A/N: Andy's POV took a dark turn while I was writing it, necessitating this. (I'm sorry.)
CW // Mentions of suicidal thoughts/attempts, references to past trauma & violence
~~~~~~~~~
Jake and Jinxx certainly knew how to distract.
CC had abandoned his worries about where Andy had stormed off to and what had become of Ashley fairly quickly when the guitarists pulled him into a dressing room and locked the door; a few scorching kisses and seductive, flirty comments later, every thought of the argument had fled from his mind. He'd welcomed the distraction―he suspected they all had.
CC ran his fingers through Jake's hair, drawing a soft purr from the older vampire's throat. "How are you so good at this?"
Jake raised an eyebrow. "Which part?"
CC laughed and stole a kiss. "Physical distraction."
"That was specific," Jinxx chuckled, and CC grinned lazily at him.
Jake pressed a few random kisses to CC's shoulder. "I believe we had a similar conversation about this time last year."
CC smiled. "We've probably had this conversation multiple times over the last couple of years."
Jinxx tilted his head back into the couch. "It's really almost been two years, hasn't it?"
Jake traced the violinist's tattoos somewhat absently. "It's hard to believe. We've known each other so long, yet somehow two years of this still feels like a long time."
CC raised an eyebrow. "You've known each other for a long time. I've only been part of this for the last couple of years," he pointed out.
Jinxx kissed him. "And we couldn't ask for a better drummer―and boyfriend."
CC smiled, burying his nose in Jinxx's shoulder. "That's nice to hear."
Jake pressed a kiss to the top of CC's head. "Of course, Ceese."
CC closed his eyes, content with his guitarists. Jake's lips made their way over his collarbone and back up his throat almost lazily; CC smiled again, purring at the feeling.
"We should probably head back to the bus," Jinxx murmured a few minutes later. "We have to be on the road in the morning."
CC groaned. "Come on, I'm comfortable," he complained.
"So am I," Jinxx protested. "But I'm also practical."
"Unfortunately, he's got a point," Jake sighed.
CC scowled. "I don't want to get up."
Both guitarists kissed him. "You think we do?" Jake said, reluctantly untangling himself from CC and Jinxx. "We probably need to find Andy anyway. Ash will make his own way back to the bus, but I'm worried about Andy."
CC sighed, understanding that. He rose as well, Jinxx following suit a moment later; CC stole a kiss from the violinist, grinning when the older vampire ducked his head to hide a smile.
"I hope Andy's okay," CC said. "I know fighting with Ash is never easy, and he always seems so upset afterward."
"I'm sure he's fine," Jinxx said, though CC could hear the note of anxiety in his voice. "Smoking, for whatever reason, usually calms him down."
"Still," Jake said, shrugging his leather jacket back on and stepping forward to steal a kiss from both of them. "It's probably a good idea to check in with him. We don't want him retreating into his own head again."
CC nodded and slipped his hand into Jake's. "Then let's go find him."
―――――――――――――――
Andy wasn't conscious of much as he wandered back through the halls of the venue. He just wanted his boyfriends―wanted to curl up in their arms and forget everything Adira had just told him.
He appreciated that he knew, now, the full truth of his turning―and that she'd told him that damned pretty stranger's name―but at the same time, it was all a lot to take in, and her visit had dredged the memories of his turning up again. He wanted nothing more than the comfort of his boyfriends' arms as he tried to sort through all the information he'd been given.
As if he'd needed a reason to hate Blade even more―Adira's revelations about how blasé that damned vampire had been, how willing he was to leave Andy to rot, set his blood boiling. Drained him to get drunk and not even been willing to turn him―
Oh, Andy was going to murder him when he tracked him down.
He couldn't blame Adira, not really. He suspected that had she found him in the beginning, in those long few months of denial and grief and rage, he would not have forgiven her so easily; looking back from where he was now, happy (for the most part) with his boyfriends and a stable career the likes of which he never thought he'd be able to achieve, Andy found he didn't hate her for turning him.
I may not have asked for it, he thought to himself, but I might be better off because of it. My second life is far more worth living than my first one. Largely, he thought, due to his boyfriends. He didn't think he'd be where he was now if it wasn't for them.
