I sat back against a chair in Mertz's lab. My fingers impatiently tapped at the armrests. Mertz, reluctantly, filled a syringe with the untested vaccine. He flicked at the glass, adjusting the liquid inside of it. He eyed the numbers marked on the side.
"Would you stop procrastinating?" Gerry grumbled, standing by my side.
I looked up at him, curiously eyeing my boss' expression. He seemed bothered, but also looked intrigued. As if he wanted to see how this would affect me; maybe he was hopeful, who knew? What I knew was that my impatience rang for multiple reasons; I needed to know if the cure would work and if this meant I could see Riley again.
My gaze drifted back to Mertz. He looked at the two of us before focusing on Gerry. "I'm not procrastinating," he said. "I need to make sure this is the right dose."
"How are you supposed to know what's right if you've never tested it before." Gerry tapped his feet. "This is your chance."
"You're being impatient." Mertz returned the veil to the table. "And it's a little annoying, Ger."
"Of course, I'm impatient," Gerry said. "If I wasn't then—" His voice drifted and trailed away. His gaze dropped to the floor.
I sat up in my seat. "Ger, you good?" I asked him. A part of me knew where this was going. And I felt a part of him had deep and hard regrets.
"Yeah." Gerry wouldn't look at me. He looked at the closed door instead. A man passed by the door, footsteps echoing in the hall outside. We all stopped as if listening to it. Then Gerry looked back at me. "You think this is going to work?" he asked me.
Me. He was asking me questions. "I mean," I shrugged. "You never know what's going to work until you try, right?"
"Point." Gerry looked down at his shoes. "Just, whatever happens, you got to come back here, okay?"
What he said made me feel like my thought was right; his regrets were heavy. They had to be about his son. He said he'd killed his son because he hadn't reverted back to normal; he didn't want his son to have this life. If he had waited, if he'd kept him safe, then maybe he could have this vaccine, too. He could have a chance.
But Gerry had been impatient and took his son's life into his own hands.
Passing my tongue over my teeth, I looked away. I was putting a story to the man that gave me one chapter of his life. A sad chapter. Maybe one day he'd confide in me the truth.
Until then, I'd be the guinea pig in this course.
I held my arm out in front of me. "I got good veins, doc," I said, grinning at Mertz. "All that water y'all made me drink."
Mertz sighed and approached me. "I think it's more of the fluids we put in your IV for the last twenty-nine days."
"Sure." I looked at my veins, the visible blue under light brown. "Call it IVs. Call it water. Whatever it is. I've got the spot for the shot."
Gerry snickered and turned away. He waved one hand above his head. "Has to have his jokes in there somehow."
I smirked and focused on the syringe in Mertz's hand. "Like he said."
"Right." The doctor sighed as he reached for my arm, gently holding it in his hand. He tapped the vein before locking eyes with mine. "There will be a pinch. If anything feels off, strange, or downright awful, please say something."
"Noted." I watched as Mertz pressed the needle into my arm. It pinched, just as he said. But it wasn't like I hadn't got a shot before. This was the easy part.
It was when he pushed the end of the syringe, pressing the liquid into my body, that I felt the warmth. It slid up my arm, slithering like a snake. Then the heat turned cold, I wasn't sure how to react. "How's it supposed to feel?" I asked, looking at Mertz's face.
He blinked at me. "What do you feel?"
"I don't know," I muttered.
Mertz pulled the needle away from my skin and wrapped it in a towel. I watched as he put it on the table, then I curled my arm close to my chest. Mertz shook his head and reached for me again. There was a bandaid on his hand. He placed it over the small wound.
"I feel hot and cold." I watched as he turned away. "Like, freezing cold."
And I did. I shivered, the hair on my arm standing tall. Gulping, I passed my hands over my arms in an attempt to warm myself. Could this be the infected cells dying?
Gerry slowly turned and faced me. Then he pointed. "Do you see that?" he asked Mertz.
My gaze bounced between the two of them before I touched the side of his face that he'd noted. I felt wet. When I pulled my fingers back, a thin layer of skin came with me, stuck. My eyes widened in panic. Was I pealing?
A small bite...
"Um." Mertz pinched his brows together. "Axel, does that hurt?"
I wanted to wipe away the flesh. I rubbed my hands against my legs, peering at my palms. The skin around my fingers was red. Blistering. My heart hammered in my chest as I panicked.
Flesh dulls the ache...
"Mertz," my teeth ached, causing me to lick them, "did you think this would happen?"
Mertz came over to me, kneeling in front of me as he checked my face, and my hands, prodding at my skin.
Bite him.
"I've seen various vaccine reactions in my career," he said, "but never anything to this degree."
Groaning as the cold spread up my neck, I closed my eyes and cracked my jaw.
Bite. Him.
"Gerry, grab him some water," Mertz said.
Water, this again. Slowly peeling my eyes open, I stared at Mertz. "That shit doesn't work," I hissed.
Despite the truth that'd been mentioned but not stated, Gerry handed Mertz a bottle of water to pass to me. The doctor twisted the top. "It doesn't, but I'm at a loss, and if you hydrate—"
He handed me the water but it was my instinct that slapped it out of his hand. It crashed to the floor, spilling water across tiles. And I turned to the side to heave bile slipping up my throat.
"Mertz, do something!" Gerry shouted.
Slimey red splattered to the floor. The cold vanished as my veins filled with fire. Nothing else. Just heat, smoldering flame.
Just a bite. One bite. Calm the ache.
"Axel." Mertz moved around the chair to cup my face. "Look at me, I—shit."
