I never thought I could feel so alone... so lost. I had no idea what to do next.
I had memories, memories of a loving family. One that was lost to me. Snatched away from me.
Now, I think I can really understand how they felt. But, I knew they were well and alive, they would stay that way for as long as time saw fit.
I sat in the far back row of the car alone. I had asked them all to just give me space, I needed it. I needed time to take all of this in. I could feel them all glancing back at me every once in a while but, I didn't bother to act like I was fine now. I didn't have it in me to do so.
The ride home was a blur, same for the walk back into the dorm. Everything blended together.
I decline the offer of food, far from hungry at the moment. I just kick my shoes off and head to my room. Shutting my door lightly before shuffling to bed. I don't bother with moving the blanket, I wasn't sleepy. Just numb.
How does one handle this? Knowing their family was out there, not knowing you were once a part of their lives. They would live life like nothing had ever happened, they had even been forced to forget how my dad had died. The last thing they remember of him was when he went on a trip last year but, he never came back.
I was the only one left to mourn his death, the only one that knew what really happened to him.
A knock on my door brought me out of my mind. I sit halfway up and look at the door, debating on acting as if I was asleep.
"I'm coming in." It was Beomgyu.
Before I could even open my mouth, he pushed the door open. In his arms was chocolate pie, soda, and spoons.
"I brought food!" He said with a bright smile while holding the spoons in the air.
"Beomgyu, I'm no-"
"Shushhh." He hushed me as he sat down in the middle of my floor with all the things he brought. Carefully he placed them all down in front of him. "Everyone is hungry when it comes to sweets."
I let out a sigh and get off my bed when he kept waving a spoon at me.
"Grab a blanket for you and me, please!"
I roll my eyes as I turn back around and grab my blanket up, dragging it behind me as I walk over, taking a seat on his left side. I pull the opposite corner up and hand it to him. Once we were both wrapped up, he hands me a spoon, and opens the lid to the pie up.
He takes a spoon full of the whipped cream that covered the top, holding it up for me to take. I give a half smile before I trade spoons with him.
"Thank you." I whisper before eating the whipped cream.
"I know a bit of how you're feeling right now." He said after we were half way through the pie.
I look over to him, wondering what he meant.
"Taehyun told you some of how I came to be what I am?"
"Yeah." I set my spoon down, wanting to give all my attention to him.
"After I was gifted my powers and immortality, I asked to see my family. Ceto, my mother in a sense. Told me I could see them but, that I needed to make them forget seeing me." He paused as he was slowly pulled into a past he must have buried in a far corner in his mind. "I was fine with that but, when I went there I saw how my family was handling my death... it wasn't well. My father had abandoned my brother, he also turned to drinking. He left my mother to handle the bills, left her to pay for his drinking as well. All the while she mourned the loss of two sons. I decided then I would fine my brother bring him back, and make them all forget about me. My "death" was tearing them apart. They had to forget about me before they kept going the way they were.
I watched them, for years. After I took their memories of me, they lived their lives, full of joy and love for one another. I watched as they grew old and passed, all the while they never realized I existed. I knew them, I held onto the memories I had of them for dear life. I was the only one left alive with them, and I wanted to make sure they would never fade away. A part of me really hoped, that once they passed, they would be blessed with those memories again..."
I don't say anything, knowing that words would be no help in how he felt and was feeling now. I bring my arm up and wrap it around his shoulders, bringing him close. Letting him know I understood. Our loved ones no longer knew us, they had/would live life now knowing there was a piece of their family missing, that we would be just out of arms reach of them. No matter how bad we wanted them back, there was no going back. We could see them and remember the life we had with them but, when they saw us, we were nothing but a mere stranger to them.
We sat there, holding one another, no words were needed in that moment. We were two kids that let their families forget them, for their safety. So they could live life without the burden of a child that had taken a wrong turn in life. We wanted them to be safe over our own selfish desire to keep them close.