Lydia: Lord Lyndsay's Inheritance

Chapter Three James has a cunning plan

Chapter Three

James has a cunning plan

So the stage was set. Within a few days of them returning from the reading of the Will, the whole household knew everything. Within a week there was not a person in the district that was not acquainted with the results and consequences of Lord Lyndsay's last Will and Testament. Subsequently, there was great speculation as to whether Master James would defy his late father and thus forfeit his inheritance, yet it appeared academic as Lord Lyndsay had 'had the last laugh' as it were. The entire household of Henley Hall had their beady little eyes on the young Master, including and especially his sister Lydia.

James kept much to his apartments at first, refusing to see anyone, especially his sister. Doctor Gilbert could not gain access to the young lad, nor could Mr Marchbanks. The only person he would endure was an occasional visit from Ives, his manservant, who was merely allowed to bring him his vitals. James even refused admittance to his long-time friends from the village and the surrounding environs. Much was made of his behaviour, generally in the region of his being a spoilt brat that could not take his punishment, plus many jokes were made at his expense. On the rare occasion that he permitted Lydia to visit him, he appeared not to care for the ridicule and for becoming a laughing stock that his behaviour brought him. Consequently, Lydia was at a loss as to what to do for him.

ישו הוא אדון

Two full weeks passed since the reading of the Will and finally, James condescended to put in an appearance at the breakfast table. He was gaunt and frail, his skin sallow, his complexion ashen. Lydia was terribly worried.

"Brother dear, are you unwell, I fear you have the countenance of a person who is really ill, shall I order Marchbanks to have someone to go and fetch Doctor Gilbert?"

Sitting in his chair James took an apple, bit into it, smiled, blood was left on the surface of the apple from his gums and he said,

"No dear Lydia do not by any means trouble yourself. There will be no necessity to have the good doctor come and pay a call, not again, I pray you. Really I assure you that I am on the mend. See, my appetite has returned." He took a few more large bites out of his apple to prove this and then James looked at first to Marchbanks and then at the two serving maids. "Leave us!"

Marchbanks nodded and bowed, "Certainly Sir." Marchbanks did not appear to be happy to leave, but Marchbanks did not appear to be happy concerning/regarding anything – ever.

The two serving maids immediately curtsied and left hurriedly without a word. As the breakfast room double doors clicked shut behind the butler James calmly took a sip of his China tea.

"I have something to tell you Lydia, however, as they say, 'walls have ears' and so after we have breakfasted it is my wish that you and I will take a turn about our park together – alone – far from even the most proficient hearers." He whispered the last line, then he raised his voice to a normal pitch. "Do you understand my communication Sister?" He raised his eyebrows up at her as he spoke and then rather louder, "I'd nearly forgotten how much I love fried bacon!"

"Yes, brother dear! It is very tasty. Do serve yourself, as you have dismissed our servants." Lydia peered at him, cocked her head to one side wearing a cheeky grin. "I am so glad that you have regained your appetite, as well as your strength. Are you sure that you are up to an expedition out of doors brother dear, especially in such weather?"

"Oh do not fuss so and fret, have I not suggested it myself?" he countered rather tetchily as he tucked into his bacon like a half staved dog.

Lydia was becoming more and more curious as to what portend had caused her brother's sudden recovery? James had stated, 'walls have ears.' This also had long been her supposition that more than one person was, 'listening at keyholes'.

Marchbanks took his eye away from the breakfast room keyhole and placed his ear right up to the cold brass on the door plate that surrounded the keyhole.

"Do we have any scrambled eggs, Lydia?"

Marchbanks could not hear so distinctly through the hole, which fact infuriated him.

"Ah, I see some in the tureen over by the window."

"Do not trouble yourself brother dear, I will summon the maids back and they shall serve you." Marchbanks heard footsteps obviously walking away from him to the fireplace by which the bell-rope hung. Marchbanks immediately straightened up brushing down his now slightly crumpled jacket and as lightly as possible squeaked his way in the direction of the corridor that led to the library – his favourite exit point....

ישו הוא אדון

Some thirty minutes later both brother and sister were a considerable distance from the house. It was a marvellous winter's day with a clear Robin's egg blue sky, whilst sun beam's glinted off the snow like a myriad looking glass mirrors had been smashed over the entire landscape. The trees were covered with a canopy of thick virgin snow altering their shape into a child's painted imagination of how trees should look. James and Lydia had been walking in the crisp new snow for approximately fifteen minutes in absolute silence, Lydia being aware that her brother would choose his time and place when he would speak to her and let her into whatever secret he knew or was, perhaps, 'brewing'.

He stopped at a point where the trees which lined their walk were more than one hundred yards from the left and to the right of them. James looked his sister directly into her face, the face that looked like his was like talking to himself in a mirror. This fact and experience had often given him, 'the willies'. Unnerving....

"My dear Lydia, I do not know how exactly to say this without being absolutely direct and frank with you." James paused briefly before continuing, "I despise this country life! I find it so restricting, so provincial. I have a craving deep within my soul that will just not go away! I want to be wild, to go exploring, to be free, to be unbound from duty and obligation. It is the romantic in me!"

Lydia's countenance changed immediately and for the worst.

"Sister, I mean to quit Henley Hall as soon as my plans will allow and to follow my dream."

Lydia had to take a moment or two to digest this information. It wasn't as if it was 'new' information as half the people in the district had known for some years that the son of the Lord of Henley Hall was 'mad as a March Hare about the sea'. Her brother actually saying he would leave was as if a canary had been loosed from its cage (by the utterance of the words) and taken flight. Lydia had known since she was about four years old that her brother wanted to go to sea and be just like their Great Uncle Cedric. She held her right hand over her chest just under her throat, whilst taking a small step back.

"Let me understand you aright brother, you are going to leave Henley and I take it, in order to become a sailor of fortune? Is that correct?" She did not wait for a reply. "And thus forfeit your right to everything just as father's Will has stated?"

"Precisely!"

It was a knee jerk reaction, "You're mad James!"

"Mad am I to wish to fulfil my dreams against father's Will? I think not my dear Lydia!"

"You selfish little prig! The estate and all that pertains to it will go to Wicked Uncle Rupert! What will happen then to your sister Huh? What will happen to the people on the farms that serve this great estate and to all that our father and his father before him have built up over the years? You won't just be leaving them; you'll be leaving me as well!"

She was shouting at him! She didn't like to shout at her brother; in fact, Lydia did not like to shout at anyone, unless she became really, really annoyed. Yet she was shouting at James. It was like a reaction to the fact that her father had recently passed away and there was pent up emotion in her lying only beneath the surface like a volcano just before its first big explosion. Hot clouds of her breath filled the air between sister and brother. Instead of speaking James noted the vapour twirling in the freezing cold winter air, thus allowing his sister to continue unhindered. In like manner, James had a rant of his own. "Lydia ever since I was born there has been the expectation from all-in-sundry that I will become the next Lord of Henley Hall. I have constantly been under obligation of duty to fulfil this to the letter. I have no free will! The decision concerning what I am to do with my life has been taken out of my hands even before I had the merest of chances to understand that a person has the right to do as they please! To follow their dream!"

"James you are a completely selfish person! You always have been and you always will be! I wash my hands of you! I do not wish to discuss this matter further. I'm returning to the warmth of the house". With that, she stomped off over the crackling snow. Lydia's present disposition compelled her not to desire any further discussion on the matter. There had been a stiff frost the night before creating a thin icy layer on top of the new-fallen snow, her breath streaming out around her cowl as she strode off. James could hear his sister muttering to herself and all he could do was to yell out an exasperated, "aaaaahhhhhh!" He crouched to the snow, quickly shaped and formed a hard snowball and taking aim let it fly directly at his sister. It struck her full in the middle of her back, however, without turning around Lydia continued unabated towards the house. James feeling slightly satisfied with his shot decided to try another; unfortunately, Lydia was now out of range and thus his snowball fell woefully short of its intended target. It left a neat round hole in the snow where it fell. He could not hit her physically as she was clearly out of snowball range, and so as a last-ditch attempt James decided to bellow one last provocation after his sister,

"Lydia! Upon the next occasion that I see Alistair, I will inform my unfortunate friend that you are violently and ardently in love with him! I know that you will die of embarrassment if I tell Alistair! Ha! What do you think of that?"

The young woman disappeared slowly over a small hillock to then reappear a few moments later where the slope flattened out once again. She was still marching with some fervour, but with her arms held tight by her side, fists clenched.

