The last few days have felt like a whirlwind. I've barely had time to gauge my real emotions because I've spent most of the time feeling numb and useless. Someone purposely trashed Liam's memorial, they did that to someone who is dead and cannot even defend themselves. I can't believe there are sick people out there like that.
To then see the news that Liam's case has been reopened. They believe that there was a third person involved and could have deliberately caused the crash, meaning they were out to get Liam.
Purposely trying to kill him.
I couldn't imagine anyone hating him. He was such a lovable person. My brain feels like it's been fried when I think about it for too long. Something must have happened, someone must have been jealous or had it out for him when he lived here.
It doesn't add up. Not when I knew Liam the way I did. He didn't deserve this.
My phone is pressed to my ear as I speak with my father. It's been a rough couple of days for us both. Dad's trying to keep strong for me and I'm trying to keep strong for him. It's an endless cycle of fake emotions because we don't want to bring each other down. Although I know we're both hurting.
"The police rang me the other day," my father says cautiously. "Said that new information had come about and that they're trying to piece things together."
I furrow my eyebrows. "Why didn't you tell me?"
My heart sinks so low in my chest that I stop breathing altogether. "Because I didn't want to upset you. I wanted to know more information first. I didn't even know if they were going to reopen the case. They just told me about the new information. And I know how well you've been getting on. I didn't want to disrupt that."
"But I had the right to know," my voice comes out harsher than intended and I wince. My father isn't a bad person, he's always been there for us, for both of us. I understand that he wants to protect me but I'm an adult, I deserve to know what's going on.
"I know, son." He sounds guilty. "I'm sorry. I wish I could be there with you."
My eyes float to the floor. "Me too."
"Things will get better."
"Will they?"
My father is silent for a few moments, I suck in a silent breath of air. I pin my eyes to the wall in a hard stare. "Yes," he says eventually. "This is all still new and raw but it will get better. I miss him. I miss him like crazy but now I want to focus on getting to the bottom of what really happened to him. We owe him this."
I find myself nodding. I know what he means. "We do." My voice is hoarse.
"I hope you're keeping yourself well, Alex," he says slowly. "I'm worried about you."
"Don't be," I rest my hand on my kitchen counter. "I'm okay. Taking one day at a time and I've got people around me who care."
My dad exhales a soft breath. "Oh, you have no idea how pleased I am to hear that. I'm so glad that you've made friends."
I lift my gaze again. "Good friends," I nod.
"Well I'll call you very soon, okay?"
"Yeah," I purse my lips.
"I love you, son."
"I love you too, dad."
"Alright, speak soon."
I pull the phone down from my ear and click off of the call. The timer on the oven begins to beep and I almost jump out of my skin, forgetting I put it on in the first place. It's rare that I make big meals like this but today I felt like it. I needed a distraction from my mind.
Preparing and making food is the best way to stop myself from thinking.
As I pull out the freshly made lasagne with a twist out of my oven, I place it onto the side. Hot steam wafts into the air and my stomach growls at the smell of melted cheese and cooked herbs. I'm ready to have two bowls at this rate, I haven't been eating much lately but today I feel starved.
I plate myself up a serving and stare down at the dish. I'll be eating lasagna for the next week. My phone buzzes on the kitchen counter and I lick part of the tomato sauce off my finger and twist to look at the screen.
A message from River alerts me instantly. I pick up the phone faster than I've ever done anything in my life, swiping my finger across the notification to see what it says.
River: Hey, how are you doing?
I chew on my lip, my fingers hovering above the letters.
Alex: Hey, I'm okay. Getting by. You?
River: Yeah I'm okay. Had a long day at work, literally just got in.
Alex: Do you want to come over? I made enough lasagna to kill an army
River: You sure?
Alex: Positive. You don't want my precious cooking going to waste, do you?
River: I'm running over now.
A laugh passes my lips as I stare back at our conversation. It'll be the first time–bar his birthday–that he would have tried some of my actual cooking. A part of me is nervous, I don't really know how well it's going to taste considering my current state but I'm sure River will love it either way.
Who doesn't love free food?
There is a soft knock at my door a few moments later. He pretty much did run and that has me smiling like a stupid school boy. I walk towards the door and find River standing on the other side. It looks like he didn't even bother getting changed out of his work clothes, not that I'm complaining because he still looks so effortlessly beautiful.
Beautiful. Did I just call him beautiful?
I settle my gaze on his green eyes. They're calm and soft and everything I need right now. Even if he's dressed down in black with a jacket hanging off his arms despite the weather outside. I've always wondered why he always wears long sleeved clothes, covering his body even when it's a thousand degrees. But each to their own.
"Hey," he greets me with a grin. "Wow. It smells incredible in here."
"Hey," I say as I step out of the way. "Been cooking for a while. Should have opened a window."
River shakes his head and moves inside, I shut the door behind him. "Thank you for letting me come over," he tells me.
