Chapter 30
I Know What's Best For You
Blooms and buds.
Jiang Cheng, Wei Ying, and A-Jie entered on horseback.
Petals and fragrance.
"A-Cheng!" His sisters called out to him.
Different-looking flowers in various colors fell from the sky in a shower.
Abruptly, Jiang Cheng raised his hand, stopping two huas tossed over from beside him.
He gazed at them.
Catching his reaction, A-Jie and Wei Ying grinned.
Jiang Cheng tipped his tongue against his teeth, "Why are you throwing out flowers along with the others?"
His question led A-Jie to titter, "My A-Cheng looks nice. Can't this Jiejie throw a few as well?"
She freed him from her hug, 'A-Cheng! Where have you been? Three months and--'
He cupped her cheek, 'A-Jie.' cleaning away the tears with his thumb. 'It's a long story. I'll tell you later. I was going to see you, but we ended up meeting here instead. Sorry.'
They exchanged more words --
'You look different, A-Cheng.'
'Really? Have I changed?'
'I'm just unfamiliar with seeing you in a monochromatic look of our robes. It suits A-Cheng.'
Jiang Cheng's expression was soft, 'A-Jie, I missed you.'
'I missed you, too. A-Ying feels the same way.'
'I heard that Wei Ying and A-Jie were both fine, and that A-Jie were rebuilding the Yunmeng Jiang Clan and forming an alliance.'
She inclined her head in accord, 'Yes.'
A-Jie...
She's put in great effort over the last three months. Jiang Cheng is proud of her.
-- before she darted her gaze back to her workmates, giving way for them to talk with Jiang Cheng.
Jin Zixuan walked over after his short talk with A-Jie, 'Where have you run off to in these three months?!'
Jiang Cheng rolled his eyes, peeved by his pervasive welcome. 'Didn't you hear what I just said?!' He said, sharply, 'It's a long story!'
His line of sight fortuitously went to Lan Wangji.
'Oh?' Jiang Cheng's brow was uplifted, his tone of voice came out rude, 'What is the esteemed Hanguang-jun doing here?'
'A-Cheng.' A-Jie stressed his name, her tone was reprimanding.
Lan Wangji was patently disturbed by Jiang Wanyin's attitude, '...' yet he did not pay it more interest.
There are far more important things to say than to respond to the snide remark, anyway.
He opened his mouth, 'Wei Yi--'
Jiang Cheng's brow raised even higher.
Seeing this, Lan Wangji changed his wording, 'Wei-guniang is worried. I hope you meet her as soon as possible.'
"What Shijie said." Wei Ying piped. "Are you not satisfied with two flowers? There's still a lot left on the ground. Should I get another for you?" She pretended to stoop as she spoke.
Jiang Cheng almost wanted to slap Wei Ying off her horse. If the situation allowed it, he swore he'd do exactly that!
He gave her a stern look. "You can shut up!"
Wei Ying laughed, the sound comparable to a chime of bells.
'Wei Ying.'
Wei Ying was frozen in her seat, demeanor stiff.
She recognized this voice.
It was very 'familiar' to her.
How could she not know it?
Her hold from the brush slipped and sunk with a 'thud!', its ink staining the floor a thin black.
'Wei Ying...'
Wei Ying's steadfast eyes were trembling. In her eyes, his figure standing beside A-Jie could be seen.
'A... A-Cheng!' She dashed over, bursting into tears as she did.
Jiang Cheng said, 'I'm back.'
He extended his arms to the running Wei Ying, ready to welcome her in his embrace. However, before he could feel her warmth in his person, a stinging pain struck his chest.
'You brat!' Wei Ying scolded, there was anger within her joy. 'Where have you been these three months?!'
She struck him once more.
'I was so worried!'
Over...
'I thought I'd never see you again!'
...and over.
'Never, ever do this again!'
Jiang Cheng endured the strikes.
'Hit me as much as you want.'
These heavy blows pale in comparison to the pain he inflicted on her, anyway.
He deserved much harsher punishment than this.
But Wei Ying is just too kind. Too nice. Too gentle.
If Jiang Cheng were in her shoes, he wouldn't forgive himself. He was never going to acknowledge... accept himself again.
