"That was nearly two decades ago." The girls laughed and then Rhaena handed the fisherman the bag of provisions that one of the maids had fetched from the kitchens.
Rhaena and Visaera were still talking to Tornin on the beach when the sentries spotted a single dragon in the sky. All the eyes turned upward and Visaera's heart rose to her throat as she waited for the dragon to approach, straining to see who it was.
As Visaera often did, Jace landed Vermax on the beach, stirring up sand and leaving giant gouges in the ground. The prince dismounted before the green dragon had a chance to tuck his wings, wearing a solemn look on his face.
Her brother was covered in ash and blood and his eyes were wide with dismay. The sight made Visaera's stomach clench.
"Vis..." He had a dazed sort of look in his eye and his voice was shaking as he reached for her, "It's Luke. He's gone..." She was already trembling, but Visaera shook her head, refusing to believe it. Luke couldn't be gone. Her baby brother was not yet fifteen... Jace continue to talk, despite the fact that Visaera didn't want to hear anymore... "We tried to target the fleet, but..."
"But what?" Visaera breathed, her eyes flashing up to his, "What happened, Jace?"
"Aegon and Aemond were already circling in the bay. I don't know if they were looking for you or waiting for us, but..." Jace answered, swallowing thickly. Visaera felt sick, her stomach cramping and threatening to expel its contents onto the beach. "I didn't see what happened, but Luke and Arrax went down in Blackwater Bay, neither resurfaced."
"So, you left him there?" she asked softly, feeling strangely numb like she was no longer attached to her own body. "Did you even bother trying to look for him?" she asked him.
"Vis, I—" She shook her head again, back and forth, as if the motion would somehow wake her and prove this moment to be one of her horrible nightmares. Perhaps she would wake up in the Red Keep, in Aegon's arms... No, this couldn't be real... Her uncles wouldn't...
"This was your...stupid plan...and..." she gritted her teeth, fighting against the gnawing pain threatening to rip her insides apart. It started in the center of her chest and, no matter how she battled against it, it continued to grow. She could feel it, consuming her organs and stealing her breath.
"Visaera, I—"
"You left him there, you fucking—" she choked out a sob as she shoved against his chest as hard as she could, sending him stumbling across the sand. "Our little brother, Jace! Our little brother! You just left him to—" She couldn't breathe, she couldn't force herself to say the word. Visaera was gasping for air but she couldn't breathe. Her lungs were caving in on themselves, shriveling into tiny black bits of ash in her chest. "How could you leave him there?" she screamed, gasping for air as her legs buckled and she fell into the sand.
Lucerys...
Her entire world was caving in, dragging her into a black abyss that threatened to consume her whole. Rhaena and Jace looped their arms around her, supporting her the entire way up to the keep as she battled against them, her legs repeatedly giving out beneath her.
Flashes filled her head, a tiny, dark-haired babe being pushed into her curious arms, Visaera constantly pushing his black curls off his forehead, the pair of them sprinting hand in hand down the beach to the hot springs. Memories she could cling to but would never fully hold again...
"I'm so sorry, Vis," Jace offered again, the pain evident in his eyes as Rhaena tried to help her back to her room. But Visaera couldn't find a space in her heart to feel sympathy for her brother. Visaera felt nothing but her own, all-consuming agony. Nothing he said could take the pain away.
The vision she had; the promise she had made with Aemond, going to Storm's End... Everything she had done to try and keep Luke safe... It had all been for nothing. Her brother had lost his life, despite her efforts.
Her sobs turned into screams that echoed through the castle, and her mother's sounded not long after, mourning the loss of her son as Visaera mourned her brother. She let no one touch her, falling to the floor in the center of her room as wave after wave of despair washed over her, and she felt the pieces of her heart break in her chest.
Despite the tears streaming down her own cheeks, Rhaena had tried to help, but eventually left Visaera wrapped in a curtain of grief, unable to be consoled by her sister, or anyone. A chill swept through Dragonstone, stealing all words and smiles alike from all its occupants; even the light in the sky turned grey, sucking all happiness from the world around them as they grieved.
Nearly two days later, when she had no tears left and she had crumpled to the floor in a daze, Daemon suddenly appeared.
