She didn't need to go see Aegon. Minutes after Alarya retired for the night, the prince slipped into her room and locked the bolt on the door. She was half asleep when he came to stand by her bed, her mind hazy with the tonic Alarya had forced her to drink.
"Aegon..." She breathed his name and reached for him, unsure of whether he was actually there or whether she was merely dreaming of him.
"Oh, Vis..." He sounded close to tears as he ran his fingers over her cheek. Even half asleep, she leaned into his touch and whimpered. "What are you doing to yourself?" Wrapping his arms around her, he shifted her over, climbed beneath the covers, and pulled her to his chest.
"I love you, Aegon. I'm so sorry I hurt you..." Then the world faded away and all she could hear was the other half of her heart, beating beneath his chest...
Visaera woke with a start, finding herself alone in her bed, the room brightly lit by the early afternoon sun. Disoriented, she stumbled across the room and poured herself a cup of water, drinking like she hadn't in days. Orwyle entered her quarters just as she finished, looking surprised to see her out of bed.
"How are you feeling, princess?"
"Better," she offered him a polite smile, "The sleep helped."
"Good, good. Now, if you're feeling better, you can remain afoot, but I would like you to confine yourself to the castle for the day and lie down should you feel faint." Visaera agreed and he left her another sleeping draught for her to take at the end of the day.
Remembering Aemond's words, she tiptoed across the room and leaned over the vanity, looking in the mirror and dreading what she might find. Despite the full night of sleep, Visaera still had dark circles under her eyes. She hadn't ever remembered looking as thin as she did now and she suddenly understood everyone's worry; she looked nothing like her usual self.
Alarya walked in to find her frantically brushing her hair in the mirror.
"Visaera, let me..." With soft, tender hands, Alarya brushed through her curls and braided the sides of her hair back away from her face. "Better?" Visaera nodded and Alarya kissed the top of her head, bringing tears to her eyes.
"I'm sorry I pushed you away," she whispered, "I've been pushing everyone away... I don't know what else to do..."
"The dreams?" Visaera shook her head.
"I had one, but that's not it... I-I can't..." She sucked in a shuddery breath and tried again, "I've managed to mess everything up and I don't know how to fix it."
"You're talking about the princes?" She nodded and reached for her mouth but Alarya caught her before her teeth could find a piece of skin to bite. "Seems to me that just being honest would help..."
"I did that. I told Aegon the truth and Aemond has been...Rather understanding, which only makes me feel worse. What about Ser Jaunton?" she asked, desperate to change the subject. Immediately, Alarya's skin flushed, making Visaera grin. "I knew it!" For the first time in days, a feeling of genuine excitement coursed through her and she whipped around to face her handmaid. "Have you fucked him yet?"
"Princess!" Alarya scolded, covering her mouth in shock,
"Well?" she demanded. Eventually, Alarya nodded, her cheeks bright with embarrassment.
"Oh, gods! Why didn't you tell me?" She tugged her down into the chair beside her and ordered her to tell her everything. Alarya spared no detail and, when Rhaena arrived sometime later, the pair were grinning like madwomen.
"It's good to see you smile, sister," she offered.
"I suppose it's good to smile," Visaera admitted. None of her problems had been solved, but the sleep had done her a world of good and she did feel much better.
"How are you feeling?" Rhaena asked as Alarya went to find her something to wear.
"Better, if only by a margin."
"I know you're struggling, Visaera. I only wish you would let us help. We're your family and we love you. You don't have to go through everything alone..." Visaera wanted to let her sister in; she didn't want to feel so alone all the time, but the only one who could truly understand what she was experiencing was Helaena.
"Thank you, Rhaena, " she said, taking her sister's hand, "I love you..."
"Alright, enough of that, I need to get you dressed. Now, which one?" Alarya held up two of the dresses from Lys, one peach-colored, the other a mix of cream and red.
"The Queen said those aren't appropriate for—"
"Did I ask you what the Queen said?" Alarya asked, "I know for a fact that they both look lovely on you, and they will tie at the waist; You're too thin for your corsets."
