Back at camp, Carl, Lori, Shane, Glenn, T-Dog, Dale, Jim, Jacqui Amy and Andrea were sitting around a campfire.
It was noon, so right now they were having lunch, enjoying the peaceful atmosphere that the forest provided them. Although Lori looked worried on her face.
The reason for this was her eldest son. Whenever he went in search of provisions she was always extremely worried.
This time was no different, but what worried her the most was the fact that he was alone. There would be no one around to help him if necessary.
"Lori, is something wrong?" Jacqui asked softly noticing her expression.
"No. Don't worry. I'm fine." She lied so as not to worry her youngest son.
She didn't want Carl to be mentally tormenting himself about whether or not his brother was safe.
"It's for Alex, isn't it?" Glenn sensed, also worried about his friend.
From the previous times they'd gone on expeditions together, Glenn knew full well that Alexander was capable of taking care of himself.
He couldn't help but have a bad feeling about not being with him. Going to the city was dangerous, and even more so alone.
When they were together they watched each other's back, but now he wouldn't be there to do it if necessary because of his cough.
"Don't worry, Alex knows what he's doing. He'll be fine." Shane assured in an attempt to reassure Lori.
"Yes. Yes, you're right." She agreed, trying to convince herself that this was true.
Something inside her told her that this was not true, but she decided to ignore that bad feeling.
Her son would be fine. She was sure of it.
----------
The four men continued to search the store for Alexander while Roger kept watch at the door.
He saw that one of those who carried a gun was approaching where he was hiding.
He took a deep breath and mentally prepared himself for what he would do next.
He came out of hiding and, wasting no time, shot the man approaching his location in the chest before running for cover behind a counter.
"What the fuck!?" Exclaimed the one who was holding the shotgun in an altered way.
"Take cover!" The leader yelled before moving behind a pillar to use as cover.
"Fuck! That bastard killed Dave!" Commented Roger, who had hidden behind another counter.
"Did anyone see where he is!?" The leader asked somewhat nervous.
One of his men had just died and he didn't know where his killer was, which honestly made him nervous.
When they saw Alexander on the streets, they thought he was just a harmless child. Someone who posed no threat.
How wrong they were.
For his part, Alexander was still kneeling behind the counter feeling as if his stomach was being eaten from the inside.
Murdering someone felt a lot worse than he imagined. The feeling it gave him was without a doubt the worst experience of his life.
Were there really people who enjoyed this feeling?
No. Now was neither the time nor the place to freeze. He had to finish off the other four first, and then he could mentally torment himself all he wanted.
The men were hysterical, something that he took advantage of to lean over the edge of the left part of the counter and shoot the one who was carrying a shotgun.
From where he was, it was the only one who he could shoot, so he did.
The man fell to the ground after being shot in the stomach. Unfortunately for him, the shot had not been enough to end his life, so now he was suffering.
The remaining three heard where the shot came from and without hesitation started shooting towards it.
The leader and Roger, who had the rifles, fired non stop towards the counter in hopes of killing the young man who killed two of his companions.
Alexander had foreseen that they would do this, so, after firing, he moved until he was located at the other end of the counter, thus managing to avoid the shots that arrived where he was previously.
Taking advantage of the fact that Roger was busy shooting, he pointed in his direction and fired, hitting his head.
"Three down. Two to go." He whispered to himself with his ragged breath.
The man carrying a gun was terrified as he watched his friends die one by one.
In a desperate attempt to survive, he began to run towards the exit with the intention of escaping from there.
Just when he was about to achieve his goal, he felt two bullets pierce his back.
The leader of the group saw how Alexander got up from his place to finish off his partner and took advantage of the moment to shoot him.
The moment he pulled the trigger, nothing happened.
He continued to pull the trigger over and over again without stopping, getting the same result.
He was greatly terrified when he realized the reason why this was happening. He run out of bullets.
Alexander heard the typical sound of a gun without bullets and came out of hiding, shooting towards the pillar behind which was the last survivor of the group that attacked him.
The reason he was shooting at the pillar was so that his opponent would stay there and not dare to go outside for fear of being shot.
He walked towards the pillar and began to circle it so that he was face to face with the leader.
When he pulled the trigger with the intention of ending his life, nothing happened.
"Shit." He muttered as he realized that he had also run out of ammunition.
Seeing this, the leader of the group rushed at him and tried to hit his face.
Alexander ducked under his arm at the same time using his right hand to grab his opponent's hand, getting behind him in the process.
Following this, he placed his other hand on the man's back and kicked his legs back, making him fall.
