The air inside of the infirmary was bitter. The white lights illuminated the room, its head beating down onto Amaya's figure. As she laid on one of the beds, she kept her eyes shut. A bead of sweat dribbled down the side of her head as she thought of the tests she had done almost an hour ago.
Almost the entirety of Amaya's body functioned like it used to. The only noticeable differences Ieiri found were her heart's BPM and her body temperature. Both were lower than the average, the temperature more noticeable.
It was strange to her. Amaya didn't feel any different than she normally did. It was as if the differences had no effect on her body. But for someone who rose from the dead, the possibilities were endless.
On the infirmary's bed, Amaya shut her eyes and tried to ignore the elephant in the room. It was impossible to do so when she knew Gojo was watching her from the nearby medicine cabinet. His eyes observed her every move as he leaned against the counter with his arms crossed.
If Amaya could figure out what he was thinking, she'd try in an instant. Gojo was always mysterious in that way, keeping most of his thoughts and feelings to himself. Amaya couldn't think of a time he had been vulnerable.
Though, it made sense he hid it, that he hid his vulnerable side. Even the strongest sorcerer can fall once their weaknesses are exposed and exploited. Amaya was sure he didn't see her as an ally, so she couldn't even expect a smile from him.
She thought of the situation over and over, and concluded that earning their trust back would be the hardest thing. They've built walls up after her absence, and her return brought the construction of even more obstacles. But even so...
"Yuta says he believes it's you."
Amaya's train of thought stopped once Gojo had uttered those words. Her body paused, refusing the urge to turn around. She replied, "He shouldn't. All we did was talk in that classroom briefly..."
The man questioned, "Don't you want his trust back? Isn't it your goal to make everyone believe it's truly Amaya?"
His words made her furrow her brows. Amaya sat up on the bed, still facing away from Gojo, as she looked down at her hands. Pale and dry, that's all they were. Yet, she could imagine them soaked in the blood of her friends, or rotting away like they were supposed to.
"Of course I want everyone to believe in me. It's been about 3 days since I've come back, and all that it's brought me and everyone else is pain. Things would be so much easier if we could just go back to the way things were."
"Except you can't. No one can."
"I'm painfully aware." Amaya sighed, "I'm scared because I don't know a thing. What if I lose control of my body and hurt someone, or go through dying all over again, not that I remember it."
"Have you tried to remember?"
"Yes, but I can't. Even when I try I'm scared to remember. Maybe that has some part to play."
"People naturally fear what they don't know, so go ahead and give something you know a try."
Amaya was confused, "What are you suggesting?"
"Your cursed energy and technique," he answered. "Try manifesting them both."
For the time she had been there, her ability to use jujutsu had been the last thing on Amaya's mind. A sudden determination ran through her veins while she tried to manifest her cursed energy. Amaya held a loose fist in front of her chest, hoping to see the aura of blue envelop her hand. She furrowed her brows when there wasn't anything.
Again and again, Amaya tried to manifest her cursed energy and or technique. She only managed to bring forth a sliver of cursed energy that covered her hand. It was enough to deliver a good blow, but keeping the cursed energy flowing was difficult. She managed to hold it for a few seconds before it dissipated into nothing.
"It's almost as if my body refuses," you murmured. "That's what it feels like to me."
"Yet you can still use cursed energy," Gojo then stood in front of Amaya. She looked up at his large, looming figure. Even if it wasn't intentional, he was quite intimidating. "Hand me your right wrist."
There was no use in defying him, so Amaya offered her hand pretty quickly. Gojo then wrapped a chain around her wrist. She watched as he chanted something in an alien language, imbuing his own cursed energy into the bracelet before he let go.
Once he did, Amaya's wrist dropped down to her lap from the unexpected weight. It wasn't incredibly heavy, but it was still enough to surprise Amaya for a moment.
"This is..."
"It's nullifying your ability to use jujutsu and restricting your cursed energy output," Gojo explained. "The only way for it to be taken off your wrist is for me to remove it. There's no use in trying."
"What a rare thing to find," her fingers brushed the cursed object, "but I'm not surprised you did. Still, do I have to be under watch all the time like earlier?"
"No, you know that us sorcerers don't have the time to babysit. There are missions to take, so there won't always be someone around. We also don't have the space to lock you up in either. It'd be a waste of time and space if we tried."
"Does that mean you trust me...? Even if it's only a tiny bit?"
"If you were truly Amaya, I'd trust that you'd know that we wouldn't believe a walking and talking corpse so easily."
And all of her thoughts suddenly went blank. The girl opened her mouth to say something, anything, yet nothing would come out. She stayed silent as Gojo stood, moments passing before he left the room. His presence gone only left an even heavier feeling on her shoulders.