Come to think of it, Andy reflected, he might be dead if it wasn't for them.
He'd tried his best to find a way to make his death permanent―anything to escape the living nightmare he'd become. He was quickly finding, much to his dismay, that nothing worked―he was immortal and invulnerable now, and the vampires that had found him―practical strangers, he didn't trust a single one of them―didn't exactly keep any wood he could fashion into a stake lying around.
But he could not live as this―this monster he'd become. He hated himself, the way the smell of blood enticed him, the infernal hunger that tore at his senses every waking moment―he wanted to die again, to slip back into that blissful dark he'd fallen into the moment his life ended.
Even starving himself wasn't working―though it certainly made things worse. The hunger drove him crazy, a burning, roaring thing that caused him physical pain the longer it went unsatiated. He half-hoped, savagely, that those vampires had forgotten him―he'd endure the pain if it meant he could escape this prison of eternal life―but at the same time, the part of him he hated yearned for the sweet intoxication of fresh blood, and berated him about the situation every moment.
What else could he try? He wanted death to come back for him, but it appeared to not be listening. Damn his invulnerability, damn the lack of weapons around, damn the magic that healed every wound he gave himself, damn the fucking hunger pangs, damn it all straight to hell―
There was a knock at his door.
He looked up warily, his eyes glowing crimson from hunger, as the door opened a crack.
"Fledgling?" A soft voice, higher in pitch than he would have expected. "May I come in?"
He said nothing, staring intently at the crack in the door, scared and angry and oh so hungry.
The vampire apparently took his silence as an invitation, because the door opened wider, spilling soft light from a hallway lamp into the otherwise dark room. The vampire entered cautiously, peering around in the dark with bright eyes of a most unusual shade of blue. Andy stiffened as he locked eyes with the strange vampire―not safe, not safe, not safe.
"You're okay," said the vampire in his soft voice, perhaps sensing the panic that had overcome Andy. "I know you're scared, I know you don't believe me, but you're okay."
Still he said nothing, unwilling to move, frozen in fear and uncertainty.
"We were getting worried," said the vampire. "You haven't made one sound since we brought you here. None of us even know your name."
The vampire paused, but Andy remained quiet. A sigh, and then the vampire continued. "I get it―you're scared, you're pissed off, you're confused. You want death―I was the same. I wanted to die for the longest time after my turning. I thought it was unfair to have been brought back." The vampire's voice was melancholy enough to make Andy relax, just a little. "But you cannot die. And I don't want you to waste the second chance you've been given, even if you do."
Andy blinked at him, his first sign that he'd even acknowledged the other vampire's presence. Why do you care? he wanted to ask, but he couldn't force his throat to form the words.
The vampire sighed. "Can you tell me your name? I don't want to keep referring to you as 'fledgling.'"
Somehow he found his voice. "A-Andy." He sounded like someone was scraping something along broken glass.
The vampire blinked; clearly he hadn't exactly been expecting a response. "Andy," he repeated, and somehow the sound of his name in that soft voice softened the walls he'd built here in the dark, just a little bit. "I like that name."
Andy didn't reply, unsure how to; the vampire didn't seem to require a response. "My name is Jinxx," he said. "My friends out there are Jake and Ashley."
Andy curled into himself a little more; why were there three of them? The vampire―Jinxx―saw his reaction and hurried to reassure him. "They won't come in―they'll give you space as long as you need. Don't worry."
Andy blinked again, the most reaction he could bring himself to give. Jinxx rose from where he'd perched on the edge of the bed. "I'll leave you be," he said, and started back for the door.
"Wait," Andy managed before he could stop himself. Jinxx paused in the doorway. Andy swallowed. "Do you...have food?" He refused to refer to it as what it really was, hating himself even as he asked the question―you're giving in, you're giving up, you're giving in.
Jinxx's expression softened. "Of course. Let me go get you some―I'll be right back."
He left the room, and Andy buried his face in his knees, hating himself for giving in to the monster―but a little bit reassured nonetheless.
