During his 3rd period prep, East High's STEM teacher, Benjamin Mazzara, had stepped out of the teacher's lounge with a fresh hot cup of coffee, when he discovered a random stranger roaming the school grounds. He was a middle-aged Latino man in a black suit and tie with a matching fedora. Of course, the one thing Mr. Mazzara didn't see on him was a visitor badge.
"May I help you?" he asked the trespasser.
The man sharply turned and faced Mazzara with an overfriendly disposition. "Que paso, mi amigo!" he exclaimed in his Spanish tongue. He then switched to English and said, "I'm lookin' for Mr. Bluth."
His suspicions heightened, Mazzara pressed the stranger, "What business do you have with Acting Principal Bluth, sir?"
"I always like to survey the venue before the show."
"And to what show are you specifically referring?"
The stranger chuckled. "You mean you don't know? Man! We got to do something about the promotion – get the folks in this town, especially the Mormons, to show up when the curtain opens!"
His patience wearing thin, Mazzara put his foot down. "Sir, I'm gonna have to ask for you to—"
"Eduardo, my man!" Suddenly, Principal Bluth appeared from around the corner.
The stranger, whose name Mazzara learned to be "Eduardo," rushed up to the acting principal and both men embraced each other like old friends – much to Mazzara's immediate confusion. "I was just talking with this guy here," Eduardo gestured to Benjamin. "He didn't even know about the show, bro!"
"Yeah, yeah, I'm workin' on that," Bluth reassured. "Got some top brass on it right now. In the meantime, let's walk through the auditorium where the kids will be performing, huh?"
"Uh, Principal Bluth?" Mazzara beckoned before the men left. "What exactly is going on here? Are Miss Jenn and the Drama club doing another show?"
"Yep, they sure are," Bluth verified. "It was supposed to be a surprise for the end of the school year, but we can't pass on the publicity it'll bring, considering the performers."
"And who are the performers?" Mazzara inquired.
"El-J and Juliet Blues, the son and daughter of the blues legend, Elwood Blues of the Blues Brothers," Bluth revealed.
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Mr. Mazzara: "As soon as I got back to my classroom, I spent the remainder of my prep digging into this so-called 'blues legend,' Elwood Blues. What I uncovered shocked me. Elwood Blues is not a legendary blues icon – he's a notorious criminal with a mile-high rap sheet. And that wasn't all I discovered. Apparently, Mr. Bluth has his own history with Elwood Blues...one that started in the Joliet Correctional Center! I don't know what these men are doing here at East High, but I won't allow them to dirty the school's clean image."
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Staying in yet another roach motel started to take its toll on Carlos. Thankfully, the one they stayed in along the western border of Illinois would be the last one they would stay in the state. The following morning, he woke up praying that the motels in Iowa were more accommodating.
"Guys!" He heard Ashlyn just as she rushed out of her motel room to meet him and Seb outside theirs. She was still high on the energy brought from their impromptu performance yesterday at Mama Murphy's. "I just booked us a gig!"
"And by 'us,' you're clearly referring to El-J and Juliet," Seb gathered.
"Well, yeah," Ashlyn clarified.
"Wait, where did you book them?" Carlos asked.
"The Kings and Queens Club in Waterloo," Ashlyn disclosed. "It's just eight hours from where we are now. We should make it in time for them to perform there tonight."
"Isn't that a gay club?" Seb recognized. "I doubt they'll allow any blues performers onstage."
Ashlyn hesitated to divulge on her next bit of information. "Uh, yeah...when I made the arrangements, I didn't exactly mention El-J and Juliet were blues performers. I had them listed under a fake band name."
"You what?!" Seb and Carlos both blurted.
"Seriously, Ash? What kind of plan is that?!" Carlos protested. "I think Miss Jenn's habits of deception are starting to rub off on you."
"I know it's a stupid thing to do, but I was just so pumped after what happened at the diner!" Ashlyn acknowledged.
"El-J and Juliet are either going to be extremely flattered or extremely pissed," Seb weighed on the situation. It was at that moment when Ricky passed by with a rather pensive look on his face. Noticing it, Seb asked, "Ricky? You O.K.?"
Ricky almost didn't even see Seb, Carlos, and Ashlyn. "Huh? Yeah...I-I'm fine."
His unnerving tone said otherwise.
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Ricky: "Why was I so out of it this morning? Alright, I'll tell you why. Soon as I get out of my motel room, I pass by Juliet's. The shades were wide open, so I could see practically everything inside – including Juliet doing yoga...butt naked...except for her sunshades. Let's just say that woman has a lot of tattoos in places I didn't think you could get them...a lot."
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As the group crossed the state, word eventually got around to El-J and Juliet about Ashlyn's deceptive booking at the Kings and Queens Club. They were more impressed than infuriated, reminded of how their Uncle Jake once did something similar at a honky-tonk in Kokomo, Indiana.
Motivated by Ashlyn's tenacity, they arrived at the Waterloo club, just an hour before their scheduled gig.