In this way, Alexander was on top of him with one hand exerting force on his back to keep him on the ground while with his other hand he still held his arm, which he began to twist and move in the opposite direction with the intention of breaking it.
The man did not understand what happened. From one second to the next he was on the ground with his arm about to receive irreparable damage.
He desperately tried to get up, but the young man above him continued to hold him back before finally breaking his arm.
"Aaahhh-!" He started to scream due to the immense pain he felt, but Alexander covered his mouth with his hand.
He knew that the sound of gunshots had drawn the attention of the walkers, but he didn't want them to know specifically where they were.
He got up off the man so he could reload his gun and aim at his head, but he ran into a problem.
He couldn't pull the trigger.
The adrenaline that the confrontation generated in him was gone and his conscience began to torment him at what he had just done.
He didn't want to, but he knew he had to finish what he started. He couldn't risk walking away and leaving him alive.
He took a deep breath and closed his eyes before firing, thus finishing off the last of his attackers.
As soon as this happened, he took off his mask and began to vomit.
Once finished, he rested his knees as he caught his breath.
Ending the life of another human being was without a doubt the most disgusting experience he have ever experienced.
His stomach seemed to be moving from one side to the other, his head kept spinning and he felt like his legs would give out at any moment.
He leaned back against the pillar next to him before sliding down to the ground.
He held his head in his hands while the memories of what he had just done played over and over again in his mind without stopping.
The ease with which he killed them. How easy it was to do it thanks to his weapon. That was what disturbed him.
He looked at the watch his father had given him and couldn't help but wonder what he would think when he found out what he did.
● ● ● ● ●
Hours later, Alexander was driving down the road in the direction of the camp.
In the back of the vehicle was his backpack with the supplies he had found in the store along with two others that he took from the vehicle of the men who tried to kill him, which had enough supplies inside.
Apart from this, there was also a bag that he took from his attackers vehicle, which he filled with the weapons and bullets of his victims.
Although something strange happened while he was removing the weapons from the corpses, and that was that everyone except Roger turned into walkers.
That surprised him, since they didn't seem scared of turning into walkers before he killed them.
After finishing off his walker versions, he checked each one of them to see if they had been bitten. Though he found nothing.
He then noticed that Roger did not turn into a walker like the rest of his companions.
He assumed this was due to the fact that he had been shot in the head, which was the walkers weak point.
He came to the conclusion that perhaps they drank water from a river contaminated with walker blood without realizing it and, after it ended their lives, the virus affected them, turning them into walkers.
He still couldn't shake the feeling that he had murdered other human beings. And his mind didn't help by replaying what happened over and over again.
The trip back to camp seemed to be shorter than it usually was. It probably felt that way because he was deep in his thoughts the whole time.
He got out of the vehicle and took the backpacks next to the bag before starting to walk in the direction of the tent where he was staying with his mother and brother.
They were both outside the store sitting next to each other around a small table.
"Carl, I've already told you more than once. Finish these exercises and then you can go play with your friends." Lori told her youngest son trying not to sound too harsh.
They had been there for a few minutes now and Carl just wanted to go and have fun, but his mother wouldn't let him.
"But mom, it's boring." He replied in a futile attempt to finally convince her.
"If you don't finish these exercises now you will have to do them at night. Do you want that?" She asked already knowing the answer.
"No." He responded with a discouraged attitude.
"Then finish quickly and then you can go play." She said relieved to finally have managed to convince him.
"Now that sure looks boring." They heard someone say behind them.
When they turned to find out who it was, they found Alexander, who was still wearing his mask.
It didn't take Lori a second to get up from her seat and wrap her oldest son in her arms.
Whenever Alexander went on an expedition he worried too much. But this time, due to the bad feeling she had, her concern was greater.
Her entire body relaxed at having him there, in her arms.
Alexander returned the hug, which he needed more than he thought.
After the terrifying experience he had just a few hours ago, being in his mother's arms was just what he needed.
He felt his eyes water and had to stop the tears from falling.
Luckily he was still wearing his mask, as he knew this would probably happen and he didn't want his mother to see his condition and worry.
He didn't plan on telling her what happened. He couldn't do it. He didn't want her to know.
"Are you okay? Nothing happened to you?" Lori asked with concern in her voice, breaking away from the hug and scanning her son with her gaze still holding his arms.
"I'm fine." He replied in a soft tone, holding his mother's hands.
For his part, Carl continued solving the exercises that his mother had required him to do.
He wasn't worried about whether or not his brother would come back because he knew he would.
He was still a child who didn't know for sure how dangerous it was to go to the city, so he never worried too much.
"I see the expedition went well. You got a lot of things." Lori commented looking at the three backpacks and the bag located on the floor behind her son.