There had been many such instances in the early days, Andy reflected. Jinxx―always Jinxx―would knock on his door, enter, and talk him down from whatever ledge he was on that day. Sometimes Andy would respond, others not, but gradually he warmed up to the older vampire. He was fairly certain he'd have found a way to kill himself had Jinxx not been there night after miserable night, all but forcing him to stay alive.
Gods, Andy loved the violinist to death.
When he'd finally come out of that room, Jake had taken to him immediately, being just as careful with him as Jinxx had been. It had taken him longer to befriend Ashley, though not by much―it had just been a little overwhelming, at first, having all of them in the same room.
He couldn't explain when or how he'd fallen in love―over time, they had simply grown closer, until Andy was in love and had no idea how he'd gotten there.
He didn't register that he'd reached the bus until Yanni spoke to him. "Hey, Andy," he said, jolting the vampire out of his thoughts. "You good? I heard about the fight."
It took Andy a moment to realize what he was talking about. "Oh...yeah, I'm...I'm alright. Do you know where my boyfriends are?"
"They just stopped by here looking for you," Yanni said, and Andy could see the concern written all over his face. "I told them you hadn't gotten here and they went back into the building."
Andy sighed. "We're gonna be playing tag for a while, apparently. Thanks, Yanni."
"Try and be back to the bus soon, okay?" was all he said. "The sun's gonna come up in like two hours and we need to be on the road before then."
Andy nodded and turned to head back inside. Where are they? He needed Jinxx's quiet reassurance and Jake's comforting murmur and CC's strong embrace, just like he'd needed them all those years ago as a fledgling.
He felt a bit like a fledgling again as he made his way back through the now-empty halls of the venue, stumbling a little as memories began to assault him. He'd been trying to keep them at bay, but there was only so long he could be alone with his thoughts before his walls broke and the memories came flooding back.
So dark he couldn't see more than the stranger's silhouette, and occasionally the flash of his eyes or his smile. Until that smile turned sinister and those eyes turned crimson.
Andy shook his head, trying in vain to clear the memories out of his mind before they went any further.
Forced against the wall so hard he heard something crack. Fighting that iron grip, in vain, in vain, in vain. Struggling so hard his back was bleeding.
Andy hated feeling helpless, and that memory was one of the worst moments where he had―and his anxiety yelling at him wasn't helping that situation either. You're weak, you're pathetic, you're helpless―Andy really despised his brain sometimes.
Seeing stars, fear and pain paralyzing him, the sharp but momentary sting of the vampire's bite―and the pull, feeling the life drain from him, unable to fight back.
"Andy!"
Andy looked up―he hadn't realized he'd staggered into a wall―and found his boyfriends standing before him, wearing a range of expressions from relieved to worried.
"Guys," Andy breathed, immensely relieved and still fighting to keep himself from slipping into the details of that night.
"Are you alright?" Jinxx asked.
Andy shook his head; Jinxx took the first step, and a few moments later Andy was wrapped in their arms without entirely knowing how he'd gotten there. Still, the press of his boyfriends' bodies calmed his racing thoughts just enough for him to breathe a sigh of relief in Jinxx's ear. He was safe; he was with his boyfriends, and he was safe.
Everything else could wait a moment.
―――――――――――――――
Jinxx had not entirely been prepared to have Andy clinging to him like a lifeline, but he buried his hand in the singer's hair and held him close anyway. Jake and CC stepped in to offer their comfort as well, enveloping the young vampire in their embraces. Andy's audible sigh of relief instantly made Jinxx concerned.
"What happened?" he murmured in the singer's ear.
Andy tensed; a quick glance at Jake and CC told him they both felt it, too. "Not here," the singer mumbled, and the genuine fear in his voice made Jinxx press a worried kiss into his hair.
"Alright," he said. "Alright, let's go back to the bus and kick the crew to the back."
"They'll be sleeping anyway," Jake pointed out. "Yanni's the only one we're gonna have to kick."
"He can stay," Andy mumbled. "He'll probably sleep too though."
"What about Ash?" Jinxx heard the hesitancy in CC's voice even bringing up the bassist after the fight earlier.
Andy clung a little tighter to Jinxx. "Not him. Not now."
