Celine
Now
I open my eyes. Did I just dream about my first kiss with Charles while Liam is sleeping next to me?
I stand up making my way to the kitchen, I need some water. The penthouse is quiet, the sound of the rain beating on the windows fills the room.
I got to know this place by heart, I've been back for almost five weeks, things are great between me and Liam, we saw each other a lot after the kiss at Charles' apartment but nothing too serious. We're taking it slow, we just slept together sometimes, when I was too tired to drive home, but nothing apart from that.
I managed to avoid Charles, thanks to the winter break, he probably has been somewhere with Alexandra. Now anyway he's back, cause I met him yesterday at the bookshop, but once again I didn't talk to him. I still work at the shop, even if Alex knows about my past with Charles and is probably scared I'll steal him from her, which is really stupid. She hates me, and she didn't hesitate to show it to me.
When I go back to bed Liam is half awake, waiting for me.
"Everything's alright?" His voice is sleepy and when his arms close around my chest bringing me closer to him I can smell his perfume. I'm happy and resting my head on his bare chest I feel at ease.
"Yes, don't worry. I was just thirsty." His lips leave a soft kiss on my forehead.
"Let's go back to sleep, cherie. It's still dark outside." It has been a long time since I felt like this, Liam's good with words, he's able to make me melt just by telling me something sweet or caring. It makes me think about Charles, but I shouldn't.
We stay like this, holding each other, his lips on my head. And as every time I'm with him, I'm able to fall back to sleep in a few minutes. I don't know exactly how long it has been since we went back to sleep, but when I open my eyes again we're in the same position as last night. This makes me smile, I really do like sleeping over also because I alway feel cared for, protected in some way, so much that I can have a full night's sleep.
When I'm alone, in my empty bed, the night is the moment of the day I hate the most, the moment all my fears from New York hunt me and I feel powerless.
"Good morning Cel." His eyes are still closed, I probably woke him by moving in his arms.
"Good morning to you too." I stretch, and facing him I make our lips meet in a light kiss.
"Someone woke up clingy today!" He's messing with me, and we both laugh at his stupid comment.
"You're such a tease, hope you're aware." I get back to him with the same hilarious tone before adding,
"Credit goes to you, if I did!"
"You flatter me, cherie." Every time he calls me that I can't help but blush, it makes me feel important to him.
"You definitely needed a boost to your ego, this bed's becoming too small!" I joke, moving away from him, pretending to be falling.
"Look! There's no more space for me."Liam squeezes his eyes and throws his head back, laughing heartily.
"This was funny, I'll give it to you!" I don't have the time to think about anything else, his hands grab my hips pinning me to the mattress. His chest is hard on mine, pleasantly warm. But I feel it for a few seconds, then he starts to tickle me everywhere.
"Stop it please!" I beg him, unable to hold my laugh.
"What? Pardonne-moi I can't understand what you said!" I don't even try to move, to escape his hold, because right now is like being in paradise.
"I beg you Liam! It's seven in the morning, the neighbors will report you for loud and disturbing noises." I tell him trying to convince him, he doesn't care though.
"Let them, if that's what it takes to hear your laugh. I don't care." Now we're both serious, neither of us is speaking. His hands on the sides of my face, his tense body a few inches from mine.
"You're beautiful Celine, I've never met someone as gorgeous as you." He's serious, I think, since his cheeks are suddenly turning red. I have no time, however, to answer him because his mouth is on mine. The contact is brief, so much so that it leaves me unsatisfied. "Another one?" I ask him, teasing and waiting for his lips to be back on mine. And when they are, everything around disappears. His hands slip under my t-shirt making me shiver. If our mouths were touching delicately before, now the kiss is deeper, more urgent and passionate. The warmth of his body makes me moan and as I try to pull myself closer to him I feel something hard under my belly. When I realize, I try to look at him smiling, actually amused by his situation. "Sorry..." But my lips crush again on his "don't be" I whisper, his tongue explores my mouth, our breaths mingle together. Before I can stop, I find myself longing for more contact between our bodies, his hardness pressures between my legs, just in the right spot. I'd love to have more but I also promised myself I would have waited. Luckily, for once, the ringtone erupts in our intimacy, saving me from my own desire.
"Really?" He asks sighing, to then reach out for my phone on the night-table.
"Alexandra's calling you, what time is it?" I look at the clock and roll my eyes, preparing myself for whatever she's going to say.
"It's seven thirty. I bet she's asking me again to open the store, to have the morning free." She's already done it several times and it's starting to get on my nerves.
"Tell her you're busy, you can't leave me to deal with this alone." He glares at his pants making me laugh. I don't want to leave, this morning was going perfectly and I was really happy to have half of the day to spend with him. Thinking about it I rest my head back on his chest and press the green button.
"Alexandra, hello?" She can hear the annoyance in my voice but probably doesn't care.
"Celine, I need you to do the opening, half past nine as always. Thank you dear, I don't know what I'd do without you!" She speaks without even breathing in the middle and when I think she's done and I'm ready to complain, I don't get the time as she says "perfect! I'll see you later" and hangs up.