'So long as it makes you feel better.'
Wei Ying sobbed, her attacks coming to a stop, balled fists dropping on her sides. 'What took you so long...?'
'I'm sorry.' He inched their small distance, hugging her tightly. 'It was a long story.'
Tearing up, A-Jie joined in on the hug, patting her younger siblings on the back.
Wei Ying choked on her whimpers as she mumbled incoherently through his shoulder: 'I can listen. I can put up with the length as long as you share everything with me... share everything with Shijie...'
Jiang Cheng lowered the hand that he held the flowers with and shook his head.
"A-Jie, did you also give Jin Zixuan a flower? If you didn't, that Peacock might come running to me and rant again. Just thinking about it makes my temples ache." Jiang Cheng frowned, troubled by the possibility.
That was something Jiang Cheng did not want to 'happen'.
A gloomy Peacock means a gloomy day for him, since he promised to be Jin Zixuan's confidant in return for a 'favor'. And that particular 'favor' has been granted not too long ago (when Wei Ying was sent away from the 'celestial' mountain, this favor was fulfilled. Thus, the promise stands between them -- he had to be Jin Zixuan's confidant through thick and thin).
Making moves to A-Jie, he'll request assistance to Jiang Cheng. How to woo her, he'll consult Jiang Cheng. Courting. Giving gifts. The list continues. All he'll approach is Jiang Cheng (what's the use of his men, then?! Could he not have asked them?!).
If the Male Princess is feeling down, Jiang Cheng had to feel down as well, because 'confidants' should bear the burden together.
Being Jin Zixuan's 'confidant' is...
Fucking.
Inconvenient.
What the hell.
"I did." A-Jie pulled up a smile, "A-Xuan likes it very much."
Good to know.
He's saved from stress today.
Or so he thought.
After hearing a positive response, Jiang Cheng rerouted his gaze to Wei Ying, the latter was staring ahead, sight locked on a certain 'someone'.
This 'someone' is 'also' staring at her.
Wei Ying nods once in greeting, but the former did not return the gesture (of course, what do you expect from the Light-Bearing Lord? Be a gentleman? Respond?). He was silent, looking in her direction, as though he was expecting -- no, waiting -- for something.
Oh?
Jiang Cheng noticed a lone flower peeking on the left pocket of Wei Ying's purple robes.
Hah!
Lan Wangji... he's expecting Wei Ying to throw him a flower?!
This man...!
Jiang Cheng was speechless!
Jiang Cheng couldn't help but chortle, "Haha." attracting the attention of his siblings.
"What is A-Cheng thinking?" A-Jie wondered.
Breaking her eye contact with the Lan, "Can you share your thoughts with us?" Wei Ying probed.
Jiang Cheng shrugs their questions away, "Nothing."
He hadn't expected Lan Wangji to be so assuming!
It was very uncharacteristic of him!
What an astonishing scene.
The flower... Wei Ying didn't seem to want to give it to him.
Unfortunately for Lan Wangji.
Poor him.
"You're making me more curious..." Wei Ying protruded her lips, her appearance petulant.
"You don't need to know."
Her expression darkened at his dismissal of the subject.
Jiang Cheng seemed to be pushing Wei Ying away. Not just once, but several times. Especially when she asked about his whereabouts during the three months he had been missing.
Wei Ying started, 'Jiang Cheng...'
Jiang Cheng explained without delay, 'Back then, a swarm of Wen-dogs was looking for me everywhere. They had been waiting for me, had caught me right there, and had thrown me into some hellhole to suffer.'
A-Jie's tensed countenance morphed into frost. 'What place?'
'We've asked everyone in town, so how come everyone says they haven't seen you?!' Wei Ying exclaimed, irises shining with dread.
'You asked the people in the town?' Jiang Cheng said, finding the words funny. 'They're all a bunch of naive farmers afraid of causing trouble for themselves, so who would dare to tell you the truth? And the Wen-dogs have 'definitely' done something to keep their mouths shut. Of course they all said they hadn't seen me.'
With fury in her physiognomy, A-Jie murmurs, 'Those old...' she stops herself.
Wei Ying peppered him with questions. 'What hell of a place? Qishan? Nightless City? How did you get out? And you've become like this...'
