Only twice in my life have I been left speechless and immobile by something—first was when Dad died and the second was when Mom followed two years later.
Jesse was the more volatile one, taking out his anguish at anything and everything he could get his hands on. He once hopped on an ATV and drove around the patch of forest behind our property and took out a handful of large trees. He claimed he did it with a chainsaw but when I looked at them a few days later, the cuts weren’t clean. The trees looked like they snapped off but the ATV didn’t look damaged so God knows what he did but I didn’t want to ask.
Maybe it was to balance out Jesse’s more aggressive nature that I got the habit of falling completely silent and impossibly still whenever I was hit by a blow I just couldn’t recover from quickly.
That probably explained why I said and did nothing for God knows how long, curled in bed in Tristan’s room, hugging my knees to my chest and staring at the pale blue gray paint on the wall and the oil painting of a nomadic ship out on a stormy sea.
It was a dark scene and it fit perfectly with just how lost and turbulent I felt inside.
Finally, Tristan’s face loomed over me and my gaze refocused until I could see him clearly.
“I brought you food,” he said, setting down a small tray on the bed. “It’s seven in the morning and you haven’t eaten anything since they... you know.”
I looked up at him and saw his expression strain.
“Since Remus kidnapped me,” I supplied stonily, not recognizing my own voice. “Since he decided he wanted something more from me than just leverage. Since he decided to kill Jack and his pack as if they were bothersome pests.”
My voice quivered at the mention of Jack’s name and a lump formed in my throat.
I swallowed it painfully and looked away.
“Ollie, you have to eat and get some rest,” Tristan said patiently. “You’re in shock and definitely traumatized but you have to fight back.”
“Fight back how exactly, Tristan?” I demanded angrily, finally finding some strength in me to pull from. “Same way you did when Remus was slaughtering the werewolves? Or should I say the same way you didn’t?”
He flinched as if I had slapped him but he only looked defiant. “If I had given in to punishing Remus, I can assure you more deaths than what you saw tonight.”
I narrowed my eyes at him. “If tonight is any indication of what’s in store for the rest when Remus takes over, then I would rather you take a stand and stop him in any way possible before more people get hurt. You shouldn’t have agreed with him. I don’t care what the cost is but that monster can’t possibly rule.”
“Even if the cost is your life?” he asked quietly.
Tears sprang in my eyes and I quickly blinked them away. “Would you choose one life over a hundred or a thousand? If you fought back, maybe Remus could’ve been stopped—and maybe Jack and his pack would’ve lived too.”
“Don’t take too much credit for it,” he said with a sigh. “Jack and his pack had their own agenda. They wouldn’t have forgiven me if I took that chance away from them.”
I blinked at him in confusion. “What are you talking about?”
Tristan grasped his knees with his hands, thinking about it for a minute. “Jack came from a much larger wolf pack who were once enslaved by Remus to do his dirty work when he was still serving the demon lord he killed to rise to power. When they broke away from his command, many of them were killed including the parents and grandparents of Jack’s generation. They split up into smaller groups and stayed under the radar. Jack wanted to save you and also avenge their pack. We had plans to take Remus out tonight but we didn’t count on him taking your blood.”
He exhaled wearily. “Plan B was to make sure that if we couldn’t defeat him tonight, I would set myself up as an ally and destroy Remus from within or at least buy us some time by pretending to be on his side. It’s not going to as easy when he has a hold on you like this but I’m going to figure it out. What’s important is that we got you away from him for now.”
My lower lip trembled. “If I wasn’t in the picture, this would’ve been much less complicated for everyone. You could’ve just done what needed to be done.”
His expression darkened. “It’s a war, Ollie. Casualties are to be expected but don’t disrespect their sacrifice by giving little value to the life they thought was worth saving. You should understand. After all, didn’t you offer yourself in place of Heather?”
“Heather has got nothing to do with all of this supernatural stuff and I didn’t want her punished for being associated with me!” I countered defensively. “I can’t have someone die for my sake. I just... I’m just not capable of that...”
My voice trailed off and the silence was thick for a moment.
“Then fight back.” He stood up and walked away a few steps. “You were spared your life. Now use it wisely.”
A tear rolled down my cheek. “How do I fight back, Tristan? How do you fight evil?”
