Rhabdophobia: Fear of Magic
Aurelia hated falling asleep.
So she was fighting off her drowsiness as Percy guided their boat through the strong currents off the northern California coast. It was cold and she was holding back a shiver—although the cold was keeping her from falling asleep.
Hazel and Frank were exchanging stories about the events at Rainbow Organic Foods. Frank explained about the blind seer Phineas in Portland, and how Iris had said that he might be able to tell them where to find Thanatos. Frank wouldn't say how he managed to kill the basilisks, but Aurelia just stared at his spear with the knowledge of what happened.
When he was done, Hazel told Frank about their time with Fleecy.
"So the Iris-message worked?" Frank asked.
Hazel gave Percy a sympathetic look, choosing not to mention his failure with Annabeth. "Aurelia was able to get in touch with Reyna. You're supposed to throw a coin into a rainbow and say this incantation, like O Iris, goddess of the rainbow, accept my offering. Except Fleecy kind of changed it. She gave us her—what did she call it—her direct number? O Fleecy, do us a solid. Show Reyna at Camp Jupiter. It looked stupid, but it worked. Reyna's image appeared in the rainbow, like in a two-way video call. She was in the baths. Scared her out of her mind."
"That I would've paid to see," Frank said. "I mean—her expression. Not, you know, the baths."
Aurelia's lips twitched in amusement at Frank's now embarrassed feelings, Percy's mirth and Hazel's shock.
"Frank!" Hazel fanned her face like she needed air—an old fashioned gesture. "Anyway, we told Reyna about the army, but like Percy's said, she pretty much already knew. It doesn't change anything. She's doing what she can to shore up the defenses. Unless we unleash Death, and get back with the eagle—"
"That camp can't stand against the army," Frank finished. "Not without help."
After that, they sailed in silence.
Aurelia fought her drowsiness. She was up long enough to see Percy have a conversation with a giant whale. Now she knew it was time for her to go to sleep. And Percy's emotional exhaustion was just feeding her tired.
"Is it okay if I sleep?" Aurelia murmured.
"Yeah, of course, go ahead," Hazel assured her and Aurelia settled back into her bench.
She closed her eyes, and despite her aversion to sleep, she tried to drift off into slumber. Yeah, it was safe to say that as much as she needed it she hated sleeping.
Well, more accurately, she hated the dreams that accompanied her sleep. Her nightmares were filled with some of her worst fears—her most recurring for the entirety of her life had been the death of her mother.
[ ] [ ] [ ] [ ] [ ] [ ]
The first night she had awoken from that nightmare was when she was ten, and on Circe's Island.
She had tried to keep herself quiet, but Circe noticed. The sorceress took a quick interest in Aurelia, immediately taking the young girl under her wing. She taught her to recognize her nightmares, and helped her create a quiet mind.
Aurelia used to call it her panic room. "Think of a place, somewhere quiet, where you can just wait until you awake," Circe had instructed. "Do you have a place?"
Over the years, her place has changed. Back then, it was a pond near her old home in Puerto Rico. The pond was usually deserted and on the nights where her mom would be sleeping soundly, Aurelia would sneak out with Reyna and Hylla to catch fireflies and practice their swimming. Now it was the Garden of Bacchus, where she and Reyna would sometimes sit at night to stare at the constellations in the skies and listen to the trickle of the fountain.
"Now that you have your place, you need to be able to realize when you are dreaming. Once your subconscious is awake, you can go to your place."
"Will it always work?" Aurelia had asked.
"Not always," Circe admitted. "Sometimes, your subconscious will force yourself to stay in the dream—to relive the experience. But most of the time, you will be able to shield yourself."
Aurelia was back on Mount Tam, fighting her way through the dracanae again. Fear was all around her, adrenaline rushing through her veins as she charged. She plowed through the army, nearing closer and closer to the Black Throne of Krios.
She could see the Titan. Reyna was on Scipio, flying above, slashing at his side with her sword.
It felt wrong, seeing Reyna fight the Titan. She didn't fight Krios. Jason did. Where was Jason?
