"Dark magic has effects on the person who uses it, there are short term effects and long term effects. Of course some spells leave marks on those who are hit by the dark magic, for example scars, but some spells also leave a mark on the person who wields the magic. Marks that are much deeper than the skin, dark magic takes the mind first and then the soul until all that is left is an empty shell controlled by the evil."
Well that's fucking cheerful isn't it? I shut the large book in front of me and slide it over instead picking up the next one in the pile. Much of my January has been like this, sat alone in the library rifling through whatever books I can steal from the restricted section.
I open the large book and take in the spells before me, curses and hexes that I can't even begin to comprehend fill my mind.
"There you are" I turn around to see Harry standing behind me his hair poking up even more than usual.
"Hey" I turn in my chair and gesture to the one besides me "take a seat if you want."
Harry nods and sits sideways in it facing me, he rubs his hand in his hair as he looks down at the books on my desk.
"How are you?" His eyes widen slightly at the books before he looks back at me "how's things?"
I shrug "I'm fine."
"Really?" Harry leans backwards raising his eyebrows at me "are you really?"
"Yes Harry." I close the book in front of me so I can avoid Harry's eyes "why do you suddenly care?"
"Suddenly?" He plays with his wand between his fingers "I've always cared about you. I may have fallen out with you over the years but I never stopped caring about you." He furrows his eyebrows "I can tell something is going on with you, everyone can. You barely eat, you spend all your time alone in the library and when you do walk around the school you have a permanent frown etched into your face."
I laugh dryly "oh Harry you really need to stop talking." I turn to him my face icy "you never stopped caring? You broke my arm playing quidditch, you told me you were glad our so called parents were dead because they'd hate me, you interrogated me about my loyalties and told me you'd never truly trust me." I smirk at him "but what you never stopped caring about me right?"
Harry clears his throat "regardless. I still care about you." He crosses his arms across his chest "plus you're not one to talk. You tell me that I've lost you for good and then turn up on Christmas Day at the Weasleys."
"I was alone."
"It doesn't matter, you still turn up out of nowhere." Harry runs a hand over his face "look I only came to speak to you cos I can see you changing." He reaches out taking my hand "I know we fall out basically every week and go from hating to loving each other but at the end of the day if you're in a bad place I will be there for you."
I stare down at our linked hands and notice how much paler my skin is compared to Harry's, we had always been similar complexions but compared to him today I seem like a ghost.
I slowly pull my hand out of Harry's my heart sinking "I'm fine Harry." I offer him a weak smile "times are changing and I am also but at the end of the day I'm okay."
Harry nods "fine. As long as you promise you're okay?"
I resist the urge to roll my eyes "I'm okay."
Harry stands up "okay good. I'll be around if you need me."
He walks away from me and turns right to head further into the library.
I let out a long sigh as I look down at the books in front of me, I need to go to sleep. Stacking the books up I take them in my arms and head deep into the library to return them to their spots.
"It's Angelica Harry."
I stop suddenly as I hear my name whispered through the shelves. I turn and head into one of the rows placing the books down onto an empty desk. Listening closely I hear whispers from the row in front, carefully I pull a book from the shelf and looking through the gap I can see Hermione's mass of curls facing away from me.
"I know it's Angelica Hermione." Harrys voice carries over to me. "She said she was okay, what more am I supposed to do?"
"You're supposed to talk to her! Force her to speak to you! Don't give up so easily." Hermione throws her arms up in the air frustrated.
"Look I did what you asked, you made me talk to her and ask if she was okay." Harry walks into view and leans against the desk in front of Hermione. "Isn't that enough?"
Hermione shakes her head "no it is not enough Harry. She is your sister."
Harry lowers his head "she isn't my sister 'Mione. She hasn't been for a long time."
Hermione sighs her shoulders dropping "she's still the same person. Harry you're surrounded by people who love you, treat you like you're the chosen one, people who would do anything for you." She steps forward grabbing Harry's shoulder "people who would die for you."
Harry looks up at Hermione his face exhausted.
Hermione shrugs "Angelica can't say the same. Cedric has been taken from her, she grew close to Sirius and then he died."
Harry raises his eyebrows quickly opening his mouth to speak.