"Visaera," he breathed her name, kneeling down in front of her and lifting her chin, "My girl..."
Her reaction was instantaneous.
Tears dried out; consumed by grief and anger, Visaera launched herself at her father, striking him with as much force as she could muster.
"It's your fault! It's your fucking fault!" she yelled. "You wanted a war so fucking badly! You tried to kill Helaena, you fucking monster! Grandmother is dead; Luke is dead because of you!" She needed someone to take the blame, to take her sorrow and hate. Her fury had finally bubbled over and now it was pouring out, consuming her as a volcano eruption consumes everything in its path.
Her lashing barely phased him and he waited until she had no strength left to hit him.
"My love—"
"Get out!" she screamed, shoving against his chest and trying to push him from the room. Before she could force him out the door, the edges of her vision grew fuzzy and her ear began to ring. Visaera blinked repeatedly, trying to focus, but she lost her balance and fell to her right, her head colliding painfully against the wall before her vision went black...
Visaera woke in her bed feeling disoriented and weak, her mind a haze of emotions and tangled thoughts. When she finally blinked the room into clear view, Rhaena was sitting at her bedside with tears in her eyes, her hand clinging to her sister's.
"Rhaena..." Visaera closed her eyes again, feeling exhausted. "What happened?"
"When is the last time you ate something?" Rhaena demanded, the concern on her face morphing into anger.
"I ate on the boat," Visaera insisted, "Tornin had—"
"When is the last time you had a full meal, Visaera?" Rhaena clarified, yanking her hand away. Visaera couldn't remember... Aemond had fed her before she left, but even that had only been a few bites.
"When grandmother—" Visaera choked on the words at the reminder that Rhaenys was dead, and then remembered that Luke was dead, as well, and another wave of grief coursed through her, making her chest ache.
"Vis, that was six fucking days ago!" Rhaena yelled, rising from her chair and stomping her foot. "Are you trying to fucking kill yourself and give us another death to grieve?" Visaera winced at the thought and shook her head.
"Of course, not, Rhaena. I've just... Everything that's happened makes me sick to my stomach..." The expression on Rhaena's face softened and she finally nodded.
"I understand, sister, but you have to eat. Force yourself. We need you; we all need you." Visaera didn't feel needed; she felt useless. In fact, she wanted nothing more than to join her brother with the gods. For fourteen years he had been by her side; she didn't know how to live in a world without him. "I'm going to bring you a plate, and you need to eat." Rhaena insisted before she left the room.
Her quarters were quiet, too quiet, leaving her alone with her thoughts. She fisted the sheets in her hands and let out a scream from behind clenched teeth as she stared up at the ceiling, cursing the gods for their cruelty.
Take me. Give me back my brother and take me instead. She silently begged, knowing there would be no answer. The Gods had abandoned them; left them to their own devices...
It was this thought that sank into her head. The Gods would not offer recourse for her brother's death, it would need to be taken...
By the time Rhaena returned with food and wine, the wave of pain had ebbed and Visaera could breathe again. Despite her stomach cramping with protest, Visaera forced herself to choke down mouthfuls of meat and fruit under her sister's watchful gaze.
For two days, Rhaena remained at her bedside, forcing her to eat and giving her tonics when she could not sleep. On the third day, Visaera shoved her sister out of the way and made for her wardrobe, unable to stare at the walls and ceiling of her chambers for a moment longer. She needed fresh air; she needed to speak to her family...
Donning her leathers, Visaera made her way to the Great Hall first. She hadn't seen her mother since Jace had returned and the princess could see that the news had done physical damage to Rhaenyra. The queen had dark circles around her eyes, which had gone as dull and lifeless as Visaera felt.
Instead of feeling sympathy for her mother, resentment filled her as she reminded herself that all the death they were mourning was Rhaenyra's fault. She had allowed Daemon to plan Helaena's murder; she had set the trap at Rook's Rest; she had allowed Luke to fly to King's Landing.
Jacaerys sat silent and grief-stricken in one of the chairs in front of the hearth, staring blankly at the cup of wine in his hand.
