You had barely set foot in Hogwarts, but you already knew that there was one person you shouldn't go near, and his name was Draco Malfoy.
Your family had a bad history with the Malfoys, a history that went back to generations but whose hatred had not diminished with time. And how could you forgive the family that stabbed yours in the back for years? The same family that had been responsible for your grandfather's death during the wizarding war? No, Malfoys weren't wizards worthy of respect, and their son would certainly not be different.
Not only that, but being a half-blood witch it was a safety issue to stay away from blood supremacists, and Draco Malfoy was the worst type of them: The type that didn't question what he was taught. Of course, the situation was even worse when a few weeks before the start of classes you had received a letter that said:
'I heard that this year Hogwarts will be poorly attended, but unfortunately it's not my decision to expel you. I hope you don't speak to me, I'm not obliged to live with inferior people.
Draco Malfoy.'
The journey on the Hogwarts express had been pleasant, and you walked towards the castle stairs with your heart pounding in your chest, eager to know where you would spend the next few years and hoping to keep the family legacy in Gryffindor.
Several first years walked around bumping into each other in a disorganized and confused group, all equally agitated and chatty. You still hadn't laid eyes on your destined enemy, you were too focused talking to the girl you'd met on the train: Katie Bell. The two of you were chatting about the castle's structure, your expectations and the day you received the letters. It was exciting to make a friend on the first day, and you weren't interested enough to care what house the other kids would be placed in.
You were so involved in the conversation that you did not pay any attention to the names that began to be called, one by one, to the sorting hat. You were practically ignoring the situation around you until your attention was caught by a familiar name.
"Draco Malfoy. " Professor McGonagall called out.
You had an idea of what he would be like, but still your curiosity was stronger and you held your gaze on the scene happening in front of you, the blond boy confidently climbing the stairs to be sorted into a house.
You didn't have time to appreciate the variety of information hitting your brain at an unbelievable speed. All the colours and intensities, the glow of the candles that lit the room, nothing caught your attention more than the growing despair in your chest. It was a misunderstanding, wasn't it? You had it wrong for sure.
Your first reflex after the initial shock was to duck to the ground in time to hear the hat scream "Slytherin!", the voice muffled by the bodies of the students around you. You hoped Draco hadn't seen you as well, you couldn't be trapped in a soul connection with a Malfoy, your family would disown you if you didn't throw yourself out first. What kind of nightmare was this? You would spend the rest of your life alone, but you wouldn't accept that.
You felt Katie's hand land on your shoulder, bringing you back to reality.
"Are you okay?" You agreed reflexively, as you weren't sure what she was saying. "Stand up, people are looking at you.”
When you stood up again, Malfoy was no longer in the same place, but you found him scanning the entire group of first years, his expression unreadable.
You took a deep breath, there was no way of avoiding him for seven years, it was better that everything happened at once, you knew he needed to see you as well. However, when your eyes met, nothing seemed to happen, and he continued to carefully look at each of the students around you without giving you any more importance than the others. What the hell was going on? Had it really been a misunderstanding?
You had to put that worry aside when your name was called by the professor. At least one good news had come out that day and the hat had put you in Gryffindor, along with Katie. You two were getting ready to follow the prefects to the dorms when you overheard a conversation between two Slytherin boys.
"Did you hear? It seems that Malfoy has started to see Colours now during the ceremony." You flinched at the words that at some point you already knew you would hear.
"Really?! And who is it?”
"He doesn't know, it happened when he looked at a group of people.”
"Wow, what bad luck!" The other boy nodded.
You felt your trapped breath release in relief. That was the miracle you needed, you couldn't believe how lucky you were. That was the solution to your problems, if he didn't know you just wouldn't say anything. You could live a life without a soulmate, but couldn't live a life with a Malfoy.
Keeping the secret was certainly the best option, you decided.
Six years have passed since your best kept secret, and no one has ever learned of it. You couldn't risk that information to be out there. Neither your parents, your best friend Katie, nor even the smell of your amortentia could get that information out of you. If no one knew, it wasn't true, or so you thought.
Sixth year was known to be one of the most stressful ones at Hogwarts, but you didn't expect it to be that exhausting. You roamed the castle trying to hide from Hermione who felt that the four-hour study session wasn't enough to prepare for the tests. It was late at night and you shouldn't be out of the dorm, but you needed a mental break that you wouldn't find in the overcrowded Gryffindor room.