He looked at me with a storm of emotions I could see raging in his eyes. “I would tell you not to live in fear because evil wins each time it takes away an opportunity from you. But it’s altogether different when your fear is not for yourself but for those you care about. It’s the same way I’m afraid, Ollie.”
I bit my lip to keep myself from crumbling into sobs. “Why are you afraid? You’re powerful and everyone fears you, even Remus. You can destroy him before he can take anything from you.”
He sat back down on the bed and picked up an apple from the tray, handing it to me. “But not before he can destroy you, and that, sweetheart, will be his most devastating blow to me.”
My composure snapped and the tears came down in torrents.
Tristan took me in his arms and held me.
After a while, after emptying my heart out of all its grief, I pulled away and wiped my face dry.
I pulled back my hair into a loose bun and bit on the apple he gave me.
He watched me eat, quiet and patient.
“It’s just ham and cheese,” he said as I picked up half of the sandwich and peered at it. “I didn’t know what you liked.”
“I like ham and cheese,” I said feebly as I took a bite.
As I took a second one, the image of Jack and the other men’s mortally wounded bodies came back to mind and my gut turned. I dropped the sandwich and leapt off the bed, running towards the bathroom.
After emptying out what little food I ate, I rinsed my mouth and dabbed it dry with a towel.
I looked up and saw Tristan standing by the doorway behind me.
I had to get a grip. Tristan’s fierce expression assured me tonight wasn’t going to be our last stand against Remus and I had to pull my own weight if I was going to fight with them.
“Is Heather okay?” I asked, turning around to face him.
He nodded. “Cage found her dumped on the side of the road. She’s in the hospital right now. Arabella had gone to see her already and erased all of her memories about this.”
I sighed in relief. At least some things worked out.
“How’s Jenny?” I asked quietly. “Does she know?”
He nodded again, more grimly this time. “Stigger’s with her. We’ll see her at the funeral in three days.”
I bit my lip. “Funeral? How will you explain this to humans? Six people are dead.”
“The Stellars will sort that out,” he said, taking a step towards me. “We’ll get justice, Ollie. I promised and it’ll happen.”
I sniffed back my tears and nodded firmly. “I know. I’m with you.”
He took me by the shoulders and drew me into his arms.
All of a sudden, the past didn’t seem to matter.
The little mistakes we both made seemed unimportant.
In the grander scale of things, when people were dying and wars were being waged, what mattered more was that we were on the same side.
“I’m never leaving your side again, Ollie,” he murmured against my hair. “Not after I’ve come so close to losing you so many times.”
I closed my eyes and buried my face in his chest.
I was happy with that.
Sure, I wanted more but it didn’t seem important right now.
My priorities have shifted overnight but I think I pretty much have them in order—kill Remus, end the war and serve rightful justice.
***
I had all sorts of ideas for revenge but right after that day, I fell ill like I never have in my entire life.
My fever was so high I was practically delirious. I could see and hear bits and pieces of Tristan and Arabella fussing over me. A few times, I was sure I was listening to Devon talking to me in that soothing voice of his and I could hear myself speaking but none of the words were making sense.
I was so hot I was soaking in sweat all the time, my throat was dry and painful and whenever I shut my eyes, I was blinded by this blazing light that filled my vision.
And one day, I just woke up and felt—normal.
“Ollie? Jesus, look at me. Don’t tell me you went blind.”
I blinked a few times and Arabella’s face came into focus.
She was peering at me with the unusually bright eyes of a vampire and her pretty face was scrunched up in a frown.
“Hi,” I tried to say but the most that came up was a raspy sound.
“Here. Take a sip,” she said as she held a glass of water towards me, tipping the bendy straw between my lips.
I propped myself up on my elbows and drank the whole thing.
“Are you feeling better?” she asked as she set the glass down on the side table. She was sitting on the side of the bed in a pair of gray slacks and a pink knit shirt, her hair swept to one side in a loose ponytail. She looked a lot more mature although her eyes never really quite convinced anybody she was fifteen.
“You look better,” she remarked, her eyes scanning my face briefly. “You have some of you color back and your heart rate has stabilized. How did you do that? Last night, you looked like death warmed over I started worrying how I was going to tell Tristan if you’d died.”
I managed a small smile. “I feel fine, actually. A little tired and hungry but nothing like the hell I’ve been going through in the last couple of days.”