Hermione holds up a hand stopping him "I know you lost him too but so did she Harry. Sirius and her were close, she relied on him. She's lost so many people, especially considering Blaise and Nott both haven't come back this year."
"Alright I get it." Harry looks to the side and seems to make eye contact with someone I can't see. "There isn't anything more I can do though. She chose her side guys, she can't be trusted. She spent Christmas at Malfoy Manor with Voldemort for Merlin's sake."
"That's not fair." Hermione begins to speak before someone interrupts.
"That's enough Hermione." Ginny walks forward to stand besides Harry "Harry did as you asked. He tried, but at the end of the day he's right. We can't trust her. Harry can't trust her. It isn't safe for Harry to get close to her again, she's his daughter. The man who wants to kill Harry's daughter, he can't let her in. Not if it means he could get hurt."
Harry smiles sadly at Ginny his cheeks growing pink as she smiles back at him.
Hermione sighs "fine. You're right, Harrys safety is the most important thing."
The three sit in silence before Ginny begins to clear up her books.
She looks at the other two who are both staring at the floor obviously deep in thought "come on guys. Let's go back to the common room, it's getting late."
I stay standing still turning away from the gap in the books, I slide down slowly so I am sat on the floor my back leaning against the solid bookshelves.
There it is, the last person I thought may always be there for me turning his back on me.
"Go to your common room." My voice comes out flat as I point to two second year Hufflepuffs who are sneaking along the dark corridor.
It's my night to patrol the corridors as part of my prefect duty, really Malfoy should be doing it with me but I've barely seen him since New Year's Eve. He avoids me in lessons and seems to spend all of his time out of the common room, I'm sure I'd care or feel offended in another life but I can't even seem to find the energy to give a shit.
As I am walking along the seventh floor looking out of the large windows a sound behind me breaks me out of my deep thought.
Without turning around I pull my wand from my cloak "go back to your common room. I'm really not in the mood to report you." I continue walking hoping that my words alone are enough to stop whoever it is.
"I'm not sure you have the authority to do that actually."
I resist the urge to roll my eyes as I turn slowly, Draco stands at the other end other corridor leaning against the wall casually. His blonde hair shines in the candlelight as he raises an eyebrow at me mockingly.
"You're supposed to be deducting points and handing out detention not telling them you're not going to report them Angelica." He sneers at me "you really aren't a good prefect are you?"
I walk towards him my shoulders stiff "I think you're forgetting Malfoy that this is your fucking night to patrol. When you didn't turn up Snape forced me to take your spot."
Draco laughs "oh shit my bad." He looks me up and down "what's got you in a shit mood?"
I lean against the wall across from him crossing my arms "who says I'm in a shit mood?"
Draco stays silent for a beat as he watches me. He shrugs carelessly "never mind. Should we go back?"
I shake my head annoyed "no. I have to finish the patrol I have another hour to kill."
"Well enjoy that." He stands up straight and begins to walk away down the corridor without looking back.
"Fuck you Malfoy." I lift my wand and shoot a warning spell besides him causing green sparks to fly in the air.
He spins around pulling his wand out quickly as he narrows his eyes "seriously? Cursing me with my back turned?"
I shrug at him "you can finish the fucking patrol. I'm going to bed."
I walk towards him and as I pass him I purposely barge him with my shoulder.
"Fuck sake" he hisses as he grabs me pushing me slightly "can you stop?"
I roll my eyes "can you? You started this! If you just did your own fucking patrols, if you actually turned up when you were meant to, if you didn't just run away to your little hiding spot than I would be able to actually have some time for myself."
Draco stares at me his eyes wide "what are you even talking about? You're not making sense."
I run a hand down my face exhausted "I'm tired Draco." My voice comes out weak as I lower my shoulders "I'm just so tired. I need to sleep."
Draco shrugs "so sleep then?"
I shake my head "I can't. I'm too angry all the time, I get into bed and I imagine cursing and hexing people. All I can think of is spells shifting in my mind, it's as though every second of the day all I can think about is magic and curses and what I want to do to the people I hate."
"Who do you hate?" Draco steps back and slides down the wall so he is sitting on the floor, he gestures to the spot besides him.
