━━━━⌜赤い糸⌟━━━━
━━━━⌜赤い糸⌟━━━━
°ꫝ•
"I guess I'll see you later, if you even bother to come back."
Yeji's words echoed inside his head, leaving a bittersweet taste on the tip of his tongue. Every time he unconsciously swiped it across his front teeth or poked his cheek in an irritated manner, that sharp tartness would spread further, reaching his airways and crawling up to pick on his brain. His encephalon stood tainted enough, so he wasn't worried about a little more bitterness invading said matter — unwished for memories would manifest on their own, either way.
The repetitive tap of a pencil made his jaw clench, hushed voices spoke from all around him, the opened window bumped against the wall every few minutes at cause of the rushing wind. His thoughts were still louder than the outside noise, though. The demons lurking in his house had somehow creeped into his mind. Perhaps they had transform into the air he breathed, or mutate into the same words spoken by his paired blood. Maybe it had been the cereals consumed by demonic energy, or they had slipped into his dreams while Freckles left any sliver of his vulnerability utterly exposed. Percase, the one at fault had been Evil Felix; form rich with cruelty — cruel enough to materialize into his regrets.
His sister's voice nagged him further, taunting him, mockingly asking him; 'Are you? Are you going to come back?'. Or, are you gonna go smoke with your stoner friends?
Are you just a failure, Hyunjin?
Of course you are. No wonder Riki hates you.
Imagine your role model becoming the thing you hate the most. Truly devastating, is it not?
The pencil's tapping increased in speed.
He can't even look you in the eye without feeling absolute disgust towards your persona.
The only thing you'll accomplish by coming back is gain his hatred, I'm sorry to say.
I won't be. I still have Beomgyu's party to attend, anyway.
Right, so sorry! What I meant was, gain more of his hatred, as he already despises you enough.
"You're gonna break your pencil if you keep doing that — and tear your paper if you continue stabbing it that violently," Jisung tells him, seeming to sympathize with said pencil. . . or paper. Maybe both.
Hyunjin blinked, his hand freezing instantaneously, "Oh."
"Yeah, oh." Han smiled at him amusedly, however as his eyes caught a particular paper peeking from his friend's notebook, that amusement was quick to turn into genuineness. "Oh— oh! Wait! Is this the drawing you were talking about yesterday? It's simple but wow, it's really good! Like skill-wise. I didn't know you still had it! In fact, I even think you've gotten way better at drawing."
He blinked, once again, in astonishment. He didn't know whether to feel insulted or flattered in Felix's account.
What am I even thinking? Insulted, of course.
He sighed heavily as he gently grabbed the paper to admire the drawing properly.
Humming, he mumbles, "Yeah..."
His thumb unconsciously started tracing the drawn lines. So insulted. His drawings, better than mine? Felix, better than me? Yeah, right. He's a copycat, a property stealer. He stole my safe place, (one of) my (used-to-be) hobbies, my freaking strawberry milk! What else, is he gonna steal my identity or something? Rule over my being or what-fucking-ever?
Hyunjin's hands tightened.
You're not even your own.
What do you even mean by that.
Your thoughts are already all infested of him. He owns you; a complete stranger owns you.
Talk about self-loathe.
Noticing his friend's fixated gaze on his drawing, Jisung's eyebrows furrowed, attention shifting to the slight twitch of the other's fingers.
"What's wrong with you? What's got you so anxious?"
What's wrong with me? Nothing. I don't know. Everything.
What's got me anxious?
"I'm fine, Sung, don't worry about it."
Han stared at him skeptically. The blond's poker face did not waver, but his leg bounced enough to give him away. Like a damn traitor, it revealed his unresolved thoughts without his consent, demonstrating just how crude his mind could be. Hyunjin noticed his friend's eyes dipping down towards his trembling limb and back to him. He knew; in the depths of those doe, brown eyes flowed a knowing glint, hesitant to indulge further. He knew, as he furrowed his eyebrows in a silent question. He knew, while he frowned his lips.
"Jinnie, you know you can talk to me, right?"
He knew, and that scared him shitless.
Oh, poor little Jinnie; his only siblings don't like him, he lives like shit, his mentality is his own nemesis.
Go on, Hyunjin. Tell him. Tell your friend how pathetic you really are.
Play the victim like you always do, let's see if he's dumb enough to believe you.
He watched as Jisung's face softened, blinking a couple of times in confusion. He got slightly closer, a hesitant hand hovering over the taller's shoulder, mouthing what seemed to be his name. But he's not certain as he didn't get to hear him say it.
After all, Jisung adores Riki as he does me, who's to say he'll side with you?
He's my best friend.