"He's probably drunk off his ass anyway," Jake muttered. "We'll shut him in the back with the others."
Jinxx rolled his eyes. "Or he'll be passed out in his bunk. Either way―let's get going. Come on, Andy."
The singer clung to him even as they began walking back towards the bus; Jinxx didn't mind, but it did alarm him how hard Andy was gripping his arm.
They made it back to the bus in only a few minutes; Yanni greeted them tiredly. "Ash just got in. I think he immediately crashed in his bunk to sleep off the alcohol, but I'm not a hundred percent certain on that."
Jinxx raised an eyebrow at Jake―called it. The other guitarist just rolled his eyes and led the way up the stairs.
"Speaking of crashing in bunks," Yanni said once they were all inside, "I'm going to go do just that." He helped Jake and CC close all the curtains and make sure everything was completely covered so it was dark enough for the vampires' comfort, then bid them good morning and headed to his bunk.
Only once the sounds of him getting settled had stopped did Jinxx―who'd sat down with Andy on the couch and allowed the young vampire to cling to him again―speak once more.
"So what happened, Andy?" he asked. Jake and CC found spots at Andy's other side and on the table in front of him, respectively.
Andy took a shaky breath, and told them. He told them the whole story Adira had told him, and though his voice wavered once or twice, it never broke.
Jinxx drew the young vampire close when he finished his tale, murmuring, "Oh, Andy" into his hair as he buried his face in Jinxx's shoulder.
"That's sick," CC said, sounding faintly horrified. "Who would even...?"
Jake rubbed circles on Andy's back soothingly, his expression unreadable. "I'm so sorry, Andy."
Andy drew back, looking around at each of them. "At least your sires buried you," he said, and the raw pain in his voice made Jinxx hold on even tighter, trying to offer some comfort. "At least, for whatever reason, your sires decided to give you a second chance." He paused, swallowed. "If it wasn't for Adira, I wouldn't be here at all."
Jinxx exchanged a glance with both Jake and CC, reading the silent agreement to do whatever they could to help him. "What do you need, Andy?" Jinxx asked him softly. "What do you need from us?"
"Just stay," Andy said. "Just stay. Don't let me go."
Jinxx had had no plans on doing that anyway, but he nodded and pressed a kiss to Andy's hair. "We're not going anywhere."
―――――――――――――――
Jake didn't know how long they remained that way, in silence, holding onto their singer as he worked through his memories. Jake was still trying to absorb everything he'd relayed, himself―he wasn't surprised in the slightest that the young vampire was having a hard time coping.
Andy seemed content to remain in Jinxx's arms, but that didn't stop Jake from running his fingers through the singer's hair rhythmically and pressing himself close, hoping to offer some modicum of physical comfort. He supposed it was working, as little by little he felt Andy start to relax.
The silence was comfortable in a melancholy sort of way, heavy with the tension of Andy's story and the PTSD Jake was certain he was fighting through, and their concern for him. Gods knew his mental health hadn't exactly been splendid when Jake had first met him―being brought back to that place, that time, couldn't have been doing him many favors.
After a while, Andy stirred; immediately, all three of them were alert, Jake certain his worry was still plain on his face.
"Thank you," Andy murmured. "It means everything to me that you'll do this."
"Of course, Andy," Jinxx replied.
"There's nowhere else we'd rather be," CC added, smiling softly at the singer.
"Really?" Andy leaned his head back into the couch. "I doubt that. There are so many things you could be doing with your time rather than indulging me."
Jake kissed him softly. "Somehow, Andrew, what you fail to understand is that we like doing this," he said. "We like cuddling with you, and making sure you're okay is a must." He smiled, tracing Andy's Azrael Batman tattoo idly with his fingers. "We l―"
"Don't say it," Andy said, and the sudden sharpness in his voice cut Jake off abruptly.
"What?" he asked.
Andy relaxed again. "Sorry―" He kissed Jake apologetically, then continued. "Sorry. But...don't say it. Don't break that unspoken vow."
Jake glanced at Jinxx and CC, but they looked just as bewildered as he was.
Andy, clearly seeing their confusion, attempted to explain. "We've never, in two years, explicitly said those words to one another, right?"
