Graham and I agreed that he'd teach me on Wednesday because his class on Tuesday ends at seven in the evening. After class niya raw ako tuturuan, 5:30 ng hapon exactly. We'd meet in Padre Faura since this is where my travel begins. I offered to pay for his transportation expenses, pero hindi siya pumayag. Ang una naming pupuntahan ay ang bahay ni Lara.
Ngayon, Tuesday na at naalala ko na bukas ang concert na pupuntahan ko. I forgot about UP Fair! Initially Thursday and Friday lang talaga ako pupuntang UP Fair, but Lara said she wanted to go on Wednesday because pupunta raw 'yong crush niyang basketball player ng UP no'n, kaya napilit niya ako.
I messaged Graham to postpone our plans, but he hasn't seen it. Hopefully, he'd respond later.
I am attending my econ class and listening while writing down my notes.
"The theory of the Invisible Hand does not mean we are free of inequality. To put it this way, it just means there's a spooky spirit roaming around sellers, guiding them toward a path that benefits people other than them."
Our professor clicked the remote they were holding to change the slide on the screen.
"But if the government hinders the natural flow of prices in supplies and demands, then the invisible hand won't be able to consistently guide the sellers."
A classmate of mine raised her hand and inquired. "This based on a market economy po, 'no?"
Tumango ang prof namin. "Yes, after central planning, a market economy entered the world."
Nagpatuloy ang diskusyon hanggang sa matigil ang professor sa pagtuturo ng inflation. Our professor dismissed us early dahil may meeting daw siyang dadaluhan. I went to my next class and ate lunch at home. Hindi pa rin ako sine-seen ni Graham... Baka bukas ng umaga makita niya.
The next day, before the concert, I cleaned myself and got my makeup kit ready. After drying my hair, I sat in front of my vanity mirror. I prepped my skin by applying some moisturizer. Then, I put some products as preps as well before my skin tint.
Habang naglalagay ako ng concealer, bumukas ang pintuan ko. Lara was wearing a blue crochet halter top and white pants. Her hair was fabulously curled and her makeup was minimal. We both knew we'd get super sweaty later because the event was in an open space, not an air-conditioned one.
"Nice top," I commented as she sat on my bed. "Which of your brothers will fetch you later?"
"Kuya Eli," I drew my eyeliner as I answered. "Saan ka susunduin?"
"Maybe in Epsilon Chi? I don't know yet, I'll talk to him about it later. Why?"
"So that I can tell my driver to fetch me in the same place where you'll be fetched."
"Later," I said before finishing what I was doing.
I looked at my eyes, cheeks, nose, and lips. Everything looked good already. I looked pretty tonight. Parang nakatutulog ng eight hours kada araw.
The magic of makeup.
"White sneakers or black boots?" I asked Lara when I stood up. "I think sneakers would look cute with your outfit."
Ngumuso ako at tinignan ang suot. I was wearing a white plain tank top and black denim pants. I guess basic white shoes would look good with this then.
"Do you have a small electric fan? I forgot to buy," my friend asked me habang tinatali ko ang shoelace ko. "No, but I have a pamaypay."
"That would do," Lara stood up and wore her bag. Isasabay niya ako ngayon, kaya nandito siya. Ang pag-uwi ko lang ang problema ko, mabuti na lang at available si kuya Eli sa biglaang pagpapaalam ko.
We went out and rode the lift. Nung makalabas kami, laking gulat ko nang makita si Graham sa labas ng condo ko. Napaawang ang bibig ko. I went to him before Lara could say anything.
Hindi niya pala nabasa 'yong message ko? Hindi ko na kasi tinignan, e...
"You didn't read my message," I concluded. "Ihatid ka na lang namin ni Lara pauwi." Dagdag ko.
"Bakit mo 'ko ihahatid?" takang saad niya. "I messaged you na next time mo na lang ako turuan because I was going out tonight. Kanina ka pa... naghintay? Sorry. I thought you'd at least see my message before you went here."