James paced back and forth for some minutes ranting to himself.

"Why does she always have to explode like that?" (This, of course, was an unfair comment, as well as being woefully untrue and yet when people rant and rave they often say things that do not make sense or that they regret saying later).

"Why didn't she give me a chance to explain? I mean I've got a great plan, been working on it for months and she won't even let me get one syllable out, not one damn syllable! Typical women huh! Never listen! All emotional types! Stomping off like that, who does she think she is? She did not give me a chance, not a chance! If she does not help me, then I will definitely tell Alistair that he is her secret love!" And so he went on and on to himself and round and round within his own argument until the cold bit into his bones and he was forced to return to the house.

ישו הוא אדון

"Thomas dear there you are! I was worried you've been gone for an hour or so. Sit ye down and have a nice hot cupper!" Marchbanks plonked himself down and took off his Wellington boots somewhat awkwardly and in doing so scattered snow across cook's nicely polished floor.

"Oh, Thomas dear look what you are doing to my lovely floor. You should 'ave taken 'em off at the back door afor you entered!"

"Sorry Verity M'dear, but I had to be quick for as we speak Miss Lydia approaches the house at some speed and thus I would have been caught!"

Mrs Trimble's kitchen was the envy of the vast majority of the stately homes and halls in the county. This was not just because it was an extremely large kitchen, but for the black and white marble flagstone floor. There were two magnificent Aga cookers each with four plates and a special side oven for baking your own bread. Hanging up all over the walls of the kitchen were her pride and joy that of the many high-quality pots, pans and bone china plates. Her pantry was a rather large walk-in room that housed many kinds of cheeses, generous cuts of the finest meat and great sprigs of herbs and spices hung from several ropes and a wooden trellis suspended from the ceiling.

"Spying on them two unfortunates once again eh, you old rascal?" said Mrs Trimble as she first poured the struggling man a cup of tea and then fetched a bucket and an old floor cloth with which to wipe the snow away.

Marchbanks grunted as his second Wellington boot gave up the suction contest between boot and man.

"'Unfortunates' ya say, 'poor' ya say? Well, you may call those two poor and unfortunate, but I calls them the rich, spoilt, landed gentry who don't give tuppence for the likes of you and me!"

"Oh Thomas dear, do not let us quarrel so. All I meant was that having lost their father and mother," the cook got awkwardly off her knees and went directly to the scullery room. She came back as quickly as she could as she was dying to become acquainted with the news from Thomas's spying expedition. "Well be quick about it, before the others come for their cuppa, what did you overhear?"

"The acoustics in the breakfast room are very poor, the sound of the cutlery and clinking plates makes it difficult for me to eavesdrop from the corridor, so I had to enter into one of the secret passages and by the time I had positioned myself behind the painting of the old general, you know the one?"

The cook had already sat down, not in her usual chair, which was situated at the far end of the long kitchen table, but on a smaller, less comfy chair right next to the butler. She poured herself a cup of tea, took a sip and replied,

"Yes, I know the painting. Go on Thomas, I'm all ears."

Marchbanks turned around in order to check that no one was coming in one of the entrances to the kitchen, "Well, by the time I was in position, and by 'eck it ain't 'alf cold in them secret passages this time o' year, I heard Master James suggest to Miss Lydia that they go for a walk. I knew that something was up and so I got my Wellington boots on and followed. Unfortunately, they were always too far away from my position hidden behind a tree for me to hear a flaming word."

"Thomas! Language! Really!" Mrs Trimble was very moralistic when it came to vulgar language; on the other hand, she had few morals in 'other' directions.

The butler continued without missing a beat, "Yet I know something is going on, because I saw Miss Lydia waving her arms about furiously at the young Master, then she headed quickly for the house. I did hear one juicy item though, (Mrs Trimble visibly perk-up at this). "Master James shouted at Miss Lydia that he would inform Master Alistair Farquhar of her ardent love for him. So they must have had a big argument. You know those two; normally they appear to get on very well together; especially them being identical twins 'n all!"

"Like 'two peas in a pod,' as I always say," commented the cook. "Or perhaps because they are so alike that their characters clash from time to time? added the butler thoughtfully.

"Oh er – so Miss Lydia is infatuated with Master Alistair, wait 'n' till I tell the cook at the Farquhar residence! Are you going to eavesdrop on them whilst they are in the library?" The cook drank the remaining dregs of her tea before she picked up her cup and saucer and waddled her way over to the wash-up.

"I just hope that they will go in there sometime today, so I can hear exactly what that young pup is planning."

"Perhaps he's not planning anything. Perhaps he is just frustrated about the contents of his father's Will eh?" She took her normal seat knowing that Thomas hadn't heard any more 'juicy bits', plus she would rather not get caught sitting next to him, as no one in the house knew that they were romantically inclined. That sort of thing was generally frowned upon by their masters and mistresses and so she'd rather keep it a secret. However, unbeknown to Mrs Trimble several of the other servants were not quite 'as thick as two short planks' and had figured out their real relationship a long time ago. They did not want to say anything about it to either Mrs Trimble or to Mr Marchbanks just in case it got them into hot water; plus none who knew had any inclinations to exploit 'blackmail' as a means of furthering their careers.

"I shall hide in the library passageway as and when I have the opportunity as I'm sure to find something out there as the acoustics are so much better."

As the butler said, "As the acoustics are so much better," one of the footmen, Briggs by name, entered the room.

"Where are the acoustics so much better, Mr Marchbanks?"

"Mind your eavesdropping young Briggs!" chided Mrs Trimble the cook, "And when you've finished your tea take Mr Marchbanks' Wellingtons out to the boot racks." (Briggs wasn't young at all, he was of a similar age to both Mrs Trimble and Mr Marchbanks, yet the cook wanted to 'put him in his place').

"No mystery son, the church is better than the church hall, in my humble opinion, for the singing of the Christmas Carole's and the performance of the Nativity play. You see someone has suggested that as the church hall is bigger and decidedly warmer than the church, that we should hold the Nativity play in there this year."

"We would not want the baby Jesus to catch a cold?" Mrs Trimble's sarcasm emerging from the shadows for a swift peek at the world.

"Oh right, yeah I was just talking with one of the scullery maids, Lynda, the other day on that very thing." Briggs beamed as he sat down to take his tea.

"Oh were you really!?" the cook asked in a rather obvious sardonic tone, as the kitchen began to fill up with the rest of the servants eager for their hot cup of tea.

Briggs was not unduly put off by Mrs Trimble's all too evident mocking tone, "Whose poor little mite is going to play the baby Jesus this year?"

Cook was happy enough to get off the subject of 'acoustics'. "Oh haven't you 'eard, Mrs Brown 'as 'ad 'er eighth and it's a lovely little girl! Mrs Brown is ever so pleased after 'aving all those boys."

Briggs, being a stickler for detail, "But it's a girl! A girl can't play baby Jesus!"

"Who's going to know?" Marchbanks glanced up from his cup of tea and spoke dryly. "All babies look much alike son, which is why we dress them in blue or rose, so as to tell their gender". The Butler spouted condescendingly and returned to supping his second cup of tea.

"Well, yes, unless they take off its swaddling clothes!" Briggs offered lamely.

"You really are as thick as a whale omelette Briggs!" Marchbanks chuckled to himself and winked at Mrs Trimble at the same time.

Whilst trying to hide her enjoyment, as well as the smirk upon her face Mrs Trimble added, "Mr Marchbanks looks down at the lower orders. Mr Marchbanks looks down on the upper orders too!"

Never one to be deterred, "Any cake?" inquired the ever hopeful Briggs.

ישו הוא אדון

After lunch, which was a silent stoic affair for brother and sister, James retired to his apartments as he felt a chill coming on. On one occasion after having sneezed several times, Ives, his manservant, hastily reported the young master's condition to his sister. Doctor Gilbert was therefore immediately summoned. Once the good doctor had examined his patient, he, in turn, reported his findings to the anxious Lydia.

"Your brother has a temperature and a slight fever. Nothing to worry about, I hope." He added. This 'I hope' however was not the best choice of language for Lydia's sensitive ears. Doctor Gilbert noticed her reaction and so he continued in a soothing tone, "As long as James gets some good rest, is kept warm and is not alarmed or excited in any way, then I am in no doubt he will regain his strength soon enough." This additional comment seemed to do the trick. "I suggest Miss Lydia that Nanny tends to our sick patient for a few days. If there is any person that will fuss him into a speedy recovery, then Nanny can."

