play the way i loved you by taylor swift rn (jk) (kinda)
⚘ Own me. ⚘
"Do you actually like me?" I ask, whispering.
I wait for anything, a sign. But nothing comes back. I sigh, sitting up on the couch.
I'm waiting for Seungmin. He asked me to practice with him, for our middle part. He approached me yesterday when we were leaving and asked, all shy and flustered.
I like Seungmin. A lot. But I'm staring to worry that friendly feeling isn't returned. I think it's a little more to him. I'm not stupid, I know there's a possibility he likes me. I'm hoping today will confirm or deny it.
What will I even do if he likes me?
I sigh.
I wait a few more minutes before he actually shows up. He steps inside the room in sweats, grey bottoms and a black zip up. He smiles when he sees me, looking a little guilty.
"Please tell me you weren't waiting for long." He says, setting his bag down on the floor.
I chuckle. "I came really early, so..." I shrug.
He frowns. "I'm so sorry. I didn't think you'd show up so early, I would have came—" he starts blabbering, so I stop him.
"No, it's okay." I wave my hands. "Really it's okay."
"I'm still sorry." He says, softly.
"It's nothing. We should just start practicing right away." I say, walking over to the counter where the sound system is.
"Wait, no–" he says. "Let's stretch first... right?" He tilts his head.
I furrow my brows. I don't ever stretch in the studio when I practice. I always make sure to stretch before coming into the dance room, since Minho never waits for me.
Wait.. why am I thinking about Minho?
"Yeah." I say, nodding. "Right."
He looks a little confused, but he just shakes it off. He waits for me to walk over to him, and when I do he smiles. He starts to do all these stretches, and I just follow along. I stumble when I try to lift my leg.
"Oh– shit." I mumble, as I fall down on my ass.
Seungmin laughs at me. His silly laugh fills the whole room, lightening the mood. I look up at him, his smile. It makes me smile. Practice is never like this for me... filled with laughter. I keep smiling at him.
"Oh god." He says through his giggles. "Are you okay?"
I chuckle too. "Yeah, I'm fine." I say.
When he sees me starting to stand up, he reaches his hand out. It surprises me a little bit, making me pause for a second before I take it. I like how caring he is. Even though he laughed, he still tries to help me.
Minho crosses my mind again. He never did that.
I sigh.
Seungmin turns his head to me. He furrows his brows. "What's wrong?" He asks, carefully. "Are you sure you're okay?" He says, taking a step closer.
I freeze when he steps closer. I tense up, staying still. He doesn't notice, instead he waits for an answer as he looks at me expectantly. I snap out of it. "Oh yeah, No— I'm fine." I say.
"Oh..Kay." He says, turning away.
Fuck.
What is going on? What am I doing?
Why do I feel so... out of place?
Snap out of it.
I clear my throat, gaining his attention. "So where should we start?"
I laugh out loud. My sudden burst also makes him burst, falling back on the door. "Stop doing that!" He says. "We need to be serious!" He chuckles.
"I can't, this is so weird." I whine.
He scoffs.
I just giggle again.
I can't stay serious when we do this part. We have to sit weirdly, look at each other weirdly, the whole thing is just weird. It's so awkward, and kind of just funny.
I'm having a blast though. Practicing with Seungmin is so fun. He's a really funny guy, and I feel like we just get alone really well. He is comfortable, like family. He's like a funny little brother.
This is comfortable. I like this, I like him laughing. I like the happy mood in the room. However, a little part of me— misses the fighting. And I don't know how I feel about that.
He sits back up, after sighing. We still are sitting sorta close, and when he sits up his legs touch mine. He looks at me seriously. "Stop laughing." He says firmly.
I bite my bottom lip. He looks so serious, but I see his lip quiver. I can't take it. I start to giggle again, and it makes him crack. He falls forward, onto me as he laughs.
"Oh my god." He whines, laying on me.
"I think it's time we take a break." I say. "I can't do this much longer, it's so funny." I smile.
He inhaled, sitting up. "You're right. You're so unserious.." he says, getting up off the floor before he offers me a hand.
I take it, standing up with his help. I pat his back. "It's not just me."
"Whatever." He says, pulling away. "I'll be right back, I'm going to go refill my water bottle."
I hum, watching as he walks to the counter. He picks up his water bottle, smiling at me when our eyes meet. "Be right back~" He drags out, leaving the room.
I smile. "Okay."
I turn around when he leaves, facing the mirror. I don't really know what to do know. I awkwardly spin around in a circle, staring to hum a tune to myself.
I'm never really alone anymore. There always is somebody around now-a-days, even when I'm in my own home. There's another person in the other room at all times. So, it's kind of weird when I'm alone in a big room like this.
I start to do some foot moves, watching as my converse slide across the floor. I hum still. However, when I raise my head, I stop humming and moving. I freeze.