Hyunjin could utmost swear he heard Yeji's laugh somewhere, the sound seeming real enough to make his whole body tense. He was still unsure, however, if the echo had been at cause of the classroom walls, or the ones in his mind; caging his terrors in from the outside world.
You got yourself fooled so badly. It's quite the funny thing, if not sad.
Hyunjin flinched. "I know, Jisung, but really! There's nothing to talk about, I'm just tired," He smiled softly — reassuringly — at him, though it stood unsteady, wobbly; the much needed grounding absent, leaving it to fall into a pit of uncertainty.
And as Han still stared doubtfully, opening his mouth to tell him off perhaps, or ask him; What did you do wrong this time? What did your siblings go through now, because of you? He was quick to stop him.
"So, are you going to Beom's party tonight?"
The blueberry haired widened his eyes, not quite expecting the sudden change in conversation. He still was on-guard, of course. Hyunjin, as moody as he could be, was easy to read when in distress. It was rather the dangerous thing; a figure lacking emotional control and not being aware of it, whatsoever. It'd reign chaos. Yet, he knew the solution was to let it faun by itself. As much as he'd feel dirty for not helping the other through emotional baggage, he was properly mindful of the fact that his friend would never let him either way. The blonde had always been hesitant to open up, had great difficulty to express himself, and Han respected that. He'd give him his space.
That's why he let his lips stretch into a smile and his eyes gleam excitedly. "Yes! I'm excited honestly, we gotta plan the outfits and stuff. I might use that one cute top I bought the other day—"
What a damn fucking coward.
Hyunjin couldn't have agreed more.
°ꫝ•
His thoughts seemed to have spread throughout the room, the obnoxity of them having morphed into loud hollers and rhythmic beats. However, such as the memories held hostage in his mind, those deafening noises stood trapped behind the glass door.
His lips tasted bitter — just like his tongue and brain had done so earlier that day — at fault of the absence of another's on his, or perhaps because of the couple of shots he had taken mere minutes ago. Could also be the alight joint in his mouth, making his throat warm and the slightest raspy.
He exhaled a toxin tainted breath, and just as he did so, Jisung clumsily leaned closer to him in a failed attempt to be secretive and discreet.
"Yoooo, Chan's been clinging to Innie the whole night, I'm honestly worried about Innie."
Hyunjin furrowed his brows in confusion as he watched his friend's pout, "Wha— Jisung, Chan would neeever hurt Jeongin."
Now it was Han's turn to furrow his eyebrows, snapping his stare away from the duo and towards his taller companion. "Are you fucking dumb? No, wait, yes you are. I wasn't talking about that, dumbfuck, I mean that Jeongin is so oblivious it hurts," The bluenette hissed accompanied with a sassy eyeroll, "I wonder if he's, like, blind in the consciousness or something. . ."
"What in the what?" The taller asked, exasperated.
"You won't get it, you're not smart enough."
"Gee, thanks."
"No problem!" Jisung grinned awfully big, stealing the joint to have a puff or two more, that motherfucker. He didn't miss, though, the rapid scan his friend's eyes did of the garden they currently were and then the packed inside.
He turned towards the initial topic of their conversation, observing how the oldest seemed to almost beg for the youngest's attention. Han had been right, for the 40 minutes they've been in Beomgyu's party Chan had never laid eyes off Jeongin, always by his side or assisting him of any need of his. The strawberry blond's muscular frame shivered within the tight, grey long sleeve he wore, and even if he felt cold, his eyes lightened up; offering a warm expression as he gazed at his beloved, the jacket draped on the latter's shoulders a size or so too big. The foolish smile on his Hyung's lips made Hyunjin want to recoil into himself, the older's hands caressing and fiddling with the black haired's fingers, appearing to be unconsciously. Though I.N didn't seem to care or even realize, as he chatted rather enthusiastically with a classmate of his. Lee Heeseung, was that his name? Don't really remember, didn't pay much attention.
He looks like a deer, though.
Hyunjin snorted.
"What'chu laughing at? There's nothing there. Is it a ghost? Wait!" Jisung gasped, hand slapping against his moth in shock, "Oh no. . ."
"What, Jisung?"
"Don't tell me you're schizophrenic."
"You're pretty fucking creative today, aren't you Jisungie?" Hissed the blond through gritted teeth.
The shorter frowned, "Do you see me? Am I real to you? Wait, am I even real? Holy shit, am I a part of you imagination? Holy ginnie the goose-ifying shit!"
Hyunjin sighed. "Han stop, you'll end up bad-tripping." Jisung did not, in fact, stop and hurried to violently shake a gone-looking Changbin awake, inaudible screams seeming to have made the poor guy flinch back to reality.