Jake thought for a moment, and realized that they hadn't. They'd mentioned being in love offhand, but never had any of them spoken the words I love you out loud. Jake wondered why that was.
Andy continued. "Maybe it's just my anxiety brain, but...it feels like if we say the words, if we speak them into existence, that promise becomes something that can be broken, something that can be betrayed. If we leave it unspoken..." He paused, bit his lip, his fangs peeking out. "If we leave it unspoken, it feels like it will last forever."
Jake studied him―his beautiful singer, tormented by the way his own brain was wired, terrified of losing this shining love that had them all so completely enamored. His endlessly blue eyes shone with a mix of fear, the shadow of the pain from before, and unrelenting hope; his pale, pretty face, devoid of the warpaint he'd been wearing onstage, was open and vulnerable in a way that was rare even with them.
And, staring into his singer's eyes, Jake understood.
Jake drew the singer back, capturing his lips in a gentle kiss. "I get it," he said softly. "I get it."
Jinxx did the same; Andy closed his eyes contentedly with the press of his lips. "As do I," the violinist murmured.
CC repeated the action, briefly tangling a hand in Andy's hair. "We all understand, Andy."
"I'm glad I'm not alone, then," Andy murmured.
Jake kissed him again. "You're never alone," he said. "Not with us."
Andy smiled; gods, Jake loved his smile. He rested his head on the singer's shoulder, relieved that his PTSD seemed to have retreated back into whatever shadowy corner of his mind it inhabited. The young vampire settled himself more comfortably in their arms, letting out a quiet purr that Jake wasn't sure he'd have heard had he not been so close.
They lapsed into silence again, but Jake was far more comfortable with this one than he had been since they returned to the bus. Andy began absently playing with his hair; Jake smiled and glanced across the singer at Jinxx, who in turn was running his fingers through Andy's hair and studying them with so much love in his gaze that Jake was amazed he could contain it all.
It was amazing how time could slip away when you were with the ones you loved, even when doing nothing but cuddling. It was dark enough behind the curtains for Jake to be fairly certain midday had come and gone before Andy spoke again.
"Will you guys promise me you'll never say it?" he said, his voice sounding rather small and insecure. "That you'll never make it a spoken thing?"
Jake raised his head, exchanging a long look with Jinxx and CC (who'd settled himself across their laps at some point; Jake hadn't really registered it, simply accepting that he was just there now). Could they really do that for eternity?
"For how long?" Jinxx asked softly.
Andy shrugged as best he could with their proximity limiting his movements. "Forever―or until it doesn't feel like we need to anymore."
Jake had no concept of when that would be―it might well be forever, with their curious mix of anxieties and insecurities. But he felt it was doable―they'd managed this long, hadn't they? And Andy's peace of mind was worth it.
That, Jake supposed, was a better show of love than saying the words could ever be.
"I promise," Jake murmured. Andy looked at him, his blue eyes wide, and Jake smiled. "I promise. As long as you wish it, I won't say the words."
"I'll take the vow, too," Jinxx said, tracing parts of Andy's tattoo sleeve somewhat absently. "I promise."
CC sat up enough to pull the singer into a kiss. "Fuck, man, why not. I promise, too."
Andy smiled at them. "Really?"
It was Jake's turn to kiss him. "Yes, really, you idiot," he said affectionately. "It's important to you, which means it's important to us." He smiled, the glow of relief in Andy's eyes erasing any doubt he may have had about this being the right decision.
"I won't say it either," Andy said. "Though that was probably obvious."
Jake laughed and resumed his position with his head on the singer's shoulder. "You're such a dork."
"And you love that about me," Andy said, his voice only slightly unsure.
Jake smiled. "Yes, we do."
―――――――――――――
A/N: This is a really short one for me (less than 4000 words, aren't you shocked?), but it was important and I got what I wanted to say onto the page, so that's what counts. I hope you enjoyed all the fluff, my heart was melting as I wrote this. (Yanni absolutely took a picture of the four of them cuddling, by the way. He has an entire folder in his phone that's just pictures and videos he's taken of them being glaringly in love.) Please leave comments, they keep me going! <3