"How will I know when he is out of danger doctor?" her question showed her concern.

Doctor Gilbert smiled softly, "Oh that is easy to tell and one does not have to be a medical man who has studied for years at that! It is just good old fashioned common sense! Let me enlighten you, it is when James starts yelling for his empty stomach to be filled! Nanny will know." He laughed heartily as he proceeded down the passageway. "You can see me out if you wish." She visibly brightened, smiled and responded,

"Yes, of course, Doctor Gilbert, it will be a pleasure." They chatted happily enough until they reached the main entrance to Henley Hall, then Doctor Gilbert's countenance became a touch severe.

"Miss Lydia there is something that is profoundly troubling your brother's mind. I have my suspicions naturally, though it is not my place to proffer any suggestions". He halted at the portal, "Nevertheless, your brother is calling for you. I would not, under the circumstances, allow my patient to be so disturbed at the moment, even by a family member, yet it is my professional opinion that James will sleep all the more soundly having got whatever he has got on his chest er well - off his chest; if you comprehend my meaning?"

"Yes Sir I do understand and I thank you for your kindness and your forbearance regarding my brother's condition. I shall indeed go to him at once and I shall be mindful not to excite James or unduly stress him, be assured of that!"

Doctor Gilbert smiled congenially and tipped his hat to her, "In that case, dear lady, I take my leave of you. If you should require my services further..." his voice trailed off and he left it there.

ישו הוא אדון

Lydia was distressed enough to have to attend to her brother, whilst he was in this delicate condition. She guessed and guessed rightly that he wanted to broach the subject of his leaving Henley Hall forever and she could not envisage herself discussing the subject without the danger of her losing her temper once again. However, she was mindful of the good doctor's advice and so she determined within herself to be civil, kind, forbearing and whatever else may entail her listening to her brother's excuses for quitting home, family, duty and honour.

There was only a chambermaid in the room when she entered and so Lydia ordered the girl to leave forthwith; additionally commanding the girl to fetch Nanny at once! She was not unkind to the girl, just a little abrupt. The girl curtsied collected her cleaning gear and left the room without so much as a word. Unknown to her or her brother there was a delivery to which Marchbanks' duty was to oversee and so their conversation was not to be overheard.

"James, how are you feeling now? Happily enough in her voice, her sisterly compassion shone through.

"Rotten!" was the one word nasally reply.

"Doctor Gilbert said you'd be as right as rain in a couple of days, as long as you got some rest and were kept warm and quiet, with Nanny's assistance naturally," Lydia informed her brother hopefully. In her heart, she was desperate that James would not bring up the subject of leaving, yet she also knew that he would. James pulled a sourpuss face at the news of being mollycoddled by Nanny.

"Lydia, my dearest and only Lydia, my one sister," he coughed, "I must explain, let me please explain I have a plan, I have a cunning plan, if only you would listen." His fever made him woozy although he bravely kept on trying to talk coherently, as well as lucidly.

Lydia remembered the doctor's warning and so she calmly sat at the edge of his bed, folded her hands on her lap one over the other and so doing she said, "Pray tell brother of mine, my only brother," she could not help the slight sarcasm in employing a similar form of speech as his, "you have my full attention I promise, as I also promise to hear you out, without undue interruption, however, you must make haste as Nanny will arrive soon," to which James smiled weakly.

"Before I begin would you be so kind as to fetch a few items for me? They are my full-length mirror from the dressing room, anyone of my hats, plus one of my jackets?" James began to cough profusely at the end of his sentence.

"Which hat? Which jacket? What for?" "Any, any!" he spluttered. Lydia was all puzzlement; however, she acquiesced to his request perceiving his inability to reply in more detail. The mirror was on four wooden rollers, yet the length and quality of the glass still made the mirror heavy enough to move; plus the wheels squeaked terribly.

Once recovered from his coughing fit James spoke quickly just in case another one started, "Place it by my bed please?"

She did as she was bid, then she rummaged around in his walk-in closet and found a hat in a leather hatbox and a jacket hanging up; on returning she stood between the mirror and James.

"Lydia please tuck your hair up and place the hat on your head, then put my jacket on over your gown."

"I see, a bit like dressing up, just how we used to play as children." Lydia expertly folded her hair and pushed it under the hat, then she put on the jacket.

"Now look in the mirror, apart from your rather dangly earrings, what do you see?"

Lydia thought for a moment, "I see me wearing your hat and jacket. Now what?"

"Yes and no!" came the slow reply from her brother as he was trying not to lose his temper or say anything that would upset his sister. "Please would you oblige me by removing your earrings for a moment?" He placed his hand over his forehead as if to convey that there was pain in his head. Lydia remembered her promise to Doctor Gilbert and calmly removed her earrings. "There! Now, what next?" James pulled his hand away and continued in a dry, dulcet tone, "Remember when we were about 14 and you and I were asked by Reverend Pommeroy to take part in the Nativity Play that Christmas? You and I each played one of the Three Kings."

"Actually they weren't Kings, they were Magi, intelligent men from the East and not Kings at all and there weren't only three of them, but probably at least thirty!" Lydia was a natural pedant.

Slightly exasperated, "Who cares for the Biblical accuracy, just remember that you and I played Kings," he saw her nit-picker expression, "Very well, very clever Magi, but my point is that practically everyone commented after the play that you looked just like a man."

Lydia was still staring at herself in the mirror, "I was dressed in a long robe, which happened to look like a dress, as you well know and I was wearing a rather itchy beard made from horsehair, which virtually covered my face!" She turned on her brother, "If you place a dung ball of a fellow in a dress, plus strategically shave him, then he'll look like a woman, admittedly the illusion would look better in a bad light, yet still, a man dressed like a woman. James, what is your point?" She was becoming a little exasperated with her brother.

"Look again, I have a cunning plan, in fact, if truth be known I have already instigated it. I have been placing certain parts of my plan into operation these past few months. I cannot tell you everything now, because firstly I feel too weak and secondly walls have ears and Nanny will be here any minute."

Lydia was becoming suspicious, "Does that mean that you have become deliberately ill or are you just fanning your illness; in order, as a part of your cunning plan, to get me to listen to you?"

"No, no not at all I assure you, however, I must admit it does look like it, but no". He hoped that she believed him and so James continued to explain, "My plan is simple in one sense, yet complicated in another, nevertheless it is cunning and well thought through, I assure you my dear Lydia and it will be to the advantage of us both."

"Hum?" she said slowly, "and what is it that you want me to do, pretend to be you, is that it?"

"That is precisely it!" He grinned exultant that his sister had so quickly comprehended, "Lydia I want you to actually become me," Lydia was still looking at her appearance in the mirror as he spoke, "Just look at yourself, without the long hair, the earrings and the dress you look exactly like me, who will be able to tell the difference? It was providence herself that formed you and I to be identical twins. Do you not see, we've done it before, we can do it again, yet on a much bigger scale?!"

"Yes I know James as we have done it before yet only as a quick joke, you remember, to find out if one of your girlfriends was really interested in you", Lydia laughed, "and that time with Marchbanks to get him all confused? What fun that was," Lydia laughed again and turned her upper body round to face her brother a big smile upon her face, "I'd nearly forgotten, but when I played you that was only for a few hours at most."

James beamed with delight, "That's as may be, however now you comprehend, yes you see you can be me and I can go to sea!"

At this remark concerning the sea, Lydia was rudely brought back to reality, her countenance dropped and she spoke roughly to him, "The sea again, I should have known and what am I supposed to do whilst you are away?" she paused, "Not to mention the obvious repercussions if you are found out and to my reckoning, you will most definitely be found out!" Do you really prefer that wicked Uncle Rupert and that gorgon of a wife of his be master and mistress of Henley Hall?

James felt weak and his head was swimming, "Not now Sister I feel my strength ebbing away, but be under no illusion I've got a cunning plan and I have thought it all out, thoroughly. I cannot tell you now, but please, my dear sister Lydia, will you promise me that you will think about it, that you will reflect seriously on my proposal?"

Taking the hat and the jacket off she looked her brother straight in the face and relented of her former harshness to him,

"I promise to think it thoroughly through. It is Christmas soon and so I will make my deliberations during this period. Now James you must promise me something."

"Anything Lydia!" He then realised that this was a rather rash statement and so he added quickly, "Well almost anything," and looked sheepish for the saying of it.