Silence.
'...'
The quietness in the room was deafening.
'...'
A-Jie spoke then, 'A-Cheng, were you the one who has been killing the Wen Clan's disciples?'
He confirmed with a nod, 'Yes.'
A-Jie added, 'The talismans?'
Jiang Cheng didn't deny, 'I did it.'
A-Jie asked, 'And what became of Wen Chao?'
He vindicated, 'I did it.'
'Jiang Cheng.' Wei Ying interjected, 'What methods do you use to control such dark creatures?'
'...'
'Jiang Cheng, answer me.'
What would happen if he doesn't answer?
'...'
Jiang Cheng had envisioned this. Had prepared his response. But it was still difficult to move his lips.
Wei Ying was apprehensive, 'Does this...' she paused, feeling as if the conversation were draining her of oxygen. 'does this have anything to do with my previous suggestion--?'
A-Jie took a sharp inhalation.
Jiang Cheng denies, 'I just worked out a few things while I was gone. It had nothing to do with you or your ideas.'
Alarmed, Wei Ying cried out, 'Jiang Cheng...!'
He tightens his grip on Chenqing, 'There is energy in resentful energy. If the Gusu Lan Clan used music to channel spiritual energy, why can't music channel resentful energy as well?!'
Wei Ying gulped as Jiang Cheng's tone rose.
'Jiang Cheng,' Wei Ying advised, 'you would eventually have to pay for cultivating an evil path. There has never been an exception in history.'
Jiang Cheng said, 'I. Can. Pay.'
His tone firm, and unyielding.
Wei Ying lowered her voice as she observed his apparent lack of concern, she said, 'The path would not only damage your body, but also your heart.'
Jiang Cheng could sense his glass of emotions bursting at the seams. 'I know the most about damage or no damage, and how much damage there is! After all, my heart is my heart. I'm 'perfectly' aware of what I'm doing.'
You say that it harms the body, but Jiang Cheng's fine right now.
You say that it harms the heart, but he hasn't gone crazy, has he?
A-Jie relayed, perturbed, 'There are some things that you cannot control at all.'
Annoyance flashed across Jiang Cheng's visage, 'Of course I can control it. You don't believe me, A-Jie?'
'That's not what I meant, A-Cheng.'
Incessant whispers played in his ears, making his mood even worse. 'What do you mean?'
'It's not too late.' A-Jie persuades, holding his hand. 'Even if you later regret...'
The heinous and wicked voices in his head grabbed him by the tongue and dried his mouth.
He was suffocating.
Without waiting for her to finish speaking, Jiang Cheng's expression changed. He takes his hand from her hold.
'A-Jie!' He shouted, 'Stop it!'
Jiang Yanli and Wei Ying were taken aback, more so Jiang Yanli, who had never before heard her younger brother raise his voice when talking to her. Her touch being denied even more so.
'...'
He scrutinized the two of them...
'What can I say?'
...The abominable whispers in his mind becoming more and more audible.
It was exasperating.
Maddening.
It was so damn noisy.
The turbulence in his chest is ready to take over. It sits there like an angry ball, hurling him into turbulence he doesn't need.
Fuck.
'Even though I don't think that I'll regret it, I don't like it when 'people' speculate on how I'll be in the future.'
Jiang Cheng closed his eyes to quiet his nerves and blaring whispers. He inhaled deeply as his knuckles turned white from the way he gripped his dizi.
'I'm exhausted. I want to sleep.'
From this day on, Jiang Cheng had built a wall separating him from his sisters.
A great deal has changed. Nothing can bring the past back.
Their relationship had been tainted with small cracks, but they still wanted to mend it.
One piece at a time. Little by little. Slowly and steadily.
Everything will be all right.
Or at least they pretended to be.
"Neigh!"
Suddenly, among the neighs, one horse charged forward and sprint in a circle around the square before the reins were drawn.
Immediately, excitement swept through the crowd on the Watching Towers. The man did not even look in the direction of the towers, instead directing his focus solely to one A-Li.
Wei Ying muttered, sighing, "I really can't believe it... Shijie will marry a peacock."
Jiang Cheng warned, "Watch it. A-Jie can hear you."