"Jace..." she whispered, reaching for his hand and kneeling in front of him. Visaera was still angry that he had suggested the attack on the fleet, but she knew that Jace loved Luke just as much as she did. She wrapped her arms around his waist and buried her face in his shirts, fighting the urge to burst into tears. Her brother's arms came around her shoulders, clinging to her as he kissed the top of her head and let out a choked sob. "I'm here..." she assured him, rubbing circles over his back. "I know you were only trying to help; you always try to help."
With his sister's arms around him, the wall that Jace had built around himself crumbled and he fell apart, his body shaking as he finally allowed himself to cry. Her tears long dried up, Visaera was able to give her brother the support he desperately needed. The same would not be offered to her mother or father... When Jace's tears finally morphed into sniffles, Visaera released him, pressing her forehead to his, silently reminding him that she loved him.
Rhaenyra was leaning over the Painted Table, staring blankly at the light that illuminated the map carved into the wood. Visaera watched as Daemon leaned over, frantically whispering in her mother's ear. The sight made her gut churn and she wondered if he was filling Rhaenyra's head with more of his venomous ideas for revenge.
Daemon hadn't missed the angry glint in her eye and he leaned over the table toward her.
"Don't look at me like that, girl," he growled. Visaera clenched her jaw and continued to glare. "You can blame me all you'd like, Visaera," he added, his lip curling back from his teeth, "but I'm not the one who killed your grandmother; I'm not the one who killed your brother. That blame is on Aegon and Aemond, the very men you've been fucking for the last fortnight!"
Visaera felt like he had struck her and she threw herself over the table at him, screaming out her anger and frustration. When Daemon chuckled, she punched him in the jaw, enjoying the sight of blood filling his mouth.
"I hate you!" she spat. Daemon laughed again.
"Hate me, but don't forget, you're just like me," he sneered. "The Gods made you in my image, Visaera. Hate me if you wish, but it will not take away your own guilt."
Visaera ran. She ran from the Great Hall, from Jace's mourning, from her father's spiteful words...
She sprinted until her legs burned and her chest ached, falling to her knees just outside the Dragonmont. Carrion sensed her presence, the way she felt his, and she knew he would emerge from the caverns in only a moment.
"Visaera," Daemon breathed her name heavily and she realized he had followed her in a hurry.
"Leave me alone!" she cried, the dam inside her breaking and releasing a fresh stream of tears down her face. His word had cut her to the bone, hurting her more than she had ever expected, because he was right.
She was just like him, quick to anger, rebellious, and impulsive... Visaera was the product of Daemon and Rhaenyra's forbidden love and their rash decisions and the knowledge had always haunted her.
Daemon knelt down beside her and placed a hand on her shoulder.
"I'm sorry, my love. It is not my wish to wound you," he told her softly.
"No, it is your wish to put Mother on the throne, no matter the cost," she replied venomously.
"Mm," he acknowledged, stroking a single finger over her cheekbone and up to the scar on her temple.
"I had a plan! Aegon and Aemond had a plan! And now Luke is dead! Grandmother is dead!" she yelled, sinking her nails into the dirt beneath her in an effort to ground herself.
"And yet, neither of their deaths was at our hands..." he replied softly, "You are too kind for this world, Visaera. Kindness will get you nowhere in this game. Some things in this world just aren't forgivable," he told her, watching with satisfaction as the raw fury returned to her eyes. A knowing smirk stretched across his face as he saw a flash of himself in her expression; truly seeing the dragon inside her come to life.
"Vis?" Her brother's voice called to her but she made no effort to move as Daemon's words echoed in her head.
He was right, her grandmother's death had been forgivable, but Luke's was not...
She dusted herself off and looked up at Daemon, drying her tears as the walls around her heart closed and latched firmly in place, sealing out everything except the loss of her brother.
"You're right..." she agreed, the wind whipping her hair and cooing the fire burning beneath her skin, "I am a dragon; it is time to be a dragon... I need a saddle." Daemon grinned, a feeling of pride swelling inside him. He had one commissioned the moment he learned she had survived Storm's End. "Jace," she acknowledged, turning to her brother, "I promised you once that I would never ask anything of you ever again, but I must ask you now... Will you come with me? I think it's time we visit our dear uncle Daeron. I'm going to make those fucking vipers regret betraying out family. I'm going to burn the Hightower to cinder..."