"This one," Rhaena decided, taking the dress from Alarya. Visaera nodded, feeling weary already, despite the day only beginning. Rhaena was, in fact, wearing something similar; not nearly as revealing as Visaera's other dress, but definitely not something Alicent would approve of. The dress had sheer sleeves that began low on the shoulder, exposing just a hint of cleavage and everything above it. The sheer material would allow her skin to breathe in the heat; for that she was grateful.
When the dress was tied and she deemed herself presentable, Rhaena and Visaera joined their family for breakfast. It became painfully obvious that she had been distancing herself for far too long when her family gaped as she entered the room. Baela was the first to recover, reaching to pull her into her arms.
"You look much better," Visaera grumbled but embraced her sister. The table was unusually silent and she couldn't help but wonder if it was just one of those mornings or if everyone was afraid she would snap again. More than anything, Visaera watched her mother with worry. Rhaenyra looked as though she hadn't been sleeping, either, and Visaera worried for the babe's health.
Before leaving the room, Visaera knelt down in front of her mother and pressed her ear to Rhaenyra's belly. She smiled and kissed the top of her daughter's head.
"You look much better..."
"Will everyone stop saying that?" Visaera muttered.
"Well, it's true. You clearly needed rest, my love." Visaera merely nodded.
"I'm going to go see Helaena," she murmured, giving her mother's stomach one last pat. The royal apartments weren't far from their own but Visaera took her time, walking slowly, in the hopes that her aunt would be back from breakfast by the time she arrived. Unfortunately, when she peeked into Helaena's apartments, they were empty.
Visaera now had two choices, wait for her aunt or join the Queen and her children for breakfast. Knowing full well she hadn't eaten enough, she decided on the latter. It had been nearly a fortnight since she had eaten breakfast with the Hightower side of the family and it felt strange to join them again.
Much like it had at her own family's breakfast, the light chatter died the moment she stepped through the door.
"Apologies for the intrusion, your grace, I was hoping I could join you?" she asked softly.
"Of course, of course, dear," Alicent replied, gesturing for her to sit. "You look much better today." Her eyes appraised Visaera with disdain and she fought the urge to shiver.
"Thank you, your grace." As she took her seat, the stared at the splint around her finger, fighting the urge to pick at the bandages.
"I'm on my way out," the Queen said suddenly, riding from her chair, "But thank you, for joining us, dear." Without another word, she swept from the room.
"She wasn't on her way out, was she?" she finally asked. No one replied, but their expressions were answer enough. "Lovely..." she muttered, shaking her head and reaching for a bread roll. When she finally looked up, Alicent's children were staring at her. "Will everyone stop looking at me like I'm about to explode?"
Helaena recovered first, smiling at her niece and placing her hand over Visaera's. "I need to talk to you," she whispered. Her aunt nodded.
"We can go now." Helaena stood and Visaera followed suit.
"My princes," Visaera dipped into a proper curtsy, not daring to meet their gazes. She could only handle so much at one time and if she looked at either of them, she might burst into tears. How Helaena walked so fast, Visaera was clueless, but she nearly had to run to catch up with her.
"Alright, what is it?" Helaena asked, immediately pulling her down onto the sofa. Visaera stared at her for a long moment, fighting the urge to cry and, the moment Helaena wrapped her arms around her, she did. Visaera broke into a fit of sobs, clinging to her.
"I don't know what to do anymore."
"What happened, sweet niece?" she prodded. Suddenly, Visaera was pouring her heart out to Helaena, telling her everything she had left out when she talked to Baela and Rhaena. "Oh, sweet Visaera... No wonder you've been having such a hard time..." Helaena continued to hold her, gently caressing her hair and humming until Visaera finally calmed. "It's going to be alright... Firstly, you need to talk to my brothers."
The prospect did not appeal to her one bit. Instead of following her aunt's advice, she continued to clutch Helaena around the waist.
"Visaera, my sweet niece, listen to me," Visaera finally wiped her eyes and looked up into Helaena's lavender ones, "You are stronger than this; we both know it. You cannot let the visions rule your life. We've been through this before." Visaera could only vaguely recall a time when Helaena went through a similar depression after a particularly awful dream.