"Promise me that you will not worry concerning this subject and consequently you may get some beneficial sleep. I have given you my solemn word to consider what you have suggested and I am sure that I will have a number of interesting questions to put to you in due course; but please do not broach the subject again until after the festive season is over?" James nodded and weakly responded with, "I promise," then his head fell back onto his fluffy pillows and he fell fast asleep.

ישו הוא אדון

Christmas at Henley Hall was a very low key affair that year as the death of Lord Lyndsay was but a few months before. Lydia was forced to perform nearly all the arrangements. The invitations she kept down to the barest minimum, without appearing to slight or insult anyone within the family or close friends. She did not, most definitely did not invite wicked Uncle Rupert and Aunt Hyacinth, nevertheless, they came on Boxing Day (empty-handed of gifts, yet open-handed to share in the Christmas fare) and did not leave until the day after New Year's Day. Their presence was much to the annoyance of all at Henley Hall, yet Master James felt it most keenly as he was fully aware that he would have no opportunity to discuss his cunning plan with Lydia until a much later date than he had anticipated. Her every waking moment was taken up with being the hostess; especially as the host kept to his apartments for most of the duration due to his weak state of health. However, he did put in an appearance from time to time, but of no long duration as it tired him quickly. Her only comfort was to occasionally slip away from everyone and read from the Christmas present that James had presented to her, a small book entitled, "A Collection of Shakespeare's Sonnets".

James' illness was of a fortuitous nature, meaning he could string it out for as long as he desired. There was also the consideration that none of their guests, invited or uninvited wanted to catch influenza or a heavy head cold for that matter. James, being a typical male, insisted that had had a bad case of influenza, whilst at the same time, Lydia, being a young woman, insisted that her brother only had a bad head cold and was "actually making the most of it, poor dear!"

Being true to their country tradition, as each guest (invited or uninvited) had entered Henley Hall they were deposited upon the 'guest before and after weighing scales' which were located just inside the main entrance hall. Guests were duly weighed and a note was taken of their weight, fully clothed, of course. Now, just over one or two weeks later, those said guests were weighed once more, fully clothed, and to the happy host and hostess every guest weighed at least three pounds heavier than when they arrived; this being a grand testament to the hospitality of the owners of the house. The fortnight had been full of dancing, piano recitals, card games, singing Carole's, plus lots and lots of eating and drinking (overeating and definitely overindulgence in alcoholic beverages). Of the uninvited guests, there was one, just one that had caught Lydia's eye. It was a young man, there were plenty of James' friends (she had invited Alistair, of course, however, the young woman made sure that her brother did not see them alone together), they were the usual crowd who assembled on such occasions, however, this particular young man was different. He was quite handsome, yet not overly so, he certainly was no 'Adonis'. His Christian name was Algernon and despite the name and his being uninvited, he was quite an amiable young man, seemingly of good character, plus possessing a certain amount of jocularity coupled with an easy-going manner. After dancing with him a number of times Lydia discovered that he was a second cousin to Aunt Hyacinth, of all people! Algernon's mother was Hyacinth's sister-in-law on her brother's side and so there was not any blood connection between them.

Wicked Uncle Rupert had had several 'plans' regarding the acquisition of Henley Hall and his newest was to gain control of the estate through his wife's twice removed cousin Algernon. That is via Algernon marrying Lydia and when James was disinherited, as wicked Uncle Rupert strongly suspected, (or if James was killed by some unfortunate accident, such as a rather heavy gargoyle falling upon the lad or a shooting accident; the list of possibilities was endless; whichever way Wicked Uncle Rupert could not loss), then Algernon would become the male head of the house. Algernon was, unfortunately, in the power of wicked Uncle Rupert and therefore bound to him whether Algernon liked it or not and whether he agreed with it or not. Upon leaving Henley Hall the day after New Year's Day Algernon promised to visit Lydia on further occasions without the encumbrance of his somewhat awful extended family. For Lydia's part in the matter, she was quite contented with the advances of the young man, yet she was oblivious as to the catalyst behind such attentions.

ישו הוא אדון

As soon as the last guest had been weighed and thus being ready to depart, James did not waste any time in organising the whole household into their duties; especially the butler. James had suspected him for a long time of some pretty outrageous 'ear wigging' and downright 'poking his nose into other people's business'. Therefore, James made absolutely sure that Marchbanks was to be kept thoroughly occupied for the next two to three hours at the very least. Once all the preparations had been made for the servant's duties James sought his opportunity to be alone with his sister. He had waited long enough to explain to her in some detail his plan and it was his dearest wish that he would be able to convince her to become him.

James ran down the stairs in hope of catching his sister before something happened to divert her attention to other duties. This exertion took its tool momentarily, yet he gulped a few deep breathes before proceeding. To his great delight, he found her standing in the doorway of the main entrance hall waving a hanky (a clean one) to the last landau that was slowly pulling away. The team of horses snorting as they struggled with the extra weight, vapour from their nostrils filled the air around their heads as they went.

Lydia noticed her brother's sharp entrance into the hall, breathing heavily as he did so, however she did not turn around, she merely spoke as she continued to wave and smile congenially at her departing guests,

"Oh James I do so enjoy it when our guests arrive and I so equally enjoy it when they depart." She smiled sweetly at him.

"I'm glad to see the back of them!" James snorted.

Gloved hands waved from the coach as the driver whipped the horses into greater action. "Come sister I wish to have some discourse with you."

They retired to the sitting room and both flopped heavily from 'Christmas guest fatigue' into their own special comfy chairs, one either side of the roaring fire.

"Brrrh!" Lydia shivered, whilst she rubbed her hands together trying to massage some life back into them.

To James' own surprise he actually waited patiently for his sister to become comfortable and ready herself for what she appreciated was approaching. However, James was about to have another unwelcome surprise that of Lydia broaching the subject first!

"James I promised you faithfully before Christmas that I would seriously consider this whole silly subject through carefully and I have now concluded my deliberations." James did not like the employment of the phrase, 'silly subject', yet he held his temper – three surprises in less than a minute... "Having done so, I have come, to the ultimate conclusion that this venture of yours is doomed to failure and will therefore not succeed. In my opinion, there are just too many people involved, too many eyes, and too many ears." James immediately thought of a merry little quip to himself, "More ears than noses I hope?"

To Lydia's surprise, her brother only sat quietly in his own comfy armchair listening, hands steepled together with a strange expression lurking upon his features; this unnerved the girl more than she was comfortable with or would care to admit. She knew her brother or thought that she did... James said nothing; as well as her brother appeared that, at this stage, he was not going to utter a word. She, therefore, resumed her discourse.

"James you wish to depart our family home and to become a sailor expressly against father's wishes, and thus bring the family name into disrepute; not to mention the dire consequences of your actions being discovered and thus entailing Henley Hall and its estates into the hands of our wicked Uncle Rupert; not to mention that gorgon of a wife of his. As you full well know, brother of mine, that Uncle Rupert is a weasel of a man, horrible, a slimy character. His wife, Hyacinth, is a ghastly battle-axe of a woman and very snooty what's more. Aunt Hyacinth! I cannot, for the life of me, understand how she can be a direct relation of our mother on her side of the family? Anyway, that is beside the point. It will just not do James! And you have the audacity to want me to become you, to pretend that I am a man, when I'm still trying to discover what it is like to be a woman!" She sighed softly and then said, "Damn it James I've been a Tom Boy too long, right up to my 16th birthday and now I'm enjoying being a young woman!" This was extremely unusual for Lydia to use such a word as 'Damn' as she was not given to employ strong language.

James stared at his sister for a moment or two and then stood up with a start, which sudden movement gave Lydia a little shock. He walked over to the fireside and placed his left hand on the mantelpiece and lent on it. He then crossed one leg over the other and in doing this movement he turned his gaze upon his sister. He then spoke softly and quietly,

"I understand your frustrations, Lydia, about the whole 'woman thing'. (James did not employ a good phrase.) I have been doing some deep deliberations as well Lydia, along the lines that I have assumed that you will come to the conclusions that you have undoubtedly had and would thus dismiss my plan out-of-hand".

Lydia, to her own surprise, did not react to his comment, even though it 'smacked of an attack on her' (as well as condescension to say the least) and so she waited, this time patiently for him to finish; heavens knows why, as her brother knew nothing of becoming a woman; only of undressing them by all accounts.