"Wala akong data, sa Messenger ka ba nag-message?" tumango ako at nahiya bigla. "Bayaran ko na lang pamasahe mo, Graham."
"Hindi na, uwi na 'ko." Tumalikod siya agad nang marinig ang inalok ko. Pero pinigilan ko siya sa pamamagitan ng paghablot ng kamay.
"Graham, please, hayaan mo na akong bayaran 'yong pamasahe mo. Ako 'yong may kasalan ba't ka nagsayang ng pera ngayon para pumunta rito, e."
Ilang segundo niya akong tinitigan hanggang sa tinaas ko ang dalawang kilay ko. "Hindi na nga, aalis na ako. I-text mo na lang ako kung kailan ka magpapaturo."
Graham walked away and left me thinking na... nagtatampo siya. Sa totoo lang, hindi naman siya tunog nagtatampo no'ng umaayaw siya sa inaalok ko na pera. Parang wala lang nga sa kaniya, e.
But when someone walks away in a situation like this, you can't help but feel bad, right?
"He didn't know na you're going out today?" Lara asked when she got to me. "I messaged him, I guess hindi niya nakita. Sabi niya wala siyang data..."
"Oh... Well, next time na lang." She uttered before we walked to her car.
My mind was still focused on Graham until we arrived in Diliman.
"Don't feel bad na, hindi mo ma-i-enjoy 'to," Lara nudged me as we walked to Epsilon Chi. She was going to buy water in the convenience store there.
Today, kaming dalawa lang ang pupunta dahil ang tickets lang na nabili nina William and Franko ay para bukas at sa Friday. I got to secure tickets for tonight, fortunately, and... it was not cheap. Late na rin kasi ako bumili, literally last Monday night lang, when Lara asked me to accompany her. I don't even know which player she has a crush on. Not like I knew many.
"Sino nga uli 'yong gusto mong makita?" I questioned Lara as she got water from the cold refrigerator. "Si Yves Lachico."
She paid for her drink and we went to the Sunken Garden only to see... a hell of a crowd.
"Hindi ako nakapunta sa pep rally last year, e, 'di ko nakita si Yves, sayang. So, I want to see him ngayon. Nag-promote kasi 'yon ng event today, tapos sabi niya sa post niya, pupunta raw siya."
"Pep rally? Ah, 'yong pinuntahan no'ng iba nating blockmates last year?" tumango siya at binuksan ang inumin. "Ang init," kumento niya.
Nilabas ko ang phone ko at itinapat sa harap ko ang camera. It was... full and complete. There were a ton of food stalls, besides the game booths that had different quirky prizes. The huge rides were on the other side of the Sunken Garden and every ride had a line.
Sa sobrang daming tao, wala nang natirang libreng upuan. Kaya nakatayo kaming kumakain ni Lara. We were near the stage of the concert that will happen soon. Maraming naglalakad sa gilid ng stage, they all had matching polo shirts. I'm guessing they're the UPD students who organized the concert and other events. I can only imagine their stress and tired feet.
Habang naghihintay ng mga banda at artists, Lara pulled me to walk a bit to look at the stalls. Baka raw makita niya kasi 'yong crush niya ro'n. Ayaw man pumayag no'ng una, pinagbigyan ko rin siya kalaunan dahil parang gustong-gusto niya 'yon.
"Ikaw, I've never heard you rave about a guy. Are you..." she trailed, obviously too shy to ask. "I'm not a lesbian, Lara. I just don't like anyone right now."
"Do you have an ex?" umiling ako. "I dated before, but there never came a time I was serious. It was just... you know, fun. Ikaw? You have an ex?"
"Yes, and why have we only talked about this now? We've been friends for more than five months na!" she gushed. "Senior high boyfriend, only lasted for a few months. He cheated, fucking bastard."
"How'd you find out?" I glanced at the building in front of us and saw the law school of UP. "The girl told me, said she didn't know na he had a girlfriend. Siya pa nag-apologize. Ang kapal ng mukha no'ng gago na 'yon."