"Yeah, I got a couple of things. I'll go drop them off with the rest of the supplies." He said without being able to help but feel bad for not revealing the real reason why he achieved so many things.
He took the backpacks and the bag before starting to head towards the place where the supplies were stored.
There he met up with Jim and Dale, to whom he gave the backpacks, but not the bag, saying that there were things in it that he brought for himself.
The reason behind this was that he didn't want them to see the weapons and ask him where he got them from.
He said goodbye to them and went looking for the only person she could talk to about what happened in that store, Shane.
He found him talking to Morales, but this did not matter to him and he approached anyway.
Shane noticed his presence and said goodbye to Morales and then went to his godson and, without saying anything, wrapped him in his arms, a gesture that the minor reciprocated.
"Are you okay? For some reason I had a bad feeling. Luckily I was wrong." Shane said as they broke from the hug.
That's when he realized Alexander was still wearing his mask.
He knew the reason why Alexander wore the mask, so he was surprised to see that he was still wearing it.
"Shane, can we talk?" He asked before pointing in the direction of the forest. "Alone."
"Yes, of course." He responded somewhat confused at his godson's suggestion, but still followed him when he began to walk towards the forest.
Alexander didn't say anything along the way, which gave Shane a bad feeling for some strange reason.
He didn't understand why they were going so far from the camp, but he decided not to question his godson.
After getting far enough away that no one in the camp could see or hear them, he stopped.
"Hey, now that I notice it, what about that bag?" Shane asked when he noticed that his godson was carrying a bag that seemed heavy.
Alexander didn't say anything, but simply took off his bag and left it on the floor in front of Shane, who confused bent down to open it and get a big surprise.
Inside the bag were several weapons, too many. Said weapons were a shotgun, two rifles, seven pistols, a flare gun, and many boxes and cartridges of ammunition.
He was speechless. These weapons would be very useful to them. No doubt his godson had shown off.
"Wow. You did find a lot of weapons. Good job." He congratulated him with a smile on his face.
He thought Alexander had found the weapons in a store or something, so nothing prepared him for what he would hear next.
"Five people followed me and tried to kill me." Alexander said, exhaling the air in his lungs in an attempt to maintain his composure. "Those weapons... belonged to them."
He didn't need to say more for Shane to understand what he meant.
He didn't want to believe it. He refused to accept the fact that Alexander was forced to kill someone else. Well, more than one.
He knew how hard it could be to end the life of another human being. He did done it back in his days as sheriff and it wasn't pretty at all.
He needed to confirm if what he believed was true, so he slowly stretched out his hand to remove the mask from the young man in front of him so he could look into his eyes.
In doing so, he confirmed his suspicions.
Alexander kept his gaze on the ground, but even so he could see how he was fighting back tears.
That image broke him. Seeing how broken he was and how he tried not to fall apart broke his heart.
Without hesitating for a second, he pulled him into a tight hug, hoping that would be enough to ease his pain.
"It's okay." He whispered stroking the minor's hair. "It's okay."
He felt Alexander hug him tight, as if he was afraid that he was going to let him go.
His shoulder began to feel wet, indicating that his godson had finally let his tears out, which was confirmed seconds later by hearing his sobs.
He held him tighter with no plans to let him go, letting him know that he was there for him and he wasn't going anywhere.
● ● ● ● ●
At night, Alexander was apart from the group, sitting away from everyone with his back leaning against a tree.
Shane hesitated to let him go, but one look was enough for him to know he wanted to be alone.
Alexander had made him promise not to tell anyone about what he told him.
Shane accepted, considering that Alexander needed time to accept what he did before talking about it with other people.
At this time, everyone in the group was having dinner divided into several groups around campfires, although he had no appetite.
Every time he even thought about eating, his stomach turned and he felt like he would vomit at any moment.
It is precisely for this reason that he distanced himself from everyone, to be able to calm down and clear his mind.
"Damn. And here I was wanting to be away from shitheads." Someone commented with a mocking attitude coming to his side.
H looked up to see Merle, who plopped down next to him with his back against the tree.
"I saw you here alone in the middle of the dark and for a moment I thought you were a walker and I was planning to shoot you, but I decided to go closer to verify if you really were one or not. Then I saw that it was only you and I decided to shoot you, but I had no bullets." He clearly said making it all up, but Alexander didn't need to know that. "You are a lucky little bastard."
The young man next to him said nothing and simply remained silent with his gaze on the ground.
That was strange to him. Usually he always responded to his taunts with sarcastic comments, but this time it wasn't like that.