Reluctantly I sit down besides him crossing my legs and leaning back against the wall.
"Who do you hate?" Draco repeats himself as he watches me his eyes focusing on my face.
"I don't know. My father, my mother for dying, your aunt, myself, Harry, Sirius for dying, Dumbledore, Ginny, Poppy, Cedric for dying." I offer him a weak smile "you most of the time."
Draco laughs softly "well hating me I understand. I even agree with you about some of the people on that list, in fact I'd say I agree about most of them."
"Does it eat you up?" I turn so I am fully facing him now my knees touching him lightly.
"What the hate?"
I nod.
"No." He looks away from me and stares at the blank wall in front of us "I don't think it does. I try not to focus on it too much. Mostly I just feel scared." His voice breaks slightly as he says the final word, he clears his throat and shrugs it off.
I sigh "Mrs Zabini would say that being hateful would make me ugly or give me wrinkles."
Draco chuckles "well she may be right about the ugly thing. Every hateful person I can think of is ugly."
I raise my eyebrows "like who?"
"Well your father for starters."
"My father?" I lean back slightly "go on."
Draco smiles slightly "well I'm sure you can admit that he isn't the most handsome guy anymore. Hatred did that to him."
"I think it might have had to do with him dying and then being reborn in a soupy cauldron potion that did that to him actually."
Draco laughs loudly and I join in our laughter echoing along the hallway.
"Tell me another." He says as he leans his arm across his bent knee.
"Another hateful person?"
Draco nods.
"Umbridge."
"Well she looked like a frog" Draco smiles "remember she had those weird wide eyes that were too far apart. And her mouth was like a frogs mouth the way it was set in her face, she was ugly."
I nod in agreement "okay two for two so far. What about your aunt? You can't deny she is beautiful in a truly terrifying way."
Draco sits silently for a while "perhaps. But her ugly is in her head, she's insane. She's lost it. Her head is full of all the ugliness that shows up on everyone else's outside, it's only a matter of time until it kills her." He nudges me gently "give me another one."
I sit in silence as I let his words sink in, I stare at him my blood running cold.
Draco senses the shift in my focus, he tilts his head slightly "what is it?"
"What if that's what's happening to me. That I'm going insane like her, using dark magic and learning it like she's making me. What if I'm becoming like her."
Draco watches me carefully "you're the most beautiful person in the world Angelica."
I shake my head "I don't mean ugly. I mean what if I'm becoming consumed by evil and darkness, what if I'm becoming a person I don't recognise."
Draco leans forward "I recognise you. Every part of you, I recognise. Anyway you're allowed to change. You are allowed to shift between darkness and light, it's inevitable. It doesn't matter, none of that matters."
"Of course it matters." My voice catches in my throat "everyone has always told me to pick light. To continue on in the path of light."
Draco grabs my arms gently "that may have been the right choice for them but it doesn't have to be for you." He pulls me forward slightly so my legs are pressed against his "I'm not saying you have to become evil, or that you have to kill people. That's not what I mean. I just know that no matter what path you choose it will be the right one, because it will be the one you decided for yourself."
"What if I choose darkness?"
"Then it won't be truly dark, not with you walking down it. You are a shining beacon, not of goodness or purity but of pure soul Angelica." Draco's eyes are burning brightly as he looks at me "no matter what you pick it will be right and it will be okay. You have always been your own person, shaping things how you want them to be. Just keep doing that, stay true to yourself and you will be able to find your own path."
Tears fall down my cheeks as I take his words in "and what about you? What path will you take."
Draco opens his mouth but his words seem to catch in his throat. Slowly he releases his hold on my arms as he leans backwards his eyes growing darker "that doesn't matter."
He stands up "look we better be heading back otherwise you're going to have no sleep at all." He reaches a hand out to me, I look up at him my eyes meeting his.
"Okay" my words are gentle as I clasp my hand in his allowing him to pull me up besides him.
As we walk back to the common room a heavy silence falls between us both of us clearly deep in thought.
"Hey Angelica!"
I jump slightly at the cheerful tone addressing me. Slowly I turn around in the corridor side stepping a group of second years on their way to class.