"I mean, she did hurt you, unintentionally lang." Sabat ko habang binabasa ang mga pangalan na nakaukit sa daan na nilalakaran namin.
Bakit kaya may pangalan dito?
"I don't believe that, Eloise. 'Yong guy 'yong mali, the girl, she seemed trustworthy naman. Kaya, for me, she didn't hurt me. My ex did." Tumango ako.
We had different opinions. It was alright. We didn't need to fight about it. I know that the person at fault in her past situation was the guy, but the other woman still... inflicted pain on my friend, technically. Pero hindi naman sinasadya, so I also knew it was fine in the end.
But ignorance can't always be a reason for... acquittal.
The law itself says that. Kahit na nakainom ka at nakabangga, mayroon pa ring karampatang parusa. But in some cases, being unaware can be enough to not be punished.
Hindi ko alam kung alin na ang tama gayong magulo ang mismong batas.
Nang tignan ko ang phone ko, naalala ko si Graham muli. His brother... I don't know what really happened. I want to. For an unknown reason, I want to know what happened. So that I can understand why he's like this. Ma-pride sa tulong. Mayabang sa may kaya.
If the law wasn't executed properly in the situation of Graham's brother, then that would make everything clear. Grudges don't just go away. Anger doesn't just subside, especially when the reason for it still exists. Baka galit si Graham sa pagkamatay ng kuya niya dahil... ewan.
I had many theories in mind, though.
Pinatay ba ang kuya ni Graham sa loob ng selda dahil sa droga?
Pinagplanuhan ba ang pagpatay na 'yon o napag-initan lang?
Sino ang pumatay?
I wasn't personally familiar with what happens inside the cells. But I've seen from the news many things about prisoners. So... here I was... guessing... thinking... based on the past things I've watched.
"Lara," my friend was taking a selfie when I called her. "I feel really bad that Graham came kanina, ayaw niya tanggapin 'yong pera na binibigay ko para sa pamasahe niya."
"Hayaan mo na 'yon, he's proud. You can't force him to accept something once he says he doesn't want to, especially money. Baka magalit lang siya sa 'yo, 'wag mo na pilitin." She went back to her phone.
"Pero kasi..." Lara looked back at me. "Parang ang bait mo yata masiyado lately?" sumimangot ako sa kaibigan. She laughed.
"Seriously, let him be, Eloise. Tuturuan ka pa rin naman no'n, 'tsaka hindi mo naman na kasalanan na 'di niya napansin chat mo, e."
Tumingin na lang ako sa mga taong dumaraan sa harap namin matapos kausapin ang kaibigan.
Hindi ko pa rin matanggap, e. Nagsayang siya ng pera dahil akala niya tuturuan niya ako ngayon. I should have texted him pala. Kaso... wala akong number niya.
Nung mag-seven o'clock na, naglakad kami uli ni Lara patungong stage. Hindi na kami sumiksik para makarating sa harap. Nasa likod lang kami no'ng kumpulan ng mga tao. Nanonood sa kumakanta at nagpi-play.
"Baka makita mo si Yves, tell me, ha! I want to take a photo with him," saad ng kaibigan ko habang tumutugtog ang banda sa harap. "Ano ba'ng itsura no'n?"
She showed me photo from her phone. Isinaulo ko 'yon. "Sige," sabi ko bago lingunin ang banda muli.
Matapos ang trenta minutos, nag-aya si Lara na tumungo kami sa Epsilon Chi ulit dahil naiinitan na raw siya. Gusto niyang mag-stay sa coffee shop do'n. Sumang-ayon ako at sumabay sa paglalakad niya.
Pagdating namin do'n, may ilang matatangkad na lalaking dinumog ng mga tao. I'm guessing basketball players sila. Pati si Lara ay nagpa-picture. Wala ro'n 'yong crush niya, tinanong niya pa ro'n sa isang player kung nasa'n, ang sabi nama'y nasa ibang lugar daw pero nandito sa UPD.