“I don’t know what’s going on with you, Ollie, and I’m working very hard to figure it out,” she said with a frustrated knit on her brows. “I couldn’t cure you and you heal on your own but the last two nights, you seemed like you were dying. The only thing I held on to was the fact that your heart was beating stronger than I ever heard it. Do you remember anything?”
I shook my head. “No. I remember it was horrible but not much else.”
I gave her a quick run down of what I could recall and she listened aptly, her brows furrowing in concentration.
Then, like a doctor, she listened to my pulse, checked my eyes and my skin until she declared me a clean bill of health.
“Sorry I made everyone worry,” I said.
Arabella gave me a pained smile. “Oh, well. At least you’re all better so I don’t have to babysit you any longer.”
I flushed in embarrassment. “I’m sorry to have been such a burden, especially with everything going on. You probably have guests and other more important matters to deal with.”
Arabella rolled her eyes. “It’s been a nightmare, quite frankly. More and more people are showing up to talk to Tristan I feel like we’re a mob family and everyone’s coming to meet the godfather.”
I laughed.
“How’s he doing?” I asked as I pulled myself up to a sitting position, grasping my hair together in a messy bun.
She shrugged. “He’ll be better now that you’ve recovered but you can say he’s been, how do you say it, cranky.”
“Is he and Devon still at each other’s throats?”
“Uh-huh,” she answered with an amused sneer. “They are working together but they’ve gotten along better before. You’re the very reason they hate each other’s guts right now but you’re also the thing that’s got them acting like grown ups. It makes for an interesting love life, doesn’t it?”
I groaned. “All I want right now is to just get all of us through this alive. I’ll worry about that later.”
Arabella grinned and patted my hand with her own. “You’re right. I’ll go get you some food and some clean clothes so you can eat and shower because you’re starting to smell.”
I flushed red and she just threw her head back and laughed before getting up.
Then she handed me my cellphone. “Here, I grabbed this from your house. Your friends have been calling but I went to see them and just enchanted them to not think about you right now. Then a Jesse called as well and I don’t know who he is so I answered and told him you’ll call him back when you have the time. He was quite annoying.”
I scanned the call log. “Jesse’s my twin brother. He lives in California. He, uh, can sort of tell when something’s wrong with me. He must’ve picked it up when I was very sick. What did you tell him? He wouldn’t have easily believed someone else is answering my cell.”
She smiled mischievously. “I told him if he didn’t bugger off, I’d come and find him and bite him on the neck.”
“Ara!” I exclaimed in horror and she just burst out laughing.
“Relax, Ollie!” she said with a giggle. “I was just playing with him.”
My eyes widened. “My brother’s twenty-seven and you’re fifteen—”
Her eyes narrowed, reminding myself of my error. “I’m exactly four-hundred and sixty-six years old, Ollie. I’m not as underage as you think.”
I flushed more deeply. “I’m sorry, Ara. I better shut up.”
She smiled again. “It’s okay, Ollie. I’m used to it. Just promise me an introduction when he comes to visit.”
I laughed a little. “I promise.”
“I’ll be right back with your food and clothes,” she said before she slipped out of the room.
An hour later, I’d eaten, showered and changed into a pale blue cotton dress and a white cardigan.
“Where is he?” I asked Arabella who looked up from a book she’d been reading while waiting for me.
“Upstairs at the Lounge, entertaining some guests,” she answered. “As I said, Tristan’s a popular guy right now. We had to declare no vacancies to keep the humans coming in to a minimum.”
“I need to talk to him,” I said, glancing at the digital clock on the night stand. It was about ten in the evening. “I’ll have to go see him, I guess.”
Arabella closed her book and got up. “I can get him for you, if you’d like.”
I shook my head. “No, I can do it. Thank you for all that you’ve done for me. You don’t have to babysit me anymore.”
Arabella grinned. “I’d like to think of it as research. You’re a mystery to everyone, Ollie. I’m determined to figure you out.”
I managed a small smile. “Can’t wait. I’d like answers myself.”
We walked down the hall but she went to her room while I made my way up to the main level. The study was empty and so were the hallways. I made my way to the Lounge which was just parallel to the study and hesitated for a second before pushing the door open.
I stood still while the music and chatter enveloped me, meeting every pair of eye that turned my way.
They all looked like human faces but I noticed the unnaturalness of some.
They regarded me so curiously I almost turned around and left.
