~~
Nick
I tugged at the tie around my neck. It was too tight, and I shifted uncomfortably as the priest talked. My head still hurt, probably still from the hangover from Saturday.
Yesterday morning I'd woken up, regretfully remembering most of the night as it trickled into my mind. But the last part of the night was the part that replayed in my brain over and over like a broken record.
I couldn't remember when I'd started drinking, but I could pinpoint the exact moment I'd sobered up. The moment Sam spoke to me in the car had brought me crashing back down to reality, to the awareness of everything I'd been doing.
I remembered every word.
"... and we give thanks for the life of our brother and the many ways in which he touched the lives of his loved ones..." The priest continued, but I tuned him out, looking to my mother, holding my breath to see how she was taking this.
My mother stood next to me, wearing a long, flowing black dress and clutching a single white rose in her hand. Her gaze was distant as she looked to the priest, nodding along to his words as the bitter breeze tugged at her long clothes.
I swallowed hard, my jaw tightening. Why had she been so adamant on coming? The guy who beat her senseless, abused her for years was dead, and she wanted to be the one to give him a burial.
When she first called and told me the news with a shaky voice, I pretended like I didn't know. After she came back earlier today, she took me aside. "I want to give him a burial, today. I've already arranged it." She'd said.
At first, I thought she must have been joking. I just stared back at her blankly until her expression remained constant and serious. And then, after a few minutes trying to convince her otherwise, she simply held a hand in front of me and made it clear she was going. David had offered to go with her, but she refused and said this was something she had to do without him.
I wanted to scream at her to wake up, to realize he didn't deserve even that. He didn't deserve anything from us, but as I watched her tired, sad gaze, I stuffed the words back into my throat. But I couldn't let her face it, face the past alone. So although it was the last thing in the world I wanted to do, I gulped and told her I'd go with her.
***
The burial had been a bleak affair. The cracked tombstones surrounded us, sprouting up from the ground every few feet. The cemetery was old, worn down and grey. Even the grass and sky were pale, devoid of all life and color as the sun set behind murky clouds. But I didn't focus on the sky, and I didn't focus on the grass. I didn't even focus on the words being spoken by the priest.
The only thing my attention was fixed on was the few words freshly engraved on the tombstone.
'John Carter, Beloved husband and father, 1976-2023'
I tuned out the voices, all I could hear was my heart beating, pulsing through my eardrums.
'Beloved husband and father.'
"Nicholas." My mother whispered into my ear, her familiar voice bringing me back to the present. I turned my gaze to her. "I said it's your turn, honey."
I walked towards the casket in the hole, a fistful of pale dirt in my hand. The priest stood in front, watching me with sympathy as he gestured me to come forward.
My mind was blank as my hand reached out and scattered the dirt onto the casket. "Don't despair, son. Your father may be gone," the priest said in a hushed whisper, his bushy grey brows knotted together as he faced me. "But he will continue to live in your memory for as long as you live."
I knew he would. That was the worst part.
~~
Samantha
"Yeah, I went out on Friday. Didn't I tell you?" Jacob answered, but I just glared back at him.
I'd called him to meet me at my place after his training session tonight because I needed to talk to him. We were in the living room, Jacob grabbing bites of some chips in between his responses.
"No, I think you forgot to mention that part, actually." I replied. "You completely ditched me after the movie theater when we were supposed to get dinner because you said you were too tired."
"I was tired. I took a nap for a few hours but then some guys called me up and said they wanted to take me drinking to celebrate my win, I couldn't really say no." I rolled my eyes. Jacob chuckled and set down his bag of chips as he got closer. "Sam, come on. I'm sorry, alright?"
"Yeah, whatever, Jacob." I stood up from my seat and started picking up the empty bag of chips and whipped around to walk to the kitchen.
"Sam." I ignored him and kept walking, but I heard him stand up. "Sam."
He suddenly took my wrist in a tight grip to whip me around to face him. "Hey, I'm talking to you." I held my breath as I watched his expression darken, his face slightly red, but an instant later, he sighed and his usual gentle gaze was back as he dropped his hold on my wrist. But in that instant, I only thought one thing: He does not like being ignored. "Come on. Don't be like that. I'll make it up to you, I promise."
"Okay, Jacob. It's fine." I gulped and looked away. "I just wish you'd let me know."
"Won't happen again." He said, giving me a small smile. "I promise."
***
It was clear sleep wasn't going to come anytime soon. The stress of the day had been pent up in my mind until I felt a headache coming on.
I huffed, desperate for some fresh air and a walk. I changed into some leggings, a workout top and a hoodie, put on my sneakers and slipped out into the chilly night.