We bought water in the convenience store again and sat in front of Rodics instead of the coffee shop, puno kasi.
Habang umiinom ng tubig, naisipan kong bilhan na lang ng pagkain si Graham sa susunod naming kita dahil sabi ni Lara 'di raw tumatanggap 'yon ng pera—baka pagkain, tanggapin.
"Taga saan nga ulit si Graham?" Lara was using my fan. "Pasig."
Tumango ako at inisip ang puwede naming kainan ni Graham kapag tinuruan niya ako. Paniguradong kanin na, dinner, dahil sa gabi niya ako tuturuan, e. 'Yon lang ang available time namin pareho.
"Gusto ko talagang bumawi sa pinsan mo, dapat kasi binabayaran ko siya talaga, e. 'Di naman biro 'yong pamasahe, e."
"Ayaw, e. Paying him is reasonable, but he won't budge. Promise 'yan."
"Pagkain na lang kaya?"
"That might work. Might, babe, might."
"Saan siya sa Pasig mismo?"
Lara's left brow rose. I waited for her response, but it was taking too long.
"Come on, dadalhan ko siya ng pagkain pauwi."
"You're going to bring him food after this, then you're going home to Manila which is kilometers away from Pasig? All for guilt?"
"If you say it like that... I sound like-"
"Someone not you. Yeah. I know. I'm shocked too. Speechless, even."
Again, I frowned at her. She giggled before speaking again.
"Look, you aren't kind. You're considerate in some cases, but you have to admit that you won't go this much just because of guilt."
"Harsh, but... yeah, I know. I just feel especially bad, okay? Siguro kasi pinsan mo 'to, kaya extra good ako."
"Dapat pala dati ka pa nagpaturo, e, para lagi kang extra good."
Napairap na ako dahil sa inis na nararamdaman sa pang-iinis ng kaibigan.
By the end of the night, nagpabili ako kay kuya Eli ng pagkain para ibigay kay Graham. Lara told me where her cousin lived. I looked it up on the internet and showed Kuya the directions.
"Whose house are we going to?" Kuya asked while he drive.
"Bahay ng pinsan ni Lara."
"Bakit tayo pupunta ro'n?"
"Going to give him this food."
"Akala ko para sa 'yo 'yan. Kumain ka na ga?"
"Yes. Before the concert, I ate, Kuya."
"Then, why are you giving Lara's cousin food? At, lalaki 'yan?"
"Yeah, I want to give him something kasi kanina he came to my condo-"
"Nanliligaw?"
"No!"
"Oh, taas ng boses mo. Sigurado ka ga? Bakit tunog guilty ka?"
"I just answered you, Kuya. Anyway, sabi ko pumunta siya kasi," tinignan ko si Kuya kung magkakaroon siyang reaksyon, "nagpapaturo ako mag-commute. E, kaso umalis kami ni Lara. Kaya nagsayang siya ng pamasahe, I felt bad. Ayaw niya naman tanggapin 'yong pera na binibigay ko."
"Bakit ka sa kaniya nagpapaturo? Hindi ba marunong mga kaibigan mo?"
"Hindi. Sabi ni Lara, marunong mag-commute pinsan niya, e. 'Tsaka, 'di ba, Dad was going to teach me? Pero he forgets, tapos ako rin, tuwing pinupuntahan niya ako."
"Bakit ngayon mo lang sinabi 'yan?"
"I didn't think... it was important, so I didn't bring it up."
"Sandali, sabi mo pinuntahan ka sa condo, pumasok ba 'yan sa unit mo?" tunog inis na si Kuya. "Hindi, ah." I spoke calmly. "Sa labas lang, Kuya. Of course, I wouldn't ask him to go in my unit. Sa labas lang ng lobby."
Binalingan ako ni Kuya at tinitigan ng ilang segundo bago naging berde ang ilaw ng traffic light. "Ipakilala mo ko," seryosong sambit niya.
Hindi na naging malambing ang pakikitungo ni Kuya sa akin matapos ko sabihin kung sino ang dadalhan ko ng pagkain.