As they spoke, Jin Zixuan had already ridden to the Target Arena.
The line of targets stood in the way of the official entrance to the mountain. Those planning to hunt in the mountains could only be admitted if they could shoot a target from a certain distance away. The rings on the targets corresponded to the seven paths of entry. The closer that the arrow was to the center, the more advantageous its respective entry path was.
Without dropping his speed at all, Jin Zixuan took out an arrow and shot.
It landed squarely in the center.
Cheers erupted from all around the Watching Towers.
Shijie clapped, proudly.
Seeing how much Jin Zixuan showed his brilliance, neither Wei Ying nor Jiang Cheng featured any emotion on their faces.
Suddenly, a loud sneer came from somewhere nearby. "If anyone here is not convinced, then feel free to try if you can shoot better than Zixuan!"
Wei Ying smiled, noticing the expression of animosity. Jin Zixun was here to provoke her. Jin Zixun seemed delighted when he saw she didn't answer.
Wei Ying was given suspicious looks on several occasions.
This is especially true during a time of war.
From three years ago.
The Sunshot Campaign.
Why isn't she carrying her Suibian now that she's retrieved it?
Why hold and keep a shaolin stick?
What made her choose the administrative route over the front lines?
What a dubious behavior, they gossiped.
Those days have not been pleasant for Wei Ying, but progressively, they've become 'manageable'.
Bearable.
She kept herself busy by immersing herself in work, staying up late at night creating new talismans and improved arrays.
When she wasn't busy crafting such activities, she was meticulously planning strategies, ensuring that every invasion in Wens's Supervisory Offices was a success (everyone admired her for this... however, it was short-lived).
Indeed, it was (it wasn't until later that Jiang Cheng entered the picture).
When she wasn't hunched over her study table, she was practicing martial arts with a shaolin stick as a weapon -- Suibian's hilt no longer fits her grip, so she needed to find a good alternative (God, she misses her sword so much).
Stab.
Lunge.
Dodge.
Strike.
Thrust.
When she isn't practicing martial arts, she trains her archery skills on the Training Field. She fired arrow after arrow, honing her archery to the point where she never fell victim to mistakes.
Many days, she spends recruiting and mentoring their Yunmeng Jiang Disciples.
Sporadically, she helps brew medicine and feeds it to the injured.
On rare instances, she writes texts (which she hated before), specifically... stories.
That's when her other name comes into play.
Wei Wuxian.
When she felt lonely, unloved, or sad, she poured her feelings into her paper and brush, weaving stories that came from her heart.
It helped to relieve the weight on her chest somewhat.
When the Yunmeng Jiang Clan's riding formation arrived at the Target Arena, Wei Ying turned to Jiang Cheng.
"Jiang Cheng, want to help me?"
He furrowed his brows, tentative, "What are you up to this time?"
She straightened an arm with her palm unfolded, "Can I borrow your hair ribbon?"
Jiang Cheng squinted his eyes into slits, "What happened to the hair ribbon I lent you?"
She shrugs, "I'm not sure where I put it. Just lend me another."
They had forgotten that Lan Wangji had 'it'.
Jiang Cheng grumbled as he removed the purple ribbon from his wrist guard.
Wei Ying accepted it contentedly, "Thanks!" and quickly tied the ribbon over her eyes to block her vision.
She aimed her arrow. Drew her bow. And...
Let go.
It hit!
The sequence of events was both smooth and rapid. The others had no idea what she was up to initially. They couldn't even see her movements clearly until the center of the target was pierced. Following a moment of silence, overwhelming cheers rang throughout the Watching Towers, even louder than those for Jin Zixuan.
Jiang Yanli applauded, as did Jiang Cheng, joyously.
Wei Ying was given suspicious looks on several occasions. However, 'their' dissatisfaction abated upon seeing how each of her blasts in martial arts were flawlessly executed, unrivaled. The arrows she shot were hardly ever expended. Her talismans allowed them a wider range of tricks, from more savage blows to better diversions.
Just because she's lost a core doesn't mean she's 'useless'.
Wei Ying is still Wei Ying.
'I'm still me.'
Even with one thing missing from her body.
Wei Ying's lips curved slightly at the corners. Spinning the bow within her hands, she tossed it back.
