A week.
They have a week left before Harry leaves and Louis goes back to being alone.
He doesn't want to think about it, but the numbness of knowing that loneliness, is there, where his thoughts will be dancing with the shadows like before. Harry has helped the shadows lift away, has helped the light stay in within himself, but that is all to change once he steps foot out of these gates.
Currently, they're in the pool, and have just finished a massive water gun fight which resulted in Louis getting dragged under the water by his feet when he brought the water balloons out and completely drenched Harry.
Harry swims over to Louis who's on the inflatable pizza slice, the breeze lazily pushing the inflatable around the pool. He pops his head up beside Louis, leaning his arms onto the side of the inflatable which causes it to dip slightly and a trickle of water to rest along Louis' back. Louis peers down at Harry, giving him a smile before closing his eyes again.
"Can I help you?" Louis asks. "Stalker."
Harry dips under the water, Louis looking around him to see if he can see him. The pizza suddenly lifts up, Louis flails, flopping into the pool with a yelp and splash. Arms wrap around him and he opens his eyes under the water to see the fuzzy figure of Harry grinning toward him, air bubbles escaping from between his teeth and floating up to the surface. Harry cups Louis' cheeks, bringing his lips to his before their bodies instinctively bob them back to the surface.
"Harry," Louis whispers, squinting his eyes a little due to the sting of the chlorine.
Harry lightly shakes his head to shut Louis up, pressing their lips together and slides his tongue between Louis' teeth, biting lightly on his bottom lip, causing a high pitched moan to fall from Louis' lips.
Louis' brain clears after the fuzz of Harry's wonderful kisses. That means alarm bells are ringing, deafening his ears and he's quick to pull Harry off him, making space between them in the water. He looks around the place, was sure he heard the hedge trimmer humming in the gardens which has now stopped.
Please say Jamie didn't see that.
He looks toward Harry, wide eyes dropping when he sees the way Harry is frowning, hurt in his eyes.
"I'm sorry," Louis mumbles.
Harry swims away, going to the ladder near the deep end and climbs them, muscles in his arms and back flexing whilst he pulls all his weight onto the first few steps.
He stomps toward the sunbeds, wiping a towel around his face. All Louis can do is watch.
"You know something, Louis. This is the only place I've felt safe enough to put my heart on my sleeve and to be myself. And it gets ruined from your fears," Harry notes, throwing himself down onto the sunbed and grabbing the book he's stolen from Louis, opening it onto the dog-eared page.
Louis' heart sinks. "I... I'm glad that you feel that way, Haz, but you need to remember that I'm not out. And if Jamie or Mabel or Dad saw me kissing a fucking guy in the pool, then they'd know my secret."
Harry's biting down on his back teeth, jaw flexing. "From what I've seen, Louis, they already have their suspicions and they already accept you. That is more than what I can say about the people I'm surrounded with."
"It's different, Harry! You chose to have that life of being a big pop star," Louis begins, feeling his blood beginning to boil. Surely Harry out of everyone, should know what it's like to be in the fucking closet.
He steps out of the water, feels the droplets tickle his skin when they fall down his body.
"You knew what you had to lose, I don't. I don't know what'll happen if anyone around me found out. I could lose everything for all I know! And I don't have that to lose, because I have barely anything to hold on to."
"You have me," Harry bites out.
Louis gets it. They're both stressed out about what will be after this. But that doesn't give Harry the right to take it out all on him being in the bloody closet.
Louis sighs, pinching his eyes. "Do I?" he whispers. "Because what'll happen once you leave, Harry? Because a shit ton of people that stay here never call again, they never look back. How do I know you're any different?"
"Because I– I care for you, Lou! Is that not enough?"
"I don't know, Curly. I honestly don't know," he voices, sounding exhausted.
He doesn't want this chat now, but he knows it has to happen. And with each tick of the clock, brings them closer to the end so it's best to get it out the way now, so they can move forward.
"Why?" Harry strains, pained.
"Harry, listen to me." Louis pulls Harry's sunbed closer to his, resting his hand on his smooth shaven leg. "This place, is all I have left, yes?"
Harry shakes his head. "Is it, though?"
Louis rolls his eyes, cannot help himself. "Love, this is the last fucking thing I have to hold on that holds the ghost of Owen. His memory, lives on within the cracks of those slates by the pool, in the chips of the wooden floors in that darn house, and in the grains of dirt in those woods. Without it, where will he be?"
"In your heart. In your love for him," Harry states.
Louis is shaking his head. "What if one day I forget everything he was? Fuckin' hell, Harry, I've already started to stop being able to remember his voice! Do you know how painful and shitty that makes me? And it's not just Owen. This place is the only thing keeping my family from crumbling into debt."
Harry tilts his head. "Surely the shit ton of money you guys have keeps you from doing so."
Louis laughs, humourless. "It's fake! There's no money behind our name. It's all a show, Dad fucked majority of the money off from doing up the cottages and keeping the horses. The old money we had from Granddad is barely there anymore. One of Dad's cards went bankrupt and fell through. There's nothing much left, and the only thing keeping us standing is these small getaways you guys do. When Dad retires, it's me that has to take it on. If I don't, we have nothing."
Harry heaves a sigh. "You don't need this place to make you money. Louis, tell me the truth, is this job— keeping this place alive—your dream?"
Is it?
