Author's note: My eyes don't like me; the whole screen is just a blur. This is happening every evening now; so I'm going to start making more effort to finish a new chapter first thing in the morning, until I'm back to normal. Until then, I'm sorry about any typos I missed. See you in the morning!
"You going to eat that?" Sarah joked, and I glanced up with a start. I'd been thinking so much about what was going to happen today that I'd just been pushing the cereal around my bowl, tiny clumps of sugary stuff leaving coloured trails in the milk.
I stopped messing around, and put the food in my mouth again. I wasn't sure if there was anything I should say, so it was easier to forestall the conversation by filling my mouth with breakfast. Did Sarah know what I was going to do today? I had no idea, but it wasn't something I really wanted to talk about. To be honest, I was surprised that Mummy had let me dress myself today. Although the previous afternoon had mostly been spent lost in dizzy incomprehension, I was pretty sure that today was the day I would get to see Lyra again. Didn't Mum want me to be a baby for that?
"You doing something special today?" she asked. "Doesn't look like your regular school clothes. Doctor?"
"No," Mum said, dashing down from upstairs while I was still resolutely munching so I wouldn't have to answer. "I called the school and asked if Alice can have a day to visit a friend. You know Lyra Pembroke? She's had some problems lately and her parents had to pull her out of school? Well, Alice was worrying about her friend, I think a lot of them are, and I thought it might be good for her to see how she's getting on, so I set up something with Lyra's parents."
"Yay!" I said, and grinned. I was happy to see Lyra again, and it was good to confirm that we were going to visit Lyra. I knew that expressing my delight out loud like that was a little childish, but I didn't see anything wrong with just going with the instinct. It was a new kind of freedom; if I wanted to I could act like a little kid even without all the weird stuff getting absorbed through my skin. And, I guess, I was still young enough that Sarah might not really notice.
"Parents?" Sarah asked, suddenly looking confused. I guessed that she must have heard about Lyra's parents splitting up – it had probably been major gossip around the neighbourhood when we were younger – but didn't know they'd gotten back together. And that made me wonder as well, because I realised that I still heard her mention her mum's wife occasionally, and I didn't really know that much about the situation now. "I thought her folks... I mean, I kind of heard the rumours, but I thought..."
"It's complicated," Mum said with a shrug. "Seems weird to me, but it's not my business. They're all worried about Lyra since she started having trouble, and they ended up moving back together. I mean... they're not back together, but they're co-parenting. Living together so Lyra can have a stable family life. So she's got a Mum, Dad, and two Stepmums."
"Wow, that's..." Sarah answered. "I guess twice as many parents, right? That'll be a good thing if she's sick."
"I hope she's okay," I said, quietly hopeful. If Lyra was enjoying her second shot at infancy, then I could have fun with my friend and I wouldn't have to tell anybody else about what her parents were doing. I knew that Lyra had problems; that had always been the case, even though I'd done my best to be a friend without getting drawn into her crazy schemes. And I could imagine that being babied again would give her the attention she'd been craving, so it would probably help her. But I needed to know that she was actually comfortable with the treatment. That was the part that mattered.
"We all do," Mum reassured me, while Sarah dashed off to get herself ready for school. "Don't worry, sweetie. I'm sure your friend will be fine. And this will only be for a year, in any case."
"I'm looking forward to it."
"Of course you are. Such a good little one, aren't you?"
To that, I could only giggle, blush, and nod. There was nothing I wanted more than to be a good baby for my mummy; and as soon as I knew Lyra was safe, I could stop worrying about all the scary grownup stuff again.
An hour later, Mum had checked all my clothes; like I was too young and she couldn't quite trust me to dress myself right. It made me feel so small when she did stuff like that. After the weeks treating me like a little kid at home, wearing diapers for bed, slowly getting used to waking up wet when I was least expecting it, and sometimes finding it hard to take in all the things I was being taught in school... after so many baby steps, I was finally letting somebody else see me acting like a little kid. And suddenly I was nervous. I could try to tell myself it was because I was worried about Lyra, and all the possibilities if I realised that theft were hurting her. But in my heart, I knew that it was still hard to let one of my friends know this about me. And what if my reactions weren't right? What if I gave her a clue about what her parents were doing without meaning to?
"You nervous?" Mum asked, as she buckled me into the car. I was dressed a little childishly today, so she'd suggested that I don't walk over there in case my other friends saw us. I couldn't argue with that. I thought a bit, and nodded.
"I kind of..." I started. "How do I act? Like, should I be in baby talk, or just going as far as I feel like?"
"I should have told you more about this," she said. "I've not told them all the details of your situation. Gill just knows that you're a little one in training now, on the path back to babyhood. I think she's told Melania; no idea if Rab and Sascha are in the loop or not, but August probably thinks Lyra's condition is a result of some disease or something. So... keep on acting mature, like you do at school. But I think you've had enough time playing with little kid toys in the last few weeks. It would only be natural for you to get carried away, wouldn't it? I'll try to figure out if it's safe to tell them you're a volunteer. But if you go along with whatever they suggest, I'd say that will probably buy a lot of trust. They'll be trying to help me regress you, of course."