“Miss Ollie,” a familiar voice came from the bar and I nearly sighed in relief at the sight of Stigger mixing some drinks. “What would you like?”
I walked over to him and slipped on a stool by the bar. “How about a margarita? Any flavor you’ve got.”
He raised a brow at me. “Are you sure? Weren’t you sick for like two days?”
I smiled. “Yup, that’s why I need a drink. I feel like I’ve slept too long.”
He shrugged and grabbed a glass.
“Do you know where Tristan is?” I asked, looking over my shoulder and scanning the crowd of about twenty people. “Arabella said he was here.”
“Upstairs at the executive suite. He’s been staying there while you were using his bedroom although he barely spends any time away from your bed,” Stigger answered. “He went up about ten minutes ago.”
“Why would he give me his room and not put me somewhere else?” I grumbled, feeling a little guilty.
“You’re safer down there,” Stigger answered simply before handing me my drink which now had a pretty pink color. “He probably wants you to lay low and stay there until this has all been sorted out.”
I shook my head slowly. “I have to go to the funeral. Arabella told me it’s tomorrow.”
Stigger nodded grimly. “Yeah. Jenny will be there. She’d be glad to see you.”
I winced. “How is she?”
“Better,” he answered. “She’s punched a few holes in the walls of her house but she’s getting better.”
My eyes stung with tears. “I’m so sorry about what they did to her, Stigger. And what they did to Jack and the others.”
Stigger looked at me with a firm expression. “It’s not your fault, Miss Ollie. Don’t beat yourself up.”
“I’ll try,” I said before getting off the stool. It wasn’t the way to do it but I picked up the cocktail and gulped it all down. “Thanks for the drink. I’ve got to go find Tristan.”
He nodded and shooed me away and just as I was stepping out of the Lounge, Cage, with his big, hulking body and brooding expression, was just coming in.
I stopped in front of him and seeing I was in his way, he stopped as well.
“You’re alive,” he remarked without any feeling.
I’ve never really meshed well with Cage since we met. He hasn’t warmed up to me and it was always awkward for me to approach him but he was Tristan’s right hand and despite appearances, had helped save my butt a few times.
“Yes, I’m feeling fine now,” I said stiffly. “I know you all looked after me. Thank you.”
He merely shrugged. “Well, that seems to be the way things are around here.”
I struggled for something else to say but he just walked around me and into the Lounge.
I sighed and headed up the stairs.
The executive suite, as far as I knew, occupied most of the fourth floor.
I called Tristan’s name when I reached the landing but there was no answer. I knocked on the door but there was no reply.
I slowly pushed the door open and peeked into the empty sitting room that featured some armchairs, a coffee table, a desk and french doors that led to the private balcony. I walked in and opened the door that led to the bedroom. It was also empty.
“Tristan?” I called out just right before the bathroom door swung open and he strode out, glistening with water and barely covered with the white towel wrapped around his waist and the other slung over his neck.
I peeled my eyes away from his impressive form and struggled for words to say but in a few seconds he was in front of me, grasping me by the shoulders.
“You’re alright now,” he said, peering at my face. “Arabella told me you’d gotten much better. I was just about to come down and check on you.”
“I’m fine, thank you,” I said, taking a step back from him. There weren’t a lot of things in life that tested my will power but Tristan had been topping the short list recently. Him in a teeny, tiny towel wasn’t going to help matters.
“Do you have any idea at all about what was happening to you?” he asked, reclaiming the distance I’d put between us by taking a step forward. “At first, I thought it was Remus but Arabella said your feverish convulsions are all your own.”
I shook my head. “I have no answers for you, Tristan. I barely remember the last couple of days except that it felt like hell. And tonight, I woke up feeling absolutely normal.”
He studied me for a minute. “I tried reaching you in your mind but I kept hitting a wall. I tried to break through but it started hurting you. I didn’t know what else to do to make it better.”
My heart tugged and I smiled at him. “You looked after me. That’s the most you can do. I appreciate it, Tristan.”
He touched the side of my face. “I have this nagging fear in the back of my head that I’m going to spend the rest of my life being constantly afraid of losing you, Ollie. It’s very disconcerting.”
“Well, considering how prone I am to being at the brink of death, you may not have to be afraid for too long,” I said with a little laugh. “It’ll happen at some point.”