Kings and Queens was a lot flashier than advertised.
Ninety percent of the decor was rainbow-colored, either through a paint job or strobe effects dashed across the ceiling. At the time they arrived, the place was packed to the gills with patrons who were millennials, zoomers, and members of the LGBTQIA+ community, raving on the biggest dancefloor El-J and Juliet had ever seen.
"Why, hello there!" a bald, black gay man in a cheeky blue suit and horn-rimmed glasses approached them. He was the club's proprietor, Mr. Xanadu. He took one look at El-J and Juliet and directed, "The funeral parlor is actually on the other side of town."
"We're here 'cause of the gig, twinkle toes," Juliet told him.
Mr. Xanadu briefly removed his glasses, looking up and down at Juliet and El-J. "Nuh-uh. Don't tell me you're Rainbow Stardust."
El-J and Juliet glared in Ashlyn's direction, only now learning the fake band name she listed them as. All Ashlyn could do was shrug and mouth one word: "Sorry."
"I gotta say, you two aren't anything like I was expecting – you look like missionaries who just gave up on religion," Mr. Xanadu observed. "But I'm willing to look past appearances – particularly since your band consists of two of the best in the business!" He smiled as he looked on the Three Caballeros and , before handing over a piece of paper to El-J. "Here's the list of requested songs. You'll have a ten-minute notice and then you're on. So don't be lay-zee, get cray-zee!"
As he waltzed away, El-J analyzed the given list. "We don't even know half the songs on here!" He also detected a glitzy substance coated on the paper that stuck to his fingertips while he held it. "Is this glitter?"
"This is a mistake," Donald squawked in criticism.
"I must agree with Donald on this one," José supported. "If we go on that stage and not perform the songs they've requested, we will surely be found out."
"More likely we'll be kicked out," Swampy reiterated.
"Maybe not, fellas," Juliet said. "I know one song they'll like. They won't even be able to tell the difference."
El-J, Juliet, the Caballeros, and took the stage once Mr. Xanadu introduced them to the crowd. The young patrons provided scattered applause – not even so much as recognizing the popular bands backing up the two lead singers. Juliet and El-J looked on the sea of disinterested faces, finding Miss Jenn and the Wildcats among them, doing their best to support with smiles and thumbs up.
"Here goes nothin'," Juliet wheezed, pumping her fist in the air – the cue for Love Händel and the Caballeros to strike it up.
El-J and Juliet danced to the beat as they sang their first song – one that was obviously in the "blues" genre...
JULIET:
I would walk ten miles on my hands and knees
Ain't no doubt about it, baby, it's you I aim to please
I'd wrestle with a lion and a grizzly bear
It's my life, baby, but I don't care
EL-J AND JULIET:
Ain't that tuff enuff
Ain't that tuff enuff
Ain't that tuff enuff
They weren't even close to a minute into their performance before the crowd started booing. "This ain't Ariana Grade!" one patron complained. It wasn't long before the Blues band was pelted with bath balls and other glittery products. El-J and Juliet were covered head-to-toe in them, sparkling their suits, which became more rainbow-colored than black.
"This has got to be the weirdest moment of my life!" Danny said. "And that's saying quite a bit from the gigs we've performed!" He spoke on behalf of himself and his Love Händel bandmates.
"Can you guys save me a few of those bath balls?" Bobbi requested.
"We need a plan, sis!" El-J told Juliet, right before he was hit square in the mouth by a doughnut ball the size of a tennis ball. Satisfied, he ate it whole.
In her desperation, Juliet turned to what she considered a last resort: her Spotify playlist. Taking out her phone and accessing the app, she scrolled through a seemingly endless list of tunes, the majority of which were soul, R&B, and (of course) blues. It wasn't until she reached one song on her playlist that she had completely forgotten she added on there.
"Follow my lead!" she told the band.
"Again?!" Donald griped.
"Yeah, again!"
Juliet turned away from the crowd, her head bowed down.
El-J mimicked the gesture, once he caught onto what his sister had in mind.
From within the raucous crowd, Nini frowned upon El-J and Juliet's new approach. "What're they doing?" she asked Ricky, who could only shrug and answer, "I have no idea."
The crowd began to settle down, as everyone wondered just as Nini what El-J and Juliet were doing. In a matter of seconds, the entire club went silent...
...and then Juliet sang again...
It doesn't matter if you love him or capital H-I-M
Just put your paws up
'Cause you were born this way, baby
Recognizing the song, Love Händel and the Caballeros struck up the beat to the cheers of the crowd. Everyone hopped to the rhythm, including El-J and Juliet, who twirled back around and sang into the mics – both phonating in the falsetto register...
JULIET:
My mama told me when I was young,
"We're all born superstars!"