I walked uphill, mesmerized as I looked above me. The stars were out in full force, scattered like diamonds across the black velvet of the night sky. They were like a luminous ribbon, stretching from one horizon to the other, and I felt as if I could reach out and touch them. I breathed in slowly, setting aside every anxious thought from my mind.
I finally arrived at the clearing a few minutes later. From the top of the mountain, the view was breathtaking. The sprawling city lay before me like a tapestry, its buildings stretching towards the horizon like fingers reaching for the sky. The darkness made the city seem more peaceful, as if it was slumbering, waiting for the next day to begin.
From this vantage point, I felt a sense of peace and perspective, as if I had climbed to the top of the world and could see everything with clarity.
At first sight, I thought I'd had the mountain all to myself, but I turned my head when I saw a shadow out of the corner of my eye at the other end of the clearing.
His back was to me, but I didn't have to look twice to realize who it was. Nick was in a dark suit, standing near the edge overlooking the vast landscape with a cigarrette in one hand, the other in the pocket of his pants. A sudden breeze washed over, delicately tugging at his suit and messing up a few strands of his hair.
Why was he here? It had been more than a month since I've seen him up here. And why was he in a suit?
I sucked in a breath, still as I watched him. I thought of what Alex had told me earlier today, and my heart crumpled up.
I stood frozen, debating on whether I should say something, or just turn around and walk away. He hadn't seen me yet, so the latter convinced me more, he seemed to want some time alone and I was too nervous to know what to say.
I started to turn and walk silently away when his voice cut through the silence, making me freeze. "You know, it's bad manners to leave without saying hello." His voice was smooth as silk, with a deep timbre that seemed to vibrate through my bones, and I turned back around. He was still facing the view, but his head had turned slightly and I could see his sharp profile against the starry backdrop.
I swallowed and walked closer to him, he shifted his head back towards the night. "Wouldn't want you to think I'm stalking you." I said as I fell into place next to him, leaving a few feet of space between us as we both looked out to the city.
Nick chuckled slightly then, a raspy chuckle that showcased his smile, but he still didn't turn to me. I took the opportunity to glance at him sideways. I couldn't help but think he looked even more breathtaking with the light from the moon bouncing off his skin, dancing along his eyes.
He had placed a cigarrette in between his lips, he took out a lighter from his pocket and flicked the end, bringing the flame to the tip of his cigarrette. I furrowed my brows at the sight. "You smoke?" I didn't think I remembered ever seeing him light up.
A thin trail of smoke curled upwards from the glowing tip, twisting and turning in the air like a wisp of cloud. He shrugged, sliding the lighter back in his pocket. "Sometimes." His eyes were fixed on the horizon, but it was clear his mind was elsewhere as he inhaled.
His expression was hard to decipher, it almost seemed impassive, but there was a hidden layer. There had been times I'd felt I'd come so close to cracking it, to discovering the true essence behind his facade, but I never could.
I gulped, and looked to the ground. "Nick," I said. "I... heard about your dad... I'm so sorry."
He exhaled the heavy smoke, quiet for a second until he spoke. "It's fine." He said simply, almost casually.
"I can't imagine what you and your mom must be going through-"
"He's been dead to me for years. Doesn't make a difference." His voice sounded detached, emotionless. He flicked his cigarrette butt to the ground and stepped on it to put it out.
I turned to face him, fully looking at him, my eyes narrowing slightly. The curiosity spiked in me. I'd gathered he didn't have a good relationship with his father for a while now, but I didn't know he felt that way towards him. My heart sank as I wondered: Just how bad had his childhood been?
Without thinking, I reached out to touch his arm. He tensed slightly at my unexpected touch, his gaze turning to settle on mine for the first time tonight, something softening in his expression. I felt almost like I was dizzy and I had to look away as I quickly realized what I'd done. I dropped my hand, gulping. "Well, um, if you need anything... I'm sorry, again, for your loss." I said awkwardly, then started to turn away, ready to leave, since I was deathly afraid he could hear how fast my heart was racing.
"Sam." Nick said. I turned back to him. He was staring intently at me now, both hands in his pockets. "About the other day... I'm sorry for how I acted. I was drunk and I honestly can't even remember most of the night." He smiled sheepishly then. "I was acting like a real asshole, wasn't I?"
"Yes." I said, then with a slight smile, "Nothing too out of character for you, though."
He laughed smoothly. "I'm sure."
"I'm sorry, too. About what I said in the car-"
"-Listen, I can't remember a thing that happened since I got to the party, so don't worry about it." He said dismissively with a slight, small smile. I breathed out, relieved. I'd been harsh with my words, I knew. But at least he couldn't remember, so there was no harm done. It's not like he would care what I said either way.
He met my gaze again. "So, we're good?"
"Yeah," I nodded. "We're good."
***
Thank you so much for reading! Hope you enjoyed thia chapter!
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