"I am fully aware that to ask this thing of you will take superhuman efforts on both your and my part. I have explained that the 'groundwork', so to speak, has already been accomplished. I refer to you being a 'Tom Boy' all of these years whilst we have been growing up together. This 'Tom Boy' existence will serve you well in knowing how to act and respond to boys er I mean young men as they hunt, fish, ride horses and so on and so forth. You are well aware, I'm sure, of what I mean, as you have just stated. We have spent all of our lives together and thus we know each other very well, I think. I trust. I hope so, anyway... I have explained that our identical features will go a long way, has already proved successful in deception, and will go a long way again into accomplishing our goal."

"Your goal..."At this point Lydia interrupt him, "James what you say may well be true and up to a point I can agree with it, yet how would you account for my sudden disappearance if I am pretending to be you, then how are you going to explain where I am? Now answer that if you can?" This time Lydia wore a superior expression.

"I am coming to that, patience, my dear sister." He smiled only what could be described as a smug, self-satisfied smile and shifted his body position so that he was standing with his back towards the fireplace. He held his hands for a moment or two behind his back, so as to warm them a little before commencing his discourse. "Firstly, in order to instigate the deception of you being a man you will have to wear my clothes; this of course is obvious. We have already discussed this; Lydia remember you wore my jacket and hat in my bedroom? So to other issues, I do not wish to be somewhat indelicate or unnecessarily vulgar, however, I have, unfortunately, to point out one of your physical features that will aid this deception."

Lydia couldn't imagine what he meant, but before she could interrupt him she noticed an embarrassed expression came to form across his facial features. "I mean that of your not so ample bosom." He waited for the eruption which did not appear; Lydia only stared forlornly at her rather small breasts. She then looked back up at her brother asking him in a puzzled sounding voice,

"James, for goodness sake, what on earth has the size of my bosom got to do with it?"

Her brother's face fell in anguish as he thought to himself, "Oh no she doesn't understand and I'm going to have to explain!"

"I can't help having small breasts, I know that you and your so-called friends like doing 'things' with the young girls from the village, especially with the ones who have large breasts, but why pick on me?" She was becoming defensive, as well as slightly angry because she had failed to comprehend her brother's meaning, which annoyed her and thus made her angry. It was a vicious circle. James' only avenue was he just had to 'bite the bullet' and explain it to her.

"Well, you must understand sister that when you are wearing a shirt of mine, then well, um, well, er um. Nobody will be able to see your breasts?"

"I jolly well hope not! I am not in the behaviour of presenting my private person -" Lydia halted in 'mid-argue' as the penny had dropped. "Oh yes I understand, I see what you mean. How foolish of me?" Before her embarrassment could have a chance to take over, Lydia decided to move the conversation on. "What was the other physical thing that I have to perform James?" Her brother did not care to impart this piece of information either, although it was less embarrassing than the last.

"Ah! I'm glad you asked me that. Um well, you see Lydia you have to, well, obviously, have to -" he paused, "cut your hair..." The eruption of temper did transpire this time.

Lydia stood up and with her voice raised, "Cut my hair!!!! Are you mad? You are perfectly aware that my long hair is my pride and joy! It's taken me all of two years to achieve this length."

"You don't communicate that sentiment in the winter when you have to wash it and it takes so long to dry!" James spoke very quickly and in a petulant manner. "Or in the hot summer when you have to wear your hair up, because the heat causes you to perspire greatly!"

"I wouldn't dream of, er well I wouldn't, er, cutting my hair indeed!" she snapped at him.

This was becoming a sticky issue, "Lydia you can't be a long-haired boy, as long-haired boys are thought of as sissy's or strange poet types like what's his name, you know thingamajig?! Besides I cannot wait nearly two years in which to be able to grow my hair long like yours! Understand Lydia it is necessary for you to have a man's hairstyle." His last sentence was performed too much like it was an order, which naturally ruffled Lydia's feathers somewhat.

"I do not have to do anything James! Allow me to remind you of that!" Her tone was flat and a little supercilious.

"There is no requirement for condescension sister. I was merely trying to convey the necessity of such an undertaking..."

"Oh very well do go on, I am sure that having my hair cut, or the size of my bosom is the least of our worries." So saying Lydia resumed her seat; nevertheless, she crossed her legs and the uppermost leg, the foot of which was bouncing up and down displaying her annoyance. James noticed this leg bouncing and unfortunately comprehended its meaning all too well; especially as he had witnessed it several times before in his sister.

"Ahem! To answer your question regarding the explanation of your sudden disappearance – that is quite an easy matter - I speak of your participation in 'The Grand Tour'!"

Lydia's face lit up at the realisation of the idea. "The Grand Tour – James with everything that has happened recently I had almost forgotten about travelling on the Grand Tour". Then she pondered a moment on the subject. James interrupted her by adding, "After that, we can make it generally known that you will go to 'Finishing School' somewhere abroad – hence your long absence from Henley Hall". Now it was Lydia's turn to speak, "In fact, if truth be known James, I had assumed that you would be going on the Grand Tour and I not!"

James smiled congenially, "The complete opposite situation is true my dear sister as I would now be required as Lord to remain here at Henley Hall and so under obligation and duty I would take charge of everything upon the estate, thus leaving you free to complete your education in Europe."

"The light is beginning to dawn on your cunning plan; nevertheless I will require much more evidence, details and so on and so forth to be really convinced of its workability young brother of mine." Lydia was clearly becoming, to some extent, intrigued with her brother's thought processes. She had deliberately referred to him as 'young brother of mine' because Lydia was born exactly fifteen minutes before he was, thus making her the elder sibling. However, James was the heir of the family line and so James had always 'ruled', because he is male, but Lydia had always thought this unfair because she is the eldest. He will get to inherit and she will not, because he is a boy, a male of the line of the House of Lyndsay. She mused concerning these facts within her mind for a moment, subsequently, Lydia thought to herself that when her brother is away at sea, then she will finally get a chance to give more important orders and she liked this notion. Her usual level of servant order was, for example, for one of the servants to fetch more scrambled egg for the breakfast table or for her horse to be saddled. This new possibility of wielding greater power; plus more responsibility in running the day-to-day affairs of Henley Hall, including its environs is one thing by which she convinces herself that she will become her brother. Lydia had had a good taste of power and control over the Christmas and the New Year celebrations which left her wanting more of the same.... Lydia was quite a progressive thinking young woman of her age, for her century. She possessed ideas and notions within her mind of decorating Henley Hall, changing some of the farming practices, renovating the farmhouses, as well as education for poor children. In addition, she possessed some rather revolutionary ideas of equal rights for women, including votes for women, the emancipation of women and even the end of slavery. She had no idea where such inspirations initiated from.....

James ignored the remark of 'young brother of mine' as he had heard it over and over again for more times than he could count.

"Yes, yes Lydia you are the eldest because you most certainly were born 15 minutes before me and I was Christened James because as I came out of mother's 'tumkin' I had been holding onto your ankle. Yes, yes I know they could see my hand on your ankle... Look, Lydia, we have all heard that story a thousand times over, however you were not there, yes, yes you were there!" He quickly added, "but you know what I mean, you and I were both little babies and so we have no memory of the incident and so neither of us really knows what is true or not. The only fact and the most important fact of all is British law! You know the law as well as I do, it does not matter how old the siblings are if there are females as ONLY," James really emphasised the word, "the male of the line inherits." James did not restate this well-known fact to rub it in as it were to his sister; but to underscore his point, his most winning and convincing of all points, which was...

James thought that he heard a noise. Lydia quickly noticed his agitation and so went to inquire as to his strange actions, however before she had an opportunity to do so, James placed his forefinger to his lips. He then took a few lightly placed steps forward towards his waiting and slightly wondering sister.

"Sister I know that the weather is cold, yet the sun shines today. I can positively feel my strength returning to me and therefore I would like to suggest that we enjoy a short ride together within the groves of our estate. What think you on such a suggestion?" at which point he winked a little overly suggestively. Lydia couldn't help smiling at the absurdity of his actions. Nonetheless, she immediately comprehended the want of a distraction from the subject in hand.

"James what a good idea it will be so refreshing; get the cobwebs out of our hair so to speak. I shall retire to my apartments to make ready and I shall meet you directly in the stables."

James practically sprinted across the room and exited the door. Lydia glided in a womanly fashion following her brother by only a few seconds.

ישו הוא אדון

Once changed into their riding gear James and Lydia mounted their horses and were swift away from the grounds of Henley Hall. They galloped up to the first rise that looked down upon the great prospect that was their family home; their horses breathing heavily as they were not yet warmed in their muscles. The horses' nostrils bulging vapour as if there was a roaring fire within.

"Brother dear why are we riding?"

"To get away from prying ears."

"Prying ears?"