I have no choice. I have two hours to go back home, get dressed and drive to the shop to open her miserable bookstore.
"I'm truly sorry Lee." He knows it's not my fault, he saw this already in the past month and he also saw that when I tried to refuse to do it she gave me an hour long speech on how grateful I should be to still be working for her. He doesn't look at me though, simply gets up and hands me my jeans.
"Seriously Liam, what could I tell her?" He nods, looking disappointed. "You should have told her it was not your shift! And with such short notice you couldn't make it!" He is right, maybe I could have but Alex already hates me with all of her.
"Let's not ruin the morning. We can still have lunch together, if you'd like to." Liam takes a deep breath, but then his shoulders relax and he turns to face me, putting his t-shirt on.
"You're right, I'm sorry, I didn't want to be mad at you, sorry Cel." His hands grab my face and he leaves a sweet kiss on my forehead.
"We lunch together, you promised!"
Driving through Monte Carlo to get home takes me very little. When I stop in front of the gate I notice a red Ferrari is parked right in front of the house. I damn know whose car this is. I park mine a little further and try to get in without waking Charles up. I can't believe he slept in front of here. I thought I had made it, when I close the door behind me I shut my eyes trying to take in what I just saw. My hope crushes down, however, when I hear a knocking. I can't pretend I'm not here, I just did a horrible double parking job, it's obvious I'm inside. I hesitate for a few moments before opening the door, when I do, I find a still sleeping Charles in front of me, with his messy hair falling on his face.
"Hey Cel, can I come in?" I'm astonished by his confidence, I wouldn't sound like this if I'd gone to meet him instead.
"Not today Charles, really I have to go to work!"
I try to stay calm, to keep a firm tone.
"Just a few minutes, please." I can't even stop him, he's already inside the house taking off his jacket. "Be my guest!" I say ironically. An hour ago I said nothing could have ruined my day. Boy, I was so wrong!
"I've been out here all night, waiting for you. Where have you been?" I can't believe he just asked me what I was doing not at home. Is he seriously thinking we're gonna have a nice chat like two friends?
"You're not really asking me that!" I'm shocked, and he realizes he crossed the line, smiling with an apologetic look.
"Okay, it's none of my business, I was just worried I would come back without speaking to you." I nod, I don't know what else I could do. He's looking around probably thinking how we ended up unable to talk to each other, to stand each other's presence, well this was just for me actually.
"You want some coffee?" I decide to talk, this silence is even worse. Why did he have to come? Why couldn't he simply stay away as we did for two years?
"I don't drink coffee in the morning." Shit, I forgot. For four years we had playfully argued over my coffee obsession and his hate towards it. 'Opposite attracts' he would alway say eventually.
"Right. Then, what are you here for?" I want this meeting to finish, I want him to go.
"Sorry, I can't help but worry when it comes to you." Why should he be worried? He never worried in these two years, never called even once after I told him we would have been better off as friends. Of course I ended up blocking him after a few months without hearing from him.
"What do you want to know, so we can stop playing 'play pretend'."
"I've so many things to ask you Cel, it has been two years since we last saw each other." His voice is annoyingly enthusiastic, maybe because he's finally talking to me.
"Okay listen, I don't have time to discuss with you now. Ask Max or Daniel, they know everything. Or ask your girlfriend, she asked me like a thousand questions before the hiring." He widened his eyes, definitely not expecting such an answer.
"I won't ask Alexandra to talk to me about you! She'll kill me."
Now I do have a question. "She knows who I am, doesn't she?" I already know the answer at this point, but I wanna hear it from him. Indeed he nods. "She understood it, that day at her shop. Never asked me for confirmation, though."
His expression has dropped, he's not smiling anymore.
"I hope I haven't created any problems to you guys." I actually don't give a fuck. But anyway I show honesty and concern.
"When I met her I told her everything about you, us. So of course she's worried now." That's messed up. How could he tell all our business to a girl he'd just met!
"She doesn't have to be worried, I have a boyfriend and absolutely no intention to get back with you." Shit. That must hurt. I didn't want to say it like that, madness is making me talk.
"Wow, you got a boyfriend. I'm happy for you, really." He's lying. He wasn't expecting this news, probably didn't want to hear it either.
"You're not." I tell him, I want to know what he's really thinking.
"I just wasn't expecting it, that's all." This confirms my theory, but I want him to go on.
"C'mon Cel, you can't really think I'm not happy for you! Why shouldn't I be?" I can't help but burst out laughing. He keeps looking at me shocked by how this is all going.
"I'm just saying what I see. You could have imagined I'd also moved on eventually." He grumbles, taking his hands to his hair, pulling it.
"You know I'll never move on! I'll never be able to forget you. And don't lie to me by saying it's not the same for you!" He knows me so well after all. I don't even have a boyfriend, I was just hoping he would leave and he says something like this instead?
