❛ YOU PROMISED. ❜
20. Circle of Life
SEASON 03 EPISODE 04
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Journal... my mom always told me about love, she always warned about it; she said it was dangerous but not in the way I was thinking. It never made sense to me, probably never will. But she never explained to me how to differ platonic and romantic love. Maybe you could feel both? Maybe it doesn't just have to be one type of love... but maybe there has to be, there has to be a line. Is love that feeling you get around a person that makes you feel like you can't breath? Is it the feelings of your heart flying out of your chest? Is it ridiculously searing cheeks? Or sweating palms? I could never love him... he's my best friend.
It was disgusting to watch and something about it made my stomach turn into knots until it locked and there was no way to loosen them. The sickening glances, the smiles; his crush on Beth made me sick— sicker than a walker.
Today was a good day, though. Hershel was up and walking on crutches, taking a light stroll through the outside of the cellblock, just like he wanted. It was the perfect day to do so; nice and sunny, the breeze wasn't too harsh... plus he had us right by his side. It was going well, smiles raising on our lips at his strength, cheers bustling through the prison.
"Ready to race, Hershel?" Carl asked him teasingly.
"Give me another day." He responds. "I'll take you on." Hershel joked back, causing a chuckle to leave Carls lips.
It was quiet for a moment, all of us just enjoying this peace... this moment of contentment. Then it died; this happiness died and the peace drowned in the noise of growls and fear.
"Walkers! Look out!"
I aimed my gun, just like I was taught, one eye squinting while the other focused. A deep breath, then pull. Headshot. It was working for a minute, taking them out and trying to keep them away from the weaker side of us. It was working until we realized we didn't have enough ammo to lose; we couldn't keep shooting at them; there were too many and they just kept coming.
"Lori! Here!" Maggie shouted and before I could pull the trigger again a hand touched my shoulder and lead me away. Lori... she led me away.
It was anything but safe inside the cellblock, if anything there were more walkers. As soon as we gave ourselves just a breath to calm down we were bombarded by another small horde of walkers heading toward us with hungry growls. It wasn't even safe enough in the halls, they haven't been fully cleared and one of the fences in the back of the prison was down— this was a problem.
I made sure to stay behind the group, to keep them safe and keep Lori and the unborn child safe. I wasn't wasting bullets but I wasn't planning on saving many of them either. I could tell just how out of breath and tired the three of them were and I wasn't going to let any of them fall behind. It wasn't bad for us at first, we were perfectly hidden in the dark but then that sound came— that annoying, blaring sound of an alarm and it attracted the dead even more.
As soon as we turned a corner the woman we were trying our best to protect let out a grunt, leaning against the closest wall. Maggie held onto her hips, trying to keep her up.
"Can you keep up?" Maggie asks.
"Something's not right." Lori choked out, trying to keep the groaning to a minimum.
"Are you bit?" Carl questioned a little bit too loudly.
"No, no, no." The woman shook her head as she responded, turning around so her back could leaning against the wall. "I think the baby's coming."
"This cannot be happening." I scoffed.
"Mom?"
It was happening— she was having the baby and we had no one here to deliver it. We didn't have time to contemplate, a group of walkers were rushing toward us, so we went back the way we came from; with me behind them and Carl in front of them. The blaring alarm was making it hard for us to hear whatever was lurking in the dark, hungry for us. It was so loud that when I wasn't paying attention, I lost them. A wrong turn down the wrong hall and boom I was lost.
I had no time to turn back and try to find them because as soon as I made one wrong turn an entire group of walkers were barreling toward me, starving and craving my insides and flesh. I could only run.
The first unlocked room was where I barricaded myself; after banging on doors and pulling against knobs I finally found a door that opened for me. It was too close a call, a walker almost grabbed me by the shoulder just before the door closed on its arm. I slammed the door on it, pushing against the metal when the walker did the exact same thing. It was a push-and-pull war between us but in the end the walker was off without an arm and I was inside of a room— safe.
As I spun around with my gun aimed at nothing in particular, I let my eyes dance around the room, realizing that everything inside was fully stocked. All the products where were it was supposed to be which made absolutely no sense. It took me off guard for just a moment, my lips parting.
"Shit, this can't be real." I whispered to myself, lowering my gun. An amazed chuckle climbed up my throat and left my lips as a scoff, the air around me thickening.
I was inside a commissary; where inmates paid for things they wanted/needed, probably decorated their cells with. It was the perfect place to gather supplies, especially if it was stocked like this— with a few boxes in the back to spare. It was too bad I was trapped, without a way to get out or escape; it was also too bad I had no idea where I was.
This felt like Atlanta all over again; trapped with no where to go without the walkers coming after me, inside a small store with tons and tons of supplies, and... alone, again. It seemed to be fate, my fate, to end up alone and on the brink of death. It was always going to come back around to bite me in the ass.
Being alone made me think; it made me think about the past, the banging of fists against metal shocked something within me.