It wasn't hard for him to tell that something was up. First he distanced himself from everyone and now he kept silent as if he was ignoring him.
"Okay, enough of this crap. What the hell is wrong with you?" He asked directly, showing why he was considered someone without much patience.
Not that he minded, but he was curious as to why he seemed discouraged. Or at least that's what he told himself.
"...I murdered five people today." He confessed in a low tone, though Merle could hear him.
He knew the older Dixon wouldn't judge him for what he did, so he didn't see the need to lie to him.
"Damn. I really didn't expect that." He commented before drinking from the beer bottle he was holding.
"I'd like to keep it a secret. At least for now." He said still not looking in his direction. "Please."
"Yeah. Yeah. I get it. Don't start crying." He said rolling his eyes. "So? How was it?"
Alexander just looked at him with a confused expression on his face, not understanding what he meant.
"How did it feel to kill someone?" He asked causing the minor to look away again. "Oh, I see. You didn't like it."
"...No." He agreed with him by remembering the first life he took.
"Why was it?" He asked tactlessly. "What did they do to make you kill them?"
"They tried to kill me." He responded with a slight grimace on his face.
"Then you don't have to be ashamed. You only defended yourself. I don't understand why you are thinking so much about it." He expressed without giving importance to what he did.
Alexander knew he wouldn't mind in the slightest, which is why he agreed to talk about it with him.
"Hey lil bro!" Merle yelled suddenly, startling Alexander slightly. "Didn't anyone teach you that it's rude to listen to other people's conversations!?"
This confused the younger, but his confusion disappeared when Daryl took a seat next to him without a word.
For a second he worried that he was going to tell someone about what he had just discussed with Merle, but he was relieved to see how Daryl simply cleaned his crossbow without saying a word.
"You have to be careful with people like him boy. The quiet ones are always the worst." Merle said with a smile on his face pointing to his brother.
"And you should also be careful around people like him. They're assholes." Daryl commented focused on his work.
Alexander couldn't help but form a small smile as he heard both brothers argue.
He didn't know, but that was just what he needed. Get distracted for a moment and forget about what happened.
● ● ● ● ●
A month after this, things had changed a bit for Alexander.
As he predicted, ending the life of another person had a very large impact on the personality of the one who committed the murder.
He tried to act like he normally would so that this wouldn't be too noticeable to worry his family.
That day, Morales, Merle, Jacqui, Glenn, T-Dog and Andrea went into town for supplies.
Alexander refused to go with them with the excuse that he was not feeling well, although that was a lie.
Since what happened that day, he had not gone on an expedition again. No one knew the reason for it except Shane, Merle and Daryl.
Lori was relieved that she no longer had to worry about whether or not her son would return after leaving on the expedition.
Speaking of his mother, during this last month, Alexander realized the secret relationship she had with his Shane.
He couldn't help but feel a little bothered at this, but decided that he had no right to weigh in on the matter.
What he couldn't ignore though was the fact that his mother seemed to have forgotten his father or at least tried to do so by beginning a relationship with Shane.
Coincidentally, right now he was next to Shane cutting some logs of firewood using an ax each.
He thought that this was a good time to talk about it. Also, they were a little apart from the group, so no one would hear them.
"Hey… sorry if I'm being too blunt, but I really don't know how to start this conversation, so I'll just say it." He said suddenly catching Shane's attention. "I know... what's between you and mom."
The second he heard his words, Shane became a nervous wreck.
Alexander didn't seem upset, but still that didn't mean he was happy about it.
"Listen, I…" He trailed off, not knowing what to say.
What was he supposed to say anyway? He couldn't think of anything.
He did not want to lose the relationship he had with his godson. He loved him. He would do anything for him.
That was exactly why it would hurt him too much if he started to hate him because of his relationship with Lori.
"It's okay, I'm not mad at you. I just…I think it's something we should talk about." He gave his opinion, leaving the ax on the trunk that he used as a base to cut the firewood and resting his hands on its handle.
Honestly, he didn't know how they should talk about this either, but he knew they had to.
"It doesn't bother me that you…have a relationship with her. I know you'll treat her well and protect her when necessary. I won't tell Carl or anyone else, so you don't have to worry about it." He finally said looking at him. "Just…give me some time to finish accepting it."
Shane swallowed the lump that formed in his throat and nodded.
There was nothing to say after all. Alexander had already said everything and all he did was ask him for time to accept it, which he totally agreed with.
They heard Dale call Shane from a distance as someone seemed to be trying to contact them on the radio.
Shane looked at his godson, silently asking him if it was okay for him to leave after having had such an important conversation.
Alexander simply nodded, then watched him leave before going back to chopping wood.