"Yes Lydia, for a long time I have suspected Marchbanks of spying on us. You remember the first time I tried to tell you of my plans?"

"Yes, brother dear and do not think that I have forgotten that you threw a snowball at me? It hit me squarely in my back!"

James wished to forget this and therefore to move on from that memory as it did not quite suit his purposes to have it discussed. "That, dear sister, is not what I wanted to discuss."

"Oh! No!"

"No!"

"I merely brought up the topic as to remind you that you left me roundabout at this very spot where our horses are stopped now."

"Yes, James I remember that it was about here. What of it?"

"Well, as you remember I remained for a few moments after you departed. Well, I decided not to walk back to the house via the same route as you, well, er, walking behind you, as it were. I do have my pride you know?"

"Yes, James your pride seems to appear as often as the Robin Red Breast at Christmas time, or wicked Uncle Rupert when we do not wish his company, or your stupid friends whenever there is a Ball to be had and..." Lydia smiled playfully, whilst wearing a somewhat cheeky expression upon her features.

"Yes, yes quite!" James was irritated at his sister's interruption. "I was endeavouring to convey to you that I took another route back to the house."

"James that amount is obvious! Oh do get on with it!" she said testily.

"Well I took that route through those Elm trees there," he pointed in the direction that he meant; "and after only a short distance I discovered another set of footprints."

Lydia's horse was a little agitated and so it moved this way and that, so that Lydia was forced to bring it under control.

"Another set of footprints! Do you have any clue as to whom those footprints belonged James?"

"Certainly I do. To Marchbanks."

"How do you know for sure that they belonged to Marchbanks?"

"Well for one these footprints were from those new design Duke of Wellington boots." Lydia retorted, "Lots of people wear Wellington boots."

"Not so many in our house, not so many who work on our estate and the footprints came directly from the house, so they could not belong to a stranger. I followed the footprints right to the back door of our kitchen."

"No!"

"Yes! And what's more about ten minutes or so later I went to the anteroom where our servants place their boots when they enter the premises and I found one large set of Wellington boots standing in a pool of water."

"Really!"

"Marchbanks has quite large feet, if you recall, possibly the largest of all the servants. There was no snow or water on the boots, but when I lifted them up, then the floor was wet underneath. It is my summation that Marchbanks followed us out that day to spy on us and returned to the house before we could tell that he was missed."

"So, why are we riding now James?"

"Marchbanks cannot ride." James smiled a quick satisfied smile and then pulled the head of his steed around to face away from the house. "Giddy-up!" he ushered his horse on and his sister followed suit.

James and Lydia travelled for at least a couple of miles before halting their horses and dismounting.

"This should do!" he yelled and left his horse to forage in the snow for the grass that lay just beneath the surface. Lydia followed his example leaping off her steed in the charismatic way that she had always done. This was not very ladylike; however, Lydia had never been very 'Lady like'.

James immediately launched into his final explanation of the cunning plan. "Remember, dear sister, one of our acquaintances has only recently returned from their Grand Tour? Do you think that you can recollect all those interesting details, names of cities, and so on and so forth to which they enlightened us?"

"Possibly, why?" Lydia's brain was slowly catching up with the plot.

"No matter, I have produced meticulous notes on Europe's most famous sites, architecture, names of the master artists, historians, sites of battles and so on and so forth for you to commit to your memory." Before Lydia could ask a question James rattled on happy to finally tell another soul of his cunning plan. "I have many pieces of paper already filled with all sorts of interesting information. Now here is the fun bit, you will write letters to me concerning your travels within Europe, occasionally detailing some prominent site or interesting historical building that you have visited. Say, for instance, the Arch De Triumph in Paris or the Coliseum in Rome; whilst mentioning that the French actually eat horse meat and how you so disagree with that and how could they and so on; plus you love Italian Pizzas."

"I do?" Lydia was a little puzzled, "I do not even remember what a pizza is."

"Yes you do, you recall, that girl, oh I forget her name that only recently returned from her finishing school after she had completed the Grand Tour?"

"Oh, you mean Caroline!"

"Yes, Caroline. We can even invite her to Henley Hall again and I am sure that Caroline will be all too happy to tell you every little detail as she can bore the pantaloons off a donkey!"

"That is a silly saying James. Donkey's don't have underwear."

"You understand my meaning sister. Anyhow you can also check on the names of the most famous European cities in my Atlas. I have even heard it said that a man has written and published a book called, 'The Grand Tour' or some such title".

"James if a man has written a book on the subject, then why are people still going on the tour? Why don't they just read the book? It appears much less hard work and expenditure if you ask me."

"Lydia my dear, that is the entire point of the Grand Tour; reading information from books is one thing, but actually going to the places, seeing all that is to be seen, experiencing all that you may experience; as one actually stands on the same spot as some famous person who altered history is far more and so much greater for your education than just merely reading it in black and white on a page."

"James, you make me wish to go on the Grand Tour now and not to stay at home and pretend to be you," she spoke wistfully.

At this remark, James tried to speak words for a few moments, but just could not manage to produce anything from his mouth that sounded intelligible. He almost could not believe that in his explanation of the Grand Tour that he had 'sold' it to her as a great experience. His fury at his blunder forced him to twist and turn on the spot, flinging his arms open wide, in and out and in and out again as if he was one of those Navy men who have two flags that send messages. Finally, his brain caught up with his mouth, or was it the other way around and he could finally speak.

"Lydia", he half-shouted, he controlled himself and thought very quickly and decisively, "You may of course, of course, yes, yes, of course, go on the Grand Tour, go to a finishing school, do anything you like just later that is all I ask."

Lydia was thinking.

"Three years," she spoke slowly and then faster," You've got three years and only if you do as I say."

"What?" James was under the impression that he was in control of the cunning plan and dash it all he thought of it and so she must follow his plan. After all, he had spent a great deal of time going through the details. He appeared to be losing control. This he most definitely did not like.

"Lydia, dear Lydia, there is more to my plan, if only you'd do me the courtesy of hearing me out." However, before he could go on Lydia interrupted him.

"Of course, James I will honour you in hearing you out, yet you must agree to my terms first, before I hear you out and then and only then will I consider your suggestions."

"This is not going to be as easy as I thought," the words reverberated within James' mind; yet naturally he did not vocalise them, he merely said, "Certainly, please do go on."

"Firstly, I wish you to teach me how to fence and how to shoot!"

"Why dear sister, these are not pastimes considered suitable by normal society for young ladies!?"

"No, they are not, however, they are for young men and if I am to be you, then I must learn them. You hunt, shoot, fish and know swordplay do you not?"

"Yes, but girls just don't do that sort of thing!" his voice complaining, "I thought that you would have not been called upon to follow such pursuits when you were pretending to be me."

"You may not James dear, but your friends will!"

"Yes, but..."

"They will come to call in the summer season? Will they not?"

"Yes, they always do, you know that."

"And so I shall have to entertain them and go hunting and shooting with them."

"That's not all you'll have to do..." James spoke quickly and more or less under his breath.

"Pardon James I did not understand your communication?"

"Nothing! I um, well yes of course, but we will have to complete your training in the strictest secret and perhaps you should attend the Fencing Club to improve your skills."

"Yes, yes enough of the details, let's move on. I want to have a free hand here at Henley Hall to make any changes that I see fit, just like you would do as Lord of the Manor."

James was becoming a little desperate as he could see his sister would change her mind about assisting him if she could not get her way. She had always been like that, strong-willed (just like the meaning of her middle name, Drusilla) and determined, very determined. Being a 'Tom Boy' all her life had made her that way, especially as the other boys had pushed her over a few times, and then she started to push them over. All very unladylike, but then she had been only a small girl at the time. James thought that if he agreed and agreed to almost anything, that when he returned to the Hall he could always change everything or anything that Lydia had done to the old place back again to just how he wanted it. Strangely enough, Lydia was pondering to herself along similar lines. She thought that she could revolutionize many situations for the better and transform things in such a way that James could never change them back. Ideas of this nature were flooding her mind and she was enthusiastic at the prospect. Power and real authority for her to wield as she saw fit! Lydia was the eldest, yet James was the pre-eminent one, or 'boss' so to speak, because he was a boy. She had always wanted to allocate the more influential orders, yet had been constantly frustrated and thwarted by her gender.

James had been wrong-footed for a moment or two, but his brain clicked into gear and so he asked,

"Lydia, you stated three years. Why three years?" He was puzzled by the number as, for him, it had no immediate significance.