"Yes, yes we have..." she replied softly. The pair sat in a comfortable silence until Helaena finally pulled out her embroidery and busied her hands. Visaera knew her aunt was right; that she needed to talk to Aemond and Aegon, but the thought made her nervous.
In the end, she found herself in the King's chambers with a book. It had been over a week since she had last seen her grandfather and she was thankful to find him still breathing. Clasping his hand with her left, Visaera talked to him, softly, assuring him that she loved him and missed his presence. She smiled when his hand tightened around hers, reminding her that he knew she was there.
Opening one of his books, she attempted to read to him in high Valyrian. It wasn't long before she stumbled over the words and rubbed her temples, her eyes aching.
"You should read something in the common tongue. I'm sure he'd much rather hear your voice consistently than listen to you butcher your High Valyrian." The prince was standing in the doorway with his arms crossed over his chest.
"Qogralbar ao," she replied with a glare. Aemond merely smirked at her crude language.
"Gūrogon iā geron lēda nyke." He offered. Visaera didn't want to go for a walk, or anywhere with him, but she nodded and placed the book on the King's bedside table. Reaching behind his back, he waited for her to accept his hand before leading her through the corridors.
"Where are we going?" When she received no answer, she chewed on her lip, her stomach flipping nervously. It had been nearly a week since their last full conversation and now he was tugging her off to some unknown destination. They rounded the corner and Aemond pulled open a door, tugging her inside.
"Aemond—" His mouth was on hers in less than a moment, his fingers wrapping around her waist.
"That dress," he growled against her lips, "You look so fucking beautiful..."
"I thought we were going for a walk..." she breathed.
"We are," he agreed, his mouth still on her skin. "We are going for a walk, I promise. But I've missed you... Gods, that dress, Vis..." His fingers, those skilled fingers, were skimming over her skin, making her hum with pleasure.
"Aemond, wait..." she pleaded, "Please, we need to talk and I can't focus when you're touching me..."
"When I'm touching you?" he growled, "You have no idea how badly I want to touch you, princess." Heat pooled between her legs at his words and she gripped the front of his jerkin, whimpering.
"Aemond, really, we need to talk," she insisted, catching his mouth in one more kiss before gently pushing against his chest. The prince pressed his forehead to hers for a moment and she let her eyes fall closed as she breathed in his scent.
"Alright, let's talk," he conceded breathlessly.
"I'm sorry," she began, leaning back against the wall.
"For what, exactly?" he asked.
"Everything... For going to see Aegon behind your back, for kissing him in front of you to make you angry, for avoiding you..."
"Hmm,"
"You don't have anything to say?" she asked, feeling frustrated with his response.
"What do you want me to say?" he asked, "Yesterday, I watched you scream and claw at the ground like you were... I thought... I didn't know what to think, Visaera. I didn't know what to do or how to help you. I don't think there's been a moment since Driftmark that I've actually felt afraid, until yesterday." His admission stole her breath away.
"I'm sorry for that, too," she added in a whisper.
"Don't be sorry, Vis, I wish I would have known-"
"No one can truly understand how it feels, save your sister," she interrupted, "It's a burden I'd rather not place on anyone else."
"It is a burden that shouldn't be suffered alone," he offered softly.
"Mm."
"I meant what I said before, if you can't sleep, go to Aegon."
"Why wouldn't I come to you?" she countered.
"You and I both know the answer to that." He smirked, but she noticed the sharp look in his eye that warned her not to say anything else. She sighed and crossed her arms over her chest. "You really do look lovely," he offered, closing the distance between them. "You need to eat more, Vis."
"Mm, everyone keeps telling me so," she replied with a roll of her eyes.
"We're worried about you; everyone is." Lifting her chin, Aemond planted a soft kiss on her lips.
"You're too good to me, I don't deserve it," she whispered.
"What are you on about?" he murmured back, "You deserve the world, princess." Then she was pressed between him and the wall, his mouth on hers. In only moments, she was clutching him and whimpering. When he released her, he had a wide, satisfied grin on his face.
"A walk..." he reminded her, taking her by the hand.
"A walk..." she agreed breathlessly...