Brandon, pulling open the heavy main door of the art museum, studied Steven with new eyes. Could it be possible that all these years he had abundantly misconstrued his friend? Could it be that he wasn't just easygoing smiles and half promises? As soon as they were out, Steven fumbled for his cigarettes and stuck one between his lips, smiling.
Brandon's head was still spinning with images of all the brightly colored paintings, the ones he had thought he would never get to see in person. He couldn't stop thinking about what he would have missed, if he had stood Steven up like he had seriously deliberated on doing that morning.
It wasn't that Brandon didn't trust Steven, he was simply having a hard time trusting his intentions, the extent of his commitment. If Steven were to make a practical joke out of their dates, even though he had sworn not to, Brandon would never recover from it. He would curse at himself for ever thinking love was something he could have, he would give up thinking that even he could have his happy ending.
"Damn it, I think it's going to rain." Steven cursed, peering up at the clouded sky. A drop of rain fell on the tip of Brandon's nose, chilling his heated skin. The city had turned gloomy, a complete opposite of the sunny midday they had walked in on their way to the museum.
After seeing the exhibition of his all time favorite artist, who wasn't just a good painter to him, but also someone to look up to in his life, Brandon felt guilt gnawing his chest. How could he still doubt Steven, when he was clearly investing his time and money to make the dates as perfect as they could be?
"Maybe it'll.." Brandon began, but let his voice trail off as the light rain turned to a full-blown pouring right in front of their eyes. He raised his voice for Steven to hear it over the hum of the water: "Should we go back?"
Steven shook his head, pulling his already soaking hair off his face. Then the typical up-to-no-good grin spread on his lips, making his eyes glint with mischief. He held out his hand to Brandon and suggested: "How would you feel about running?"
Brandon didn't answer, but started sprinting forward all the same. His sneakers and socks were already soaking wet, and he couldn't wait to get out of the rain. Brandon glanced over his shoulder to see Steven grinning and dashing after him. It didn't take him long with his long legs to reach Brandon.
It was good that Steven was guiding them, as Brandon could barely see through his glasses. In no time the raindrops distorted his vision to a point where he had to clung on to the crook of Steven's arm to not accidentally run in the middle of the traffic. Taking off the glasses wouldn't have helped, as he was practically blind without them.
"We should go running together more often." Steven suggested, panting for air as he opened the door of a small, idyllic looking café for Brandon.
"Preferably without the rain." Brandon muttered, stepping into the warmth and breathing in the heavenly aroma of fresh coffee and freshly baked goods. And it wasn't just cinnamon, vanilla and spices, but also.. books.
The walls were covered with books from roof to ceiling, the furniture was old and mismatched yet consistent in its own peculiar way. The space was lit with countless tiny bulbs, hanging low from the ceiling, turning the café to a hauntingly beautiful constellation of light. Brandon itched to draw it.
"What will you have?" Steven asked, beaming at the awe in Brandon's eyes. When they had ordered, Brandon started fumbling for his wallet, but Steven placed a steadying hand on his forearm. "I believe one condition of our dates was that it was all my treat."
Brandon opened his mouth, ready to object, but shut it again. He could barely afford his rent as it was, and Steven knew exactly how little he had to spare for cafés and art exhibitions. If Steven offered to pay, then he likely did so because he wanted and could afford to. That is how Brandon decided to look at it, at least.
When they sat at a creaky table near the big windows, Brandon's stomach grumbled. He snatched his blueberry muffin and started pulling off the paper liner, while Steven was still leisurely gazing around. As a small smile danced on his lips and the lights reflected from his strikingly blue eyes, Brandon wondered yet again what someone like Steven could possibly see in someone like him.
"Thank God you're not stubborn like Ash and Eli are with money." Steven pointed out then, picking up his carrot cake cupcake. It was twice the size of his fist and delicately decorated with pecans and a tiny carrot made of fondant. Brandon was, of course, taking notes for work.