"I should have thought that was obvious my dear brother!" Lydia felt oh so superior. "James and his 'cunning plan' bah!" she said to herself. She relished the moments of her brother not knowing what she had meant and so as to keep James in suspense she decided to bend down and form a nice hard snowball. She rose suddenly and threw it directly at his head. Fortunately as a brother with 18 years experience of the treachery of young girls James had been prepared to duck and so the snowball passed safely over his head.

"Why three years!" he now yelled at her as she about turned and ran for her horse giggling to herself as she did so. James hurriedly made a snowball and pursued his sister as she mounted her dappled white Mare. He threw the snowball which hit her hard on her left thigh.

Half laughing, "Because you dullet it will be our 21st birthday party in three years' time and BOTH of us must attend!" She coaxed the horse into immediate action and off she sped, whilst James was left dumbfounded. His arms fell by his side and his head dropped. He took a sharp intake of breath, lifted up his head to the winter sky and said to himself out loud, "I hadn't thought of that..... Who thought that he had a cunning plan...?" He mused to himself.....

ישו הוא אדון

It was that relaxed time in-between meals, everything had been pre-prepared for the next round of cooking and so Mrs Trimble's kitchen was a hive of inactivity. The kettle boiled merrily on the stove and steam spiralled wistfully from the spout. The cook rose slowly from her seat and strolled over to the kettle; she poured some of the hot liquid into the teapot to 'Warm the Pot' and whilst she was divvying out the teaspoonfuls of tea the main door to her kitchen swung smartly open. It was Henley Hall's snooty butler Mr Marchbanks, his highly polished shoes squeaky as ever across the gleaming black and white tiled floor. Mrs Trimble's kitchen floor resembled a huge chessboard, which is rather ironic as the Kings and Queens of the servant classes played social chess with one another and made sport with the pawns of the scullery maids and under footmen.

"Good day to you Verity my love and how goes it?"

"Oh, my word! You do make with the modern speak I see Thomas my great big bear!"

Thomas was rather embarrassed at his, for want of a better word, 'girlfriend' calling him her 'great big bear'. It was a pet name that she normally only employed whilst they were testing the bedsprings of Mrs Trimble's rickety old bed. The bed was, unfortunately, martyred to it and not long for this world.....

"Please Verity my dear; please do not make use of that expression whilst we are on duty together!"

She smiled a winsome smile, "I thought Thomas that we were always on duty together...." This sentence had what the French call a "Double Entendre" (which is a 'double meaning') and Thomas was not slow to comprehend her meaning. He immediately blushed scarlet, which was not the normal state of affairs of Mr Thomas Marchbanks, 'snobbish' butler to Lord Lyndsay of Henley Hall.

However, Mrs Trimble enjoyed immensely Thomas' moment of weakness and red fiery embarrassment as she placed the hot teapot on the kitchen table and sat down to wait for the tea to brew. She thought it a kindness to change the subject.

"Thomas have you discovered any more information to report to the Pollocks; I mean report directly to Mr Pollock?"

Thomas huffed, "You mean that weasel, rat-faced Rupert and his old Bat of a wife Hyacinth Pollock, don't you? Well as it happens, no I have not!" He took his usual place at the head of the kitchen table as the cook poured his tea. "As a matter of fact I was just entering the tunnel that leads to the sitting room and I only managed to hear Master James suggest to Miss Lydia that they go horseback riding. They both left the room immediately and so I was not able to gather any intelligence for that jumped-up weasel Pollock!"

"Aren't you worried that Mr Pollock will be angry with you for failing Thomas?"

"Not at all my dear Verity I can handle him alright, it's that 'eathen Tanner that is another business!"

"Shush! Do not mention him, now drink your cuppa afore it gets cold, there's a good butler." Verity said with a winsome smile playing upon her lips and added in a whisper, "bear!"

Their conversation was once again cut short by the entrance of Briggs the general dogsbody of a servant who always was the first person for his tea break and always the last to leave.

"Ow do all!" went his jovial greeting, "Any chance of a cuppa Rosie Leigh and a piece of cake Mrs Trimble?"

ישו הוא אדון

Lydia had been doing some serious thinking and had spotted some more possible hindrances to her becoming James. One such thought was Old 'Ives', what must she do with Ives? This was going to become tricky..." She knocked at the old oak door and waited patiently, she heard footsteps approaching and then heard the key in the door turn and thus the door was unlocked. It swung open and there was James appearing quite happy and pleased with himself; almost smug in fact.

"You've thought of a few more problems with my cunning plan sister dear and that is the reason why you have sought me out in my rooms in order to discuss them. Am I not correct?"

Lydia hated to admit it, especially with her brother James wearing such an expression of smugness and superiority upon his face. "You are indeed correct brother dear, now will you allow me to enter your apartments or are we to continue our conversation loudly in the corridor?" He swiftly moved aside to permit her easy access to his rooms saying,

"Come in do, sit ye down!"

Lydia was overly eager to knock the smug expression off his face. "James you appear to have forgotten a few trifling details..."

James had a notion of what his sister was alluding to and so before she could speak further, "Lydia I do hope that you noticed that the door to my apartments was duly locked, thus not allowing admittance to anyone?"

Lydia, as much as she wanted to have her say, immediately saw promise in what her brother was saying and so she decided it was prudent to allow him to continue. She nodded her consent.

"I did inform you earlier that I have already placed certain, shall we say, 'initiatives' into place." He smiled a confident smile that pushed all the wrong buttons for his sister; nevertheless, she remained determined to hear him out so that she would have the opportunity to gather evidence by which she could throw his plan out and therefore be proven the superior intellect!

"I have been locking my door for these past, oh um, six months or more. Why you ask? In order to demonstrate to Ives that I am now a man and not to be disturbed unnecessarily and that my privacy is my own." If smug could climb a mountain, then James' smug just climbed the highest mountain in Europe. "Therefore, when you are pretending to be me, Ives cannot come upon you without your knowledge and thus find you in a state of undress or any such embarrassment and as a consequence discover who you really are". Again before she could utter a word, James' enthusiasm took him passed her ability to interrupt. "I have also been insisting that I dress myself, it's not as if I am totally not acquainted with performing such a menial task! Well, let me tell you that once we've finished with the village girls...." Realisation of the imprudence of what he was about to disclose to his sister dawned upon him like a sledgehammer on a walnut and so he thought it best not to continue in that vein. "What I mean is, um well, I can perfectly well dress myself."

"Oh James I am so glad to hear it!" she reprimanded him sarcastically, whilst folding her arms and wearing a suitable expression to match.

"If you have to stoop so low to employ sarcasm as your chosen form of wit, then this demonstrates a decided lack of intelligence my dear Lydia." James outstared his sister's challenging expression, whilst maintaining one of superiority on his.

Again Lydia opened her mouth momentarily, just to have it shut once more. She was beginning to feel that her facial actions were reassembling those of a Guppy fish. She crossed her legs and her foot began to bounce....

"Therefore, YOU will not have to worry about Ives coming in to dress you. Clever eh?!"

His face fairly beamed with self-satisfaction as he took his seat in his most beloved old leather armchair that his father had given to him. Henry Lyndsay had had this leather armchair in his rooms at university and had presented it to James upon the occasion of his 16th birthday. Lydia had received a stunning pearl necklace as her present. The difference in price between the two items was immense, yet the difference between the two items in affection, and fond memory was an immeasurable gulf. Lydia, as a girl, loved the pearls, yet as a girl, she prized her father's love and affection more highly than mere trinkets. Lord Lyndsay had been a very wealthy man, in a matter of fact, seemingly more wealthy than just his estates would on initial inspection imply...

Lydia was already seated on a large settee, one of a particular kind that when a person sat in one their body weight would cause a collapse in the seating, to such an extent that, if one was not agile enough, quite often it required a second person to aid the poor recumbent out of it into a standing position. Lydia thus being imprisoned by the sofa decided to remain seated for the meantime. "Had you thought, dear brother of mine, what is to be done in accordance with my 'toilet'?" At this remark, James deflated for a moment or two. Lydia produced a look of superiority upon her facial features. "Well then?!" she demanded, her foot still bouncing. She continued, "Correct me if I am mistaken that Ives pours the hot water into your bath whilst you are seated there within? Certainly, Arabella performs this function during my 'toilet' and she fully sees, um, er, well I am sure you can follow my train of thought?