EL-J:
She rolled my hair and put my lipstick on
in the glass of her boudoir
JULIET:
"There's nothing wrong with loving who you are"
She said, "Cause he made you perfect, babe"
EL-J:
"So hold your head up, girl, and you'll go far"
Listen to me when I say
JULIET AND EL-J:
I'm beautiful in my way 'cause God makes no mistakes
I'm on the right track, baby, I was born this way
Don't hide yourself in regret, just love yourself, and you're set
I'm on the right track, baby, I was born this way (born this way)
Ooh, there ain't no other way, baby, I was born this way
Baby, I was born this way (born this way)
Ooh, there ain't no other way, baby, I was born this way
Right track, baby, I was born this way
The entire club was blown away by the complete turnaround in the performance of "Rainbow Stardust." Miss Jenn and the Wildcats, fully aware of the real identity of this band, were just as amazed by the achievement. They joined in on the cheers, as the performance continued...
EL-J:
Don't be a drag, just be a queen
Don't be a drag, just be a queen
Don't be a drag, just be a queen
Don't be (don't be, don't be)
JULIET:
Give yourself prudence and love your friends
Subway kid, rejoice your truth
In the religion of the insecure, I must be myself, respect my youth
EL-J:
A different lover is not a sin, believe capital H-I-M (hey, hey, hey)
I love my life, I love this record, and
Mi amore vole fe, yah (same DNA)
JULIET AND EL-J:
I'm beautiful in my way 'cause God makes no mistakes
I'm on the right track, baby, I was born this way
Don't hide yourself in regret, just love yourself, and you're set
I'm on the right track, baby, I was born this way
Ooh, there ain't no other way, baby, I was born this way
Baby, I was born this way (born this way)
Ooh, there ain't no other way, baby, I was born this way
I'm on the right track, baby, I was born this way
At this point in their performance, El-J and Juliet proceeded to vogue onstage, as if they were supermodels. Their mannerisms were comically robotic, particularly of the larger statured El-J.
JULIET AND EL-J:
Don't be a drag, just be a queen
Whether you're broke or evergreen
You're Black, white, beige, chola descent
You're Lebanese, you're Orient'
Whether life's disabilities left you outcast, bullied, or teased
Rejoice and love yourself today
'Cause, baby, you were born this way
No matter gay, straight, or bi', lesbian, transgender life
I'm on the right track, baby, I was born to survive
No matter Black, white or beige, chola, or Orient' made
I'm on the right track, baby, I was born to be brave
I'm beautiful in my way 'cause God makes no mistakes
I'm on the right track, baby, I was born this way
Don't hide yourself in regret, just love yourself, and you're set
I'm on the right track, baby, I was born this way, yeah
Ooh, there ain't no other way, baby, I was born this way
Baby, I was born this way (born this way)
Ooh, there ain't no other way, baby, I was born this way
I'm on the right track, baby, I was born this way
I was born this way, hey
I was born this way, hey
I'm on the right track, baby, I was born this way, hey
I was born this way, hey
I was born this way, hey
I'm on the right track, baby, I was born this way, hey
They sweated off most of the glitter that coated their foreheads by the end of their performance, now giving off a more natural glisten. It was worth it for the overwhelmingly positive reception they received from the club patrons. "Thank you," El-J told them. "Can't go wrong with a lil' Lady Gaga, eh?"
"We'd like to do another favorite of ours on behalf of this fine club, and you beautiful people who've welcomed us in," Juliet followed.
On her cue, the band jumped into the next song...
If all of the kings had their queens on the throne
We would pop champagne and raise a toast
To all of the queens who are fighting alone
Baby, you're not dancing on your own
Can't live without me, you wanna, but you can't, nah-nah-nah
Think it's funny, but honey, can't run this show on your own
I can feel my body shake, there's only so much I can take
I'll show you how a real queen behaves
Oh-oh-oh, no damsel in distress, don't need to save me
Once I start breathing fire, you can't tame me
And you might think I'm weak without a sword
But if I had one, it'd be bigger than yours
If all of the kings had their queens on the throne
We would pop champagne and raise a toast
To all of the queens who are fighting alone
Baby, you're not dancing on your own
Disobey me, then baby, it's off with your head
Gonna change it and make it a world you won't forget
Oh-oh, no damsel in distress, don't need to save me
Once I start breathing fire, you can't tame me
And you might think I'm weak without a sword
But I'm stronger than I ever was before
If all of the kings had their queens on the throne
We would pop champagne and raise a toast
To all of the queens who are fighting alone
Baby, you're not dancing on your own
In chess, the king can move one space at a time
But queens are free to go wherever they like
You get too close you'll get a royalty high
So breathe in to feel alive
If all of the kings had their queens on the throne
We would pop champagne and raise a toast
To all of the queens who are fighting alone
Baby, you're not dancing on your own
Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh, oh-oh
Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh, oh-oh
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Miss Jenn: "The energy in this club was just as electric as it was in Chicago! Until now, I thought El-J and Juliet only knew blues – I mean, it is in their name and in their blood, of course. But who'd have thought they could do 'pop' on the spot? If they bring this same energy to East High, the whole school – maybe the whole world – is gonna be in for one helluva show!"