Why did Voice have to show up right as I was finally letting myself relax and get used to being with my family again? "Hey, Voice." I sighed. "I know, I know."
"Is this really what you want?" They walked towards me, making Raph, Mikey, and Leo tense up.
"Who's Voice?" Mikey looked at me. "What do they mean by that?"
"Did this person hurt you, Donnie?" Leo looked at me. Why was that his first concern? Didn't he see me as a traitor or something now that he knew I was working with someone else?
"Did this jerk make you leave?!" Raph glared at Voice and immediately got his sai ready, he was clearly itching for a fight. "Because I'd love for them to give me a reason to pummel them into the ground. What kind of dumb name is Voice anyways?" That was definitely not embarrassing.
"I uh... I picked it out?" I laughed nervously.
"Did you make them?!" Mikey's jaw dropped.
"What?! No!" I was completely surprised that he thought I was smart enough for that. "I appreciate your misplaced confidence in me though, it's sweet in a dumb kind of way."
"Now's really not the time to be nitpicking what people are saying." Leo sighed. "Alright, Voice, what do you want from Donnie?"
"Why don't you ask him what he agreed to do?" Voice seemed to smirk under their mask. "I didn't make him choose anything, I suggested what I thought he wanted and he agreed to it happily. Come back to your real family, Donatello."
"Donnie, what the heck?!" Raph turned to face me. "Did you seriously betray us and leave us for some blue haired masked weirdo?! Like, I thought your thing for April was weird but this is just crazy!"
"Eww, no, that- ugh!" I facepalmed, getting irritated. "Can everyone shut up for a moment?! I'm trying to think!"
"Donatello, come here right now." Voice held their hand out. "Remember how much worse they made you feel? Remember how they treated you? Remember what they saw you as?" Why'd they have to be bringing all of that up right then? I regretted saying any of my doubts and frustrations out loud. "Remember how well I've been treating you? Remember getting plenty of rest and choosing what you wanted to do? Getting to eat when you need to and not having to constantly work on meaningless projects for a city and a family that never cared? Don't you want that back?"
"Okay, what did we miss?" Leo asked. Raph, Mikey, and Leo all stood close to me to keep me relatively away from Voice. "What don't we know?"
"I'd be able to tell you if everyone stopped talking for a moment!" I put my hands on my head, all of this was giving me a headache. "I just need a moment to think!"
"You've been overthinking again, Donatello, you're exhausted and overworked again and just like last time, it's their fault. You push yourself too far for them too often." Voice spoke softer to me, giving me a look of sympathy. "I haven't been the best, but they haven't either, and whose been actually treating you like a person?"
"Bro, don't listen to them!" Mikey clung to me. "Don't leave again! We love you, we really do!"
"I also don't cling to you when you're clearly uncomfortable." Voice pointed out, knowing that I really didn't want to be clung to or even touched at the moment. "I was there for you when no one else was, when everyone else was abandoning you and rejecting you. Come back to me, you know you want to come back and be treated with the kindness you deserve."
"Explanation. Now." Raph glared at me. With the way everyone seemed to be upset with me over this whole ordeal, I was starting to actually want to go back with Voice even though it was the worst possible choice. Going with Voice would suck, going with my family would suck, going to April would suck even though I'd at least be somewhat happy being around her. Maybe the only thing that would make me happy would be to go on my own. "Well?! I'm waiting!"
"Raph, now's not the time to be yelling at the guy who's already dealing with a lot right now." Leo put a hand on Raph's shoulder. "He might need some time to think, it's really hard to go through what he's going through and you know it." How would he know? He never went through what I'm going through and we all knew it. He wasn't dealing with the same thing I was, I knew he'd never felt like the whole world was against him because he felt like the whole world depended on him, which was a whole different thing.
"Donatello, come here." Voice took a step forward. "You're tired of fighting, tired of running and hiding from them when they make things too difficult for you to cope with. You're tired of running from what you really want, it's okay. I'm here, come to me and I'll take you back home where you belong." did they really just want to take me home, or were they just trying to manipulate me into going with them so they could convince me to get revenge later once I was more trusting of them and gullible?
"Don't listen to them!" Mikey started shaking me. It was overwhelming me more and more, I didn't know how much more of the pressure I could take from them and they just kept piling it on like it was nothing. "I don't want you to go, man, just-"
"Oh my god, can everyone just shut up?!" I snapped at them, holding my head. "You're driving me crazy! Mikey, get your hands off me, Raph, shut up and listen for once instead of demanding answers every 5 seconds before I can even collect my thoughts enough to give you an actual answer, Leo, stop pressuring me to have things figured out, and Voice, quit trying to pressure me into making a choice when I'm not ready to make it! I'm so sick and tired of all of this! This is why I don't like being around anyone anymore!" Everyone went silent, Voice seemed to be paying the most attention for one reason or another. "If someone, anyone, were to give me a chance to just think on my own pace and figure things out, then share whatever I want to share instead of giving everyone everything I have all the time, then maybe I'd actually spend time outside of my lab and not be sick of you all!"