“That’s not the least funny,” he said before dipping his head and kissing me softly.
I stood on my tiptoes as he pressed me against his damp body.
I kissed him back simply because after all of the close calls I’ve been through, I realized that all opportunities could be lost at the blink of an eye.
Reluctantly, he set me back down and tilted my chin up. “You’re distracted. What is it?”
I nodded. “I would like to go home. I want to sleep in my own bed tonight and get ready for the funeral tomorrow.”
He frowned. “That’s not possible, Ollie. We’re going to the funeral tomorrow but you’re staying right here where I can keep an eye on you.”
“Remus already has me so I can’t think of anyone else who’d be a threat to me,” I said patiently. “I have a life to get back to, Tristan. I have a business to run and people to answer to. I can’t hide out here forever.”
He shook his head and patted his hair dry with the other towel. “I hate to remind you but you’re currently my ward, Ollie. If something happens to you, I have to answer to Remus but more than that, I don’t trust him to not show up all of a sudden and snatch you up. He knows there’s something more to you especially after you flew towards him that night in the camp grounds.”
“Yes, I charged towards him—“
“No, you flew towards him, Ollie,” Tristan corrected, eyeing me meaningfully. “You were several feet off the ground and your eyes turned a bright gold color. I can’t risk him satisfying his brewing curiosity about you in case he decides you might be useful to him during the war. He’s known to be impulsive. It’s too big a risk.”
I groaned in frustration. “Then Stigger can accompany me at home. I’ll set him up in the guest bedroom. He—“
“Stigger’s strong but he can be easily outnumbered than if they tried to come after you here,” he argued. Then in a softer voice, he added, “Jenny tried that last time, remember? That didn’t turn out well for her.”
My cheeks warmed at the reminder but I couldn’t further argue the too fine a point he made.
I crossed my arms and watched him walk back to the bathroom. “Then what do you suggest I do? I don’t want to further impose here on all of you.”
He emerged back in jeans and was buttoning up his dark gray shirt. “I’ll come with you so you can grab your stuff and bring them here. You’re not imposing. We have more than enough room here. You can keep staying in my bedroom.”
“I can’t stay in your bedroom,” I protested. “It wouldn’t be right for me to drive you out of there.”
He took a step closer and smiled at me. “I could join you and then you won’t have to feel bad.”
I flushed but I glowered at him anyway. “What if you have, um, guests?”
His smile disappeared and he raised a brow. “You’re seriously asking me that question?”
I bit my lip. “Yes. Didn’t you have those twins over here last time?”
He sighed and sat down on the bed to put on his black socks and shoes. “The Condessa twins are demons and they were fleeing from Remus who had been pressuring them to pledge allegiance. They left right after that night I met with Remus at the wolf camp. They’re old friends—and former lovers, yes—but they just needed my help at that time.”
I wasn’t sure if I was as relieved as I should be but I just shrugged acceptingly. “Okay. I’d still appreciate it if you let me stay in my own house where I’m comfortable. Otherwise, give me a different room. I’m willing to pay for it.”
He walked over to me and cupped my chin . “How about we make a deal? You can go on with looking after the bakeshop and working as normal but you have to come home here.”
“But what will people say?” I blurted out. “How will I explain the fact that I’m living here with you?”
He shrugged casually. “Tell them that that you and I are dating or something to that effect.”
My eyes widened. “You can’t be serious. Jack just died!”
His eyes flashed and he gripped my shoulders roughly. “You were never his.”
“No, I was always yours, wasn’t I?” I muttered angrily, pushing against his chest to no avail. “But you were never mine, were you?”
He pulled me against him and claimed my mouth in a punishing kiss. I fought him but it didn’t take long for my resistance to wear down.
It was an appalling realization to know that I was still helpless against the passion I felt for Tristan no matter how much pain it caused me—I could not give it up.
I was prepared to love him until the last day of my short life when he couldn’t care less about it.
Tears spilled down my cheeks as I cradled his face in my hands, kissing him back.
He touched my face, feeling the tears, and pulled away gently. “I’m sorry.”
He drew me into his arms and held me tight, his cheek resting against my head.
I wasn’t sure what he was sorry for—the rough kiss or breaking my heart—but nevertheless, I forgave him anyway.
There was something about death that made me see how some things are less important in the grander scale of things—such as a few reckless kisses and a broken heart.