When was the first time I bought you a card for Valentine?
I don't know anymore. I lost count after ten.
Why. You really want to know?
Because I have never given you any and kept them myself?
They are just an acknowledgement of my love for you.
The only tangible thing existing in real life.
The one thing that is not only in my head.
Telling me I'm not going crazy.
I have bought them in secret.
Did you ever notice?
Sneaking them into my room.
Like it's something to be ashamed of.
I have written them all, with all my heart.
I have poured out my soul out onto them.
Words I can never speak to you to your face.
The three words I will not utter aloud always present.
I love you.
Always.
Forever.
For better and worse.
With all that goes with it.
Countless times I have picked them up after.
To read. To feel.
My love for you erasable there.
Tears flowing for a love that will never be.
And you don't even know.
But there you are, provoking me.
Double edged words, none of them true.
Do you know they hurt?
That they slash through my heart like butter?
Would you still say them when you would know?
Know that I have all kind of fantasies about me and you?
That your best friend wants to kiss you, until your lips are crimson?
That I want you, in ways a best friend never should?
That I want to make love to you, until you only think about me?
But of all things I would want to do with you...
Sexy. Hot. Steamy.
I would like most to just sit close beside you.
Without you flinching.
To hold your hand.
Kiss you chastely on your lips.
Envelope you in an tight embrace.
And that I'm the only one allowed to.
Do you realize what I would give?
You telling your edged words for real?
With no banter. No show.
Just you, loving me back.
Is that too much to ask?