Then Krios landed a hit on Reyna. A deadly hit. Scipio reared farther into the sky, trying to catch his owner as Reyna fell limp on his back and slid off, free falling towards the ground.
The scream died in Aurelia's throat, her blood going cold. This didn't happen. She wasn't on Mount Tam. She was on the Pax, on a quest. Reyna didn't fight Krios. Jason did. Reyna is fine.
Aurelia realized she was dreaming. She remembered her panic room—the Garden of Bacchus, and immediately she was transported there. Aurelia was immediately comforted by the trickling of the fountain water, and the beautiful orange color that decorated the pavement from the lighting of the setting sun.
There was a time where when Aurelia had a nightmare like this, she would scream and end up destroying everything on her dream field. It was her exploding.
The first time she exploded was when she saw her mother's death. It nearly killed her. After she had Ferrum Temoris to regulate her emotions. Now the only time she ever explodes is when she has nightmares and no way of controlling her emotions.
She hasn't been close to exploding in a while. The last time being when Jason first spoke to her.
She remembered that dream very clearly. She had been able to bring herself to her panic room and had just been laying on the base of the fountain, her fingers creating ripples in the water every time she touched it.
Her dream had been lit by the moon, and the stars danced around her, gracing the sky with beautiful beacons of silver light.
Then the sun appeared. It seemed to eclipse behind moon and the stars slowly faded away.
Aurelia had slowly sat up and looked around. Other than the strange sky, everything seemed to be the same. Yet ...
"Lia?" the voice had said. "Lia, are you there?"
Aurelia's blood had run cold for she recognized his voice instantly. How could she ever forget his voice? She couldn't bring herself to move. She thought it was a figment of her imagination. Then it spoke her name again.
"Lia, it's me, Jason, can you hear me?"
Aurelia had taken her necklace off and her sword appeared in her hand—refusing to explode. She used her Ferrum Temoris to stab herself in the leg. Aurelia had awoken.
And now she was in her panic room again. This was where Jason always seemed to reach out to her. She patiently waited, watching the sun set and the full moon rise above.
She waited for the eclipse. It didn't come.
"Come on, Jason, please," Aurelia murmured. "You were able to hear me last time. Come on."
Nothing.
"Please, Jason, please."
Still no eclipse.
"Give me something. Anything."
A small breeze ruffled Aurelia's hair, and a small flash of light came from behind her. A strange wooden door appeared behind her.
Aurelia felt goosebumps decorate her skin and it wasn't from the cool breeze.
"You stay inside your place to avoid the nightmares until you finally wake up," Circe had instructed.
"What happens if I leave?"
"It will be a hell of a lot harder getting back."
Aurelia fiddled with her sleeve and went to the door. She placed her hand on the knob. A simple platinum knob on a simple wooden door. She took a deep breath. Please, be here, Jason.
She opened the door. She had to squint at the bright light. It was like staring directly into the sun. But she could hear noise coming from inside. Banging, like dozens of people were hammering in floorboards. Someone was yelling commands, like they were directing around a crew.
Aurelia took a slow, deep breath before plunging straight through the light.
"You should stop right there," a voice warned her. This one wasn't Jason.
"My lady," Aurelia murmured, turning to the goddess in a goatskin cloak. "I did not realize that this was not allowed."
"I like you, Aurelia," Juno said. "You have a good head on your shoulders. Think carefully about your teachings with Circe. Do you really want to risk not being able to come back to your place?" Juno gestured to the open door Aurelia had just stepped through. Around her it was bright, and empty, like she was standing in pure space.
"I just want to see him, my lady," Aurelia whispered. "I have been hearing his voice, and I am not completely sure if it is me slowly losing my mind or if he is really alive. Just please, allow me to see him."
Juno's emotions were guarded, like she had placed a wall around her mind specifically for this meeting—Aurelia couldn't read them.
"You may see him," Juno finally said. "I will allow it. But if he begins to look for you, I will intervene."
Aurelia was too afraid to ask why. Too afraid that if she did she wouldn't be able to see him.
"Thank you, my lady."
A ghost of a smile appeared on Juno's lips. "You are so much more pleasant than many other demigods. I really do like you, Aurelia Ramirez. And I'm sorry. For everything."