"Oh hi Ron." I offer the boy a small smile as we begin to fall in step with each other.
"You looking forward to potions?" Ron awkwardly plays with the book in his hand as we head down the staircase to the potions rooms.
I resist the urge to roll my eyes at the awkward small talk, instead I nod my head muttering quietly "sure."
Ron nods in agreement as he looks up at the portraits lining the staircase.
A heavy silence sits between us, as we continue on. I mean why did he even call my name? Couldn't he just have awkwardly walked behind me without telling me he was there? This is so bloody painful.
"So I have a girlfriend."
I let out a shocked laugh "oh um that's good Ron?" I turn to him as we cross the corridor and look at his face "is that good?"
Ron shrugs his face lined with tiredness "I don't know. It was at first you know, like the snogging and the touching and stuff...but now I just find her annoying. Hermione isn't speaking to me, Merlin knows why and all Lavender does is follow me around."
I raise my eyebrows "you and Hermione aren't talking? I'm sorry to hear that."
"Yeah, it's fine I guess. She just storms out the room whenever I enter it now. It would be fine but I wanted to spend my birthday tonight with her and Harry like we always do, and Ginny I suppose. She's been hanging around with us a lot more lately."
"Oh Ron!" I grab his arm pulling him to a stop outside our potions room "I am so sorry I didn't know it was your birthday! Well I did know, but I completely forgot I'm sorry." I step forward and wrap my arms around his neck hugging him tightly.
Ron laughs as he wraps his arms around me "don't apologise Ang!"
A wolf whistle catches my attention and I pull away to see Seamus Finnigan walking down the corridor his face in a large grin.
Ron pulls away from me his face pink "oh shut up Seamus."
"Naughty boy Weasley, your girlfriend looks like she's going to murder you both." Seamus winks at me as he walks into the classroom.
Ron pales as he turns around to see Lavender Brown stood in the classroom a broken pencil in her hands. Her face is set into a deep scowl as she glares over at us both, Hermione who is sat on the table behind her looks positively cheerful as she watches the anger radiating from the girl.
"Well" I look at Ron "enjoy dealing with that." I offer him a tense smile as I hurry into the classroom making sure to give Brown a very suggestive smirk as I pass by her.
I head for the table at the back of the room besides Pansy who is busy tapping her wand to her fingernails to turn them a glossy green colour.
Ron luckily manages to enter the room at the same time as Slughorn meaning that Lavender wasn't able to shout at him in front of the whole class.
That's going to be a very long birthday for Ron that's for sure.
"No Mr Malfoy again then?" Snape stands before me his face bored.
I shake my head as I walk out of the common room checking my watch to see it's nearly ten at night.
"Nope. Although I'm sure you know why." I fix Snape with a very pointed stare which he expertly avoids.
"Enjoy your night patrol Angelica." Snape turns quickly away from me heading towards his study and room at the end of the corridor.
"Whatever" I cross my arms as I walk up the staircase ready for another night of wandering the corridor alone.
"Quickly!"
"Ron wake up! Professor run ahead and get Madam Pomfrey now!"
I stand up from the bench I had found myself on the first floor, the moon illuminates the hallway and I can hear heavy footsteps coming from around the corner of the corridor.
Grabbing my wand I begin to hurry along turning sharply around the corner to see Harry running quickly with his wand in the air pointed at a levitating Ron.
"Harry?" I run towards him and continue along besides him as I realise he is headed to the infirmary. "What happened to him? Did he drink too much?"
Harry's is practically green as he stays focused on his unconscious friend in the air in front of us "no. First it was love potion but we cured that. Professor Slughorn did. Then he drank this mead the professor gave him. It was awful he was foaming at the mouth and convulsing. He was dying Ang."
My heart stops as we rush into the infirmary where Madam Pomfrey is already waiting with a very shell shocked looking Slughorn.
"Place him here, place him here." Madam Pomfrey runs her wand over his body "what did you give him Mr Potter?"
Harry gulps "a bezoar."
I feel my eyes go wide as I look sideways at Harry, how the hell did he know to do that. He's hardly an expert at potions and remedies.