Jin Zixun, on the other hand, snorted dramatically as he realized her popularity had surpassed Jin Zixuan's. He seemed unhappy on the inside and out.
He commented, gratingly, "This is only the first archery event, and you're already onto such ostentatious things. You've got your eyes covered right now, but can you keep them covered for the duration of the hunt? Later, on Baifeng Mountain, we can demonstrate our true abilities and determine 'who' is truly 'superior'!"
Wei Ying replied, nonchalantly, "Sure."
Jin Zixun waved his hand, signaling for his cultivators to rush forward to the entrance, "Let's go!"
"Wei-guniang."
Wei Ying's heart skipped a beat.
It drew out the primal flight response, or something similar: a massive rush of adrenaline that shot through Wei Ying like a drug and made her feel incredibly alive.
She reached for the ribbon that had obscured her vision, removing it so she could properly greet him, "Lan-er-gongzi."
The glare of the sudden sunlight pricked her eyes. After a brief moment, she managed to open them, only to be met by a pair of amber eyes staring at her.
"Why are you avoiding me?"
Wei Ying was briefly stunned, but answered immediately, "I'm not avoiding anyone."
"..."
So he noticed. Why would she take him for a fool? He's Hanguang-jun -- he sees the smallest of wrongs, but why in this 'subject'? That's what makes Wei Ying perplexed.
"We're both busy in our separate ways." She expounded, "With the war, the rebuilding of our homes, and everything else, why would I avoid you? Is there a reason to?"
There is.
He took a step closer, "Wei Ying."
She took a step back, "Lan Zhan."
She's no longer the fifteen-year-old Wei Ying who would swoon over such a minor event.
Not the fifteen-year-old who would dismiss everything so casually.
She's not the 'carefree' fifteen-year-old Wei Ying anymore.
Everything has changed.
Now, she's a twenty-year-old adult.
She had naively assumed her entire life that, she would be given more freedom than her siblings. That, she wouldn't have to shoulder such a heavy burden of responsibilities.
Wrong.
Completely wrong.
What made her think that?
Ha. Ha. Ha.
What a laugh!
Wei Ying asked after a long silence, "Does Lan-er-gongzi have anything else to say?"
"..."
Wei Ying interpreted his silence as a 'no'.
With that thought in mind, she bowed her head slightly, "Please excuse me."
His next words were unlooked-for:
"I like you."
She halted in her tracks, utterly shocked, "!!!"
Her heart beats as blood flows through her veins. The blood is sent to her fingertips, the pulse coming in hot waves that made everything else to pulse.
He repeated himself, "I like you, Wei Ying."
She bit her lower lip.
Why...
Why, for someone like her?
Wei Ying fixed her gaze on him. "You won't get anything good from me."
Lan Zhan said, his voice was ice, "...Why should you be the one to make that decision?"
"Because I know what's best for you."
"I decide what is good and bad for me."
She ran her fingers over her half ponytail, visibly distressed, "Lan-er-gongzi... please..."
Why is he complicating things for her?
He questions coldly, "Why are you crying?"
Her face had become wet without her noticing.
Wei Ying wiped them without care, "I'm not!"
"If not," He ambled forward, "what do you call it then?"
Wei Ying didn't like where the conversation is going.
She steps back, swallowing hard, "The ribbon had been covering my eyes for more than two hours. The sunlight was still a bit too bright for me. Of course my eyes kept tearing up after I removed the ribbon..."
Lan Zhan was in doubt, "Wei Ying."
Wei Ying upped her chin, "Lan Wangji."
Hurt passed through Lan Zhan's expression.
"Why would you like someone like me? I'm a mess, a troublemaker -- whatever people used to call me."
"You are everything I wanted and more."
What?
Lan Zhan was never articulate, but he is now, at this precise moment.
Wei Ying usually only hears one word every few days, but it's as if she just heard a whole week's worth!
However --
"..."
-- that wasn't her point.
Wei Ying is everything he 'wanted' and more?
She couldn't help but scoff.
"Hah! I don't understand you, Lan Zhan. It seems like only yesterday you told me you hated my 'conduct', that I'm a 'nuisance'. Why the sudden change of heart?!"