"Right..." Amaya's head dropped down to her lap, and she fiddled with a loose string of her shirt. She could only think about one thing. "I really am just a walking and talking corpse, huh."
The air was chilly for a summer afternoon. Amaya walked around the school grounds, merely drifting to where the wind would lead. She had nothing to do but think over things; when did she not?
She roamed around until someone called for her. Her ears picked up on the vaguely familiar voice, and she looked behind to see a warm smile. Itadori waved his hand as a greeting, and then he caught up to Amaya quickly.
After exchanging pleasantries, the pair fell into silence. The brunette kept her hands at her sides, nails picking at each other awkwardly as they mindlessly walked around. She wasn't in any mood to make small talk, so she silently returned to her thoughts.
What Amaya didn't notice was Itadori's eyes flickering between her and the path that was in front of them. Itadori knew only three facts about her. First, Amaya Fushiguro died on December 24th. Second, she was Megumi's older sister. Lastly, there was more to her relationship with Okkotsu.
The day they first stumbled upon her was confirmation enough. Okkotsu held Amaya as if she were the most fragile thing in the world. Not to mention, every time Amaya came up into a conversation, he seemed to bring his lips into a further frown.
It was clear to Kugisaki, whom he asked to explain. Okkotsu loved Amaya, and, from what they've seen, his feelings were reciprocated by the girl. It was a shame that they were put in their current predicament.
Itadori couldn't even fathom the idea of how either of them felt. The idea of being in both Amaya and Okkotsu's situation felt awful. How did Okkotsu feel about Amaya's abrupt passing and return? How did Amaya feel when she found out she died and that her trust with everyone had dissipated?
"Are you... Are you okay?"
Amaya turned to the boy, visibly confused by his question, "I'm okay? Why ask?"
"I-I mean with everything, it's kinda hard not to," he scratched his head. "Okkotsu-senpai said you would be with Gojo-sensei and Shoko-san all morning. What were you guys doing?"
"Oh, we were just doing some tests and examinations to see if there was anything physically wrong with my body. We found some things to be different, but I'm not sure what they'll do with that information." Amaya stared at Itadori's face, "If you don't mind me asking, what are those slits under your eyes? I noticed them when we first met, but I didn't think of asking."
The boy's fingers brushed underneath his eyes, "These are from Sukuna, actually."
"Sukuna as in the King of Curses Sukuna?"
"Yeah, I'm kind of his vessel now."
Amaya's eyes widened as she stopped walking, "Actually!? You're the vessel for someone so evil?"
He bashfully turned away from her and let out a small chuckle, "Yeah... There was no way Fushiguro could fight that curse alone, so I sorta stepped in by eating the finger."
Once she asked, Itadori explained that night to her. One of Sukuna's fingers was lying at his school until it came into possession of his club. Megumi tracked Yuji down at the hospital, only to find out he was following the traces of the box itself. With the other two club members in danger, they ran to the school and fought the cursed spirits.
The only reason Itadori had to take the measures of eating Sukuna's finger was because of a large curse that caught them by surprise. Megumi could barely stand, and Itadori was nearing its mouth. The only solution he saw was to consume the finger for its power.
"Gojo-sensei gave me some choices, but I chose to fight until I eat all of Sukuna's fingers."
"And what happens after that?"
"Well, I'm gonna be executed. So until that happens, I'll save as many people as I can."
Amaya frowned at him, "That's unfair to you. You're left to carry such a burden and sentenced to be executed in return... Isn't that scary to you?"
"You're extremely lucky to die a normal death after running into a cursed spirit. Even if your body is all torn apart in a mess or blood and bones, that can still be considered all right."
"I... I am scared, yeah," Itadori admitted, his head pointed down at his feet. "I was told that being torn apart is considered an alright way to die after encountering a cursed spirit. That hurts more than it would to have my head cut off, but it's all the same. I'll die, and the thought of that alone, despite how it may happen, scares me."
A comforting hand placed itself on Itadori's head. Amaya smiled sadly at him, ruffling his hair slightly. Time was an unfortunate thing, and the more that it passed for Itadori, the closer his death became.
"Stay scared for me, okay? Even if you want to give up, don't. Never let that fear leave you. As long as it stays with you, you'll have something to live for. Fear allows you to fight, so keep fighting." Amaya took her hand back and looked at the chain around her wrist. Just like earlier, it was still heavy to carry.
"And if you don't want to fight for yourself, fight for the ones you care about."
WRITTEN: 02/18/2024
PUBLISHED: 02/21/2024
AUTHOR'S NOTE:
please pretend i don't update every year SKDJS. i was going to upload this on my birthday and update multiple fics, but i can't find the time 😭😭