Louis has to think for a moment.
He adores this place and would never want it leaving his family's name. But is it truly what he wants to do? The answer is no.
What he really dreams is to travel. Leave this darn country and its gloomy memories. He wants to see the places Owen would natter about after school from his friend Aaron who's Dad was in the military. They would travel a lot and Owen would come home telling Louis all these stories about how he wanted to go to Australia and pet a koala, go to Japan to see Mario. He wanted to go to Disney World and Disney Land— Louis cannot for the life of him remember which was which.
He also wants to write songs go to acting classes and pursue in his dramatic personality.
But what he wants and what he needs are two completely different scenarios. And what he needs is what he will stick by.
"No," he simply answers. "But I can't put everything our family is on hold just to fulfill a pathetic fantasy."
Harry looks taken back. "Wow. So I'm just a pathetic fantasy?"
Louis scrubs his face with a damp hand. "That's not what I said!" He swings an arm out to motion to Harry. "What about you? You could consider staying. You said this was the most peace you felt, why not fucking take it? You have enough money under your belt to live way over comfortable!"
"Because I'm doing what is right for the fans."
Louis scoffs. "So it's different for you to do shit for people you don't even know, but it's not okay for me to stay here to keep my family from crumbling into debt? You know something, Harry, you're selfish."
Harry stands then, shaking his head. "I'm anything but selfish, Louis! I'm doing all this shit for the fans. I am keeping myself from being free in order to give everyone else happiness! No one sees how shit I feel whenever I have to go on that goddamn stage and wave flags around that identify me as well, to only pretend it's nothing to do with me. I've jeopardised everything being here and actually spilling secrets to you, so we can be something. And now you're telling me I'm selfish? You know what you are, Louis? You're a coward."
Harry storms off.
And no.
No one storms off on Louis and gets the last word. So he follows Harry, toes dipping into the browning sharp grass.
"You don't get to run away, Harry! Tell me, how the fuck am I a fucking coward?"
Harry swivels around, stones from the path they're now on crunching under his flip-flop covered feet. "Because you're letting your fears of losing a part of Owen from letting you live a life you deserve." His cheeks are flaming, green eyes blazing. He looks like Hades or something right now.
It slightly scares Louis, but he won't show or admit that.
Louis' eyes narrow. "Don't bring my brother into this," he grits out.
Harry continues walking. "We both know it's true, Lou. The day you realise that you need to thrive instead of live, is the day you'll be able to find fucking peace within yourself."
"And the day you realise that you're a hot headed, stubborn celebrity, only putting himself above others, and that not everyone fucking loves you, is the day the world will find fucking peace!" Louis snaps, letting his emotions run rampant. The anger slices through his body, the pain sloshing against the corners.
Harry turns around outside in the courtyard. There's tears swimming in his eyes, but Louis can tell the difference between the tears of sadness and the tears of anger. And the ones in Harry's eyes are those of pure rage.
"Just, go away," Harry weakly let's out.
Louis shakes his head. "No—"
Harry cuts him off when he yells, "just fuck off!" It causes the pigeons to flee from the roof of the mansion, flapping wings bouncing around them.
Louis stands there, dumbfounded. Harry swivels, marching up to the cottage door and slamming it hard enough that the brass lion knocker hits the door.
Louis grumbles, fists clenching. He can feel the heat in his face. He storms into the house, slamming the boot room door closed behind him and flips off the door as if Harry is standing there.
"Fucking twat," he mumbles under his breath, suddenly a dry throat.
He spots Mabel in the kitchen, brows raised toward her hairline, slowly wiping the surface.
"You good?" she asks accusingly.
Louis throws daggers her way. "Do I look fucking okay?" he screeches, not being able to let his anger from lashing out.
Mabel stalks over, slapping him on the arm. "I'm not letting you talk to me that way, Louis William. I'm only trying to be nice."
Louis slumps into the kitchen chair, resting his cheek on the cool polished oak table. "I'm sorry," he says into the oak, hot breath misting it slightly.
"What was all that about out there?" she questions, going to grab a glass and the pitcher from the fridge, handing the drink to Louis.
He takes a sip. "It's nothing."
They're silent for a moment before Louis breaks it again.
"Mabel... am I a coward?" he questions.
Mabel lays a hand atop of his. "Sweetheart, you're the least cowardice person I've known. You're so brave and strong for going through everything you have. Whatever Harry said, he was upset."
Louis shakes his head. "I never said it was Harry who said that."
"Darling, I can see it written all over your face."
He sighs, wipes his nose with a hand. "Okay. Thanks, Mabes. I'm gonna go upstairs for a bit. I'll see you later?"
"I'll have your dinner on the table for you at six. Homemade pizzas tonight. Jamie wants to help make them."
Louis quirks a brow, giving her a knowing look.
"Oh, piss off, it's not like that," she snaps halfheartedly.
Louis puts his hands up in surrender. "I didn't say anything." He winks at her and trots upstairs, feeling the shadows crowd in on him.
He throws himself onto the bed, curling himself up into a tight ball. He grabs his laptop from the floor and props it onto the bed, shoving Owen's favourite show on—Bluey— and has himself a good old cry.
A/N- HI
I clearly loooove drama hahahaha
I was meant to do my assignment but I'm writing instead
Vote and comment and I'll see you in the next update
Stay Safe xoxoxoxoxoxxo