Juno's form faded away before Aurelia could ask what she meant.
Aurelia stared back at the open door. She was at a crossroads. She could keep going through this bright empty space, and risk not being able to return to her panic room. Or, she could go back into the garden and wait until she wakes up.
She chose the former.
The sound of banging and yelling became much clearer and more pronounced. Her vision went slightly blurry as she continued through the light but it cleared.
Aurelia blinked a few times before, she could see her dream field again.
The door she had stepped through was still open, and she could see the bright light leading her back to the panic room. The door seemed to be real now. A door on a giant warship in its dry dock. She quickly made her way to the upper deck of the ship.
The bronze dragon figurehead glinted in the morning light. The riggings and armaments were complete, but something was wrong. A hatch in the deck was open, and smoke poured from some kind of engine. A boy with curly black hair was cursing as he pounded the engine with a wrench. Aurelia could feel his emotions, his annoyance and anger.
Two other demigods squatted next to him, watching in concern. One was a girl with braided dark hair and eyes that changed color with every second. The second was ...
Oh my gods. Jason.
Aurelia felt her throat close up as she saw the blonde boy.
"You realize it's the solstice," the girl said. "We're supposed to leave today."
"I know that!" The curly haired mechanic whacked the engine a few more times. "Could be the fizzorkcets. Could be the sampholage. Could be Gaea messing with us again."
"How long?" Jason asked.
"Two, three days?"
"They may not have that long," the girl warned. Aurelia got a small sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach. Was she talking about Camp Jupiter?
"It's okay, Piper," Jason said, giving the girl's shoulder a small squeeze. "Leo's got this. He's going to fix it and we are going to be there as quickly as we can."
The mechanic, Leo, hit the engine again. "You guys are harshing my vibe. Quit hovering."
"Of course," Jason said, standing up. "You got this, bro." He clapped Leo lightly on the back before retreating back several steps. The girl, Piper, followed him. Aurelia did too.
She stood in front of Jason, her fingers inching up to touch his face. He seemed to be staring straight through her.
She knew that this was a dream but she wondered if he would be able to sense her the way she sensed him. Probably not. He wasn't trained by Circe.
Her fingers lightly ran along his jaw. His muscles tightened slightly and his brows furrowed.
"Jason, you okay?" Piper nudged his side.
Jason didn't answer. He touched the corner of his jaw, the exact place where Aurelia had just touched him.
Before he could answer the dark haired girl, a boy began running up to the ship. He was blonde, his hair sticking up in tufts like he had just awoken. His eyes were half-closed and he looked like he was about to knock out midstep. He sort of resembled a baby cow—a stocky body but with spindle-like arms that looked like he couldn't lift anything heavier than a pillow.
"Jason!" His voice was soft and sleepy. His emotions ran rampant with excitement. "Jason!"
"Clovis?" Jason was shocked to see him. Perhaps Clovis didn't come out very often. "You are awake. And not in your cabin."
"I felt her," Clovis gasped. "The girl. The one you have been trying to reach. She's here."
Jason's hand went to the corner of his jaw. "Aurelia? She's here?"
"Well, not here here. She's asleep, but her dream plane is here. She can see us right now. I saw her ..." Clovis's eyes closed again—and although Aurelia thought she imagined it, she could have sworn she could have seen a second figure of Clovis appear in her dreams, staring at her.
Piper was about to shake Clovis to wake him up but he jolted up. "There!" He pointed straight at Aurelia. "I saw her. Short dark hair, scary eyes, gold necklace. She's here. She's watching us."
Jason turned to Aurelia, his eyes shocked. "Clovis, put me to sleep now." Jason layed on the floor, closing her eyes and placing his arms at the side—like he has done this multiple times.
Clovis kneeled next to him, placing his hands on Jason's head. The girl, Piper, stood behind Clovis watching the scene with concern. Aurelia moved closer to Jason, kneeling on the other side of him. She hovered over him, trying to feel his emotions and discern whether he was okay.
His breathing was steady, and everyone was so silent she thought she could hear his heartbeat.