"Donnie..." Leo looked at me with sadness in his eyes. I wasn't having it anymore though, I wasn't going to let myself feel bad for speaking my mind after keeping everything inside for years.
"Don't just 'Donnie' me!" I rolled my eyes. "I'm tired of everyone suddenly feeling bad the moment I get mad at everyone even the tiniest bit and getting your feelings hurt just because I'm upset with how terribly you treat me! Raph's a jerk 24/7, Mikey doesn't respect my privacy or boundaries ever, no matter what I do or how hard I try to get him to understand that I'm just doing it for his safety, Leo's too demanding, Sensei doesn't seem to care about me at all, April clearly doesn't feel the same way I do and only cares when I'm injured, we've got tons of enemies that would really appreciate it if I were just dead, and Voice is just trying to use me to get me to enact some kind of petty revenge because for some reason, they don't like you guys! Who knows?! Maybe once I've gotten that dumb revenge, they'll kill me off since they won't need me anymore! I don't know! I don't want a leader, I want an older brother! I don't want a team, I want brothers! I don't want a sensei, I want a dad! And I don't want to be a scientist, I want to be a person! I want to be treated like a living, breathing person and you just don't seem to even care!"
"I'm so proud of you for speaking your mind, Donatello, it takes bravery to let them know how you feel." Voice spoke up after a while and walked over to me, putting one hand on my shoulder and cupping my cheek with the other like a parent would to a child. "Please let me take you home. You don't deserve to have to struggle like this anymore, you deserve rest and happiness."
"Like I'll get that with you?" I laughed sadly, tears welling up in my eyes. I didn't move away from Voice, I didn't want to admit it but I needed the reassurance, even if it was coming from them. "Like I'll get that anywhere? No matter where I go or what I do to try to fix it, someone's going to end up using me just because I'm smart and I'll rarely stand up for myself... I can't stop it from happening so why not just go ahead and accept it? The only way to stop it all is to go be by myself all the time, and even that won't give me rest and happiness."
"Donnie please come back, we want to make things right." Leo held his hand out to me. "I want to make things right. I should've seen how my actions were hurting you, I was so focused on being the leader and keeping everyone safe and saving New York that I didn't focus on what anyone else needed. I kept an eye on Mikey and Raph because they stop working well when they're upset but I forgot that you need help too..."
"You'll just end up doing it again, I know you will. You'll get used to me being there to do all of our work for you and then you'll start doing it again once you think I forgot all about this." I folded my arms. Voice pulled me into a hug and held me close.
"You don't have to explain anything to them, they won't understand." Voice spoke softly. "Let's get you home, you can let it all out there." I couldn't just go with them... could I? I didn't want to stay with my family, but I didn't want to hurt them either. At the same time though, I really did. I wanted to hurt them so that they'd feel how I felt all those years of them pushing me around and making me believe I was worthless. I didn't deserve to feel stuck with them, I didn't deserve to feel like I was a burden or that I had to do what others wanted me to. Mikey, Leo, and Raph all stared at me in silent shock, trying to figure out what I would do. They clearly couldn't even bring themselves to say anything since they weren't used to seeing me like this. I somewhat wished that they were used to it just so they would say something, anything. Why did I even want a response from them? It's not like I cared what they had to say, nothing they could ever say would make it better, I was permanently affected by what they said and did to me and that would never change.
"...okay..." I closed my eyes and slowly hugged Voice back, I was done arguing or trying, it was easier to just give in and do what felt safest.
"No!" Mikey tried to approach, but Voice pointed a sword at him.
"Stay back." Voice spoke in a threatening tone, they had a tone that meant business and they didn't seem to be afraid to use their sword. "Let's go, Donatello." they picked me up and started our journey home, jumping from the roof. We were already out of sight by the time Raph ran to the edge and looked for us.
"Donnie! Dang it, no!" He slammed his fist against a brick wall, not even reacting to the pain that probably caused. I didn't want to pay attention to it anymore, so I didn't. I just leaned into Voice's embrace and let them take me back. It was easier that way, it felt better to give up. I was tucked back into bed the moment we got home and kissed lightly on the forehead.
"Rest well, Donatello, don't hesitate to let me know if you need anything." Voice was so reassuring, they sounded so sure of what they were saying, like they knew exactly how to care for my every need. I needed this, I couldn't go without it anymore. It hurt to be away from their reassurance, it was warm and everything else was a painfully cold blizzard. They held my hand as I laid in bed, gazing at me with what I could only assume was love in their eyes. How would I even know the difference? I hadn't been treated with a shred of empathy as far back as I could remember anyways, it hurt to think about but they brought me back to the present. "You're thinking about negative things, that's only going to hurt you. Just focus on me, just listen to me."
"Okay." It was easy to just say okay and sit there, taking in information without having to put in any effort. It was the best I was going to get out of life anyways, so why bother with anything else?