Something pacific settled over Zinniapool as she stayed tucked in her corner of the medicine cat den, denying Robinpaw or anyone the right to enter. Not that anyone really wanted to be around her. She could hear them talking about her, saying she'd gone crazy. Muttering something about being indoctrinated. If only they knew how dense they sounded.
She could think clearer now, and she knew with everything she had in her that she wasn't crazy. She knew what she saw. Genesis saw it too, but he was gone. This was something she was going to have to face alone, and fix alone. She was on her own.
She was okay with that now. Or maybe she really was losing her mind because she felt unequivocally at peace as opposed to her outburst earlier in the morning. A calm before a storm, she supposed. Despite her serene composure, something deep within her core was telling her that something dire was bubbling in the ensuing events that were about to take place.
Zinniapool eyed Dimglow from where she lay, not moving an inch as she let one paw drape over the other, her ears pointed and face absolutely void of any ardor. Her eyes slitted ever-so-slightly. She debated momentarily, wondering if she should pray to StarClan for help in doing whatever it was she was about to do, but that felt futile. StarClan had abandoned her, that much was clear.
Finally, Dimglow was leaving. She was growing impatient with waiting, so maybe the universe was finally granting her some luck. The medicine cat stood to her paws which no longer shook as she peaked outside the den, eyes first landing on Robinpaw who was sat with his siblings. The world better be kinder to him, she thought before her eyes then drifted to Elysianlily who was secluded in a small part of camp with both her parents and brother. The four of them were talking about Zinniapool, she was sure of it. Everyone else was. But that's okay.
The medicine closed her eyes, taking in the scents of the medicine cat den, the aromas of all the herbs dancing around her nose pleasantly. She wasn't sure if this was all just a moment of clarity for her or she was delirious. Maybe the latter.
Zinniapool opened her eyes and allowed one shaky breath before she slipped out of an exit in her den to exclude any kind of attention to herself as she tasted the air, immediately finding the deputy's scent and following it.
She followed him for awhile, watching as he deftly weaved through the undergrowth, nearly weightless. Eventually he paused by the gully and she followed his gaze which outstretched over the turbulent crash of waves below. FallClan was beautiful, she supposed even ignoble cats could relish in it too.
"It's rude to stare." He finally spoke out into the abyss, his voice echoing against the other side of the pass. The medicine cat remained quiet for a moment, going over her options until she revealed herself.
"Seems trivial in comparison to your transgressions." She answered vapidly, head lightly tilting to the side. Dimglow met her gaze, something unreadable painting his face. Complacency maybe?
"I don't know what you were expecting, Zinniapool. You do fascinate me, however. I thought those travelers truly were full of it, but I'll admit I wrong. And you were right. I can only imagine how frustrating that is for you."
"Extremely." She answered, hesitation lacing her voice. She wasn't expecting this conversation, but it was elucidating to know she wasn't wrong about him. But he wasn't wrong, it was more than frustrating.
Her clan was never going to believe her, and they both knew it.
"So what are you going to do about it?" He asked, his words taunting and venomous, hiding behind his cultivated bearing. She stared at him, eyes wandering from the deputy to the deep incline of the gorge, deputy, deep incline, deputy, deep incline.
He picked up on this quickly, following her gaze back and fourth until finally, yellow met yellow in something nearly cathartic.
As soon as he was hurling himself towards her, Zinniapool felt herself breaking from the trance-like state that had taken over, feeling the full affect of the fight or flight. She dodged his attack, quickly noticing her back was facing the drop. She quickly eyed it past her shoulder before twisting around to see extended claws going for her cheek and she was falling to the ground, rolling in the mud from the recent downpour. What in StarClan's name was she doing?
The medicine scrambled to her paws, tail lashing back and fourth feverishly as she dodged his next attack and sent one of her own, but it was ineffective. The deputy gave her a deprecating chuckle, making some insulting comment that she didn't bother to hear.
Dimglow started approaching her once more and she stepped back in result, ignoring the pierce in her cheek as she felt her back paws stumble a bit as they met the edge of the ridge, looking behind her shoulder and gazing down at the tumultuous water below, eyes widening slightly as she met his far too satisfied gaze.
She was always told your life would flash before you eyes when death neared, but it didn't for her. Absolutely nothing except a race of thoughts, only having a second to decide on one out what seemed to be a thousand.
She just needed to accept it, maybe she would during the fall. She hoped so.
Zinniapool grabbed the deputy's scruff as he finally pushed her over, teeth grinding down as an ear splitting yowl echoed out and they were both free falling. While Dimglow continued to yowl and hiss and scream, Zinniapool just watched the setting sky as it grew father and farther away from her. Just like the prior morning, the sun was a deepening red, cascading steaks of faded vermillion clouds coating the diluted orange canvas of the sky.
Stunning.
That was her final thought before everything went black.
~~~
Death isn't painful.
It was quick.
Zinniapool opened her eyes, adjusting to her surroundings. She looked around wearily, head cocking to the side as she stepped forward.
She was back in the forest.
Below her was a blooming daisy. She stared at it dubiously, yellow eyes narrowing on the white flower as she went to paw at it, recoiling as she watched her paw go straight through it without tampering the little flower at all.
"I told you to conceal it, Zinniapool." A familiar voice cooed, one that made the medicine freeze. Zinniapool looked up to meet those eyes that seemed to shine with the force of all the light in the world, panicked and rueful.
"Ravenrose." She spoke breathlessly, stepping back cautiously as she looked beyond the sable StarClan she-cat as she noticed three other starry felines, hardened looks on each of their faces.
"I'm sorry, I really am. I tried to convince them, but they've made up their mind." The previous medicine cat apologized, stepping back as she faded into nothing. Zinniapool could feel herself begin to panic as she quickly met the eyes of the trio of new StarClan cats who approached her.
"I have done nothing wrong." Zinniapool began quickly, eyes darting from each of the unconvinced cats before her. "I have done nothing wrong." She repeated, this time with more conviction.
The three looked at each other before looking back towards her, the one in the middle stepping forward, a demeaning expression coating his face.
"Your soul is tampered, Zinniapool. We cannot, under good conscience, allow you into StarClan."
The medicine shuddered a gutted cry involuntarily, looking at them, her mouth opening to plead but the words got caught in her throat, so instead she just stared helplessly.
What was going to happen to her? Where was she going to go?
Suddenly she felt her body contracting, knocking her off her paws. She looked up, soliciting any kind of help from the three before her but they just watched with apathetic stares. The medicine let out a deafening scream as little x's begin to carve deep within her skin and her eyes began to shine brilliantly as the forest around her began to die. The leaves disintegrated into bare limbs, the sky turned dark and foggy and the daisy wilted before her very eyes.
Suddenly, the pain ebbed away and the StarClan cats faded from her new plane. Zinniapool looked around the desolate copy of her forest, a lingering sensation of dread following her everywhere she went, sparing her no mercy as she dawned upon her new horrid reality.
Here she would rest until the living's memory of her began to evanescence, a place crafted from her own mind, her own personal condemnation that was bathed in the feelings of horror she had felt.
Alone and denounced.
This was her afterlife.