"Things went how they went, we can't go back in time." There's a moment of silence, he moves a little creating some distance between us. Maybe he's going to leave, to give it up.
"We could have tried!" He says finally, and my heart skips a beat.
"You know he wouldn't have worked out, distance would've broken us apart." Hearing my words he turnes around quickly, looking at me with reddened eyes.
"Damn Cel, you didn't even want to try!" He can't seriously start crying, it'd be the end of it, I can't stand seeing him cry.
"For what? Break up after a month over a Facetime call?" I'm trying to stay calm but it's really difficult right now. "We always made it, we could have also survived that."
"You're not reasoning, Charles." Why does he have to bring this up now?
"Yes, that's the same thing you said before leaving me. I always supported you, I would have never stopped you from going to New York, so give me another damn reason why we broke up." The truth is, I don't have another reason, I really don't. And at the same time I don't want to admit it to him, it'd break him even more.
"I never thought you'd stopped me, I'd become the problem in the long run." I want to cry, shout and break everything. It'd be the only way to vent.
"Bullshit! That's bullshit Celine! It's two years I ask myself why the fuck you wanted to knocked things down between us." Two years, he has been thinking about me all this time. He's looking at me with eyes full of tears and sadness, I saw Charles cry a few times and every one of them was like a blow.
"We'd agreed on it..." I try to whisper.
"No! Damn no! You had already decided, I definitely couldn't force you to stay with me." I had never thought about the whole situation from his perspective, and this is making me feel really bad. "What do you wanna say Charles?"
"Nothing, absolutely nothing. For the tenth time, I just want to know why you and I broke up two years ago!" Why? I don't have a real reason, I don't know what to say to him, ha can keep asking forever and I'll probably never have an answer.
"It wouldn't have worked!" I say, again.
"Stop it! Stop saying this as you're trying to convince yourself!" He's shouting, with the anger he repressed for all this time.
"You never called!" I shout back finally. "I loved you madly, for four years you were the most important person to me, you know it. Why did you never try to reach out? Why Charles?" My voice trembles, I can't hold his teary eyes anymore.
"I thought you didn't want to see me ever again! What you told me when you ended things... I thought... I wanted to be that favorite person, your person, forever!" My heart stops and I can't think of anything else apart from that damned night in New York. I can't be really talking to him right now. He must sense the change in my behavior, he notices my rigid posture and the fear in my eyes.
"You can't say those things, not now, after two years of silence. You shouldn't even be here." I can't do this, I need him to leave so that I can finally cry myself apart. "Why are you really here?"
"I wanted to see you, to talk, to know how you're doing. It's been a lot." I need a cigarette, maybe ten. His voice is calm again, full of hope but the situation is still tense.
"We talked..." I can't finish what I'm saying. "No Celine, we did not! We're arguing, can you believe it?" I can, I mean I'm not even as surprised as he is.
"Alright, you wanna talk? Talk then, I've got nothing to say to you." I cross my arms and try to calm my breath, panic is taking over me.
"Why do you keep lying? I know you better than anyone else, don't forget it!" It's true, he is right, once more. But I can't admit it, he can't win this one.
"D'accord, I'm fucking lying. Can you go now? Please."
"What happened to you? New York changed you." He can't even imagine how much, how right he is. I don't say anything.
"New York has nothing to do with it, maybe you simply don't know me as well as you think!" I can't even look at him while saying this, he'll know straight away that I'm lying.
"My Celine would've never talked to me this way." I don't know how but until now I managed to hold back tears, but it's becoming more and more difficult.
"What were you expecting? That I would've come back here after two years without even a message and run to you?"
"I tell you what I did not expect: I'd never imagined you'd be avoiding me like some sort of pest! What the fuck did I do to you to not even deserve a nice chat as old friends?" Nothing, you did nothing to me. I'm just terrified I'm gonna suffer even more when I'll have to go back to New York.
"You're making a scene like when we were younger and you have no right!"
"I am not here to argue. I missed you, really, you know it fleur." Now tears start to stream down my cheeks. He's crying too and slowly moving closer to me.
"Don't call me that!" My heart aches, using the nickname he gave me the first time he ever met me is to play dirt.
"You know what this looks like? Like you want to fight, that's why you're shouting at me!"
"Please! You're ridiculus." It's not like I wanted to shout and be a piece of shit to him, more like vent off and tell him to stay away once and for all.
"I know that pout of yours, you want to pour yourself out. You can do it Cel, it's just you and me, as it always has been. I'm right here, ready to save you." I'm giving up, closer to his body, ready to have his arms around me, to be held in one of his hugs I always loved. But before I can do it his phone rings, I glance at the screen and Alex's name pops up. This name takes me back to reality: Charles is in a relationship and I can't allow myself to cave in.
I step back looking away and wiping the tears off my face.
"You should thank me, if I hadn't left you you'd never have met her." My tone is bitter, why does it have to be that difficult?
"I had everything a man needs to be happy: you, us, our love. I never wished for anything different." That's the last thing he says before slamming the door on his way out.