x. daybreak drownings of dissociated lies
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instincts curse my vessels into ill-starred paranoia // fragmented parts of a blurry memory // strikes like the sunlight burning my cuticle // the collateral of disaster buried by bile clusters of trepidation // loneliness scratching the fragile surface of my sanity // my prolegs weak from the burden of my existence // mandibles chewing on reflexes of desire // munching on bits and pieces of salvaged command // it was an illusion of control
how did I live through that // how could i live through that // how long could i live to go through that
the munching sounds grew louder // viridian disappeared into the empty pits of a gluttonous stomach // digested by chemicalized gears // turning the inside out // a full stomach is deadweight waiting to be hunted // no bone exists in my body but it cracks // cracking under the vile pungent scent of crimson left by the rain // my hours became seconds of stalling // distraction after distraction // i want to lose myself in my delirium
why am i still here // why am i not moving // why am i trying to find reason to stay when i will be a goner anyway
numbing sensation of dread // restless chains tethered me to the whims of reality // morning dawn greets the world in harmony // i felt cursed under those blinding rays of hope // it expired the darkness in seconds // a powerful force that dies as spontaneously as it arrives // yet i am bound to the shadows of reality // i destroyed my own reverence for the sun // stuck with the facade of perseverance // another day is spent for growing
⸻ i am afraid of losing myself to death