief, "why would you fucking SAY THAT?!"
"Because it's the truth!" R yelled back, "I was a corpse! I'm the one who turned your sister! I tore her throat out, she died and I dropped her in the dirt and left!"
Telling the truth didn't feel good anymore, and R's mind reeled as he relived the horror of that moment through the strange lens of his dead self. Evan's reaction was devastating now, the man's face was twisted in pain and shock, and his body recoiled, as if R's words were physical blows, hammering at him, crushing him.
Oh god...
It was too much to take, and R's eyes fell to his hands again, at the digits pale with frostbite. "I'm sorry. Jesus, I'm sorry... I never meant to hurt her. I never meant to hurt anyone. I just... please, tell me where Julie is... please... I don't care what you do to me... just... let her go..."
It was his fault the guy's sister had died and turned, that Evan was so fucking twisted. His fault...
Suddenly, Evan laughed, the sound high pitched and frenetic.
Startled, R looked up.
"Oh my god!" Evan cackled, holding his arm tight against his chest, "What the hell was that?! Where the hell did you come up with that shit?"
R's mouth fell open. "I didn't come up with it, it's what happened!"
What the hell? The guy didn't believe him? He'd finally told the truth and the guy didn't believe him?!
"Did you hurt my sister in the park that day?"
R was baffled. "Hurt your sister? Holy shit, didn't you hear me? I killed your sister Evan, I ripped her throat out and she bled to dea-"
Evan lashed out without warning, slamming his fist across R's face.
"Oh..." R groaned, "fuck..." With trembling hands he reached up to his jaw, spitting out a sudden welling of blood from a cut inside his cheek. As his eyes found Evan's, fear engulfed him.
They were livid with rage. And he knew, with sudden clarity, that this man was going to kill him.
Swallowing the blood trickling down his throat, he slowly dropped his hands to his lap.
There was nothing he could do. Evan was right, he had nothing, not tied up like this.
But it was deeper than that.
He'd killed a child. Ended her life without a thought and dropped her corpse in the dirt.
And he'd done far worse since.
Maybe this was what he finally deserved.
"You're the one who hurt her..." Evan whispered, his hands clenching and unclenching.
R looked down. "Yeah Evan," he said with a sigh, "I hurt he-GGH!" His head jerked back as Evan punched him square in the face. There was an audible crunching sound, and blood ran in a dramatic flood from his nose, down over his mouth and jaw, spattering on his bare chest.
Groaning, R crumpled forward, dropping his head in his hands, and tried to stem the flow of blood, but cold fingers twisted in his hair and yanked his head up.
He stared up, through eyes squeezed in pain, to see Evan's face a mask of rage and a swiftly descending fist.
Evan punched him over and over again, until R's world was nothing but pain and blood and roaring, that he only dimly realized was coming from Evan. It was a deep, guttural sound of absolute rage, and it washed over R as he started to slip into darkness.
As the dark enveloped him, his mind floated somewhere outside of the pain. Was this a way to pay for what he'd done? Could the world forgive him now?
"No!" Evan growled from somewhere above him, "You don't get to do that! Wake the fuck up!" And his side exploded in fiery agony as Evan punched him over his broken ribs.
R screamed, his mind snapping back into sharp focus as he felt his ribs snap inwards, overloading his nerves in breathtaking agony.
Frantically, his body spasmodic, he folded over the area to try and protect himself, but Evan hit him again and again in the same spot.
Something went terribly wrong inside, and R wailed, shuddering as the pain eclipsed anything he had ever felt before.
Finally, he curled in on himself, each breath a wet, ragged gasp, as Evan fell away, dropping back against the fireplace.
And Evan started to cry.
Engulfed in pain and struggling to breathe, R watched Evan through blood filled eyes as the man wept. Swallowing, he tried to speak, but couldn't manage more than a strangled whisper.
Closing his eyes with the effort, he tried again. "...pl...please... where's... Julie..."
Evan stopped crying, sucking in a sharp breath as he straightened and wiped his hands, the knuckles raw and bloody, down his face. His eyes fell to R's, pale and distant.
Then he stood suddenly, and walked away.
R slid into darkness.
—-
This wasn't an easy chapter to write. The beginning of the next one was even harder. Evan's a shockingly violent individual, and I was sometimes typing with my hands over my eyes writing him. Here, he's strangely disassociative. A part of him is unable l unwilling to see what's really happened to his sister, but another part is fully aware, and that's what's acting at the end, even though he's not truly cognizant of it. Would like to say more about R and Julie, as things look pretty dire for them right now, but don't want to give anything away. Hope you'll stick around for the upcoming chapters, and leave a comment if you have a moment.