"Little Pig, let me in!" My dad shouted from behind the door, a soft laugh leaving his lips when he heard me giggling from behind it.
"Not by the hairs of my chin-y chin chin." I say back, pulling my blanket over my head.
Dad and I had been playing hide n' seek for hours; I had the sneaking suspension that he was tired and didn't want to play anymore but he wanted the smile on my lips to stay so he didn't give up until I did.
"You have to let me in, Bug, I found you." He knocked on the door once more causing a fit of giggles to echo through the small closet.
"Are you sure I'm in that one?" I questioned him, trying to confuse him but he wasn't confused at all. "I'm not in heeeeere." Dad sighed from behind the door and opened it himself. It was now when my smile dropped at the look on his face— I knew that look, I could spot it from a mile away.
"Dad..."
"I'm sorry, Bug... I can't stay here. I have a job back home."
"This is your home!" I screamed at him, standing up and letting the blanket drop from my shoulders. I tried to stomp away but he caught my arm and stopped me.
"It isn't... I have a wife now, we're planning on making a family—"
"A family?" I hissed at him, narrowing my eyes. "You're making a family? You want to have another kid?"
Dad let out a deep breath, blinking for a long time before saying, "Yes."
"I hate you!" I screeched at him, burning my throat in the process. I didn't care I was so angry. I was sooooo angry. "I hate you, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you!"
"You don't mean that." He tried to smile but I could see how hard it was at the moment. "Listen, I'll be back on your birthday, okay? I promise. Okay? I leave tonight but I'll come back for you, because I love you."
"Yeah, whatever." I scoff.
Eight years old. I was eight years old and so used to my dad leaving me behind; that shouldn't be normal for someone so young. On top of that, he broke his promise; he didn't show up, he didn't call, he didn't even send a card. My dad had totally forgot about me on my birthday— and after my birthday he only showed up at least once every six months. It wasn't enough. It wasn't enough for me. I may have had my mother and nanny, but I wanted my dad; and not just any regular dad. I wanted the dad that stayed up when I couldn't sleep and made me hot chocolate, the dad that taught me how to skateboard, or the one that read me my favorite books to sleep and sang to me. I wanted the dad that showed up when I needed him not the one that dismissed me.
Then it stopped— the banging— I was met with nothing but silence, adding the mix of the loud alarm blaring. It made me relax for just a moment, that was until I realized I was lost and kind of trapped. There was no plausible way to leave without alerting the walkers with the loud noise the door made and I didn't know my way back.
For being as smart as I was, I placed myself in the dumbest situation with no way out.
It was a great idea, to me at least, to pack whatever was needed for now and exit the room using the alarms as something to hide under. If they were distracted by them then they wouldn't be focusing on hearing the sound of echoing footsteps. They're following the noise and wherever it was much louder, they would follow. I did everything I thought of, forgetting that the supplies would be heavier than I let on, but I did leave hiding under the blaring.
I almost forgot that I didn't know where to go. I just tried to head back the way I came from which was harder than finding my way around these halls. Then the blaring stop and I was back where I started... trying to be as silent as I could. Another corner, left behind and when I was just about to give up, the sound of a gunshot rang through the halls. A sound of a baby crying got louder when I followed the sound.
I knew exactly what that meant.
"Maggie?" I called out to her as soon as I caught her in the halls. Her hands were hugged to her chest, holding onto the baby crying in her arms softly, wrapped in a plaid shirt. An expressionless Carl was behind her, passing right by me— he didn't even look at me. "Lori... is she?"
"Are you okay?" Maggie questions me, her eyes squinted as she looked me over. "I can't see too well... did you get..?"
"No... no." I answered her, ignoring the way she skipped over my question. "I'm fine, I'm fine.."
The light from outside hit us quickly as we exited the call. It caused the baby to cry from the brightness which caught everyone's attention; and everyone caught onto what happened/what was going on when they noticed that the mother wasn't following. It was even quicker when they noticed Maggie and Carl's bloodied hands. Lori was dead and they all knew that.
All the stares caused me to look down to the ground as if my dirty shoes were the most important thing in the world.
The sound of metal scrapping against the group echoed when Rick dropped his axe in shock. I could basically hear his heartbreak before he could let out a single sound. Maggie tried to explain, she tried to speak but nothing but stuttering flew pass her lips, a sob tearing from her throat.
"Where— Where is she? Where is she?" Rick questioned and when he didn't get an answer he tried to pass by us but Maggie stopped him.
"No... Rick, no!"
Rick stopped beside his son, letting out a cry before bending down to his level. "Oh, no. No!" He sobbed out. Carl only did the exact same thing as me; staring down at the ground, trying to ignore the looks. "No!"
I dropped the bag of supplies to the ground, letting it slip from my shoulders when the man fell down to the ground in sobs. It was a weak moment but for good reason.
His wife was dead and he couldn't even say goodbye.
anyways... who's excited for all this governor shit 'cause I know I ammmm!
make sure to comment you mfs quiet asf,