He fell back to the floor the second our eyes met. I saw him but didn't. My vision blurred red.
Take a bite, take a bite, take a bite.
"I don't think this is working." Gerry helped Mertz to stand up.
"This is different. We're not someone he should react to." Mertz stepped away me. "This could be the virus leaving his body."
I vomited again. Tears burned in my eyes until they fell down my cheeks. Each of my pants sounded like strangled cries.
Bite them!
Leaning against the chair's armrest, I focused on both Gerry and Mertz. They swayed in my line of sight, but I knew it couldn't be them. It was me. I was dizzy, sick, and on fire.
This was what I felt like when I first caught the virus.
Grunting, I stood.
"Axel." Gerry extended his hands. "Maybe you should stay sitting down."
Should I?
A low growl slipped up from my throat.
"I don't think he can hear you, Ger," Mertz whispered.
I can hear you...
I rolled my head along my shoulders.
"Axel," Gerry motioned for me to sit back down, "just relax. I can get you some food. How does that sound?"
I'm hungry...
I opened my mouth and spit dripped off my lip. Another growl was followed by a long sigh.
"Okay, get him to relax, I'll be back with burgers or something." Gerry turned for the door.
And I lunged.
My teeth latched onto Gerry's neck as I grabbed onto his back. He screamed, trying his hardest to get me off. But the more he moved, the deeper my teeth sank. His blood filled my mouth perfectly.
Pull the flesh. Taste the blood.
"Stop moving!" Mertz screamed. "It'll make it worse!"
I unclenched my bite to move to another patch of meaty flesh. Chomp. My teeth broke through the skin and I reveled in how much he was bleeding. Hungrily, I drank it all.
Then a needle slammed into my neck. Pressure pushed its way into my skin. And I found that I couldn't hold on anymore. I let him go.
"Fuucckk," Gerry hissed as he turned to look at me. He applied pressure to the bite marks on his neck. His tear-filled eyes turned red as he bared his teeth. "You fuckin' bit me, man."
I stumbled back into the chair. Or Mertz guided me to sit. Whichever way it was, I stayed. My head lolled to one side.
"He'll be out for a while." Mertz moved behind the chair and put his hands on my shoulders. "Just... wait. Then I'll bandage you up."
I tried to listen to them but couldn't help but close my eyes. My breathing slowed. As my heartbeats slowed with it, all sound disappeared. I had no choice but to welcome darkness.
*
I slept off the drugs. The effect of the vaccine wore off. Mertz was the only one who visited me after my outburst, which made sense. Gerry left an aftertaste on my tongue. I shouldn't have attacked him, but what could I do?
Mertz had no explanation but gave me one rule.
Wait a few hours.
Wait. I needed to wait until I felt as normal as I could. My enthusiasm to take it meant he knew that I would test it immediately, but it made sense to make sure my side effects didn't come back. The vaccine needed to travel through my bloodstream; eat the virus. Because if it ate it... I could see Riley.
Playing with the bandaid, I realized the nausea finally faded. The headaches went with it. I wondered if when I attacked Gerry when I vomited my blood, it was my body removing my sickness from inside of me. And if that was the case, then I had to be fine now, right? I could head over to Riley without worrying about the change.
It's early morning, I can go.
A gentle knock came on the door. Sitting up in bed, I watched as Mertz walked in. He had a towel in his hand. Red spots stained the edges. "I guess you're thinking about running outside now," he said.
Running wasn't the word I'd use. "Um," I rubbed my legs as I sighed, "I did want to try this, but is Gerry okay?"
Mertz glanced outside the door. "He'll live, but that'll scar," he said, then looked at me. "He won't talk to you for a while. He didn't say it, but I can tell."
It made sense. I attacked him. Unprovoked. "Could I apologize?" I wasn't sure why I was asking this doctor for permission. I was a grown man.
"Go for it." Mertz stepped away from the door. "He's down the hall, second door on your left."
"Cool." I slid off the bed and approached him. "I'll apologize. And to you," I nodded, "I'm sorry."
Mertz slid his towel over each of his fingers. "You don't have to apologize. None of us knew how the vaccine would affect you. In my opinion," he shrugged, "your reaction made sense,"
"I thought so, too." I rubbed my chin.
"I also think you should be fine to see your friend now." Mertz gave me a soft smile. "Just, if you do feel anything, try to get away."
Noted. Nodding at what he said, I stepped out of the room, into the hall, and aimed straight for the second door on the left, as Mertz had said. I knocked on the side of it even though it was open.
Gerry sat on the bed, looking at the window. He glanced at me before turning back to the reddening sky.
"Hey, um," I leaned against the door frame, "I wanted to... say I'm sorry."
"You don't have to apologize." Gerry didn't face me but rubbed his shoulder. "It wasn't you. It was the shot. It was the virus. It was everything but you."
I frowned. What was I supposed to say? I tore into his neck, his blood was everywhere, and yet he didn't blame me. But he couldn't look at me. He didn't need to. I wasn't owed that.
"I still wanted to apologize." I pushed my hands into the pockets of my joggers. "I owe you that."
"Who you need to see if your girlfriend—" Gerry finally looked at me. The side of him that I'd ripped through was red, purple, and heavily bandaged. The inflammation spread up his neck to his cheek and into his eye. It hurt me to see him like this. But he smiled. A weak smile. "See her and see if this vaccine actually works. Hold her, kiss her, do everything you haven't been able to do. But by all fucking means, Axel, don't kill her."
I gulped. But nodded. It wasn't quite motivational words, yet I accepted it. What he said was what I needed to do. "Got it, boss," I whispered as I turned away.