Exhaustion was starting to get to you physically, yawns coming involuntarily and bags under your eyes getting bigger every day. You needed to find a way to rest, or you would end the school year as a skeleton. You had intended to reach the gardens for some fresh air, but a sudden change of plans had to be made when you heard Filch approaching in the next hallway.
You climbed the astronomy tower stairs as fast as you could. Madame Norra, Filch's cat, had a strange aversion to the place so he would never look for you there. You slowly opened the wooden door, trying hard not to make any noise, but had to stifle a scream with your hand as you realised you weren't alone.
In the light of the few candles that lit the place, you recognized the blonde hair and the arrogant posture. Malfoy leaned against the sill watching the night sky, his melancholy expression quickly replaced by one of surprise.
"Fuck!" You muttered to yourself, you knew you were stuck there for at least a few minutes, and it couldn't be with a worse person.
Over the years at Hogwarts you had become an expert at avoiding Draco Malfoy. Changing your classes, the route you took to the common room, and even your mealtimes had all been designed to be as far away from him as possible. Still, moments like these sometimes happened, and they were always a disaster.
Draco didn't take it easy on you either, he always had a mean comment or an insulting nickname on the tip of his tongue, that's when he didn't elaborate complex lines about how inferior you were and laughed at your face. Strangely, at that moment he looked like a different version then the one you knew, much different.
“Were you crying?” You asked not caring about the rudeness, there was no politeness when it came to the two of you.
"I cry just from seeing that ugly face of yours." He replied, turning his gaze to the sky "Go away, I got here first."
"I'd love to get away from you, but right now it's impossible. I'm running from Filch." You explained to him.
Draco sighed, seeming unwilling to tease you as he always did, which was an unprecedented event.
"You're uncomfortably close to the edge for someone crying." You said approaching him "How about taking a few steps back?”
"I won't jump." He replied in a serious voice.
"That's fantastic, really, but it's still bothering me.” You asked again.
Draco rolled his eyes before lifting his arms and taking two steps back, turning to you.
"Satisfied now?" The voice was filled with the usual irritation.
Something wasn't right, and you could feel it in the way he was acting. It was strange that you would care, but seeing him so downcast was almost unsettling, it almost made you wish he'd go back to picking on you instead of staying that way.
"I know we're not friends or anything…But you can talk to me if you need to, we're already stuck here together.”
Your eyes captured his, a hurt expression on the boy's face in front of you.
"Are you here to make fun of me? You can go then.”
"No, that's not it…" You took a few steps forward, slowly not to scare him "Just tell me what I can do to help you. Want to laugh at me? You can.”
"I don't know what's wrong with me. I can't stop crying." He took another deep breath, running a hand through his wind-shattered hair, tears returning to form in his eyes. As much as you hated Malfoy, you couldn't say he hadn't grown up to be a very attractive young man, more attractive than you'd care to admit "It's like I can't breathe, I just want to breathe." Suddenly the tears came all over the place at once, and the uneven breathing made it seem as if the boy was choking on air.
You closed any remaining distance between the two of you, holding the Slytherin's boy hands as he slowly lowered himself to the ground, his knees dropping to the stone floor.
"Hey, it's okay." You tried to calm him down as best you could. "Take a deep breath, I'm here with you, everything is fine.” You placed your hand on his back, the beat of his heart so fast that you could feel it through his clothes.
It took a few minutes before his breathing evened out and the tears seemed to flow, but you didn't move for a second. It was weird how much your heart hurted from seeing someone you didn't even like in pain, as if it wasn't your choice to care about him but your nature.
"If you tell this to anyone." Draco found the energy to speak "I'll kill you.”
"I won't." You slowly pulled away from him, breaking physical contact "I promise.”
"I'm usually stronger than that.” He said after relaxing his shoulders, a heavy breath leaving his lips.
"I know." You smiled kindly for the first time at him "You tend to be an idiot.”
A small laugh caught his lips pale from the cold, making heat rise to your cheeks. He had never smiled at you before, and something inside you loved that feeling.
"Let's go." He said getting up without warning "Filch must be gone already" You had no reaction to seeing the pale hand extended towards you, an offer of help "I won't bite you, just take it.”
You obeyed the strangely gentle tone and took hold of the icy hand that lifted you off the floor with just one thrust.
It wasn't good for you that he was being nice, much less kind, that way you felt like you were being insensitive and selfish in keeping a secret from him, and that he had the right to know as much as you did. You shook the ideia away, you couldn't risk your future because Draco Malfoy had been kind once in his life.