The dream field was such an odd concept. Circe always said that demigod dreams were strange. "There are types of demigod dreams. One, they show you the future—but those dreams are rare, usually it happens by a person with the powers of precognition. Two, the most common, they show you the past: memories, and such. And, three, they show you the present—this is called astral projection. Think of it as two different layers. There is the real world, where people are awake and interacting. Then there is the second layer which is like one way glass, where the dreamer can see the real world and the real world can't see them back."
Well, this knowledge is not exactly helping her understand what Jason was doing. Or how he was able to communicate with her. Or how she was even here.
Circe taught her how to control the subconscious mind—how to protect herself from herself. What an absolutely useless load of crap it was for her right now.
"Lia."
Aurelia turned slowly to the voice, scared that the second she sees him she will either explode or Juno would yank her right out of her dream.
But there he was. Astral projecting only two feet away from her, while his real body laid asleep on the floor by her feet.
Aurelia didn't say anything and her expression didn't change as she stepped towards him. She held out her hand and let it hover above his cheek. She waited.
And slowly, as if scared that if he tried to touch her she would disappear as well, he leaned into her touch. A small gasp elicited from his lips at the feeling of her cold hand on his cheek. She was here. He could finally see her and she could finally see him.
"I thought you were dead," Aurelia finally whispered. Jason studied her face, noticing the slight softening of her eyes and the way her shoulders sagged slightly in relief. Aurelia studied his emotions: his joy, his surprise, his relief. It made her lips curve up ever so slightly.
"How are you here?" Jason asked. "I have been trying to communicate with you for months now. I didn't think you could actually hear me—you never answered me, or even looked at me."
"I did," Aurelia murmured. "I heard you every single time. And I did say something back. You could never hear me back. At least until ..." The time before. Why was that time different?
Aurelia's even expression fully came back as she looked around her. "Where are we? What is this place?"
Jason looked at Piper and Clovis, who were still hovering near his sleeping body. "That's not important right now. Camp Jupiter—how much time do you guys have? We're trying to finish the ship so we can get there in time."
"Excuse me?" Aurelia demanded. "Who is 'we?' Where are we? Where have you been? You have been gone for eight months, Jason. I have questions. A lot of questions. You can not just move on—"
"I know, I know," Jason interrupted her. "And I want us to talk about it, and we will talk about it but not right now. We don't have the time, and this isn't the priority.
Aurelia pursed her lips. As much as she wanted to disagree and figure out what was happening, she knew Jason was right: Camp Jupiter was in trouble. And this ship ... could be reinforcements. This may be how they save the camp. "We have days. The army is coming quickly. And we do not have enough resources to protect the camp."
"Well then when you wake up tell Reyna that we are trying to get here as fast as we can."
Aurelia nodded. "Okay, yeah ... except I am not at camp right now."
Jason raised an eyebrow. "Well, then where are you?"
"I am on a quest," Aurelia answered. "The details are not important, but it is important that I succeed."
"Well, where are you heading?" Jason asked. "Maybe we can send someone to help you." There was that "we" again.
"Um ..." Where did Frank say they needed to go? "Oh, we are heading to Po—" Aurelia stopped mid sentence. A large lump appeared in her throat and she felt like she needed to throw up. She did.
Blood burst from Aurelia's mouth, splattering all over her dress and Jason's shirt.
"No, no, no," Aurelia panicked, ignoring Jason's attempt to calm her down. His emotions were running high in concern and fear.
"No," she repeated, running back into the ship, trying to find her door. Jason was hot on her heels.
It was too soon. She had to get back. She had to get back to her panic room.
Aurelia slammed the door open. Nothing. It showed a regular darkly lit room with an empty bed, blank walls and a small chair. "No!"
Aurelia paused and more blood splattered out of her mouth. She was about to wake up.
Something, anything, Aurelia pleaded. Let me out.
A new door appeared right next to the first. This one was steel and single paneled. The small glass opening at the top, which may have once been a pretty mosaic, was boarded up. Aurelia recognized this door. She hated the memories that accompanied this door, but she opened it and plunged right through it.
She no longer cared that Jason's astral projection was following her.
"Lia!" he yelled after her but she just kept running.