"Regress?" I asked. After all the times I'd read the dictionary, it seemed weird to hear a word I didn't know.
"Opposite of progress," she said with a smile. "Means to go backwards. Or, the way some parents like to use it, to make someone younger."
"Okay," I said with a grin. "It's our little secret, then. I wonder what they're going to do." I kept on giggling all the way to Lyra's house. This was the best I could have hoped for, in some ways. Ever since I'd asked Mum to turn me into a baby, I'd found myself trying to look at the wipes, and trying to spot the patterns. I didn't want to know; I wanted this to be a surprise. But I couldn't help trying to think about it, and because Mum was so nervous about it, she would often tell me a little more than I needed to know. But if Lyra's parents and their wives were babysitting, and they didn't know that I wanted this, I might get to feel a lot more like the little kid who didn't know what was happening. That excited me, like I was stepping out across a new frontier. It was scary, but there was no way I would have changed my mind now.
When we got there, Mum rang the doorbell and paced nervously on the porch. It was a pretty big house; a few streets over from us. Lyra's house was good for sleepovers; I'd been there enough times in the past. But this was the first time that I actually knew her stepmums were living there as well as her parents; and that made me realise just why they needed so much space.
The door opened, and I was surprised to see Lyra's stepbrother there. August was much older than us, and never wanted to hang out with the little kids. I had no idea what he must be thinking about his sister getting even younger.
"Moooooom!" he hollered. "Visitors!" Then he was jogging off down the garden path, what looked like a guitar case slung over his shoulder. I guessed he had things to do. But I didn't have to think long before Lyra's stepmum, Melania, arrived at the door.
"Oh, I'm so sorry!" she said, "I didn't hear the bell. Have you been waiting? Come in, come in, Lyra will be so happy to see some of her friends again. We've been wanting to invite you girls around, you know, but of course we were worried somebody would laugh at her. We don't want her to be upset, when she's dealing with something so hard. You won't upset her, will you?"
"No!" I said. "Lyra's my friend, I just want to make sure she's happy."
A minute later, we were in the lounge, with Melania and Lyra's mum, Gill, sitting on the big couch so they could explain.
"Lyra's been a little ill," Gill said. "She's got a strange condition that affects her brain. It's very scary, and I'd rather not think too much about it. So she might act like she's younger again, like she's still three or four. Can you promise not to laugh at her?"
"Of course," I said. "I'm still her friend. And if she's having trouble, I can be like a big sister."
"If she's not feeling up to your usual games, would you mind playing little kid games with her? I know it's kind of..."
"It's fine," I said with a shrug. "I could do with a break from being the smart, mature one all the time. Trust me, I'll be happy with whatever she wants. I just want to know my friend's happy."
"Thank you," Melania said. "I did wonder... I know it's a bit strange, but she's started getting tired more often. Lyra needs to take a nap after lunch now, but she doesn't like it so much. Would you be able to tell her it's okay to take a nap, and that's not something you'll laugh at her for? If you're willing to do it too, I think that would help her a lot."
"Sure," I said, and it was an effort to keep from laughing then. It was exactly the same reason Mum had used to persuade Sarah to wear the special diapers.
"I should get in to work," Mum said. "Are you okay with looking after Alice for a while? Are you okay staying here without me, Alice?"
And a few minutes later she was gone; off to let me spend time with my friend, and not worry about the adults. And then Melania was going to bring Lyra downstairs; in a childish dress similar to mine. As her stepmum brought her downstairs, I could see that she was embarrassed to be seen like that. But when she saw my outfit, her expression was unreadable.
"Hi," I said, and waved. "It's good to see you. They told me you've been sick, but we can still hang out. That's okay?" I got a warning glance from Gill; she didn't want me discussing Lyra's 'disease' with her. But I wasn't going to say anything more.
"Hey," Lyra said, and slowly started to smile. "Yeah, I can't think so good. It's like I went back a couple of years. Is that okay? We can... I can show you my train set?"
"Oh, that sounds interesting!" I said, and I really was interested.
The train set turned out to be pieces of clunky plastic track, and I knew that Lyra would have gotten bored with that stuff pretty quickly a few years ago, but she seemed happy enough now. And as I joined in to push plastic trains around a plastic track and make all the noises for them, I could see that a big chunk of her nervousness was fading. She was enjoying this in a way, which made me feel a whole lot better about not rescuing her when I'd first found out.
It was another ten minutes before her mum and stepmum left us alone. But as soon as they were gone, she turned to me and looked just a little serious again. After a few seconds to think about what to say, she turned away from the toy trains to look at me properly.
"They asked you to..." she started. "To wear clothes like that? Like a toddler? To help me get comfortable with it?"
"I uhh..." I answered, not sure how to respond to that. Maybe Lyra knew more than I thought. "Mum picked my clothes for me today. But it's cute. Is that bad?"
"Not bad, if you like it. But... it's supposed to be a secret, but there's something I need to tell you. I'm sorry."