Sinabi ko naman nang hindi nanliligaw, e. Ba't pa siya ganito? Not like I'm a liar.
Pagdating namin sa bahay ni Graham, bumaba si Kuya mula sa kotse at naglakad sa likod ko. Kumatok ako sa kahoy na pinto at pinagmasdan ang kabuuan ng bahay ni Graham.
Maliit lang siya, walang second floor. May sirang bintana sa gilid ng pintuan. May ilang halaman sa harap nila, pero lanta na ang mga 'yon. Ang isang bike na mukhang luma ay nakatali sa gilid ng bahay niya. Ang katabi ng bahay ay water station na sarado na.
Pagbukas ng pinto, bumungad sa akin ang isang matandang babae na... parang ilang araw nang hindi nakatutulog. Her body looked frail, it was obvious with her big shirt and thin arms.
"Sino kayo?" mahinang sambit ng babae. "Magandang gabi po, ako po si Eloise, kaibigan po ni Lara, 'yong pinsan po si Graham. Nandito po ba si Graham?"
"Bakit? Ano'ng ginagawa mo rito kung si Lara ang kaibigan mo?" kumunot ang noo niya. "May... ibibigay lang po akong pagkain kay Graham."
Imbis na magsalita muli, tumalikod na lang ang babae at sumigaw sa loob ng bahay.
After a few seconds, Graham appeared before me wearing a white sando and basketball shorts. Mukhang nag-aaral siya dahil sa hawak niyang pencil. O baka gumagawa siya no'ng plates niya.
"Ano'ng ginagawa mo rito?" lumabas si Graham at isinara ang pinto ng bahay nila ng... nanay niya. Baka nanay niya 'yon.
"Ibibigay ko lang 'to sa 'yo," inabot ko ang paperbag na puno ng pagkain. Nagtatakang tumingin sa akin si Graham matapos balingan saglit ang hawak ko.
"By the way, Kuya ko pala. Kuya, this is Graham, 'yong magtuturo sa akin mag-commute. Graham, this is kuya Eli, one of my brothers."
"Magandang... gabi po," halata ang gulat at pagtataka sa tono ng pagsasalita ni Graham dahil sa biglaan kong pagpapakilala sa kaniya sa Kuya ko.
"I heard you're teaching my sister to commute, do you really know how, or was that just an excuse?"
"Kuya!" I glared at my brother. "Siya po ang nanghingi ng tulong sa 'kin," sagot naman ni Graham.
Ayan! Pahiya si Kuya!
"Really? My sister? My arrogant sister?" pumalatak ako at pinanliksihan ng tingin ang kapatid. "Opo."
Biglang ngumisi ang kapatid ko, kaya kinuha ko na ang tiyansa na 'yon para ibigay ang pagkain kay Graham.
"Just take this, ayaw mong bayaran ko ang pamasahe mo, e. Oh," I took his free hand and gave him the paper bag. "At least let me buy you food every time you teach me."
Wala nang choice, hinawakan ni Graham ang paper bag ng maigi at binigyan ng sulyap si kuya Eli bago ako tanguan.
"Give me your number, by the way, para mabasa mo mga message ko." I took out my phone and went to the dial app. He verbalized his number as I typed.
"Good night, sa Saturday mo na ako turuan. Are you free then?" tumango siya at tumingin sa mga halaman nilang lanta. Siguro na-awkward na siya dahil kay Kuya, kaya naman umalis na rin ako agad.
"Eloise," I was putting on my seatbelt again when Kuya called me. "I'm trusting you, wholeheartedly."
I smiled at him and nodded in gratitude.
"Kuya Ed told me na pagod ka raw palagi kapag bumibisita siya, ako rin, napansin ko 'yon. Kaya, hahayaan kita sa gusto mo. Just be good, okay?"
Tumango ako muli at nag-drive na siya Kuya papuntang Maynila.
Of course, I'd be good. Mababawasan na ang paghihirap ko, e.