"Have no fear of such an undertaking Lydia, I have already come to a solution to such an eventuality," James lied convincingly, "I have at present alleviated Ives of the cumbersome duties of hefting heavy hot water jugs upon my person." "Oh do tell!?" retorted Lydia somewhat disbelievingly. "I have ordered that Briggs or some other personage fills my bath before I even get into it! Thus providing me the privacy of no one in the house seeing me – er, um - er –well you know – unattired." He smiled not so unattractively and continued, "Ives served our Grandfather when he was around 20 years old, then he served our father in his 40's until father's death. I think it is about time to decrease his duties don't you?"

"James, and what is to happen to poor old Ives? His duties do not go beyond him being your own personal manservant. Are you planning to retire him?"

"To a certain extent, I have already started that process. As I have previously stated, my dear sister, Ives served well and faithfully our Grandfather and our father after him. At the present time, the poor old basket serves me." Now here James was to illustrate by his following remark a rare concern for other people's status, feelings and well-being. "What sort of life can he lead being a manservant? He must be seventy if he is a day?!" James moved over to his washbasin, filled it with water from a porcelain jar and splashed it over his face. "I have already stated to Ives that I am 18 years of age now and I wish to become more 'independent' in carrying out my ablutions and so he will not be required to leave his lovely warm bed so early in the morning." He wiped his face dry with a nearby monogrammed hand towel and threw it carelessly upon his dresser.

Lydia interrupted him, "That is all very well James and I am glad that you are thinking of someone else's welfare instead of your own for once; however where does that leave Ives?" Lydia thought that she had James cornered at this point, yet James was ready for her rebuff.

"Both you and I sister share our father's love of the noble art of sketching and painting, therefore I suggest that you can employ your time marvellously with painting Ives in all sorts of ways. Firstly, painting will equip you with gainful employment. Secondly, it affords you the opportunity not to have to speak too much or answer too many awkward questions. All you have to do is paint!" James sat back in his chair in a very satisfied manner and if he had had the taste for cigars, then he would have surely lit one at this moment and puffed away in a satisfied manner.

"Well, brother you have taken the wind out of my sails, to use a nautical term and no mistake! Paint Ives, you say. That has the ring of good sense about it, so why does that bother me that it has issued from your lips, as you are not normally so sensible, so forward-thinking!"

"Ah sister, the difference is that my passion for the sea has afforded me a great deal of time in the preparation, in the thinking over of every detail. I may not be perfect, but I have endeavoured to try and cover all eventualities."

"I perceive that you have truly endeavoured so brother and I commend you in this. However, there are a couple of trifling items I wish to say in addition." James interjected, "Ah yes, Lydia, do tell, tell why don't you?" He smiled. Lydia ignored him, "I have noticed that I tidy my clothes after I've used them, however, you James do not, you just leave them sprawled on the floor. Also, James, you are sometimes rude to the servants in giving them instructions and I am not. Plus our eating and drinking habits are different i.e. James, you drink more alcohol and eat bigger portions than I."

"Yes, well, of course, that is what the servants are there for, isn't it? As to eating and drinking I already have somewhat slowed down on both of these items since my illness; as I am sure you will concur."

"Hum...well yes... and so your expectation of me is to throw my clothes, well your clothes around the room, is that it?" To what else have you extended your thought processes?" James nodded and smiled weakly.

This next piece of intelligence James was not particularly looking forward to. He, therefore, broached the subject carefully,

"Lydia in order for you to assume the role of me I have had to, enact certain things, behaviours et Cetra that, well, well, um, well will appear to be a little cruel at first sight, however, upon further reflection will prove to be the correct choice."

Lydia could not for the life of her comprehend his meaning.

It was time for James to 'bite the bullet' once again.

"I have not been entirely truthful and honest with you or other people recently regarding my, well, regarding my illness."

Lydia was shocked, "Pray what do you mean brother?"

"Yes indeed I did have a roaring bad head cold over the Christmas period; however, that was by good fortune and not by design".

"Good fortune?" Lydia repeated, "I would hardly describe such an event as 'good fortune' James."

"Well, you will understand my choice of vernacular in a moment. And yes, it is true that I have lost weight and have become a little feeble, but that was just a ruse to make people believe that I could not ride so fast as usual, that I could not hold a rifle comfortably as usual as my strength was not up to the mark; in short, I have been starving myself of food. Yes, yes I know that food has been brought up to my room regularly, but I have been throwing it onto the fire." Lydia's face was showing disbelief and going crimson at the same time.

James noted her reaction and continued regardless, "I know that it was a wicked thing for me to do to pretend to be ill, to even fool Doctor Gilbert and waste his precious time coming out here in order to tend to me. I did it for you, Lydia. You are a girl and therefore not as strong as me."

Lydia was incensed, "We'll soon see about that brother stand up and..."

She was cut off by the raising of his hand and closing his eyes in communication that all was well and there was no requirement to become the least bit hostile. Lydia was actually well pleased with this as she remembered, just in time, that she was, at the moment, a prisoner of the settee. Her beautiful flowing dress only exacerbating the problem of trying to extricate oneself.

"Lydia my dear, women are the weaker sex. I apologise for employing such a vulgar word, yet there it is. So, I have set things in order that everyone believes that I am not as strong as I once was, therefore allowing you the grace to become used to holding a rifle and so on and so forth. You already do not ride side saddle as other women of breeding do!"

"You did it all for me?! You selfish little prig! Bringing poor Doctor Gilbert all the way out here – it takes him nearly one full hour horseback ride to visit you!!"

"Well, you must consider Lydia that at least he has been well paid for his trouble," James tried to proffer this somewhat weak argument in his defence.

"Well paid!?" Lydia was exasperated and for the life of her could not, at that moment, think of any expression fitting for her brother's 'crimes'. "I am at a loss brother! Not to mention those poor unfortunates who must have been waiting for the good Doctor to attend them, whilst he was in attendance here!"

"Lydia at least you can comprehend that I am in earnest upon this venture and have gone to some extraordinary lengths in order to secure my dream."

"And you have to go to some more lengths brother of mine if you are to secure my adherence to your so-called, 'Cunning Plan'!" her tone vehement, whilst her legs were crossed Lydia's free foot still bounced violently. James noted the reaction, if James had ever seen a Rattle Snake or a King Cobra, then he would have definitely associated his sister's bouncing foot with the similar signals of the Rattle rattling or the puffed out neck skin of the Cobra. Before he could answer her in such a way as to placate his sister's mood Lydia continued unabated,

"You shall start teaching me how to fence and fire a pistol forthwith." This was more or less a command; these were her initial conditions of compliance with pretending to be her brother.

"And you shall have to start producing some letters from me to you Lydia." Her face changed expression, however, before she could come up with an argument to such an arduous endeavour James very quickly added, "And I shall assist you as much as I can from my notes and from what I can recall from our friend's telling of their time on the 'Grand Tour' in order to make the task less loathsome to you."

Lydia fired back with both barrels as it were, "James I have been thinking concerning the posting of the correspondence. There is a necessity for greater caution regarding my letters and so you will have to go first to Europe, engage the services of a trusted person and pay them handsomely in order that they should send a letter here to Henley Hall approximately once a month!"

"Me go to Europe first!? But sister I shall lose precious time..."

"On the contrary James, the ruse will be all the more supported by the fact that a boat ticket will have to be purchased to say Holland, Belgium or France."

"Or possibly Spain or Portugal!" James was thinking at the speed of light, "as these would be a much better start off point for me to sail to the West Indies, unless of course, it is more advantageous for me to sail from Plymouth or Falmouth?"

Lydia was also thinking somewhat faster than a swooping Swallow, "Or better still, sail to Holland, then Belgium, then France and lastly Spain or Portugal and in each port post a letter by your own hand, therefore if wicked Uncle Rupert or Aunt Hyacinth should happen to glance at the postmark of one of the letters, then the first four will have different postmarks and after that, they will lose interest and it will not matter so." She thought some more and suggested, "perhaps you can engage the services a servant and leave instructions with the servant in, say, Germany to post one letter a month, perhaps even sending the servant on a 'holiday' around Europe to complete the deception..."

"Later letters you can throw the protective covers into the fire and keep just the letters themselves," offered James.

"Yes, yes things are definitely taking shape. What of my hair being cut, the change of clothes and my trunk being full of my and your clothes?"

"Do not worry Lydia I have long considered these eventualities. Come now I shall assist you out of that settee and you shall have your first fencing lesson."

Lydia beamed all over her face at the prospect, "But first I must change into my riding gear."

James was flushed with final success, "And so sister, shall I..."

ישו הוא אדון