"I thought we're past thanking each other for this," I watch him with a smile.
It's true. At this point we're friends. Good friends and coming round for dinner is almost a given now. He doesn't have to thank me for my hospitality.
"You're right," he nods, walking towards the kitchen counter.
"Sit," I point to the table. "I'll bring it over."
River obeys what I say and I scoop another serving into a different bowl and carry them across the room with a fork and a spoon. I place it down in front of River who eyes it with hungry eyes, I'm glad that he's as starving as I am. It makes the meal a thousand times better.
"Mmmm," he hums as he inhales the smell, reaching for the fork. "I'm about to devour this."
And for some reason, I really want to watch him do exactly that. Food that I've made? I want to see him ravish himself upon it. Until the last few bites are gone and his stomach is full and I feel happy knowing food can make someone's mood better.
"Go for it." My lips curl as I watch him dig in.
I pick up my own fork and pierce the pasta with the metal spikes, then I bring it up to my lips and hum quietly. I didn't eat enough today, that's why my stomach hurts so much.
River is already on his fourth mouthful, I don't even recall him swallowing but he's humming in approval. "Oh, this is incredible," he praises, eyes still down on the food. "Tastes different to normal lasagna."
I can't stop my lips from twitching anymore. He realises that this isn't a traditional lasagna, I like switching things up, trying out new ingredients to make something that we've had for years into something different.
"Glad you can point it out," I say honestly.
River finally looks up to me with big, soft eyes. "Did you put wine in this?"
"Yes."
"It kinda tastes mushroomy?"
"A sauce that I added to give it that flavour."
His eyes light up, even brighter than before. "It's so delicious, Alex. Thank you."
"You can always have more," I say, gesturing to the massive glass pot. "It's yours."
River exhales a grunt that sounded very personal to him. "You're the best."
I continue to eat my own, impressed with my own ability to cook today. River is right, it tastes absolutely delicious and I wouldn't be surprised if he started licking the bowl. The sauce is made to perfection, the right amount of herbs.
When he's finished he gets seconds, not a big bowl but enough to touch the sides. I want to urge him to take more but I keep quiet. He finishes up and leans back in his chair, rubbing his stomach over his t-shirt.
"I'm never getting over that," he mumbles before flashing me a smile.
"I can do much better."
River's eyes widen to capture mine. "Better than that? I'd like to see you try."
He stands and takes my bowl with his before walking to the sink. "Oh, you don't have to do that."
I'm ignored. He rinses them off in the sink and gives them a good scrub. I stand and walk towards him, placing some cling film over the glass dish and placing it inside the oven for tomorrow.
"Thank you," I say as he places the washed dishes onto the drying board.
He turns to me slowly. "I thought we weren't thanking each other anymore."
I tilt my head. "That's different but fine."
Once he dries his hands off on the tea towel, we walk towards my sofa. River plops himself down and exhales a low sigh, I slide in beside him. "Tough day at work?"
River's emerald green eyes find mine. "A little," he admits. "It always gets busy around summer because we prepare for the kids going back to school in September. So it's just projects, projects and even more projects."
I wrap my arm around my leg and shift myself on the sofa to get a better look at him. "Are you getting help with it or are you all alone?"
"I have some help," he nods in agreement. "Not enough. They allow us to take on so much work with such little staff. It's going to get crazy but sometimes I enjoy the stressful days because it makes everything go by in a flash."
"Yeah," I say, pinching the fabric of my sweatpants. "I get that. When the day is slow, it allows you to think far too much."
River presses his elbow to the back of the sofa and studies me. "How have you been? Truthfully."
That last word has me blinking. He thinks I'd lie to him? "I'm okay," I admit. "Been a bit rocky here and there but I'm trying to push it to the back of my mind. For now. Until we get more information. There is no point dwelling over something I know nothing about."
His hand slides across the pillows softly, I don't want to watch his action but I do. "And that's a wise thing to do, Alex. I couldn't even begin to imagine how hard it's been for you."
"Hard," I nod. "But getting there. Slowly."
I take one glance at River and analyse the way his lip curls into a soft smile. A smile that could make me feel better on the gloomiest of days. Without him, I would have crumbled. I would have cracked and fell to the deepest depths.
But with him... he's taught me that I should fight. No matter what.
And right now I'm fighting through the pain. Through the pins and needles. Through that dull ache that never goes away.
"Every day you're proving to yourself that you can do it," he tells me, eyes zeroing in on mine tightly. "You've been through the hardest parts, now it's learning how to deal with it. But I know how strong you are, Alex. I think it's time for you to believe it too."
Never in my life have I felt butterflies or had any idea what they'd feel like. But right now something is erupting inside my stomach and I'm about to burst. Floating and making me feel like my blood sugar levels have dropped.