Lucky for you, Filch had already changed direction to the other side of the castle by the time you finished descending the stairs. The parting was not emotional or interesting, with a "goodbye" each of you went a different way down the hall. After all, that's what you and Malfoy always did, ignored each other when you could. Maybe it was really just a misunderstanding, soulmates were supposed to attract each other, not repel, you thought as you walked to the gardens.
The next morning you were making your way to the great hall when you heard someone call out to you, a voice you knew well and that you were going that way to avoid ‘What is he doing here?’ You thought. You turned around and let him approach you.
"What do you want?" You thought you would have returned to your normal dynamic of lack of cordiality.
"Good morning to you too." He replied, returning to walk once he was beside you, shoulders bumping slightly "About yesterday…”
"Nothing happened yesterday, you don't have to bother threatening me." You waved him away.
"I wanted to say thank you." Shock hit your legs and they stopped moving, you opened your mouth a few times but no words came out.
"You're welcome, I guess." You managed to say after some time processing the information.
"Mind if I walk with you?" The question took you completely by surprise. What the hell was going on?
"I don't…" Luckily Katie interrupted you, calling your name from down the hall.
"Quick! The twins need guinea pigs, I signed us both up!"
"Sorry, I got to go." You walked away with a shy smile, leaving behind a static Malfoy for a few seconds.
A few more days passed, but not in the way it normally did. Draco seemed to have developed a need to be present in your routine, changing the paths he took, the times he ate and even the places he frequented. It wasn't uncommon to see him watching you from afar and waving friendly, that when he wasn't struggling to find a topic to briefly talk to you about, which left you totally unsettled. The moment came when the first person you looked for when you walked into a room was him, because it was disappointing when he wasn't there.
You thought you must be going crazy, because with the situation as it was you should be avoiding Malfoy and not allowing him to get close, and yet you just couldn't help it.
You caught yourself watching him from afar a few times too. He looked sad when you caught him off guard, but he would smile the moment other people showed up. That idiot was pretending to be okay, and it broke your heart because you wanted to help him, even though you didn't know how. Without realising it, you began to worry about what was happening to him, waking up wondering if he felt better that day than the day before and wondering the reasons that led him to be so down, even though there was no way to guess.
Caring for Draco Malfoy was torture, but you couldn't help it. Maybe it was that damn soulmate connection, but his pain was your pain too, as was his joy. The moments when you saw him smile were the best of your day.
It was already night and you were getting ready for bed when an unknown owl appeared at your window, carefully pecking at the glass. You opened the letter she was carrying on her feet curious about who could be. There wasn't much text, just ink written in the centre of the paper that said 'Meet me at the astronomy tower. D.M.'
You'd never understand what drove you to get dressed and leave your room, or to dodge all your friends in the common room and go out into the hallways. You hadn't even thought about it, he had asked and you were obeying. You felt pathetic, but also euphoric.
Walking through the halls to the tower with the letter in hand, your mind was so distracted that you barely considered Filch's danger and ended up getting caught. When Madame Norra appeared in front of you and started meowing you knew you had lost, you tried to run but wasn't fast enough for the janitor not to catch up.
"You'll have fun, I have several new chains to test." He said happily as he guided you back to his room, but stopped when he saw the paper you were struggling to hide "What is this?" He asked, taking it and reading "Look, we have one more! What a wonderful night.”
It didn't take long for you to reach the tower and Draco got caught as well, his expression fading from the smile when he saw Filch standing behind you.
"Sorry." You muttered as the two of you were dragged through the halls.
Luckily Filch wasn't responsible for choosing the punishment as Snape found you and interfered in the situation.
“What's going on here?” He asked, the look of judgement much stronger on Draco, probably from being a Slytherin, you thought.
"The two got out of bed after hours." The janitor didn't even try to hide his smile "I'm taking them to my room, they will be punished there.”
"That won't be necessary." Snape interrupted him raising his hand "The potions room was almost destroyed during a class today, we need someone to clean it up. These two will do just fine, you can send them there.”
"But Professor…" Filch tried to argue and was interrupted again.
"They must finish cleaning by dawn, and no magic.”
Filch eventually agreed, looking quite disappointed when he left you two in the room in the dungeons with some muggle cleaning equipment.
"I'll be back to check on you in a few hours." he sighed, closing the door, leaving you alone in the middle of the mess.
"That's not what I was planning." Draco placed the buckets on top of a table.
"Sorry, I should have been more careful." He shook his head dismissing the apology.