I look at the mirror, seeing Minho's reflection. He is standing in the doorway, watching me.
He's silent, before he stands straight. "Are you having fun with him?" He asks.
My eyes squint. "What? Why does it matter?"
He lets out a breath. "It doesn't.. what matters is the fact you guys have a move like this together. I don't think that's a good thing.." he takes a step closer.
He is still pretty far, but I find myself tensing when he takes another step. I whip around, putting a hand up. "Don't. Don't come any closer." I say, shaking my head. "Don't.. don't do any of that either." I say, moving my hand around as I am getting a bit irritated.
He's doing it again. He's getting jealous. He needs to stop.
"I'm not doing anything." He says, but his face shows that he knows exactly what's going on.
"Minho." I warn. "Stop. Just.. stop. You're not allowed to do this."
He doesn't even ask what 'this' is. "Why? Why can't I?" He asks, talking another step forward.
I take a step back. "Because you just can't. You can't come in here and act like this after you've been ignoring me all week. You just can't. It's not right. You don't get to."
"After I've been ignoring you?" He raises a brow. "I'm only mirroring you. You are ignoring me, Hyunjin. It's you. It's your fault."
"Don't turn this on me." I chuckle.
"But it's the truth, sweetheart." He says, taking another step closer to me. "If you would just stop ignoring me, maybe we could talk. Maybe we could be what you expected us to be that night. We could start something, have our fun like you want. Maybe, just maybe."
"Have our fun?" I ask, in disbelief.
Is that what he thinks I want? Fun? Is that all he thinks this will be? Fun?
Am I the only one with a crush?
"Yeah. Have our fun." He says. "But that's not happening, because you keep pushing me away. So for now, this is what's happening. This is how it's going to be."
He takes a step closer, "And the first step is you getting the hell away from Kim Seungmin." He says.
I can't believe this.
My fist clenches, and my eyes squint. It's me who takes a step closer this time. "You don't own me, Minho." I say, angrily. "You don't get to tell me what to do, you don't get to be jealous, you don't get to do anything like that. Because we are nothing. That is not needed."
My words are empty. I'm so good at telling lies. It pains me, however, to talk about him and I like this. To talk about us like we are so empty, like we just are dust in the wind. It might be what we actually are, but I was hoping it wasn't.
He seems unfazed, however. "No, Hyunjin." He says. "I don't own you. But.." he takes a step closer. This is the closest he's been to me. We are only a few steps away from each other.
The tension is crazy. It's eating me, swallowing me whole. Everything I've done, I've tried to undo it, forget about it. However, it is getting hard to not do it again— with him, right now.
He is looking at me, the same way he did that night. He is getting closer, the same way he did that night. He is acting, the same way he did that night.
It's so hard.
I want him so badly.
I hate him so much, everything he's done and said— but I can't say that I don't want him. I want him to touch me, I want to feel him again. But I can't. It's not right.
"–I bet you would like it if I did." He says finally.
He's only a few steps away. His words are right in my face, his eyes are locked on me when he says it. The smirk that spreads across his face when he says it drives me crazy. He's driving me insane. His words give me butterflies.
"Please.." I almost whisper. "Don't start this again— not now, not ever."
"Why is it so wrong?" He says, taking a step closer.
His hands touch me, making me shiver. It feels so right to have him touch me. His hand is on my waist, holding me as he looks at me.
"I know you want me just as much as I want you." He says. "So why is it so wrong? Why can't we have each other?"
I muster up enough courage to speak. "Because we want each other in different ways." I say, looking into his eyes.
He seems a bit take aback at first, but he hides it quickly. "How do you know which way I want you..?" He seems a bit hesitant when he speaks. "Why don't we just try.. and we can see?"
Footsteps.
I don't think twice when I throw his hand off me just as Seungmin walks in. I turn towards Seungmin, backing away from Minho.
Seungmin freezes. "Oh shit." He starts to run forward. "Don't fight, why are you fighting?" He raises his voice.
Fighting.
That's what it looked like to him. I realize that now. When he walked in, all he saw was Minho's hand leave me as we stand close, tensed up. It looks like we were fighting, to somebody who knows nothing.
Seungmin separates us, standing in the middle. He takes my hand, holding it. I'm still too shocked to say anything. Thinking about what was going to happen, has me shivering.
"We—" Minho starts, backing away.
"He started it." I mutter, playing along with Seungmin's scenario.
I raise my head. I see the look in Minho's eyes. I can't quite figure out what it is, but I don't like it. He stays silent, still backing away.
"Yeah." He mutters. "Sorry Seung, it's my fault." He says.
He gives me one last look, also looking down at our interlocked hands, before just walking away. He turns away from us completely, just walking away. The last thing he saw was my hand in Seungmin's, as I fight back tears.
I fight the urge to go running after him as the door slams shut. However, the tight grip Seungmin has on me changes my mind.