"If I learned anything.." Brandon began, then snapped his lips together and averted his gaze. He had promised himself to give Steven a chance to get to know him, which required talking, opening up. But how much could he tell? "I've never understood what all that pride and shame about being a charity case is about."
Ash, who had grown up poor like Brandon and Shirley did, had always despised the rich. Until he found himself a wealthy boyfriend who was nothing like the dreadful notion he had about the rich. Eli, on the other hand, insisted on being able to take care of himself after having to lean on handouts and charity during his time on the streets.
For some reason, despite having all the reasons, Brandon didn't share his friends' beliefs. He had learned to accept the tough truth that some people just had a better upbringing and that while some begged for pennies, the others drove with private planes and dined in luxury hotels. His own past had taught him that he wasn't above handouts and charity.
"Besides", Steven mused, bringing his forefinger and thumb to his chin, while leaning his elbow on the table. "Letting your friend.." Steven used air quotes to emphasize exactly how much he thought Brandon to be just a friend to him, "pay for you on a date, doesn't make you a charity case. I think it's more of a sugar daddy situation, if that helps."
"Oh my God, that does not help." Brandon exclaimed, glaring at Steven, whose face was deadpan but eyes glinting with the familiar mischief. When Steven couldn't hold back the grin anymore, Brandon realized he was smiling just as widely.
"Well, I mean, I am paying for your company.." Steven joked, before taking a huge bite from his cupcake.
During those two hours they spent in the café, Brandon smiled until his cheeks ached and laughed until tears prickled his eyes. That was one of the things he loved about Steven, the ability of making people laugh and forget their miserable lives if even just for a moment. It was easy to be around Steven, and that was one of the biggest reasons Brandon had against the idea of dating.
Even the nicest people could turn out to be monsters, once you let them close enough to love you. No matter how sweet, how caring a person was, their doubts and their distrust could twist their caressing touches into fists and their loving words to scorn.
Steven was a good person, and an even better friend, so Brandon was afraid of risking it by letting him love him. If by any chance love was going to turn Steven to a monster, it would cost Brandon not just a lover but one of his dearest friends.
"Okay, paranoid much, but.." Steven mumbled, knitting his eyebrows while leaning closer to Brandon over the table, as if to tell a secret. "I swear that dude was staring at me."
"What dude?" Brandon asked, looking around to find whom Steven was talking about. But there weren't any new faces in the café and no one was even looking their way. Brandon cursed the way his heartbeat accelerated, how a spike of adrenaline filled his veins. Even after all these years, he still couldn't stop assuming for the worst. Talking about paranoia.. "It was probably just one of your fans. I saw your picture on a billboard on my way to the mall."
Brandon wasn't lying. Seeing his friend's face staring at him while walking on the streets was.. distracting. Even with all the photoshopping done to the picture, it was still unerringly Steven. In the advertisement Steven's hands were behind his neck, making the sleeves of his black sweater pull down just enough to reveal the fancy silver swatch he was advertising. It was a drool worthy picture, so Brandon couldn't blame whoever had stopped to stare at the live version of it.
"True." Steven nodded, slowly. There was still dubitation in his eyes, but he shook it away and smirked. "How does it feel to date a rising model?"
"I only know that going on a date with one isn't such a horrible thing after all." Brandon gave in, a small smile tucking at the corners of his mouth. He pinched a remaining crumb of his muffin between his fingers and popped it into his mouth. God, he was still starving, and the muffin or the tea hadn't done much to change it.
"Sooooo.." Steven dragged out the word. "After today, you'll still want to go on another date?"
At first Brandon winced inwardly, thinking that Steven must have had a boring time with him and that he didn't want to see him again after all. That he was just hoping Brandon would be the one to let him off the hook.. But then, as Brandon nodded, and a beaming smile spread on Steven's lips, he knew that wasn't the case. For some unfathomable reason Steven still hadn't gotten tired of him, but instead seemed like he couldn't wait to take him out on a date again.