Lan Zhan's visage was conflicted, "I know I was wrong--"
Oh, he 'knew' he was an 'asshole'.
"Lan Zhan." Wei Ying said, emotionless, "Do you really like me?"
"Yes--"
"I don't feel it." She shakes her head, "I think you like me out of guilt."
Lan Zhan disproved her statement, "No...!"
She dismissed the discussion, "We're done here."
She turned around to leave.
Unexpectedly, however, Lan Zhan's left arm stretched out to circle her waist, "What--!" she blurted.
"I 'love' you..." He stares intently in her eyes. "I do not love you because you love me. I love you because I love you. Because that is what 'you' deserve."
Wei Ying wasn't given time to react. She felt warmth on her lips. She immediately froze.
The touch felt both strange and unfamiliar, moist and warm.
Lan Zhan rested a hand on her left cheek.
Deepening the 'kiss'.
Wei Ying struggled suddenly, wanting to fight her way out of it and pull away from him, but she failed.
What's more irritating is that, she lets him kiss her, and eventually... she's kissing him back!
'What am I doing, letting him kiss me?! Why?!'
But damn it! Wei Ying loves him and she badly wants him!
Why is it so difficult for her to suppress her feelings for this man?! Why?!
She loves him and it hurts so much.
They were so close -- bodies pressed against a tree in a burning embrace, breathing heavily as their mouths pressed together.
Thump.
She felt like she was on fire and could burst at any moment.
Thump.
As if someone had lit a slow and steady torch beneath her center...
Thump.
...Deep in the pit of her stomach.
Thump.
Her right hand was on the left side of his chest, she could feel his fast heartbeat.
This heartbeat serves as her musical notation, keeping her soul at a constant rhythm. With his heartbeat, she can be music, dance, and so much more. And she hopes that, it is her heart that can do the same for him...
She kissed him. She kissed him too passionately. Too longingly.
And she didn't register the tears that kept streaming from her eyes.
...But no.
'You know I want you. It's not a secret I try to hide. But I can't have you. We're bound to break, and my hands are tied.'
She pushed him away with all her might and slapped him on the cheek, forcing him to face the other direction.
Wei Ying felt terrible. She felt devastated.
Yet, she was left with no choice.
She had to do it.
'Slap him.'
One of the reasons he'd avoid Wei Ying.
Lan Zhan shouldn't be with her. He should love another woman. No, not her.
She doesn't have a good reputation, she will only tarnish his name. He was already so high up, she didn't want to drag him down.
She's a notorious troublemaker.
Worst of all, she lacks a core (just because she's lost a core doesn't mean she's 'useless'.
Wei Ying is still Wei Ying.
'I'm still me.'
Even with one thing missing from her body.
But... but...!
She trashes these thoughts when she encounters Lan Zhan.
Her confidence becomes silent. Insecurities becoming reverberant.
What good would a relationship with her do him?).
What would others think?
Let's say they're in a relationship... what would his Shufu and Xiongzhang think if they discovered it? His elders?
No, she couldn't risk it.
Coward.
She ran.
Coward.
She ran with no particular destination in mind.
Coward.
She just wants to be separated from him.
Coward.
Then she bumped into someone.
"Wei Ying!"
It was Jiang Cheng.
"What's wrong?!" Worry was perceptible on his demeanor, "Why are you crying?!"
"Nothing! Nothing...!"
No.
No.
No.
Why did it have to be Jiang Cheng?!
His line of sight came past her.
Lan Zhan didn't follow her, did he?!
Too late.
He fumed with anger.
"It's you fucking bastard again!"
With a kick, he pounced on Lan Zhan.
"Jiang Cheng!" She hurried to restrain him, but it was futile, "It was a misunderstanding!"
The fight between the two would have alerted the Heavens. The cultivators from all over the mountain arrived to break up their fight. In the midst of the chaos, Jiang Cheng finally understood what was the cause of all this, and became even more enraged. He spread his tough talk, declaring that one day he'd definitely make Lan Wangji 'die' in his hands.
He had no idea he'd end up killing this man in the future.
"A-Ying... is still... waiting for you."
A mistake that ruined his life.
Darkness filled his line of sight.
The story continues in "The Night is Still Young".