Madam Pomfrey looks up at me "Angelica go to my store cupboard and get me the ingredients for a remedy for exhaustion, convulsions and seizures."
I nod my head as I begin to list the ingredients in my head wordlessly my wand already out ready to summon them.
I hurry back to Pomfrey with my arms full and place them on the workers bench besides Ron's bed. I light the cauldron easily and look up at her waiting for her to tell me what to do next.
I look around and see Slughorn slumped into a chair in the corner his face pale white.
"Where's Harry?" I ask him my voice hoarse and dry.
"Huh?" Slughorn looks up his eyes dazed "oh he's gone to fetch Dumbledore, Snape and Minerva."
Madam Pomfrey appears from around a closed curtain rushing back to Ron with a glass of liquid. She looks up at me "do you feel confident brewing the draught yourself?"
"Yes ma'am." I nod my head as I reach up tying my hair up with the elastic around my wrist. Without a second thought I feel my hands get to work as I begin to dice, slice and grind the ingredients adding them to the cauldron easily.
"In here Headmaster" Harry jogs lightly into the room followed by Snape, Dumbledore and McGonagall.
"How is he Poppy?" McGonagall's eyes are fixed on Ron as she clutches at her tartan dressing gown.
In comparison both Snape and Dumbledore's eyes are fixed on me as they stand in their usual clothes.
Pomfrey hums lightly "he's doing well. Mr Potter's actions saved Mr Weasley's life." She looks up and seems to notice she only has the attention of one of the adults.
She gestures to me causing Snape to flick his eyes to her "Angelica here is assisting me with creating a draught. Although Mr Potter cured the poisoning Mr Weasley is still occasionally twitching and his saliva is rather foamy but after a bit of that remedy he will be fine, except the occasional shake or two over the next few weeks."
Dumbledore stares at me intensely his blue eyes boring into me.
I gesture to the potion "I ran into Harry on my patrol Headmaster. I was nowhere near when Ron was poisoned." I look down into the cauldron my cheeks flaming "it wasn't me."
McGonagall clears her throat in shock "oh I don't believe anyone here thinks you are to blame for this dear."
I look up and nod at her my eyes refusing to look over at my Headmaster who is yet to agree with McGonagall's statement.
Snape sniffs "where is the poison?"
I gesture to the frozen Slughorn in the corner "I believe it may be that bottle of alcohol Professor Slughorn is clutching still."
Dumbledore looks away from me slowly and gestures to Slughorn "Horace would you mind?"
Slughorn slowly stands up and walks across the room "of course Headmaster." His voice is weak and empty as he looks down at a sleeping Ron "I still don't know what happened."
"How was he cured?" McGonagall looks towards Harry.
Harry shrugs "oh um I used something from Professor Slughorn's ingredient case."
Slughorn nods enthusiastically "yes it was quite brilliant. Mr Potter here knew exactly what to get, I suppose that's a credit to you Severus for teaching young Harry here all about bezoars."
Snape's eyes widen slightly before he narrows them at Harry "a bezoar. Really?"
Harry seems to avoids Snape's eyes as he looks back at the bottle in Slughorn's hand.
Snape too looks down at the bottle reaching out his hand and taking it, cautiously he sniffs the top of it before recoiling back "without a doubt a very hefty dose of poison in there." He hands the bottle to Dumbledore.
The headmaster sniffs it as well his eyes closed in concentration "disguised well within the mead and flavourings but yes, it is surely traced with poison." Dumbledore looks down at the bottle and the decorative ribbon tied around the bottles neck "was this a gift for someone Horace? Or did you buy this for yourself."
Slughorn seems to gulp "well that's just it Headmaster, I can't remember buying the bottle at all. All I remember was that it was going to be a gift."
"For who?" I find myself asking as a strong feeling of dread fills my body.
Slughorn looks up his eyes meeting Dumbledore's "for you headmaster."
A silence so heavy it is almost suffocating seems to fall on the infirmary, Dumbledore's eyes widen only a fraction of a centimetre as he looks up and meets the intense gaze of Professor Snape.
The two men look at each other as the silence wraps around them the words in their head clearly going unsaid but their eyes say enough.
Enough for even I to understand.
No matter how much I wish I didn't.