I'm leaning closer, shuffling in but River doesn't move his eyes from my own. My hand rests on the sofa, my fingers opposite his. "These things come with time," I admit. "So don't expect any results yet."
River exhales a small breath through his nose, still staring back at me like I'm currently the only person in the world to exist. He's taking my breath away. He's taken my actual breath away and suddenly I feel the need to gasp for some air.
"Don't worry," his voice drops low but it gives me goosebumps. "I'll be believing for you until you find the power to do it for yourself."
I have no idea what came over me as my heart crumbles to pieces inside of me. But I can't stop myself. He can't talk to me like that and just sit there looking pretty. So I've somehow moved closer, our faces merely inches from one another.
He doesn't flinch, he doesn't look at me in shock but I pluck a strand of courage from somewhere–God knows where–and brush my lips against his. Softly. Carefully. Treading very very dangerous waters.
Those sweet lips are soft for a split second until River pulls back and stares at me with eyes that have glassed over with something. Fear? Shock? Utter disgust?
Panic sears through me. "I'm sorry," I murmur under a heated breath. "I'm sorry."
River's jaw tenses before he places his hand on the back of my neck, those fingers brushing strands of hair gently. I shudder under his touch and he brings my face back to his, this time his lips land on mine and I am washed with relief.
At first it's a couple of pecks, slow and steady pecks. Then River surprises me by widening my mouth with his tongue, taking my bottom lip between his own and gripping onto my neck to keep me still.
My hand grips the side of his jaw. He tastes me and kisses me and everything bleeds into this moment that I didn't realise I could feel. Which is everything. Every-damn-thing.
I'm not sure if it's my heart beat I can hear or his but I'm living for this, the shape of his lips, the brush of his tongue. He twists slowly and a low moan escapes the back of my throat, usually I'd be embarrassed someone could make this noise come out of me but I want River to hear it. And by the looks of things, he likes it because he moves closer, cradles the back of my head with his hand until I'm resting in his palm.
My heart flutters from my chest to the sky and back again. In the clouds. I am pretty much in the clouds.
I never want this to end. Never. Don't stop. I beg him in my mind.
He tugs me closer into his embrace, my body almost covering him on the sofa but I stop myself from falling into him. But he holds me like I'm made of glass, that he doesn't want me to fall apart in his arms but I might.
This beats anything I've ever felt. Ever.
I press my hand to his torso and he quivers into my mouth but he doesn't break the kiss. For a moment I allow my fingers to feel his toned stomach underneath my fingers, and I go the extra mile to slip my hand below the fabric. Brushing just above the waistband of his jeans.
River hisses and pulls away. My eyes are struck open and I can feel my throat begin to turn bone dry. "I'm sorry," I shudder. "I didn–"
"No, no," he shakes his head and pushes himself up on the sofa. I watch as his fingers pull down the fabric of his t-shirt. "Sorry. I just–I'm not ready for that yet."
I clench my teeth and nod. Of course. I'm getting ahead of myself. "I didn't mean to make you feel uncomfortable," I push back and settle on my legs, heat flooding my face.
"You didn't make me feel uncomfortable," he takes my hand this time. "I would rather take things slow. And I'm not sure if—"
"You like me." I cut over him and try to hide my soul that is being crushed to death.
River tilts his head with confusion, eyes narrowing with guilt. "These last few weeks with you. I've enjoyed your company so much."
"Me too," I admit.
"But I like you, Alex," he breathes slowly. "I do but I can't help but feel a little confused."
I nod at him. "I get that."
My eyes drop down to his hand in mine, I run my thumb across his knuckles. "Thank you for dinner tonight," he says sincerely.
"It's the least I can do after what you've done for me this week."
River flashes me a smile and I return it, despite how fast my heart is thrashing inside my chest. I might as well have drunk six RedBull's. My eyes flick down to his lips. Lips that could have me addicted. I want nothing more than to kiss him again but he wants slow. I can do slow.
"Do you want to watch a movie?" I suggest.
I don't want him to leave. It's the last thing I want.
"Sure," he agrees. "But I don't know if I'm in the mood for Lord Of The Rings tonight."
A small breath leaves my mouth. "Well good thing I have Netflix for us to flick through for hours before we find anything decent."
River chuckles softly. "I'll take it."
❖ ❖ ❖
Read the rest of the story and bonus chapters over on Patreon. Along with the first two chapters of Luca's story!
www.patreon.com/dreammcatcher
Link is also in bio!
Author's Note
AHHHHHH they kissed!!!🥹🥹🥹🥹
What did you guys think???👉🏼👉🏼👉🏼
Alex might have pushed River a little too far...
This story honestly has my whole heart and I can't wait to share more with you guys!🥰
ALSO River's POV from this chapter is over on my Patreon!
Don't forget to vote if you enjoyed, it makes my day!
Love Savanna x
Insta: SavRose.x
Patreon: dreammcatcher
Tik Tok: SavannaWritess