"It doesn't matter now." He took his wand out of his pocket and waved it a few times, accompanied by a spell you didn't know. Within seconds the room was glowing as if nothing had exploded a few hours earlier.
"Malfoy! We weren't supposed to use magic! You heard the professor!" You scolded him.
"He'll never know." He shrugged. "Besides, Snape can't do anything to me and I won't let him do anything to you either, so don´t worry.”
"Very reassuring." You muttered sarcastically "And what do we do now? If we leave now, Filch will know we used a spell."
"Then we wait a bit." He sat down on one of the benches, leaning his arms on the table. With no other option, you did the same on the bench next to him.
You were silent for a few seconds, the two of you looking into space and trying not to be bothered by the awkward situation, even though it was difficult. You wanted to ask why he'd asked you to the astronomy tower, what he wanted, but you didn't have time before he spoke first.
"Why didn't you tell me?" The low smooth voice was different from what you were used to, and it almost tickled the ear.
"Tell you what?" You asked dejectedly, your face resting on one of your hands.
"That we are soulmates." You felt your heart go cold at those words and stiffened your posture. He knew.
"You know?" There was no way he could have known, no one could have told him, it was a bluff.
"I've known since I saw you." Your eyes met his, the cold green catching your gaze and causing your heart to tighten.
"But they said you…" You needed some time to organize the words. "They said you didn't know who it was.”
"I lied." He confessed "I wanted to talk to you in private afterwards because of our family, but you avoided me for years.”
"I don't know what to say." You found the strength to look away, the feeling in your cheeks burning with embarrassment.
"Why didn't you tell me?" He asked again.
"Because you hate me." You decided to be honest, you had already hidden too much and for too long "And I didn't want to be stuck with you forever.”
Draco took a few seconds to digest the information, dead silence filling the air.
"I hated you, yes." He confessed "I hated you because my family and I are complicated, because none of my friends ever really liked me, because I always knew that the only person I would have would be my soulmate..." He took a deep breath "And you denied me, you looked at me and decided I wasn't enough for you. Can you imagine how painful that was for an eleven-year-old boy?”
"And what did you wanted me to do? Do you think it was fun for me to find out? I was eleven, and you had sent me a very mean letter. You hated me before you even met me, not to mention our families, my parents would never accept that." It was impossible to control the urge to cry, you never wanted that to happen, and you didn't want to hurt him either.
“I'm sorry about the letter, I did it to please my father and I regretted it right away. I never wanted to say any of that to you, I was just a child" His voice was sad, and even then it broke your heart "I wish I had never been bad to you, I'm sorry.”
"I know." And you really did, because whatever soulmates were, you could feel he was being sincere.
Carefully you laced your fingers through his, the icy palm contrasting with your warm one. He gently rubbed his thumb against your skin.
"Would it be so terrible to fall in love with me?" The tears that threatened to fall from his eyes were perceptible.
"It's not as bad as I thought." You smiled, finally accepting what you'd struggled to avoid for years: You hadn't been able to escape the soulmate bond, and you couldn't be happier with it. It had been against your will and all your reason, but Malfoy took up a big space in your heart, too big to ignore.
Draco looked up again, eyes gleaming with confusion and excitement.
"What are you saying?" He asked, looking desperate for an answer.
"That I was an idiot, and that I will forever regret that I was unfair to you." He carefully placed his free hand on your cheek, making your heart skip a few beats. "And want to be with you”
You barely had time to understand what was happening before Draco touched his lips to yours. At first shyly, almost as if he was afraid, but deepening as the regrets over the years came to mind.
His hand dropped from your face to your waist, and he pulled you closer causing you to get up off the bench and stand, trapped between his legs. Your fingers traveled to the strands of his hair and tangled themselves in them, your legs buckling to your feet as butterflies fluttered in your stomach. You had no idea how much you wanted this, how much you needed his touch.
Draco lowered his kisses to your neck, letting small breaths escape between your skin and his lips. The attitude was desperate, as if releasing a long-repressed impulse. You yourself had failed to control the sounds your mouth made at his contact.
He pulled away, holding your face in both hands, eyes locked on his.
"I promise I'll be good for you." And you knew he was telling the truth "I love you so much I can barely talk about it”
"They're going to hate us for this." You said, both of you knowing full well who you were talking about.
"Let them hate." He approached once more, placing a soft kiss on your forehead "I'm not perfect, and I have secrets I wish I didn't have, but if you still want me then I won't let anyone get in our way.” And this time it was you who pulled him to you.