I think there's a fire in my head,
I think it's the malaria, but,
Maybe it's just the trauma.
This is a recurrent nightmare,
One that I'm trapped in.
No one shine light on us,
Just the individuals involved,
We are trampled, like the grass beneath the elephant.
I stand under the rain of pain, curses and trauma.
There will come a time where I'll succumb to the blade,
One can only be trapped for so long before running,
Even if the race is to death, at least it's an escape.
I was smiling, now, I'm hot all over,
That knot in my throat has returned, perhaps it never left.
I'm tired and I ache for someone I hurt, someone who hurt me and left.
I would like my dad to walk me down the aisle, but I think I'll be long dead before then, killed by him, her, me, everyone.
Harsh, but true. Save me.
I just can't leave them. This feels like a suicide note, the only difference is I'm not dying tonight.
Saturday, 8pm ish, January 2023, 29.