"Yah! Stop with the earthquake shit!"
"CAN YOU SEE ME?"
"I WISH I FUCKING COULDN'T!"
"That's so mean. . ." The sudden appearance of Seungmin's presence startled him quite a bit, nonetheless he hummed to his statement. "Do it again."
Before he could even reply, or rather scoff; in the (actually short) distance Han was seen dropping to his knees, mumbling something about having failed some 'Alvin'.
"Who the fuck is Alvin?"
Hyunjin could only watch a distressed Changbin trying to peel off the bluenette's hands away from his biceps and sighed, "From Alvin and the Chipmunks."
"Ohhhhhhh! That makes so much sense!"
"No, it literally doesn't," He mumbled.
He brings the blunt to his lips, ready to take another doze of life-consuming air, only to realize it had been put out. He groans loudly, palming the pockets of his jeans and jacket in search of his lighter, one he had seemingly lost along the way.
"Fucking great."
"What?" Seungmin asks, out of rather reflex than genuine curiosity.
The blond sighs heavily, bringing his hand to hold his forehead to demonstrate his irritation, his index and middle finger still clasped around the drug, "I lost my goddamn lighter, do you have one on you?"
The brunette snorts, "What? Do I look like a drug dealer to you?"
Hyunjin just started at him.
A look of realization fell on the guy's face, "Oh right, I am one."
Hyunjin was well aware that marihuana fucked up you senses, and killed your braincells. Okay? He did. Yet he still wondered how his friends could be so damn stupid, he also knew for a fact that they hadn't got to that stage yet. I think they just bumped their heads as kids. Maybe their parents made a pact about it or something. Or, they were a part of a cult.
He widened his eyes, turning to stare at his slightly shorter friend, who for some unknown reason kept staring at Jisung and Changbin with a sassy look and simultaneously danced to whatever melody his eardrums picked up on because there sure as hell wasn't any music playing outside. Unless, of course, his ears were acute as fuck and could hear the distant song resonating inside the house.
"Are your parents in a cult?"
The other's eyes lightened up, "I dont know man but it'd be so cool if they were Hulk!"
Hyunjin grimaced in confusion, "What?"
Seungmin just smiled at him innocently.
"What the fuck. . ." The blond merely side-eyed him as he put it upon himself to look for a lighter.
The outside was now starting to fill with people, not only was the wind heard whooshing but now laughter and lively talking sang along. It had been for some time now that he knew the alcohol had kicked in, but now a couple of minutes after having finished smoking he was beginning to feel the cloudiness of his mind. The music now sounded louder, perhaps they had opened the door, or having noticed the increasing crowd, brought out another speaker. People screamed and shouted, some almost drown in large drink-filled bowls while observers cheered them on. He hadn't realized when a figure had installed themselves by his side, the arm laid on his shoulder pushing him closer towards them.
"Here."
"Huh?" hummed the blond, flinching suddenly when a light blinded him temporarily. It took him long enough to realize his cheek was feeling really warm, the threat of a dancing flame close to burning his skin. The person sighed and reached out to grab the forgotten joint in his hand, placing it within their lips and re-alighting death's moss once again.
His brain seemed to have moved within his head with how fast he had snapped towards his side, making him dizzy, but when his eyesight cleared out he was met with red cat-like eyes behind a messy violet fringe and the most foolish smile he has ever seen the guy wear.
"You kept mumbling about a lighter, so I came to your rescue man!" Minho exclaimed proudly between laughs, making both of them sway because of his unsteady feet.
"Hyung 'm gonna fuckin' fall."
"No! Hyunjin, listen to me caarefully," the older grabbed the blond's face with both of his hands after having placed the blunt in the other's mouth as if it were a treat for a child. The swaying stopped and he looked Hyunjin dead in the eye. "Do not, under any circumstances, fall in love it sucks my grandma's ass."
The taller scrunched his nose in disgust, "You suck your grandma's ass?"
"What? No, ew."
"Then why are you thinking about your grandma's ass?"
"Well now I fucking am, what the fuck, disgusting! Ew, Hyunjin! Why would you do this to me?" Lee Know gagged and placed the back of his hands against his mouth, mumbling something close to "I'm fine, dont worry, not gonna puke. Unless you keep talking about my grandma's behind. Disgusting, stop it."
"You're the one to blame," muttered the blond back, taking a single drag from the joint.
─── &
i fucking hate writer's block holy shit
anyways that's not the only reason i couldn't upload, I started uni and I'm pretty busy w assignments and stuff so sorry about that
anyways I honestly dont know what I wrote on the second half of this chapter but oh well! also this was supposed to be longer but it would've ended up WAY too long so I'm splitting the party scene in two, goodbye now lol