Both astral projections froze at the scene. The entire dreamscape was destroyed. Weapons littered the ground and furniture. The large room was barely lit by the flickering fire in the fireplace. The windows, which were once pretty mosaics, were boarded up. The terraces were filled with flickering forms—ghosts. One stood in the middle of the room, a mania, his form flickering a dangerous red as he yelled at the two girls who were crouched behind one of the couches.
The ten year old Reyna was holding back tears as she hugged the fourteen year old Hylla.
Aurelia's breath became more uneasy as she ran back through the door. Instead of being back on the ship, she was now outside the house. From the outside view of the house, many of the upstairs windows were also boarded up, all except one balcony, and a small light was flickering from it.
Directly below that balcony a limp body lay on the ground. A woman with her neck in a bad position was dead on the floor. Hovering over her was a nine-year old girl in a blood stained sequin dress. It was Aurelia hovering over her mother.
A small gasp elicited from Jason's lips as he saw the scene. He remembered Aurelia telling him about it—how her mother killed herself.
Jason stared at the nine year old version of Lia. Her eyes were glassy, but besides that her expression was blank—no sign of sadness, anger or mourning.
"Lia ..." Jason tried but more blood sprouted from Aurelia's mouth.
A new door appeared: pretty glass double doors with golden handels. On one of the doors it read: C.C's Resort and Spa.
Aurelia burst through it and she stepped onto the beach. There was white marble and blue water everywhere you looked. Terraces climbed up the side of the mountain, with swimming pools on every level, connected by water slides and waterfalls and underwater tubes that could swim through. Fountains sprayed water into air, forming impossible shapes, like flying eagles and galloping horses.
"Lia, you need to stop running," Jason gasped before pausing to look at the beautiful view. "What the—"
"That is lovely, Aurelia," a soothing, musical voice said. Standing nearby was a very beautiful woman with long dark hair braided with threads of gold and piercing green eyes. She wore a silky black dress with shapes that seemed to move in the fabric: animal shadows, black upon black, like deer running through a forest at night.
Stood next to her was a ten year old girl, her hair done in a similar style with gold and blue ribbons woven within it. Her simple blue dress reached the floor, hiding her ankles and making her look like a little doll that you would place on top of cakes. She grasped her necklace tightly in her palm and her usually obsidian eyes were pure darkness. Shadows danced around her wrists.
"Thank you, Circe," Aurelia said, releasing her necklace and letting her eyes return to normal.
Circe, whose eyes had been previously blank and frozen in fear, formed a large smile at the girl. "When you know how to use magic, it can make you very powerful. So very powerful you may be."
"You are proud," Aurelia realized. "Proud of me. Are you excited? Is it because you are 'molding me in your image?'"
"That is exactly it," Circe agreed and Aurelia nodded, her little expression remaining blank. "You have made much progress. But there is still much to learn. You may have control over your expressions, but you will never have full control over your emotions."
Blood was now coming from Aurelia's eyes and she began to run again, this time towards the water, not waiting for a new door to appear. The sky around her began to darken, the air turning electric.
They were back to the original dream. Reyna's dead body lay at the base of Mount Tam while the battle trampled on.
"You're okay, Lia, you're safe," Jason tried to calm her down.
Aurelia couldn't do it anymore. "Wake up, Jason! Leave! We need to wake up!"
Reyna's blank eyes bore into her. Aurelia snapped and she let out a blood curdling scream that made everything on the dreamscape freeze before bursting into flame.
Jason's yell was lost through her pain and her dream exploded.
[ ] [ ] [ ] [ ] [ ] [ ]
A little gasp came from Aurelia as she opened her eyes. Her hand went to her neck and the shadows that had been forming on her skin disappeared.
Hazel had given her a small shake to wake her up. "Hey, time to get up. Welcome to Portland."
A/N: So, the dream thing is kinda confusing, but it will be explained later on. As is the exploding.
If you didn't get it: Aurelia is a vessel for emotions and fear, and because of that she has a limit to how much she can hold into her body. When she is overcome with too many emotions and too many fears without any way to output them into another vessel (which is essentially what her sword does) her body has to make room for it.
By whatever means possible—even if it means killing her.